Chapter 18
RIVER
Perfection.
River hadn’t thought anything could come close to how that word was defined until she had it.
For three glorious weeks, everything was smooth sailing. Nothing got in her way of being able to spend time with Mathew. She didn’t have to deal with Skye and her inappropriate behavior. Every spare moment she had she chose to spend with Mathew, and it was totally worth it.
Until it wasn’t.
A pair of familiar cowboy boots came into her line of sight, and she pulled out from beneath Lily’s truck. It had been long overdue for an oil change, and if it had gone much longer, Lily would be needing a new engine.
River peered up at Emerson, shading her eyes as she smiled at him. “Hey, you.”
He didn’t look pleased and that caused a frown to mar her own expression.
“Everything okay?”
Emerson shifted his weight from one foot to the other, then he peered out into the distance before he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Not really, no.”
She climbed to her feet and grabbed her greased rag from her back pocket. “What’s going on? Is Rose okay?”
He cut her a look as if to ask why she would bring up Rose. No, they weren’t dating. And it was clear Rose had zero interest in Emerson, though River thought they could make something work.
His irritation flickered like a lightbulb on its way out. “I don’t know. Rose is her own person.”
River bit back a smile and a retort to go with it. She shifted her weight to the other leg and studied him. “Okay, so what’s bothering you? Haven’t seen you around a lot lately.”
“That’s just it, isn’t it?”
Her brows pulled together, confusion flooding her mind. “Wait, are you upset with me? Because we haven’t been hanging out as much?”
Emerson sighed, then dragged a hand through his hair. “That makes me sound like I’m being immature.”
“Well, are you?”
“I don’t know, River. When you first moved here, we clicked. I could talk to you about things that I couldn’t tell anyone else. You got me.”
The initial irritation she felt rising to the surface was immediately doused. “Emerson.”
“But it’s more than that. I miss hanging out with you, sure. But…” His brows pulled together and a definite look of concern filled his eyes when he returned his steady gaze to her. Hesitation laced his words. “How good do you even know Mathew?”
“I’m getting to know him,” she scoffed. “He’s Rose’s cousin, it’s not like he’s some stranger around here.”
“I know he’s Rose’s cousin, but…” He shrugged again. “I know what his father was like. Fred didn’t even spend that much time at home with his wife when she probably needed him the most.”
She scowled at him. “He’s nothing like his father.”
Surprise was written all over Emerson’s face, and she could practically hear his inner thoughts.
How could she possibly know whether or not Mathew was like his father?
Well, she didn’t owe Emerson anything. She’d seen how hard Mathew had been working to change himself for the better.
He’d proven day after day when he’d chosen to prioritize her. It couldn’t be easy.
Right now, she felt like she was in a standoff with her friend. River didn’t know what he was going to say next, and she couldn’t help but stiffen in preparation.
Emerson’s surprise shifted, fading away into something else. “I’m worried about you,” he said softly.
Her brows shot up. “Worried about me? Worried how?”
“You’re…” He adjusted the hat on his head. “I’m worried that you’re going to get hurt.”
His words stung. She couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly that rubbed her the wrong way. Was it the way he’d inferred that Mathew couldn’t be trusted? Or that she was too lovesick to protect herself? Either way, she didn’t like it. “Emerson, I’m fine.”
“You don’t trust easily,” he went on to say. “And this guy is moving too fast. You’re going to find yourself getting too attached, and then what? Will you be able to handle it?”
The memories of long nights when she’d confided in Emerson about her past, while he’d connected with her regarding his own upbringing, came back with full force.
He was right. She didn’t trust easily. It was strange that she’d opened up to Emerson in the first place, but Mathew was different.
She hadn’t told him much about her upbringing the way she had with Emerson.
She didn’t trust him with that part of her heart yet.
And at the same time, she could feel herself falling for the man. At some point she was going to have to tell him everything about herself and how hard it was to fully trust another person. The thought terrified her.
“See? I know you can sense it. You’re not ready for something this serious. It’s only been a short while since you’ve met the guy, and we both know how he was raised.”
“I trust him, Emerson,” she said. “I don’t have any reason not to. He hasn’t lied to me. He’s never withheld information from me. He’s been very open about what he struggles with and what he’s trying to do to fix it.”
Emerson didn’t seem convinced. “But—”
She sliced a hand through the air to cut him off. “But nothing. Mathew is a good man.”
“I never said he wasn’t.”
“If you’re trying to get me to walk away from the first good relationship I’ve found, then maybe the issue isn’t with him. Maybe it’s with you.”
Emerson stiffened. His eyes widened, and for a second something like hurt flashed across his face—sharp enough to make River’s chest tighten. She nearly pulled the words back, but she held her ground.
“Are you saying I’m jealous?” His tone went defensive, like he’d thrown up a wall. “Because that’s not what this is.”
River shook her head, slower this time. “I’m saying this feels like it’s not only about Mathew and me.”
Emerson’s jaw worked as he looked away, then back at her. “I’m your friend.”
“Yeah, I thought you were until you came here to tell me that my relationship is doomed to fail.”
“I didn’t say that,” he huffed. “I said that you can’t trust him.”
“Same thing.”
They were scowling at one another now. She’d grown far too defensive of Mathew over the last couple of weeks, and she refused to let anyone talk about him like he wasn’t capable of change.
“I think you should leave,” she murmured, pulling herself back beneath the truck. “If you were a true friend, you’d support my relationship.”
“No, a true friend tells you how it is even if it hurts,” he argued back, but then he stormed off before she had a chance for a rebuttal.
She fumed beneath the truck, not able to focus on what she was supposed to be doing. Everything they’d said to one another rattled around in her brain for the next hour. River couldn’t help but overanalyze everything Emerson was hinting at.
Mathew could hurt her. Maybe not intentionally, but he could. What if he fell back into his old ways? Would she be able to handle it if she was once again tossed aside for something else? She’d never been prioritized. Her whole life, River had been disposable—tossed aside without another thought.
Her parents.
All those foster homes.
Even Skye was willing to walk away from her and only called on her when needed.
Would Mathew be the same?
She shook her head and shoved those fears aside. She couldn’t start thinking like that just because her friend said it was possible. Relationships took effort. They took time. They were hard. But at the end of the day, they were worth it.
River had to believe that.
When she was finally done with her work, she hurried into her apartment to get ready for another one of her dates. Mathew would be here to pick her up any minute now. They were taking it easy tonight, picking up some food and watching a movie at his place.
She smiled at the simplicity of it all and the fact that she still got butterflies just thinking about seeing him soon.
Getting ready didn’t take much time at all.
Even though it would be a relaxed night, she decided to put on some light makeup, and she picked an outfit that was a little more feminine.
Opting to leave her combat boots behind, she grabbed a pair of cute cowboy boots that Rose had insisted didn’t fit her anymore, even though River had seen the box in the garbage bin out back.
While dresses weren’t really her style, River didn’t mind wearing a Levi skirt paired with a flowy blouse.
The outfit was definitely more feminine than she was used to, and she hoped Mathew would appreciate the effort she took to dress up for him.
Glancing at the clock on the wall, she picked up a book and settled on the couch to wait.
Any minute now turned into thirty minutes of waiting. She frowned at the clock, then picked up her phone. There were no missed calls or messages that he’d sent her. She fiddled with the device for a moment, wondering if it would make her look bad if she called him.
As much as she didn’t want to admit it, her relationship with Mathew was somewhat perilous. It was too new. She didn’t know how he’d react if she got too pushy. What if she scared him away?
One phone call.
She could manage that much.
If she called to check on him to make sure he was okay, then what would that hurt? It was part of being a good girlfriend.
Blowing out an unsteady breath, River nodded to herself and opened up his contact information before finally tapping the screen to call him. The phone rang. And rang. It rang four times, then cut to voicemail.
She stared at her phone screen with a frown and hung up, her nerves getting the better of her. Immediately after, she regretted not leaving a message. Now she couldn’t call him back without making it look like she was obsessed.
Groaning, she tossed her phone on the couch. He was late. Mathew was never late.
He wouldn’t just not show up, right? He’d tell her if something was wrong or if he was hurt. He was a doctor, for heaven’s sake. He knew better than to leave things unsaid.
Maybe she should ask Rose to check with his siblings?
No. That would be taking it too far.
Her unease continued to grow as the night stretched on. When it became clear he wasn’t going to show up, she sent him a single text.
River: Hope everything is okay. Have a good night.
Then she went to bed with no expectation of falling asleep. She was on edge. Worried. And wondering if Emerson’s concerns weren’t some kind of prediction for her future. Was this God’s way of telling her Emerson was right?