Chapter 11
Eleven
S urprise rendered Max speechless momentarily. She wanted to eat with him? He knew she’d seen him long before he saw her. From her vantage point, it would have been impossible not to.
So, what had changed that she no longer wanted to be alone?
He didn’t have the answer and wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. “Okay. The food is in my room. Do you want to eat there, or do you want me to bring it to you?”
“Would you mind bringing it to my room? I’d like to put on some sweats. These jeans are chilly.”
“Sure. Unlock the connecting door?” He took a step toward his room.
She nodded. “Yep.”
Turning away, she went into her room. Max entered his and immediately removed his coat, draping it over the desk chair.
The room smelled divine. He’d found a local place that served just about everything and ordered them each some salmon. They were used to fresh seafood nearly every day. He didn’t know about Margot, but he missed it, and they’d only been gone a couple of days.
Removing the to-go boxes from the bag, he opened one to check the temperature. The food had cooled off significantly since he brought it back.
Not a problem. He’d just pop the cardboard cartons in the microwave. Margot needed a few minutes to change, anyway.
Once he’d heated both boxes, he put them back in the bag and opened the connecting door. With a quick rap of his knuckles on hers, he twisted the knob and walked in.
The room was empty.
A quick glance around the corner revealed a closed bathroom door. The light shone through underneath.
“Food’s here,” he called.
“I’ll be out in a second.” Her muffled voice came through the door.
Max set the bag on the desk. By the time she emerged from the bathroom, he had the boxes out and was busy opening utensils.
“That smells great. Fish?”
He nodded. “Salmon. I know it’s different from what we get at home and not as fresh, but I was craving seafood.” He handed her a box and a utensil set.
She took it with a smile and climbed up on the bed to sit cross-legged. Max sat in the desk chair, spinning to face her.
“Have you warmed up?”
“Mostly.” She flipped open her to-go box. “Hot food will finish the job. Thank you for getting it.”
“Not a problem.” He lifted the lid on his own dinner and speared a chunk of fish with a plastic fork. “So, how are the girls? Have you talked to Annabeth?”
Margot shook her head as she swallowed a bite. “She texted me some pictures. I don’t think they miss me at all. They were at the beach, sand buckets in hand.”
Max grinned. “Did Emily bury Dean?”
Margot laughed, the sound warming Max’s insides. “I’m sure she tried. She’d need a substitute with you gone.”
He chuckled. “Well, soon enough, she can go back to dumping buckets full of it onto my chest.” Seafood wasn’t all he missed about home. It still astonished him how much he missed the girls when he wasn’t there. In October, when he’d been in the States with Sam and Dean, he’d lived for pictures from Margot.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for letting me be such a big part of their lives.” He tried to keep the statement casual by scooping up a forkful of rice. He didn’t want to make things heavy, but he wanted her to know how much he appreciated her and the twins in his life. It was something they never really talked about.
Margot toyed with the food in her box. She cast a quick glance at him through her lashes. “I should be the one thanking you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She looked up, meeting his gaze. “That’s the honest truth. I don’t know why you want to be friends with a divorced mom of twin toddlers, but I’m grateful.”
Max caught his bottom lip between his teeth, glancing away as he slowly let it loose. How did he respond to that without sounding like a pathetic and lonely middle-aged man? She and the twins had filled a void in his life he didn’t even know was there until they showed up.
“It’s not hard being your friend, Margot. Or loving the girls. They’re wonderful. So are you.” His heart thumped at the admission. It was the closest he’d ever come to telling her how he really felt.
Color stained her cheeks. “I think you’re wonderful too,” she said, her voice quiet as she looked up.
Max held her gaze, weighing his next words. It felt like they were at a turning point. He could smile, thank her, and change the subject, keeping their relationship at status quo. Or he could see if she had a willingness to take things to another level.
If he left things as they were, that likely meant he’d lose whatever chance he had at anything more with her. They’d be friends, and only friends. Right now, he could deal with that. But what percolated at the back of his mind was how would he feel if she met someone? What happened to their friendship if she started dating?
It meant he’d lose her and the twins. Because he’d step back and let her boyfriend move into the role he’d been in. She didn’t need two men vying for the same duties. It didn’t make sense.
In either scenario, he could lose her. But only one offered them both so much more.
So, he took the leap.
He reached over and gently curled a hand over the one holding her to-go box on her lap. “If we both feel that way, what do we do about it?”
A slight rounding to her eyes told him she caught his meaning. Quickly, her gaze dropped. He saw her forehead wrinkle as she pushed her food around with her fork.
“I’m… not sure it’s wise for us to do anything about it.”
The hesitation in her voice made his heart leap. Whether it was from fear that she really was turning him down or hope that she wasn’t, he didn’t know. Sucking a breath in through his nose, he laid the rest of his feelings out for her. “Maybe not. But I don’t want to lose you, Margot.”
Her head snapped up, and a frown marred her smooth forehead. “What? Why would you lose me?”
He lifted a shoulder and gave voice to the thoughts running through his mind. “Not right away, I won’t. But down the line? What happens if I don’t act and you meet someone? Where does that leave me?”
“I haven’t even thought about dating.”
“I know. And I’m not saying we have to. I—” He stopped and glanced away, his mouth flattening as he tried to find the words.
Margot pulled her hand away and set her food on the bed, then scooted forward. Her hand landed on his knee. Warmth blossomed in the skin beneath his jeans and spread outward to curl in his belly. He itched to cover her hand and intertwine their fingers, but he didn’t dare touch her just yet. Not until he knew where they stood.
“My emotions are all over the place. Before we came here, I thought I was in a pretty good place. I was happy again. My life felt ordered and settled. Finally.” Going silent, she looked down at her hand, curling her fingers to scratch at an imperfection in the denim.
Max ignored the part of his brain telling him to wait to touch her. He didn’t care if it further complicated his feelings. They were complicated enough, and she looked like she needed some comfort.
“We don’t have to talk about it. Not until you’re ready.” He laid his hand over hers.
“I know.” She looked at him then. “But I feel like I owe you an explanation. I mean, I basically gave you the silent treatment, then freaked you out by vanishing into the cold.”
“Honey, you don’t owe me anything. I know what it’s like to need some space. To have your thoughts jumbled up so much that nothing makes sense.”
“Still, I… I think I’m ready to talk.”
Max set his food on the desk, then moved to the bed. She leaned into him, wrapping an arm through his, and tipped her head into his shoulder.
He kissed the top of her head and waited for her to speak. She could tell him whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. He was just happy she wanted to talk to him.
“It just hit me, you know?” she said, several moments later. “That he’s dead and can never come back. Not that I wanted him to. Not for me, anyway. But the girls have lost any chance of ever knowing their father. The man I married and the one who was so excited to be a dad. Not the man who left. My heart hurts for them. For him.” Tears formed in her eyes, and she sniffed, glancing away.
Max extracted his arm from her grasp and wrapped it around her shoulders, hugging her close.
“Why did he leave? What drove him away from the two people he loved more than anything? How did he end up—” She broke off with a hiccup.
He wrapped his other arm around her, hugging her tighter. She circled her arms around his waist. He didn’t say anything. Reassuring her the police were looking into it and that Tad had his reasons were just empty platitudes that wouldn’t help.
They sat there in silence for several minutes. Max stroked her arm and gently rocked as she buried her face in his shoulder and quietly cried, mourning a man she’d once loved and everything that would never be for her daughters.
Resting her cheek on his chest, she peered up at him. “That was a disjointed mess. But I guess what I was getting at is that I was on a path to want more with you.”
All the air in Max’s lungs stopped moving. He blinked, a slight frown forming. Elation soared through his veins for a moment before her choice of words registered, putting a damper on his feelings.
She said was. Did that mean she wasn’t now?
He forced down the lump in his throat so he could speak. “Oh. And now?”
Her hand fluttered over his jaw. “I still do.”