Chapter Thirty-Two
Thirty-Two
THE APARTMENT WAS A ONE-ROOM—completely one room, as in
no door to the bathroom. It wasn’t even framed in. Just all the things out in
the open: a toilet across the room from a small fridge. It was a hard no from the
second they’d looked at it, and part of Gray was secretly relieved that it
meant she might stay a little closer. Last night had surpassed any of his hopes, and
the closeness he felt with Charlie was well beyond anything he’d imagined for
himself at this stage in his life.
He hadn’t woken up with a woman in his bed for over four years.
He’d woken up with Charlie on the couch that one time, but today was nothing like that.
They’d woken lazily, easing into each other like they did the day.
The sun had peeked its way through the cracks in the blinds and once they found themselves stirring, there was no going back to sleep.
After parking on the ferry, they got out, coming together around the hood of the car to take each other’s hands. All morning, he’d felt like they were in tandem, from the second they woke up. Gray’s heart felt … bigger. Fuller.
“Want to go up to the top?” Charlie asked.
“Sure. Let’s grab something to drink first.”
They took the elevator to the third floor of the ferry, went through the line to grab a couple of juices, then walked up to the sixth floor, which was open to the elements.
The ferry ride was under an hour each way.
It wasn’t quite noon yet, but the ferry was full.
It ran back and forth three to four times a day.
There were several Smile residents who worked on the mainland: everything from construction jobs to factory workers, teachers, lawyers, chefs.
Smile was compelling enough to make the journey.
Plus, as far as traffic went, this commute by water was a hell of a lot better than anything he’d experienced in Chicago.
Moving toward the bow, past benches and individual seats, Charlie and Gray found an empty spot to lean against the railing as the boat set sail.
“You know,” Gray said, bumping her shoulder with his, “if you rent in Smile, this commute could let you decompress, mark papers, and have some downtime. That way, when you get home, you can focus on other things.”
She turned and leaned her back against the railing, her hair dancing out into the gentle breeze. People walked around, sat, read, used binoculars, and just chatted, passing the time. A couple of kids were being told, repeatedly, to not run.
“Hmm,” Charlie said, her elbows on the railing, amplifying her chest and making it close to impossible not to notice how good the blue tank top looked on her. She’d gotten some sun while she was here, and she looked damn good. “What other things would I be focusing on?”
Gray moved in a little, turned to the side.
“Outdoor activities, like hiking at the lodge, boating. When it gets colder, some indoor activities.” He leaned in and kissed the spot just under her ear that made her breath hitch.
“Like…” His lips trailed over her earlobe.
She reached for his hand. “Games by the fireplace.”
Charlie tipped her head back and laughed.
The sound vibrated along the wind and made him feel happy.
Free. Whatever else happened, he was no longer weighed down by all of the things he thought he’d be or have.
He’d been dragging the dregs of failure, over his marriage, his career, his life, for too long.
And standing here, next to Charlie, he finally felt free.
She turned her body into his. “I do like games and fireplaces.”
You could just stay at the lodge with me. It wouldn’t be like them living together because she was leaving. He knew he was placing a lot of power in the word temporary, hoping that knowing it would protect his heart in some small way.
“I really don’t think Bernie minds having you stay with him. He likes the company,” Grayson said.
Charlie nodded. “I know. But realistically, I’m staying here for the next four months. My mother is going to visit. I think. I don’t plan on going home because the fall reading break at the university isn’t very long. My mom and I have never gone more than two weeks without seeing each other.”
Grayson couldn’t stop the widening of his eyes or the “Wow” that escaped under his breath.
“I thought I was close with my parents. They head out at least twice a year for extended trips in their RV. Last summer, they followed their favorite band on tour across part of the States. We talk to them every week, for sure, when they’re away.
And we text. They FaceTime Ollie a lot. But we’ve gone some long stretches away from each other, for sure. ”
Charlie tipped her head, like she was considering his words.
“I know. We’re too close. We always have been.
We lost my dad when I was young and we sort of became each other’s go-to.
As I got older and wanted more space, it was difficult to get her to see it as healthy.
It’s part of why I went away to school. But really, regardless of anything else, our bond was forged not just as mother and daughter, but as two people who lost my dad and couldn’t always be sure of who we could trust other than each other. ”
Stepping closer, he put a hand on her arm. “Why couldn’t you trust people?”
Surprise registered in her gaze. It was as if she hadn’t meant to share that part aloud. Like she’d let something slip and curiosity clawed at Gray’s skin.
“Oh, you know. Widow and her young daughter. Anyway, we had some family friends, but no real family. My dad had stopped talking to his father, who died before I was born, and his mother took off when he was young. My mom’s parents stopped speaking to her when she married my dad and I think they both died when I was in my early teens. So, it’s always been just me and Mom.”
Gray wanted to say something, to comfort her, but she looked lost in thought and then she continued.
“Vivi has big feelings. She gets in moods where everything is so wonderful, you could never imagine a dark day. But other times, all she sees or feels is the darkness. It can be a lot, but both of those moods level out when we’re together.”
“You ground her. You’re her center of balance,” Grayson said.
Charlie’s lips twisted and tears filled her gaze. “I am. Most days, I don’t mind. But sometimes, it’s a lot.”
Gray pulled her into his side. “It’s a lot for any kid and not entirely fair even when you’re an adult. But family dynamics are strange and everyone is different. You did what worked for you guys. But it must make it harder now, knowing she might be … off balance while you try to center yourself.”
She closed her eyes and a few of the tears fell. Grayson pressed his lips to her cheeks, stopping the tears in their tracks.
Charlie pulled in a shuddery breath as she opened her eyes and looked straight into his. “That’s exactly right. Exactly how I feel.”
“You can’t be her rock if you crumble, Charlie. You have to make sure you’re okay, too. That’s nothing to feel guilty about.”
Nodding, she used one hand to swipe at her tears. “I know. You’re right. She’ll be fine. I told her I’d call her tonight.”
“Does Bernie know her?”
Charlie leaned into him. “A bit. From a long time ago. I guess when I was a baby he and his wife sent gifts and kept in touch a bit. But it faded away, and my dad had a really busy life, so it was easy to lose contact.”
He started to respond, but before any words could leave his mouth, Charlie’s body stiffened. She was staring past him, beyond him. Then her mouth tipped into a deep frown that looked wrong with her soft features.
Gray started to turn to see what had upset her, but she reached out, cupped his cheek, and brought his mouth down to hers in an urgent kiss that quickly spun very close to out of control.
With just her mouth and one hand on his cheek, she turned him inside out and made him forget where he was.
When he pulled back to inhale some much-needed air—the breath she hadn’t shocked out of him, she’d kissed out of him—her gaze was heavy-lidded, but her touch was a bit shaky.
“Um, I…” He trailed off. Words failed him. Jesus. She scrambled his brain.
She smiled at him, but her eyes were wary, watchful, and it sobered him, put him on guard. It made him feel protective as hell and he wanted to assure her that whatever put that look in her eyes wasn’t going to get near her, but how could he when he had no idea what had just happened?
Putting his arm around her, he bent his head. “As wonderful as that was, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
Charlie shook her head, burrowed into him.
Both of them still held their juice, and he regretted grabbing them.
He wanted his hands free to hold her, run them over her back and tell her that whatever had just upset or spooked her, he was here.
They were okay. She was okay; she was right here, with him.
But it was like she’d flipped a switch, and the remote look she’d held in her eyes those first few days at the lodge, other than in short moments, was back in full force.
“Talk to me,” he said.
“I think I’m just tired,” she said. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.” The teasing tone fell flat, and Grayson’s skin felt uncomfortable.
Since the day he’d met her, she’d withheld the truth from him.
He knew that. He was actually okay with it because she didn’t have to share her story until she was ready, if ever.
But she hadn’t outright lied to him until this moment.
A chill traveled along his skin. Temporary or not, he, too, needed to know he could trust the people around him.
Her words, the lie, poured cold water on the fire that normally burned inside him when she was near.
She leaned her head on his chest and he kept an arm around her but the easy, lighthearted tone had fled.
And it made his heart muscles feel like they were being stretched too thin.
Was this a warning? A reminder that he had no hold on this woman and there was a very real reason he didn’t want to entertain a serious relationship again?
After a few minutes, Charlie leaned back and glanced around. Grayson tried to see what, or who, she might have seen, but he only saw other passengers. No one he recognized.
“Do you want to play some games by the fire tonight?” Charlie asked, opening her bottle of juice.
Grayson looked at her. He wanted nothing more than to spend every free moment he could with Charlie.
It didn’t matter if they were alone, with his family, out in the community.
He just liked being by her side, laughing and joking and talking to her.
But the worry from only moments ago pressed in on him and all of his caution shields activated.
He knew he had until December with her; they’d promised that to each other in the early hours of the morning.
But that didn’t mean he had to just lay his heart out on a slab for her to steamroll.
Best to maintain some level of control. Or the comforting illusion of it.
Maybe just some space to regroup and pull himself together so he wasn’t acting like a high school kid chasing after the most popular girl in school.
“Actually, I have some things for the lodge and the wedding I need to catch up on. But maybe tomorrow you can join us on the survival hike we’re doing? One of Beckett’s friends is coming over to show everyone different plants and foliage that are both helpful and harmful.”
Charlie held his gaze, assessing him. “Okay. Sure. That sounds … fine.”
Gray closed his eyes, swore in his mind. When he opened them again, she was still watching him.
He didn’t like making her sad. He just wanted to get enough space to think things through. Maybe talk to Becks. Get some perspective. “But first, how about some lunch in Smile?”
It took her a while to respond. It started to make him uneasy. But then she nodded. “Probably not at Brothers’, right?”
Gray’s lips tipped up. “We can hope. But if they haven’t made any progress, there are other great spots to eat.”
“Besides the lodge,” she added.
“Besides the lodge.” He pulled her close again because she felt too far away. “There’s a lot of Smile you haven’t seen yet. I look forward to showing you.”
She said nothing, but that was okay; he got lost in his thoughts, too.
It occurred to him, as he stood beside her for the rest of the journey, that when she left, the memory of her would be everywhere in the place he’d made his home.
And even though he tried to convince himself that whatever she saw or thought of that shifted her mood wasn’t a big deal, Grayson felt his walls slowly resurrecting.