26. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
TRAVIS
Last night was a lot.
I hated seeing Brenden so upset and not being able to do anything about it.
But I think it ended up being good for him.
Hopefully he realizes now that he doesn’t need to act like everything’s fine and wonderful all the time when it’s not.
That he’s allowed to hurt.
And I meant it when I said I’ll be here for every version of him.
He knows I’m not the best with words, but if this is going to work, I’m willing to try for him.
I want him to know how I feel.
Right now, as he begins to stir in my arms, it feels like I’m living in a dream.
Neither of us moved away from the other while we slept.
Not like he could’ve if he wanted to with the way I wrapped myself around him.
I’ve even got my leg hooked over his.
I’m not normally this cuddly, this possessive with someone I’m dating.
Granted, I have minimal experience with actually dating, and it’s been a long time.
But even with Christian when I lived in Boston, I never felt this aching need to keep him as close to me as possible.
Brenden’s different, of course.
He has been since the day I met him, even if it took longer for my feelings to develop into this.
“G’morning,” he mumbles sleepily.
It’s so cute that I have to bury my nose in his hair and kiss the back of his head.
His hair tickled my nose all night, but it was worth it for the privilege of being surrounded by his scent.
“Morning,” I tell him, twirling my fingers aimlessly over his stomach.
“How do you feel?”
“Wrung out. And not in the fun way.”
I laugh, squeezing him to me a little tighter.
“But I’m glad we did that,” he continues.
“I think it was good for everyone.”
“Mmhmmm,” I murmur, pressing my lips to the nape of his neck as my fingers resume trailing over his soft skin.
“This feels nice,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
It feels more than nice, but I’m not sure I’m capable of finding the right words for how perfect this is, so I kiss him again.
And again, and again, marking a path down his spine.
I don’t get too far though, because I’m not willing to move away from him that much.
When he lets out the tiniest, sweetest moan, I can’t help myself.
I remove my arm from around his waist and bring it down between our bodies.
My hand almost covers his entire ass cheek.
I squeeze, making him moan again, and then I use one finger to rub over his hole.
“More,” he says softly.
“Please.”
Hearing him beg for me makes me feel like a king, but I’m incapable of making him ask twice for anything.
So I roll away to grab the lube and a condom out of the nightstand drawer, then come back to him.
Even though I revel in being able to give him what he wants, I still take my time.
I start by pressing only the tip of one slick finger inside him, crooking it to tug gently at his rim.
I fuck him shallowly with it, waiting until it feels like he’s sucking me in, his body requesting more before I go deeper.
Eventually I add a second finger and work to loosen him up.
He pushes back against me, matching my slow pace and whimpering when I suck on the juncture between his neck and shoulder.
“Ready?” I ask him, though I know he is.
“Yeah. Can we stay like this?”
That’s music to my ears.
“Yeah,” I tell him.
“Just like this.”
I wedge my bottom arm underneath him and wrap it around so I can splay my hand across his chest and press his upper body against mine.
Then I use my other arm to adjust his top leg, pulling it back just a bit and setting it over my thigh to keep him spread open for me.
He shivers as I push the head of my cock past his rim.
His body grips me so tightly, even after I loosened him up, and I have to fight the urge to force myself in and slam all the way home.
Instead I only give him a couple inches before pulling back so just my cockhead is inside him again.
Then I repeat the motion, giving him a bit more each time, until I can slide in fully with no resistance.
With my hips flush against his ass, I rock us back and forth, only pushing into him a tiny bit each time.
Pretty soon he’s whining, making it clear that he wants more, so I give it to him.
I start pulling out and thrusting into him for real, but I keep the rest of our bodies as close as possible.
We create a slow but steady rhythm together.
I slide my hand up to grip his throat lightly, and he brings both of his hands up to cover mine.
He presses down, urging me to hold on tighter.
I growl my approval in his ear, then bring my mouth back to the same spot I was sucking on before, determined to leave my mark on his skin.
My brain is screaming at me, telling me he’s mine.
That I need to keep him, and protect him, and love him, and fuck him.
And fuck him, and fuck him, and fuck him.
I can tell he’s getting closer when his hands fall away from mine and his fingers scrabble in the sheets.
He could easily reach down and touch himself, but for some reason he doesn’t.
I like that he’s leaving it up to me to take care of him.
So I do.
I wrap my hand around his hard, leaking cock and give him a few strokes.
He whimpers and whines, his hole clenching around me as I continue to fuck him.
“That’s it, baby,” I murmur in his ear before tugging at his earlobe with my teeth.
“Love being inside you. We fit together perfectly, don’t we? Are you ready to come for me?”
“Yes, yesss ,” he moans.
“Want to. Please. Need you.”
“I need you too, baby.”
He gasps, and whether it’s at my words or the way I twist my hand over his cockhead, I don’t know.
But what I just said surprises even me, because it was more than the standard dirty talk.
I’m pretty sure I do need him.
In ways I never realized I needed anyone until right now.
The need to come overtakes me before I can worry too much about that, though.
I pick up the pace of my thrusts and my strokes, working us both steadily toward a climax.
Right before he comes, Brenden twists his neck, his mouth seeking mine.
I kiss him as best as I can from the odd angle, swallowing his moan as he shoots over my hand and onto the sheets.
The way his ass tightens around my cock as he comes sends me over the edge right after him.
He’s still trembling in my arms, making me reluctant to let him go even though one of my hands is messy with his cum.
I don’t want to pull out of him either, but eventually I have to.
When he rolls over to look at me, he’s got a beautiful, blissed out smile on his face.
And I’m pretty sure if I looked in a mirror, I’d see the same thing reflected on mine.
“Shower with me?” he asks quietly, as if talking too loudly will ruin this perfect connection between us.
“Anything you want,” I tell him.
Because it’s true.
And because it’s easier than saying the other thoughts going through my mind.
I love you.
We should live together.
I’ll shower with you every day.
Let me keep you forever.
You’ll hopefully never catch me participating in a yoga class on the town green.
Or any yoga class.
I’m all for exercise, but I’m not flexible, and yoga isn’t my thing.
It’s not Brenden’s thing either.
I can say from recent experiences that he’s pretty flexible, but he’s also clumsy.
Plus he hates exercise in general.
But Andrew Rowland—who lives over the yoga studio and takes classes regularly—convinced him to try it this morning.
The weather’s perfect for it, and May loved the idea.
She even got her grandparents to do it with them.
It didn’t surprise me that Elise was willing to participate, but seeing Grant in workout clothes was interesting.
Thankfully, it’s Saturday, and Brenden knew I needed to be at the diner for the breakfast shift, otherwise he might have asked me to join.
And my dumb ass is so gone for him that if he asked, I probably would’ve agreed.
Can’t say I minded watching the show through the windows though.
Brenden twisting himself into poses and sticking his ass in the air, while wearing a pair of thin, tight, gray sweatpants, was a sight to see.
The class just finished, and my breakfast rush has died down, so I have time to run outside.
As I jog across the street, it strikes me how Brenden and I haven’t really been faking anything for Elise and Grant lately.
This has all begun to feel natural.
I’m going over there because I can’t pass up the opportunity to see him, even if it’s only for a few minutes, but I’d like to say hi to them too.
Brenden mentioned to me that it’s weird how they’re still here, but after the memorial for April last week, he’s seemed much less on edge about having them around.
Maybe bawling his eyes out released some of his anxiety.
“Hey!” he calls out, smiling big when he spots me approaching their little group.
Although they all have a light sheen of sweat on their faces, they seem happy.
“Hi,” I say.
Ever since the memorial, too—or really, since that next morning of slow, intimate sex—I get the urge to tell him I love him every time I see him.
But obviously, this isn’t the right moment.
I’ll find it soon.
“It looked like you guys didn’t do too bad out here.”
Standing behind May, Elise puts her hand on her granddaughter’s shoulder.
“This one had no trouble at all. I had to skip a couple poses, but it was fun.”
I eye Brenden’s body appreciatively and ask, “Think you’re gonna be a yoga convert?” I don’t want to be dragged to any classes, but I wouldn’t object to seeing him in these pants more often.
He pulls a face.
“Doubtful.”
“Oh my gosh, did you see Dad fall over?” May asks gleefully.
“Hey! I did not fall over!” he counters indignantly.
“I very gracefully decided to lie down for a moment, that’s all.”
Sarcastically, I tell him, “Yeah, that’s exactly what it looked like.” Because I was lucky enough to catch it.
His huff is cute, and I can’t help but reach for him, tugging him in against my side.
He glances around us before relaxing.
There are still some people lingering with yoga mats, and others milling around the green, but it doesn’t matter.
I’ve let my guard down a lot when it comes to being with him.
I don’t plan on engaging in any major PDA, obviously.
But I find myself always wanting to touch him now, and since he seems to love it when I do, I’m not going to worry too much about what the nosy townspeople might think.
It feels natural to let my hand rest on his hip.
Natural to chat with Elise and Grant while Brenden tips his head onto my shoulder.
And maybe it’s crazy that it only took us a few weeks to get here.
Or maybe this has been ten years in the making.
All I know is my life is suddenly looking much different than I ever expected it to, and I’m realizing I might not be such a loner after all.
Turns out that having people around you isn’t so bad, as long as they’re the right people.
While May is saying something to her grandparents, I rub my thumb over the thin material of Brenden’s sweatpants and tilt my head down to whisper in his ear.
“I really like these pants on you.”
“Oh yeah?” he whispers back, beaming.
“Mmhmm. Almost as much as I’ll like you out of them.”
He sucks in a breath, but before he can respond, Elise says, “What are you two whispering about over there?”
“Nothing,” Brenden squeaks, managing to make the one word sound entirely guilty.
I shake my head fondly.
“Secrets are no fun, Dad,” May says with a teasing glint in her eyes.
He turns red, further giving us away, but I just laugh.
Flirting with him is fun when he gets flustered so easily.
“We were just discussing the possibility of you guys all coming over to the diner to grab an early lunch,” I say in an attempt to save him.
Plus I wouldn’t mind that.
“Yup, that’s totally what we were saying,” Brenden says, nodding like a bobblehead doll.
I give his hip a squeeze and try to hold in my laughter this time.
There’s a hint of a smile on Elise’s face when she says, “We believe you, dear.”
“We did have breakfast before we left the inn, though,” Grant says, “so I’m not sure I could eat again so soon. But I’d be happy to sit and have a cup of coffee.”
“Well, it sounds good to me,” May chimes in.
“I’m starving.”
Brenden makes a face at her.
“Hey, I made you breakfast! Don’t act like I don’t feed you.”
“You ‘made’ cereal,” she says with air quotes.
“But I cut up a banana in it!”
I can’t resist giving him shit.
“A whole banana?”
He sends me a sheepish look.
“Well, I put half in each of our bowls.”
“Okay, come on,” I tell him, using my grip on his hip to turn him with me.
“I’m going to make you eat something with vegetables.”
“I want a burger,” he says petulantly, dragging his feet.
“And that comes with lettuce and tomato.”
May snorts.
“Which you usually pick out.”
“And toss off your plate so they don’t touch your fries,” I add.
He gasps, then shouts, “Vicious lies! This is a deliberate character assassination. I could sue you both.”
“How about a veggie omelet with bacon?” I offer.
“And ham,” he barters.
“And ham,” I relent.
With a one-shoulder shrug, he says, “I suppose I could eat that.”
As we all head toward the diner, I squeeze him again, and he jumps away squealing and laughing.
“You’re lucky to have a boyfriend who’s such a good cook, aren’t you?” Elise asks him.
“Sure am,” he says easily, coming back to me and grasping my wrist between his fingers.
The adoring smile he gives me has me tempted to break out into some kind of happy dance.
But I don’t, of course.
I just smile back at him.
Then from behind me, I hear—“ Boyfriend? ”
My good mood instantly drains out of me and my stomach plummets into my ass.
Oh no.
Fuck, no.
This can’t be happening right now.
Yanking my hand away from Brenden, I turn around to face my dad.
My no-longer-on-crutches-and-looking-very-horrified dad.
“Dad. What are you...” I shift my weight from one leg to the other as I fumble for what to say.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming home.”
He looks good.
Healthy.
And I should be happy to see that, but instead I feel like the walls are closing in on me.
And we’re fucking outside.
Shit.
The last time the sight of my dad scared me this much was when I was twelve and accidentally threw a baseball through our front window.
“I didn’t want you to give me any crap,” he says.
“Like trying to check with my doctor to make sure he cleared me or something. Because he did.”
“Great,” I mutter.
“Glad you’re back on your feet.”
For a minute that feels like an eternity, no one says anything.
It’s possible that my dad didn’t actually hear what I think he heard, right?
What I’m truly hoping he didn’t fucking hear, because that would be very, very bad.
Then his eyebrows slowly creep up, and my hopes are shattered.
“Looks like I missed a lot while I was gone.” He cocks his head toward where Brenden is standing, slightly behind me.
“Boyfriend, huh?”
“What? No!” I practically shout.
A loud buzzing fills my head, drowning out any rational thoughts.
I still hear the tiny, wounded noise Brenden lets out, but I ignore the way it makes my heart hurt.
My mouth just keeps moving, nonsense words tumbling out in my attempt to salvage this situation and not have my dad looking at me in disgust.
“We’re not—He’s not—This isn’t what it looks like.”
“No?” he questions.
“No. It’s fake. It was all fake. We’re not anything.”
This time the noise Brenden makes is louder and even more pained, and someone else sucks in a sharp breath.
And oh no.
No.
Fuck!
What did I just do?
The look my dad’s giving me now isn’t disgust—but it’s something strange I can’t decipher.
That buzzing has gotten louder in my head, still making it hard to think.
The only thing I know is that I fucked up.
I fucked up in so many ways.
How do I fix it?
Tell my dad the truth?
What is the truth?
How did this get so complicated ?
Before I can figure out what to do, Brenden takes off running across the green.
And I continue to stand here like the world’s biggest asshole.
I stand here, rooted to the spot, slowly realizing that I may have just made the biggest mistake of my life.
May steps in front of me, between me and my dad.
She doesn’t say anything, but her face screams of betrayal.
It makes me feel like such a piece of shit that if lightning struck me down right now, I would think I deserved it.
With a slow shake of her head, she turns and jogs off to catch up with her dad.
Then Elise and Grant are in front of me, looking confused and disappointed at the same time.
When they walk away too, the full weight of what happened sinks in.
I ruined everything.
I ruined me and Brenden, and I let May’s grandparents know we’ve been lying this whole time, which could ruin his relationship with them.
I was supposed to help him, not make things worse.
And my dad.
How am I supposed to explain this to him?
I have no clue if he believes the crap I said about everything being fake, but I don’t think I have it in me to keep lying to him if he questions me.
I was going to tell him.
I was going to come out to him so I could be with Brenden.
But I didn’t expect him to show up like this.
I panicked.
And now.
.
.
This is all too much for me to handle.
Avoiding my dad’s stare, I mumble, “I need to get back to work.” And then I leave, like a coward, tail between my legs.
A few minutes ago, I was thinking about how right everything felt.
How things were turning out better for me than I ever expected.
But I messed it up so quickly.
I should have known I’m not meant for that kind of happiness.
It’s like I always thought.
I’m the type of guy who’s meant to be alone.