31. A Crooked Melody – Brad
When I go to pick up Charlie from Ian’s house, I find Mackenzie Roberts there, his girlfriend, and band manager for Murderous Crows. They’re in the middle of planning their day, and apparently an amusement park is on the menu.
Standing in lines in the hot sun for lame rides was not on my bingo card for the day. While I did get some restful sleep, it wasn’t enough to sustain me through whatever playful hell they’re conjuring up.
Mackenzie must take in my lack of enthusiasm for the outing. “We’d be happy to take Charlie with us and keep her overnight again. Wouldn’t we girls?” She turns to June and Hayley, who immediately start jumping and cheering at the idea.
I appreciate that Mac didn’t include the ‘if you don’t want to go’ part of her statement. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my daughter – of course, it’s not that. There’s just a certain mindset you need to be in for that kind of day, and I’m not there.
Turning to Charlie to get her input, I see the excitement written all over her face at the prospect of the outing. My chest tightens at the thought of ever disappointing her. I can’t do it. I’d give her the moon and the stars if she asked for it. I’d find a way. It’s clear in her hopeful expression that she wants to go on this adventure with her friends. I can’t say no.
“Are you sure you want to spend the day with your friends, having fun, eating junk food, riding rollercoasters, and other amazing stuff?” I keep my face as straight as possible, but she’s onto me. “Instead of hanging with your boring old man, watching bird documentaries, inside a stuffy apartment?”
“Hmm…I don’t know…” she plays along, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.
“I know it’s tempting and all but use your best judgement.”
Poor June and Hayley can’t tell if we’re playing a game or not. They actually look worried that Charlie will choose me over them. Silly girls. Ian and Mackenzie really need to work on teaching them sarcasm.
Charlie sighs dramatically, adding sympathy to her tone. She’s too good at this. “Sorry, Dad. I’m going to have to go with these guys today. I’ll see you tomorrow though.”
I let out my own defeated sigh, playing up my pitiful expression. I run a hand through my hair and scratch my head. “Fine. I get it. I’m just a boring dad. You guys have fun, I guess.”
There’s an awkward beat before Charlie and I burst out laughing, and she runs into me, hugging my waist.
“You’re the best, Dad,” she giggles.
“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t give Ian and Mac any trouble, got it?” I say, kneeling to hug her back.
“We’ll take good care of her,” Ian says, wrapping an arm around Mackenzie. The two of them are turning into quite a power couple at Blackmore, and I love to see it. “I’ll give you a status update on our adventure later.”
“Sounds good,” I say, heading back to my car. On the way, I get a text from Stefan.
STEFAN: We’re hitting the Whisky tonight. Lizzy’s band is playing. You in?
I haven’t thought that far ahead yet since my plan to have Charlie tonight literally just changed. My mind instantly goes to Tess, and my first reaction is to maybe see what she’s up to instead. I wouldn’t mind a repeat of last night if possible.
ME: Possibly. I’ll keep you posted.
“Have you been day drinking?” I ask Tess on the phone a little later. I’ve been trying to reach her for a few hours now so that I can figure out what I’m doing tonight. She took a while to answer, and she’s giggling like crazy. I can hear her friend Ivy in the background laughing as well.
At least one of us is having a good time.
“Maybe…” she laughs, and the cutest fucking snort I’ve ever heard bursts out of her, which only sends her and her friend into further laughter.
I wish like hell I was there to witness this cuteness in person. But I get it. We both need time with our friends. We don’t want to burn too hot with each other only to fizzle out into nothingness later. That would royally suck.
“Okay, okay,” I say, not wanting to interfere with their fun. “You ladies have fun, okay? I’m going to go hang with the guys tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow?”
“Aww, I wanna hang with the guys, too…” she whines, as if she’s going to miss something exciting, and again, it’s adorable. Part of me wishes she would come too, just so I could see her like this in person. Tipsy Tess sounds hard to resist.
“What am I? Chopped burger? Hamburger? Ham? Liver?” Ivy calls from the background, and they both explode into laughter again.
As their laughter goes on, I almost think Tess forgets she’s on a call with me, but she comes back eventually.
“Brad? Brad? Are you there?” Now she sounds worried, and that too does something to my heart. Even in her alcohol infused haze, she’s worried about me.
“I’m here, but I’m going to let you go have fun with Ivy, okay?” I need to let her have her friend time.
“Okay,” she slurs, a little sad. “I’ll call you Thursday.”
“Sounds good,” I chuckle before hanging up. That was hilarious, and again my heart pangs that I’m not seeing it live and in person. It was about to turn melancholy, and seeing Tess all sappy would have seriously made my day.
I guess I’m on my own tonight.
When I get to the Whisky, the guys are already here. Even Dakota made it and is sipping a soda next to Emmett. He’s fitting in nicely with all of us, in his quiet way. It complements our crazy in a way that another crazy couldn’t. I like it.
“What, no Tess?” Stefan asks, eyebrow raised. I can’t tell if he’s kidding around, or fishing for information. Do they already know about me and Tess?
I thought we’ve done pretty well, keeping it from everyone that we’re seeing each other, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe everyone knows already. Suddenly my emotions are mixed, and I don’t know why. Do I not want people to know about us?
“Nope. No Tess,” I say, not confirming or denying anything. I don’t want to give them fuel to start shit about it.
“You two are a thing now, right?” Emmett asks, always the nosey fucker. “Well, for now. Your newest victim?”
“Victim?” I ask, not liking his tone one bit. I may have been a player in the past, but that’s not who I am anymore. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. Things with Tess are different.
Right?
“You know what I mean, man,” Emmett continues, though I wish he would shut the fuck up. “You’re not exactly known for your solid relationship skills.”
“Oh, and you are?” I wave down the bartender and order a shot and a beer. I can tell already this is going to be a long night.
“Pfft, fuck no. But at least I know myself.” He looks at Stefan and Dakota for back up, but they don’t seem to be interested in getting involved in this. Good for them. It doesn’t deter him from continuing. “A leopard can’t change its spots, dude. You are who you are. Just admit it and embrace it.”
His words hit home, and I down my shot and chase it with the beer. It burns going down, but at least it’s a feeling. A sensation. Something other than the small voice in my head that wants to agree with everything Emmett has said.
Maybe there’s some truth to what he’s saying. I’m not boyfriend material. Hell, the only material I’m made of are ragged strings, trying to sew themselves together to make some sort of recognizable shape. I don’t know if it’s working.
What I do know is that my feelings for Tess are different from anything else I’ve experienced before. With other women it was all surface and zero depth. With Tess I seem to have an insatiable appetite. And not just for sex, as amazing as that is, but for everything about her. I want to know everything.
But is it just infatuation? She’s so different from everyone else I’ve dated that it’s a novelty of some kind? And it’s going to wear off at some point in the future when I least expect it? It’s possible, sure, but that doesn’t feel right either.
And why the fuck am I trying to put it into some sort of box? Categorize or label it to fit some sort of algorithm in my head? Hell, even my heart? And why the fuck am I questioning everything now?
Fuck Emmett.
“You don’t know the first thing about it, dude,” I say, pushing my shot glass to the edge of the bar for a refill. The bartender gives me the familiar nod of acknowledgement. “People can change.” I turn on the barstool to face him head-on. “You just choose not to.”
He laughs, “Me? Change? Why would I even want to? I’m great. Fucking fantastic as I am.”
Stefan and I catch each other’s eyes and start laughing at the ridiculousness of Emmett’s statement. He’s the worst out of all of us; never taking a damn thing seriously – especially relationships.
“Dude, you’ve never even had a girlfriend,” I chide. He has no clue what he’s talking about.
“Why would I want that hassle? That ball and chain?” he scoffs, as if it’s the most preposterous idea in the world, and I’m insane for even suggesting it. “I am free as a bird to do whatever the fuck I want, with whoever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want. Don’t mess with success, man. You remember those days, right? Wasn’t it just a few months ago when you broke up with Gina that you were cruising Sunset right next to me? How quickly you forget…”
“It was more than a few months ago,” I argue, not liking the picture he’s painting of me as some kind of poster boy for failed relationships. He’s not entirely wrong. That was me. But it’s not anymore. “And I haven’t forgotten shit. Trust me. But people can and do change – if they want to. And, you know what? I do.”
Emmett must sense something in me, maybe it’s the truth he’s finally seeing, who knows, but his eyes shine as if he’s trying to think of a comeback.
Before he can find one, Dakota chimes in, making all of us turn to look at him. “People can change, like Brad said. I know that I’ve changed a lot in the last few years. It’s not easy, but it’s doable, you know?”
Stefan and I nod our agreement, though I think I’m the only one of us that really knows about his wife dying, and the story behind it. Emmett, on the other hand, gives Dakota a resentful sideways glance for butting in.
“What the fuck would you know about it?” Emmett sneers. “You’re what, barely twenty-one?”
“I’m twenty-six,” he says, and I can see a little bit of anger peeking through.
Good. Let him have it, kid.
“No way,” Emmett waves him off.
Dakota apparently doesn’t like being dismissed like that, and stands up, his height now prominent compared to Emmett’s, who starts to shrink a little bit at the display.
“Way. And trust me, I do know what it’s like to be in a relationship, and to change.” His brows draw down and I can see the pain behind the anger that’s now surfacing. This is about to get out of hand.
Leave it to Emmett to do this tonight. It was supposed to be a fun night out, and it’s turned into a shitshow already. I’m not drunk enough to deal with this bullshit.
“Guys let’s just drop it, and enjoy the show,” I say, lifting my hands in surrender. I hate that I always have to play mediator between Emmett and whoever he’s decided to fuck with, but I’ve played this role long enough to know when it’s needed. Like now. “When is Lizzy’s band starting?”
Stefan glances at his phone. “About fifteen minutes, I’d guess.”
Dakota takes the cue and sits back down at the bar, while Emmett takes a chug of his beer, nonplussed by everything he just stirred up.
I, on the other hand, can’t get Emmett’s words out of my head. Downing the newly provided shot, I try to push the negativity away but it’s fucking persistent. I talked a good talk, but do I believe it? Why am I suddenly doubting everything again?
Glancing over at Dakota, I wonder about what he’s said. Sure, maybe he has changed from who he was back when his wife died, but what good is it really doing him? It doesn’t seem like he’s really moved on from her death. He’s cleaned himself up, but it’s not like he’s putting himself out there to test it. What if he can’t have another relationship like the one he had with his wife?
What if I can’t handle a real relationship? My spots may have changed, but what if they’re still in the same place? I could be stuck being a surface guy, just chasing the high of new things. And maybe that’s all I’m doing with Tess, and it just feels different because she’s a different kind of person than who I usually date. She just has her shit together.
I’ll fuck it up somehow. Of that, I’m sure. If life has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t have nice things. I’ll find a way to break any new toy that I get, just like the fucking man-child that I am.
What if Emmett is right?