19. Lost Mind In A Wicked Soul
-Jade-
“You were always meant to be mine, Sweetbottom. I know you have to go, but you will return to me. While you’re out there, wreak Bedlam on those that hurt you, all of them. Make them pay, my broken doll.”
“No, No, No. Stop! Dario, you’re hurting me. Please get the fuck off of me Spade. Stop, just fucking stop!” I scream, feeling hands on my arm shaking me. I scream again.
“Bug, wake up. It’s only a dream.” Slim says, shaking me awake.
“Fuck!” I yell. Sweat drips down my face and arms. I take a deep breath, but my chest is so tight. I’m in my room; the sun is too bright. My body aches and my mouth is dry as fuck.
“Um, Bug, you might want to put some clothes on. I love tits and all, but you’re like my goddamn sister, and I don’t want to see your pierced nips.” He says, gagging. Asshole.
I pull the covers up to my chin. Why am I naked? How the fuck did we get home? My mind is so fuzzy, but I’m trying to remember the night. The clubhouse, the G-wagon, the club, hands everywhere, choking. Taunting. What the fuck?
“Slim, how did we get back here?” I ask with a panic-stricken tone.
“Umm, I was going to ask you the same thing. I woke up downstairs, and my jaw was on fire. The last thing I remember was dancing with that hot blonde and getting head in the men’s bathroom.” He chuckles as I climb out of bed. I don’t care that he’s seeing me naked; I just want some clothes.
“Damn, Bug. What the fuck happened to you? Your body is all bruised! Who did that to you?” he asks, concern laced in his tone. I take a deep breath, then grab some leggings and a long-sleeved shirt. I get dressed and throw my hair up in a bun. As I look at my reflection in the mirror, I see my face is stained with mascara. “I need to tell you something, but I don’t need your fucking sympathy, got it?” I take a deep breath.
“D raped and sodomized me almost three weeks ago,” I say as I wipe my face clean from the makeup I had on. The slice on my face doesn’t look like it’s going to heal very well. I sigh, looking over to Slim, who has his hands in fists and jaw tight.
“I guess I should feel some sort of way, but I feel nothing. I’m just numb.” I shrug.
“He’s lucky he’s already dead, because I want to murder that mother fucker. I knew he was no fucking good, but your parents kept pushing the two of you together. I should have claimed you as mine from the beginning, then this would have never happened.” He says through gritted teeth.
“It’s not your fault. You and I both know we would have never worked. You like dick just as much as I do and prefer it over pussy any day.” I smirk. His smile brightens, showing his perfect white teeth.
“True, but we would’ve been a powerhouse and a great front to do as I pleased. Now, I’ll be married off to some fucking trophy wife and be miserable for the rest of my life.” He huffs.
“Oh, queen, stop being dramatic. It will work itself out, but yes, my parents pushed us together to arrange that marriage.” I reply, throwing the makeup wipes in the garbage.
“Okay, back to last night, you didn’t see anyone dancing with me, did you?” I ask.
“No, Bug. I left you on the dance floor alone and got head from the blonde girl. After that I don’t remember anything. I legit woke up on your couch shirtless with a fucked- up jaw.” Pondering on his words, memories slowly flood my mind. His jaw hurts? “Jameson is too busy skull fucking the guy she was with.” I gasp, covering my mouth with my hands.
“Where’s my phone? I have cameras everywhere, let’s watch the footage and see how the fuck we got home,” I say. He hands me my phone from my side table, removing it from the charger. Sitting on my bed, I pull up the camera feeds. Slim looks over my shoulder, watching. The G-Wagon pulls in and parks, then I’m in my room, sleeping in my bed, and Slim is on the couch. What the fuck?
“Someone messed with the footage, it’s edited. We see us pulling in, but no one ever getting out, nothing. What the fuck is going on Jade?” he asks, grabbing my hand. I shake my head at him, tears dropping from my eyes. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Were they here? Am I making this all up?
“I’m a mess Slim, an utter fucking mess. So much has happened in the past two months. My heart hurts. My head tells me one thing, but my heart yearns for another. I can’t stop wanting to numb myself. I don’t want to think let alone feel. I’m so fucking angry and hurt and I can’t make it stop. Someone is definitely messing with me. But I don’t want to think about it. When I think, I break, and I don’t want to be weak. Not anymore. We can figure this out later. I need a hot shower and a bump. Plus, you haven’t seen Kayla, and I think we should do something together tonight before we have to go to the Academy,” I say, hoping he will just take the bait at the mention of Kayla.
“Yes, I have missed her so much. Text her when you get out of the shower, and I’ll make us something to eat.” He says, jumping off my bed and heading out of my room. I swipe to my texts. I see Kayla’s name, but just below it is the group chat with the guys. Another tear drops from my eyes as I ponder on texting them, just to get all my feelings out. It’s not like they are going to reply. I hover over it and decide to open it. I don’t even know what to say or how to convey my feelings. Last night felt so fucking real; they hurt me, they broke my heart with their cruel words, and both of them were so angry with me. I don’t blame them, though. I hurt them in the worst way possible, so I deserved it all, but it wasn’t real, was it? It must have been my subconscious, missing them, knowing they would dismiss me and throw me away if they were alive. I quickly close it out and open Kayla’s thread.
Me: Bestie…you will never believe who fucking showed up last night at the compound.
Almost Immediately.
Kayla: Ah shit, who? If it’s who I think it is, then fuck yes.
Me: SLIM IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!
Kayla: FUCK YES! WHERE YOU AT? I’M COMING NOW
Me: My house, key in 1431 on the gates. I changed the code.
Kayla: Do I even want to know why?
Me: Nope, lol. See you in a few, I’mma wash my ass.
Kayla: Nasty hoe.
I leave her on read and scream to Slim that ‘Bubbles’ is on her way. All I hear from him is “Fuck yes, it’s time to party!” I laugh. It feels so weird to laugh.
After I shower, get dressed, and throw some makeup on, I head downstairs and hear laughter. It’s such a relief that Cillian is here, he compliments us and brings our little trio together. I’m not going to lie, he’s the perfect distraction from all the things happening. I walk into the game room with my hands on my hips.
“I have arrived. Are we ready to fuck shit up?” I say, walking over to the bar.
“Fuck yes,” they say in unison. I see Slim has lines of Snow waiting for us on the table, and Kayla is pouring shots.
“What shall we do tonight? Any ideas?” I ask.
“I’m new here, so I’ve got nothing,” Slim replies, and we both look at Kayla.
“I have somewhere we can go. There’s a new spot, just outside of Brimstone, everyone is going tonight. Fuck it. Let’s go have some fun.” Kayla raises her brows up and down.
“Okay, I’m down.” I take a shot, and they follow. Slim grabs the bills, handing us each our hundo, and we snort our lines together. I absolutely love the feeling of getting high off the Snow. Already starting to feel better, I divvy us up another line while Kayla pours us another row of shots.
“We can head out after this, it’s going to take about forty-five minutes to get there, oh and let’s not tell your brothers where the fuck we are going tonight. I don’t need them stalking my life,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“You know damn well I won’t say a word, but they probably have a fucking tracker on you; so have fun with that, Bubbles.” I chuckle at her.
“Wait, wait, wait. The twins? As in Ryder and Ryker? You’re the girl they are with?” he asks dumbstruck.
“Yes, yes I am,” she raises a brow at him, and his face pales. Huh? Did I miss something?
“Oh, Slim, did you think I didn’t know?” She smirks, and his face pales even further.
“Wait, what?” I say, but no one is saying anything; they are just looking at each other.
“Someone needs to spill, because I’m so confused,” I say, still waiting to be updated. Slim takes a deep breath, but Kayla is the first to speak.
“Apparently, one of my boyfriends, Ryder, to be specific, has a fuck buddy.” She nods her head at Slim. My jaw drops. No fucking way. I laugh. I laugh so hard as I divvy up another line. Jesus fucking Christ, the plot thickens.
“So, you’re fucking Slim too?” I smirk.
“Ew! No.” they both respond. I laugh even harder. This is fucking great.
“Do I even want to know how that all works?” I ask, still laughing at this entire debacle. Kayla turns to me and laughs.
“There’s nothing to tell. I don’t mind sharing Ryder, as long as it makes him happy, and Slim is a catch, so it works out. The twins share me, so who am I to tell Ryder no?” she shrugs.
“Okay, I can get behind that. Can we go? I want to jam out while we drive.” Slim grabs Kayla’s hand, and we all leave my house. Locking the front door, we head to my G-wagon and pile in. Once Kayla gets settled, she puts the address into my navigation system. Slim plays DJ and puts on “I Don’t Fuck With You” by Big Sean and E-40, and we scream the lyrics as we drive. We stop at the gas station close to where we are going, and Slim gets out to grab us some drinks. Kayla turns to me, giving me a look.
“What? Just say it,” I say with a raised brow.
“You good? You’ve been MIA, and that’s not like you?” She asks.
“I’m fine.” Is all I respond.
“Bullshit; don’t pull that shit with me. I’m not the fucking enemy,” she retorts.
“I said I’m fine. Let it go. Don’t fucking ruin the night, because then we have to listen to Slim whine.” She laughs then sighs.
“Fine, I’m here when you’re ready,” she says, squeezing my hand. I nod. Slim gets back into the car, handing us both Red Bulls. I crack mine open and take a sip. I reach over Kayla to grab the cigarettes from my console, pull one out and light it up.
“Since when do you smoke?” She asks.
“Things change, people change. I’m high, therefore, I like a cigarette here and there,” I reply, inhaling the minty nicotine. Slim lights up a joint in the back seat and passes it to Kayla; she takes it and inhales deeply. She passes it to me on her exhale, but I shake my head. I don’t want to mess with my high by bringing it down with mary. Slim continues to play DJ while Kayla texts on her phone, probably with my insatiable brothers annoying her life. Taking another inhale of my cigarette, it hits me. I can’t believe I had no clue that Ryder was bi, let alone messing around with Slim. I wonder when that fucking started. But hey, if they are happy, who am I to judge? Plus, I love them all, and they are all good for one another. Even if my brothers are constantly breathing down Kayla’s neck. That sentiment alone makes me think of the guys. Nope, I’m not doing that. Tonight is going to be fun; there will be no intrusive thoughts. Just a fun night with my besties, finally back together again. I was so stuck in my head I didn’t notice that we were finally here. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck? Is this a joke?
People litter the streets, and both sides are filled with parked bikes and cars. At the light, bikes line up, ready to race. Why would she bring me here out of all places?
“Um, Kay, what the fuck are we doing here?” I find an empty space and back in the G-wagon.
“Come on, silly, let’s go have some fun.” She says, laughing. Slim hops out of the truck, and Kayla follows suit. I’m rooted to the driver’s seat. Why would she bring me here? The memories start flashing and suddenly I’m brought back to Spade’s bike, the race, and the mind-blowing orgasm at the mill. I shake my head, trying to get focused. Slim opens my door and pulls me out.
“Come on, Bitch, show me a good time.” He pouts. My docs hit the concrete; I’m wearing black ripped jeans with a tight white long-sleeved crop top tonight. I realize that I’m not wearing my cut or my holster. Shit, I fucking forgot my guns. What the fuck is wrong with me? How could I leave without them? Before shutting my door, I lean over the seat and open the top compartment to my center console, grabbing my knuckle knife and sliding it into my boot. I shut the door and lock it. I walk over to Slim and Kayla, who are talking to Marco and a few others. Marco spots me and gives me a hug.
“Are you excited Jade?” He asks with a smirk on his face.
“Excited for what?” I ask, placing a hand on my hip.
“You’ll see,” Kayla smirks.
I’m so fucking confused. I look around at the crowd. Is that—Jameson? I blink and he’s gone.
Shaking my head, I focus on what’s in front of me.
“Are you ready, Jade?” Kayla says, jumping up and down.
“Wha–” I don’t even get the word out.
A black Charger rolls by us with the windows down, music blasting; all I see is dark wavy hair and arms littered with tattoos. No. It can’t be. It can’t. The figure driving turns to me and smirks, I gasp, and tears begin to spill from my eyes.
I need to leave; I need to go now.