Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
DREW
T he second I saw my mother’s car in the driveway, I should have pulled over and called her to see what was going on. Mom is the queen of showing up unannounced and it rarely means there’s a problem with Sarah Beth or anything else. I could have called her, made sure everything was okay, and waited in the car down the street for her to leave—no risk of her scaring Tatum away, no uncomfortable questions about what I’m doing with the nanny after hours, no confusing my daughter.
But there’s a reason they say hindsight is twenty-twenty.
Instead, I swing into the drive and park beside Mom’s car, worried my daughter is sick or hurt. I only realize my mistake when Sarah Beth comes bouncing out of the back seat with her stuffed dog in her arms.
“Daddy! I forgot Ajax and couldn’t sleep, so even though it’s late Grammy brought me back to…” She trails off only to continue with an even bigger smile as Tatum gets out of the car. “Tatum!” She throws herself at Tatum’s waist, giving her a tight squeeze. “Grammy, this is Tatum! My nanny!”
“So, I see,” my mother says through the open driver’s side window. She casts a judgmental look up and down Tatum’s frame, making me suddenly keenly aware of how little clothing she’s wearing. A miniskirt with fishnets and a tank top under a big fluffy coat is perfectly appropriate attire for a dance club, but probably not the best for meeting the parents.
And it’s obviously giving my old-fashioned mother the wrong idea.
“I was just giving Tatum a ride home,” I lie. “She was out dancing with friends, and I wanted to make sure she got home safe. But then I saw your car in the drive on the way to her place and decided I should check in and make sure everything was okay.”
“Right,” Tatum says, tugging the hem of her skirt down with a nervous laugh. “So nice to meet you Mrs. McGuire. Sarah Beth has told me great things about you and how much fun she has at Grammy’s house.”
“Same.” My mother emerges from the car in her long, black wool coat, looking like a case worker coming to break the news that I’m an unfit parent. “Sarah Beth hasn’t stopped talking about you all night. I was expecting Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, complete with guitar and puppet show.”
Tatum laughs again. “Nope, no musical skills here. But we have a lot of fun playing pretend and doing craft projects.”
“And hunting for fairies,” Sarah Beth agrees, taking Tatum’s hand and giving it a little tug. “Grammy has a forest behind her house, Tatum. I bet there are tons of fairies there. Want to come look for them with me? We can go first thing in the morning after breakfast. Can Tatum spend the night at your house, too, Grammy? I promise I’ll be really good and go right to sleep as soon as we get back.”
“I think Tatum has other overnight plans,” my mother says, her disapproval thick in the air. She takes Sarah Beth by the shoulders, gently detangling her from Tatum and maneuvering her back toward her car. “We’ll chat tomorrow, Drew. Nice to meet you, Tatum.”
But it wasn’t nice. Not nice at all.
By the time she pulls out, my stomach is on the concrete.
“Shit,” Tatum hisses as Mom disappears down the street. “That didn’t go well, did it?”
“No,” I admit, forcing a smile. “But it’s okay. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and explain.”
“Explain that you’re banging the nanny who is actually a great childcare provider even though she looked like a street walker last night?”
“You don’t look like a street walker,” I say, pulling her into my arms.
“To your mother, I did,” she says with a wince. “Ugh. I could tell by the way she looked at me. I felt like I was back in Catholic school, getting in trouble with the nuns for rolling my skirt up to make it shorter, except a hundred times worse. She hates me, Drew. I could tell.”
“She doesn’t even know you.”
“And now she won’t want to,” she continues, her voice rising. “Because I’m the shameless hussy who’s seducing my boss, who also happens to be her vulnerable son who’s desperate for companionship after raising his daughter alone for so many years and is easy prey for a gold-digging ho like me.”
I hug her closer. “Stop. It wasn’t that bad.”
“I can’t stop,” she says. “It was that bad. And maybe she’s right. Maybe I am taking advantage of you.”
I frown. “I’m your boss, established in this community, and several years older than you are, Tatum. If anyone is taking advantage of this situation, it’s me. You’re all alone, new in town, and could be in a bind if you lose this job. Knowing you as well as I do now, I’m sure you’d land on your feet, because you’re incredible at what you do, but it wouldn’t be easy or fun. And if I didn’t give you a good reference, it would be hard to explain why you only lasted a week at your first nanny gig.”
Her brows shoot up. “But you would give me a good reference. Right?”
“Of course, I would. How can you even ask a question like that?”
“Because you brought it up,” she says, moving out of my arms. “And you’re right. It would be hard. Wren said she had a couple leads for me, but I don’t know if I’d be a good fit for those jobs or if they’d pay enough for me to afford to stay here. The only way I could survive on a daycare worker’s salary back home was to live with my parents. For such a vital, important job, taking care of little kids doesn’t pay very much, you know.”
I blink, shocked. “You talked to Wren about helping you find a new job?”
“It came up in conversation,” she says, pulling her coat more firmly closed and crossing her arms over her chest. “When I realized the guy that I brought home from the bar my first night was my new boss, I was worried. But I told Wren I wasn’t interested in another job because I adore Sarah Beth and I want to be there for her. And that’s still true. I do adore her and—” She breaks off with a curse. “My phone. I forgot to get my phone.”
“I can text my mom. Ask her to swing back by and?—”
“No, it’s fine,” she says, backing another step away with a shake of her head. “I’ll get it tomorrow or Monday or…whatever. I think I should go home right now. I need to think. Maybe being a couple isn’t a good idea. Maybe we should keep this all business, after all.”
“I don’t want to keep it all business,” I say, my throat tight. “I want to give this a shot. Me and you against the world.”
Her eyes begin to shine as she says in a softer voice, “But I don’t want to be against the world, Drew. My whole life, I’ve been an outcast, one of the family of weirdos my old hometown loved to judge and find lacking. For once, I want to be accepted, respected. I don’t want to be the girlfriend my boyfriend’s mom loves to hate. Or the nanny who fucked her boss and now the whole town can’t stop gossiping about it.” She swipes at her cheeks, smearing her mascara. “And the worst part is I did this to myself. Maybe people back home are right. Maybe O’Learys are losers who don’t know how to fit in with normal people.”
I take a step toward her but stop when she takes a matching step away. I want to hold her so badly my bones ache with it, but I settle for funneling all the things I feel for her into my voice as I say, “Fuck normal and fitting in. Fuck what people think. I haven’t felt this alive in years, Tatum. I’ve been going through the motions, trying to be a good dad and provider, but on the inside, I was faking it as much as I was making it. I was so lonely and so worried I’d never be able to give my daughter everything she needs. And then you showed up and suddenly life was fun again. Beautiful and hopeful again. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you .”
Tears stream down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Drew, I think you’re wonderful, I just…” She shakes her head. “I need to think. I’m too mixed up. But for what it’s worth, this misfit, loser O’Leary thinks you’re a fantastic father. You love that little girl with every piece of your heart and there’s nothing more precious than that. You don’t have to fake it. You’re the real thing, through and through.”
“Tatum wait, please,” I call out as she starts down the street.
“I’ll call you. I promise,” she tosses over her shoulder. “From my home phone since I don’t have my cell.”
“At least let me give you a ride back to your place. It’s freezing out.”
She turns, walking backwards as she says, “It’s fine, my coat is warm, and I want to walk. I need to. It’s how I do my best thinking.” She flutters her fingers. “Good night. Thanks for…everything.”
I stand watching her go, feeling like my heart is being ripped from my chest and tossed onto the driveway beside my already pulverized stomach.
Right then and there, I decide this isn’t the end.
I’m going to make this right with Tatum. I’m going to show her how loved and accepted and respected she already is here in Bad Dog. And I’m going to start right fucking now.
A fire in my veins, I jump back into Barrett’s truck and zoom back toward Bubba Jump’s, hoping I’ll get there in time.