7. Christopher
“Are you two ready?” I clap my hands as I follow them down the carpet toward the ice.
I make sure I walk next to Luna, who doesn’t look like she’s been on skates since last year.
“I need one of those.” Luna points at the little metal skating helper some of the little kids use.
“I need one also,” Rain says softly, and I tilt my head to the side.
“You know how to skate,” I tell her, and she shakes her head. I know that last year Benji said he was getting them into skating lessons during the week.
“Dad stopped taking me…” She looks at me, feeling like she is telling me a secret she shouldn’t be telling me. It is right then and there my hatred for Benji comes rearing back in full force. I’ve pushed it away for the past couple of weeks. I am talking to my uncle Viktor daily even though he doesn’t have any medical training. He went through it, and I feel like I can open myself to him. My hands ball into fists by my sides. “I used it the last time.”
“Okay,” I concede, trying to make it seem like I don’t want to take the metal skating helper and throw it across the room. “Stay here,” I tell them, skating onto the ice and grabbing one before going back to them. “Rain, you are going to train with this one,” I inform her, and I see Luna’s face go down. “And you are going to skate with me.” Her whole face lights up. “Until you are comfortable on skates, I’m going to hold you so you can see how easy it is.”
“I don’t want to fall,” Luna tells me, and I laugh.
“I won’t let you fall, princess,” I assure her, holding out my hand for Rain, who squeezes mine as she moves toward the metal contraption. “I’m going to skate beside you for a bit,” I tell her, “until you are ready to take off.”
“Okay, Uncle Christopher,” she replies. Her voice is filled with enthusiasm as I move over and grab Luna.
“You ready?” I ask, and she nods. With the helmet, her head looks bigger than her body.
I put her down on her skates, and she does what every person does. She tries to walk with them and swing her feet front to back. “Easy there.” I put my hands under her armpits. “Lift one foot and then put it down,” I urge her, thinking back on the way my father taught my sisters, who hated every single second of it. Luna does what I tell her, but then just tries to speed skate. “Nice and easy,” I remind her, looking over to Rain, who is killing it. “Look at what Rain is doing,” I tell Luna, who looks over.
“I’m doing that,” she argues. I laugh and look up to see Koda standing behind the bench with some of the other wives. She’s trying to keep up with their conversation, but her eyes are on the girls. She steps away for a second, taking out her phone to snap a couple of pictures.
Rain picks up more and more confidence as she skates with a couple of the other girls who she hangs around with. I stay as close by as I can, but with Luna getting the hang of it, I can’t do it for long. “Uncle Chrissy,” she says, “I want water.”
“Then let’s skate over to the bench,” I urge her and slowly lessen my hold on her, enough for her to skate by herself, but also tight enough to catch her if she were to slip.
“Mommy!” she screams when we are almost to the bench. “I can skate.”
“I saw.” Koda comes over to the open bench door. “You were doing so good.” I keep my hands around her chest until she steps up and Koda catches her.
“Did you have fun?” Koda asks Luna while I lean against the boards. My eyes roam the ice to catch Rain, who is letting go of the metal contraption to try it on her own.
“Yeah,” she huffs as she takes off her helmet and puts it beside her on the bench. Koda hands her a water bottle.
“I’m going to go with Rain,” I tell Koda, who smiles and nods before I take off and meet up with Rain.
“You ready to go without the help?” I ask, and she smiles at me.
“What if I fall?” she asks softly.
“Then you get up,” I encourage her, “and if you fall again, you get back up.”
“But—” she says.
“Nothing wrong with falling down, Rain,” I tell her, skating backward. “It’s about trying not to fall the next time, and if you fall, then you try again. Eventually, you won’t fall. Or if you do?” I smirk at her. “It’ll still be okay.”
“Okay,” she says, moving aside and keeping her hand on the helper for a second before she lets it go, “I’m going to go.”
“You can do it,” I assure her, skating in front of her, giving her enough space but not wanting to be too far away. In case she falls forward, I’ll be there to catch her. The wobbling takes a couple of seconds to stop, but then she takes off.
I see her arms going round and round at her sides like a helicopter as she tries to steady her balance. I skate closer to her so I can catch her if she falls, but she shouts, “No, let me do it!” So I stand as close to her as I can, letting her do her thing. It takes a couple of more strides and then she falls and laughs. “I did good for a bit.” Her smile fills her whole face as I hold out my hand to help her up. She takes my hand and slowly gets up, trying not to fall but doing it like a fucking champ.
“You did amazing.” I smile at her, my chest tightening for a second. “You going to go again?” She nods. By the time the hour is over, she’s skating faster than some of the kids who play hockey, and I feel so proud.
The bell rings, telling us the Zamboni is coming out to clean the ice, so we skate off toward the bench. I look around, searching everyone to see if I see them, but I don’t see Koda or Luna. I follow Rain to the locker room, where everyone on the ice sits, taking off their skates while a couple of the kids run around. Rain sits next to me and I hand her a water bottle that was sitting on the bench. She unsnaps the bottom of her helmet on one side and then the other side before taking it off. She grabs the bottle of water and drinks three gulps before turning to me. “Can we do that again?” Her eyes light up when she asks that question, and I vow to make sure I make her eyes light up like that again.
“You bet,” I tell her, bending to untie my skates. “I’ll talk to your mom and see if we can get you on the ice next week.”
“Okay,” she says, then leans forward and mimics my movements.
“Hey.” I look up and see Koda walking back into the room. “Sorry, I was…” She points over her shoulder. “Luna wanted to eat, then she wanted to go and play.” She looks all flustered, and before I tell her that it’s all good, Rain is calling her.
“Mommy, I skated all by myself,” Rain declares, her voice full of excitement, her face full of joy. “All by myself and Uncle Christopher said we can do it again.”
“Oh, wow,” Koda says, bending to help Rain untie the skates, “that’s amazing.” Then she helps put on her sneakers.
“Can I go play?” she asks her mom, who nods at her, so she jumps up and runs out of the room with a couple of the other kids.
“Thank you,” Koda murmurs softly, avoiding looking at me as she packs up the girls’ stuff. “You didn’t have to do it.”
“Yeah,” I reply, giving a couple of the guys the chin up when they turn to walk out of the room, “I know I didn’t, but I wanted to.” She looks up at me, and I look around to see if many people are around to take in this conversation. I see there are maybe five people left, but no one is paying attention to what is happening between us. “I’ve been calling you.”
She’s about to say something when both Luna and Rain come barreling back into the room, singing her name, “Mommy.”
She looks over at them. “Can we go sleep at Noel’s house?” Rain asks her.
“Please-please-please.” She folds her hands together and bounces on her tippy-toes up and down.
“Yeah, please-please-please,” Luna joins her.
“I don’t know.” Koda hesitates when Cole and Brittany come back into the room with their two girls running in front of them.
“Sorry, they ambushed us,” Cole says to Koda, “I couldn’t really say no. Plus, they said they will make me watch The Little Mermaid again.” The way his lips get tight, I have to look down for him not to see me chuckle. “I have been waiting all week for this.”
“I don’t know,” Koda starts, “I don’t want to burden?—”
“Burden us,” Brittany pleads, “it’s better when they are there because it’s like they babysit themselves.”
“Well,” Koda replies, “I guess if it’s okay.” I can see the turmoil all over her face. “I guess it’s okay with me.”
“Yay!” the four girls scream and jump up and down.
“Okay, give Mom a hug,” Cole urges. “Might as well get this over with so we can get straight to the movie.”
I watch as Koda gets on her knees to hug the girls. “You be good,” she instructs them, “and if you need anything?—”
“We will call you,” Brittany reassures her, and she ushers the four girls out of the room. I think I even hear talk about painting nails.
I get up, then take Koda in as she tries to put on a brave face, but knowing she is probably freaking out that they are gone. I reach for the kids’ bags. “Let’s go,” I mumble to her as she looks up at me with shock on her face.
“What?” Her voice is soft.
“We’re going to go get something to eat,” I tell her, ignoring how my hand is gripping the bags, knowing that she’s been ignoring all my calls and texts for the last three months. “What do you feel like, burgers or sushi?” I make my way out of the room, hoping she just follows me.
“You hate sushi,” she points out as we step into the parking garage.
“It’s not that I hate it,” I try to say, “it’s a texture thing.” I stop at her Range Rover.
“You don’t have to do this, Christopher.” She looks at me. “I’ll just head on home.”
“Again, I don’t do things because I have to. I do things because I want to.” Her eyes watch me. “Now, do you want to follow me or do you want to come with me?”
“No, I’ll follow you,” she replies and I hold on to the bags.
“Okay. I’m going to hold on to these bags.” I hold up said bags in front of me. “Just to make sure you don’t ghost me.”
She throws her head back and booms out a laugh that I haven’t heard in over three months. The sound even shocks her. “That made me laugh,” she says, her green eyes lightening. “I’m not going to ghost you.” Her face is beautiful when she laughs, and I can bet my ass she hasn’t laughed in a long time.
“Well, when you park next to me, I’ll hand over the bags.” I don’t waste time talking to her. Instead, I walk over to my truck and open the door, tossing the bags in there. “Where do you want to go?” I watch her as she walks over to her SUV. “We can hit up McCloughan’s.”
“Oh, they have good burgers and fish and chips.” She opens her door. “I’ll meet you there. Bring the bags.” She laughs, getting into the SUV.
“I’ll follow you!” I shout at her. I don’t know if she hears me, but I wait for her to pull out of the parking spot.
I follow her and pull into the parking spot beside her. She gets out and comes over to my driver’s door and waits for me to open it. “Now, can I have my bags?”
“Yes.” I laugh, grabbing the bags and handing them to her. “You can.” She takes the bags from me, then turns and places them in the trunk. I meet her as we walk into the bar. It’s booming because it’s a Friday night.
We walk up to the hostess stand. “Two,” I say, and she smiles at us as she looks on her iPad before telling us to follow her. I put my hand on Koda’s lower back, making her walk ahead of me. The hostess places the menus on a table in the middle of the room, but my eyes go to a table in the corner.
“Can we have that one?” I point. “It’s quieter.”
She nods, and I walk over with her. Koda takes her jacket off before sitting down in the chair that backs to the room. I sit in the corner facing her, shrugging off my own jacket. Koda grabs the menu, avoiding looking at me. “So.” I lean back in my chair. “Are we going to get the weird stuff out of the way so it’s not awkward as fuck?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Even when she says the words, I know she’s lying.
“Okay, well then, I’ll start. I’ve called you”—I put my hands on the table, my index finger moving up and down—“every single day. But you know that.”
“I was—” She starts to come up with an excuse, but I hold up my hand to stop her.
“Then I texted you.”
“I answered you.” Her voice is strong, then goes lower. “Once.”
“Yup.” I nod. “Got it. One whole word. No.”
“Well, I didn’t need anything.” She puts her arms on the table, crossed in front of her. “So that was my answer.”
“Did you send me the picture of the first day of school because you wanted to?” Her eyes quickly look away from mine. “Or was it a mistake?”
“It was a mistake.” Wow, I thought for sure she would fight me on it. “I thought I sent it to Eddie.”
“Well, I must say”—I laugh—“totally thought you would bullshit me.”
“There is no reason to bullshit you, Christopher. There is also no reason for me to answer your phone calls or your texts.”
“And why is that?” I know I should tread lightly, but this is also three months of building for both of us.
“Because you were calling to see how we are. We are fine.” She doesn’t even give me a chance to say anything before she continues, “You were also texting to ask me, and again, we are fine. If Benji was alive, you wouldn’t be calling me.”
“True but?—”
“There is no but, Christopher, it would be awkward, and I didn’t want to. That should be enough.”
“I guess it will have to be for now,” I say before the server comes over to interrupt us. I look down and order a burger while she orders the fish and chips with a side of onion rings and mac and cheese.
When the server leaves, I look back at her. “Rain wants to go skating more.” She looks at me, grabbing the glass of water in front of her. “Can I take her?”
“Christopher,” she says my name, putting the glass of water down.
“If you are going to hand me the ‘you don’t need to’ bullshit, I’m going to start getting really pissed,” I snap, and her eyes go big. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.” I look down, and my leg shakes under the table. I was supposed to come in calm and cool and show her all I want to do is help, but instead, I just snapped at her.
“See?” She points at me. “This right there, the feeling sorry for me, is why I didn’t answer your phone calls.”
“Feeling sorry for you?” I repeat the words, not sure if she actually said them. Maybe I misunderstood.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you,” I tell her. “I feel a lot of things about the situation, but I don’t feel sorry for you.” She opens her mouth and then closes it. “I’m just doing what I hope someone would do for me if the roles were reversed.” I move back when the drinks come and she just looks down and then up again.
“You can take her skating,” she murmurs.
“Thank you,” I say as the food comes. “I can even take Luna.”
“Are you sure that won’t be too much?” she asks as she takes a french fry and dunks it into ketchup.
“I think I’ll be okay,” I finally reply. “You can come if you want, or stay home and relax. Read a book, watch TV.” She laughs again. “How was back to school for the kids?” I try to leave the conversation on neutral ground.
“The kids were happy to be back with their friends,” she shares, telling me stories that happened to the girls during the week. The conversation is light and not forced. It feels weird to be sitting alone with her in a bar, the two of us, but I guess this is our new normal.
I pay the bill when she gets up to wash her hands, and when we walk out, I have to admit it’s been a great night.
“So what are you going to do the rest of the night?” I ask when we get to the cars, not sure I want to call it a night yet.
“Not sure.” She shrugs. “It’s been a while since I’ve been home by myself.”
“Are you going to walk around naked?” The minute I say the words, I want the earth to open and for me to be swallowed whole. Her eyes almost bug out of her head. “Oh no, not like that. I was thinking of the episode of Friends. When Rachel is home by herself and…” I put my hands on my face, feeling it turning beet red. “Oh my God, I am not thinking of you naked.”
“Geez,” she says, “thanks, I guess.”
My heart sinks. “No, it’s not that,” I groan. “Tonight was nice.” I avoid looking at her because she’s probably thinking I’m a fucking creep who is picturing her dancing around her house naked. For the record, I wasn’t, but now I can’t help the flash of her naked in my head. “We should do it again.”
“We’ll see.” She turns to walk to her SUV. “Have a good night.” She opens her door. “I’m going to try not to walk around my house naked.” I put my head back and groan, and I stop when I hear her giggle. “Night, Christopher.”
“Night, Koda.” I get into my truck and wait for her to leave before following her. We live about six streets apart. Actually, most of the team lives around the same area, except when she turns right, I turn left, heading to my house. I’m pulling up into the driveway when my phone rings in my pocket, pulling it out I see a number that isn’t stored.
“Hello.” I put the phone to my ear.
“Hi, Christopher,” the female voice greets. “This is Keely, we met at the restaurant the other night.”
“Oh, yeah,” I say, not moving from my truck. “How are you?”
“I’m good, I’m good. I was just calling to let you know I had a lot of fun the other night.” She mentions last Saturday when I went out with a couple of rookies to have dinner, and we were next to a group of girls. We started talking and exchanged numbers.
“Yeah, it really was.”
“We should, I don’t know, do it again?” Her voice is hopeful. “Maybe just meet up and go have a coffee.”
“Yes,” I agree right away, “that sounds good. Are you free next Wednesday?”
“Yes,” she replies cheerfully, “I am.”
“Great, how about we touch base on Tuesday?”
“That sounds amazing. Thank you.” She lingers for a couple of minutes.
“See you then,” I finally say, hanging up the phone and then looking at it again. My head suddenly replays the night over and over again.
Instead of going into the house, I open my text messages and scroll down until I see her name.
Me: Did you get home?
I don’t know if she will answer me or not, but I’m shocked when a message comes in right away.
Koda: You literally followed me.
I laugh and turn the truck back on before backing out and making my way over to her house. I get out of my truck and jog up her steps, ringing the doorbell. It takes her a minute before she opens the door. She’s out of the clothes she wore before and is now in a baby-blue lounge set. “Hey,” I say, holding up my hand.
“Hey,” she replies. “Sorry, I was naked and had to get dressed.”
“Funny.” I point at her. “I was in the neighborhood.”
“You live in the neighborhood.” She crosses her arms over her chest.
I laugh. “Okay, fine, I knew it would be weird not having the kids here, so I figured you would like company.”
“But how am I supposed to dance and sing naked if you’re here?” She moves to let me in, closing the door behind me.
“I guess you’ll have to maybe bake cookies or something,” I tease her as we walk back to the family room. “You got a new couch.” I take in the new couch and see she’s poured herself a glass of red wine that sits on the coffee table. The big-screen television is paused on a movie.
“I did,” she confirms, “it’s way comfier than the last one.” She walks into the room and sits down right in front of the wine. “Plus, I didn’t find my dead husband on it.”
“Damn.” I sit beside her. “How many glasses of wine have you had?”
She laughs. “My therapist says I shouldn’t hide the fact why I changed it.”
“I mean, my therapist gives me the same advice,” I share, and she gasps.
“You see a therapist?” She grabs the glass of wine and takes a sip.
“No, not really. I talk to my uncle Viktor,” I admit. “He is a recovering addict.”
“Oh, yes,” she says, remembering him. “Is it helping?”
I shrug, not wanting to talk about it and ruin the night. “What are you watching?”
“Hope Floats,” she replies, and I just stare at her. “It’s Sandra Bullock.”
“She was great in Speed,” I counter.
“We can watch that one after.” She grabs the remote to start it, and I have to wonder if she doesn’t want to be alone or maybe this is her letting me in. Either way, I’m not going to question it. “You didn’t miss much.”
“I’m sure I’ll catch up.” I take off my jacket and toss it to the side. Forty minutes into the movie, Koda grabs a throw blanket hanging on the back of the couch and cuddles into the couch. Ten minutes after that, she’s asleep. I know I should get up and take off, but instead, I lay my head back, and fifteen minutes later, I’m asleep myself.