34. Oliver
THIRTY-FOUR
Oliver
I stuffed the last of my T-shirts into my duffel, forcing the zipper shut. All of my stuff had been packed up in a matter of minutes. The small studio apartment I had found so homey at first now felt stifling.
As soon as I’d driven away from Frankie, I’d come back here and paced for an hour straight. The energy coursing through my body urged me to chase after her. I had to actively keep moving to stop myself from rushing to her before her flight took off.
What the hell was wrong with me? I had no big master plan.
She was gone. I had to accept it. Simple as that.
Except there was nothing simple about it. My brain had gone into overdrive, thinking about nothing except her. It was pure torture at this point.
As soon as I’d gotten back to the apartment, I realized there was no way I could stay.
Originally, I’d told Bev I’d work one last shift at Marie’s, but I honestly thought being back at that bar without Frankie would kill me. Shame ate at me that I’d have to bail on my commitment, but I wasn’t strong enough to fake it. Plus, a grown man crying behind the bar because he’d let the girl he loved get away? Talk about pathetic. Bev would likely send me packing anyway if she had to witness that.
I strode out of the apartment, not bothering to linger and give it a final look. All the happiness I’d had inside it was already gone. Vanished, just like that.
Closing the door behind me, I locked it before stuffing the key underneath the welcome mat at the top of the staircase.
Dread consumed me as I walked down the stairs and tossed my bags into my car. I could only hope this feeling would ease slightly as I put Key Ridge behind me.
The lodge loomed in front of me as I debated a quick and easy escape. Even as I thought it, I knew I couldn’t do it. Bev and Giles had done so much for me in my short time here, and I wanted to say my goodbyes and apologize to Bev for bailing a day early.
As soon as I walked into the lodge, a tension grew. This place held only fond memories for me, yet I was itching to leave the instant I caught sight of the entrance to Marie’s out of the corner of my eye. Thankfully, Bev was at the front desk so I wouldn’t have to torture myself with going in there right now.
She lifted her eyes from the computer in front of her and took me in. Recognition flashed across her face instantly. “You’re heading out.” She didn’t ask it, she said it matter-of-factly.
Wincing, I propped up an elbow on the desk, resting my head against my hand. “I have to.”
She sighed, looking at me with warmth I didn’t feel like I deserved right now. “I figured you might say that. Too bad, I was looking forward to spending one last evening with you. ”
“I’m sorry about that. Hopefully the bar won’t be too slammed.”
She waved off my apology. “Don’t worry about it. It’s been dead this past week. I’ll manage.”
I still felt like shit, though. When had I become someone so fragile I would bail on my commitments when things got hard?
“I wanted to say goodbye.”
She walked around from behind the desk and gave me a quick hug, patting me on the shoulder as she pulled away. “It was absolutely a pleasure having you, Oliver. You’re welcome back any time.”
“Maybe next winter,” I offered, although this pain was still too raw to consider returning to Key Ridge.
“You leaving, man?”
I turned to see Giles and Mattie walking into the lodge. Mattie’s face was bright red and her eyes were swollen. Shit. She looked about as good as I felt.
“Yeah,” I said. “Just making the rounds.”
Giles walked over and clasped my hand and we gave each other a brief one-armed hug.
When I went to offer Mattie a hug, she glared at me.
“Um, bye?” I offered, wary to go in for a hug.
As fast as the glare arrived, it crumpled and a few tears streamed down her face. Damn, the resemblance between her and Frankie was obvious right now. It killed me.
“This is all wrong,” she said.
Giles let out a long sigh. “Mattie, don’t.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “This sucks. You two are so hellbent on following these ideals you’ve made up in your mind, you’re blinding yourselves. You’re giving up the only thing that matters.”
Now I wanted to bolt. She was talking about Frankie and me, and I didn’t know what to say. I was trying to do the right thing by her, but this whole situation was so far out of my league. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. All I knew was that doing what was best for Frankie was the most important thing.
“She loves you, did you know that?” Mattie sniffed.
My ears perked up. “What did you say?” I demanded.
“Mattie, that isn’t yours to share,” Giles said, rubbing his jaw and looking between the two of us.
I barely heard him. All of the wind had been knocked out of me.
“She told me she loved you but she wouldn’t tell you because she didn’t want to make this worse.” Mattie flung her arms out in frustration. “How stupid is that? You two are clearly miserable and fighting some internal war against yourselves. How can you both be so dumb?”
“I—I…can’t be the kind of guy she needs,” I stuttered, still in shock.
She loved me? She’d actually said that?
“Says who?” Mattie’s eyes narrowed. “When you have to actively fight this hard to be away from someone, that means something.”
Everything started clicking into place. It was like slow motion and the speed of light all at once.
Frankie loved me. Probably not nearly as much as I loved her, but it was a start. I had this all wrong.
You didn’t let go of the ones you loved. You showed up over and over again, even when they didn’t ask you to.
What the hell was wrong with me? I didn’t have any ties. I was going off to be a rafting guide, for Christ’s sake. And then in a few more months, I’d be on to something else temporary. I had no ties holding me in place.
Well, except for one .
At some point, Frankie had tied a string right around my heart—the kind that couldn’t be severed. As I stood here, that string was getting pulled more taut by the second.
No wonder I was in so much fucking pain.
“I think I have to go,” I said, my voice rising.
Mattie scanned my face as Giles’s eyes widened.
Bev let out a low chuckle. “Seems like some sense is finally getting knocked into you,” she said.
I reached out, gripping Mattie’s shoulders. “What’s her flight info?” I asked.
She smiled broadly. “You mean it? You’re really going after her?”
“What’s her flight?” I demanded again, panicking I had already let so much time pass.
Mattie checked the time on the clock against the wall.
“She’ll be landing in Denver in the next twenty minutes or so, but she’s got a layover.”
“There’s another flight to Denver that leaves in an hour,” Bev chimed in, typing on the lodge’s computer. “I don’t know if you can make it, but…”
I was already sprinting for the door.
I heard yells of, “Go get her!” at my back.
Who the fuck cared if she was meant for some hotshot job in New York? I was wrong when I said I didn’t belong in a big city. I belonged where she was. I was aimless and she was my direction. If she didn’t want me to follow her to New York, then she’d have to tell me herself. Because I wasn’t going anywhere without her.
I wasn’t about to let Frankie get away like some sort of coward. I had been running from what was real my entire life.
This time, I wasn’t going to let the realest thing that had ever happened to me slip through my fingers.