Chapter 11
Oliver
Huxley left hours ago, but my pulse remains elevated, and every nerve ending alight. My thoughts are wholly and utterly consumed by what happened.
Other than jerking off to the memory of it, I’ve done nothing on my Sunday night to-do list. What I crave is to hold Huxley in my arms, breathe in his scent, and do filthy things to him.
All that worrying had been for nothing. Physically, everything felt right. I was scared it would be weird with a guy, and I guess touching Huxley’s dick was…different. But I liked it. A lot. I would’ve taken things further if Huxley had wanted to.
The sexual attraction I feel towards him is stronger than anything I’ve experienced before. Maybe that’s because it’s all new and exciting, or maybe it will change when we do more, but I’m eager to find out. If that’s what Huxley wants, too.
After a very late dinner, making lunch for tomorrow, and packing my bag, I settle in bed to FaceTime Koa.
I need his experience, a voice of reason, and, most of all a friend I can be truly honest with.
Hopefully Koa can help me better understand where Huxley’s fears are coming from.
I mean, who is this asshole guy from Huxley’s past that made him feel like an experiment?
I’d like to get my hands on him and teach him a lesson.
Not to mention the recent ex and his stupid text.
“Hey Ko,” I say the moment his face appears on my screen. My whole body relaxes at the sight of him.
“Hey Olibear. By the look on your face, you’ve got some news. I’m guessing Huxley?”
I huff a laugh. “News might be an understatement. I finally stopped being a pussy and told him I had feelings going on. Then I kissed him.”
Koa smiles. “Damn, bro. I wasn’t sure if you were going to go for it. So? How was it?” Heat floods to the surface of my skin as my mind recalls the experience. “Oh, I see,” says Koa, nodding. “It was good. Like need to take a cold shower good.”
There’s no point denying it. “Yeah, it was… We were only making out, and I nearly came in my pants like a thirteen-year-old. But, in my defence, he was rock hard too and grinding on my leg. You never told me that it would feel different kissing a guy. More intense. More…” I struggle to put it into words.
“More equal. Shit I don’t know how to explain it. Rougher?”
“I’ve never kissed a girl, so I’ve got nothing to compare to.
Although I imagine a girl would be softer, no beard stubble for one.
But, by the looks of those pics you texted, Hux is a smooth-skinned twink.
I wonder if he’s smooth all over. Guess you’ll be finding out soon enough.
You want that cookie fucking bad.” Koa breaks into laughter.
I didn’t think my face could get any redder, but I was wrong.
“That’s no way to talk about my future boyfriend,” I say, all the while imagining whether Huxley’s ass is waxed or not.
I don’t mind either way, but a lot of the bottoms in porn are.
“But yeah, I definitely want to take things further. I can’t call myself straight anymore. ”
Koa studies me, laughter falling away. “You’re okay with it?”
“Yeah, I am. Not looking forward to coming out to Reece, though. I’m sure Mum will be fine.”
“Fucking Reece. I wish I could be there when you tell him. He’s gonna be a prick about it.”
“I know. But enough about him. I need your advice. Huxley is hesitant about us. He thinks he’ll end up nothing more than an experiment. It sounds like a guy treated him like shit in the past. I don’t know the whole story yet.”
Koa exhales loudly. “Oli, there are so many DL and straight guys out there.” Koa uses air quotes when he says straight guys.
“They’re all over Grindr. Some of them are married, have girlfriends, even kids.
I don’t know what happened to Huxley, but imagine getting into a relationship with one of those dudes and having your heart smashed because you find out he’s got a wife and family at home.
Since you’ve never been with a guy before, you can imagine how risky it feels for him.
Especially if he’s catching feelings already, just like you. ”
“I guess I need to go slow and make sure he knows this is not just about sex.”
“Exactly. He’ll come around. It doesn’t take people long to realise how honest you are.”
“He’s cute, isn’t he?”
Koa chuckles. “Yeah, he’s cute. I can see why you’d like him. I’m happy for you, Oli. I’ve never seen you this excited about someone before.”
“It feels different with him,” I admit. “How are you doing? You met anyone or still holding out for Ashton?”
Now it’s Koa’s turn to look embarrassed. “I’m making friends, but it’s different here. Just trying to get used to everything. And yeah…maybe I’m stupidly hoping to catch Ashton’s eye.”
“Do you know when he’ll return from London? You know, I’m not a fan. That guy has a reputation for fucking anything on two legs.”
Koa shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Not sure when he’ll be back. I’ve heard different dates. And does it really matter? I’m twenty-three, it’s not like I’m looking for a husband just yet.”
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” I say, raising my eyebrows.
“Enough about me, tell me more about Huxley.”
Koa is a master of deflection when he doesn’t want to talk, so I know it’s not worth pushing when he’s like this.
“Huxley is perfect. Smart, sweet, wants to be a role model for queer kids. Oh, I almost forgot. He’s got an ex named Bradley who keeps texting him.
I think the douche wants to get back together with him. ”
“He told you this?” Koa asks.
“Well, um, no. I may have seen a couple of texts pop up on his phone and read them.” At least I have the decency to look ashamed of myself.
“Olibear, you are down bad. You’re jealous of his ex, aren’t you?”
“No.”
“Oli.”
“Okay, so I’m a little jealous,” I admit.
Koa bursts into laughter for a second time tonight. “Oh, you’re gonna fall in love with this one. I’m calling it.”
By the time I say goodbye to Koa, I feel more settled. I know what I want. I just need to be patient and take it slow. It’s the least I can do to ensure Huxley feels safe.
Turning out the light, I settle on my side and close my eyes.
Images of Huxley appear. Green eyes, curly blonde hair and cupid bow lips.
I roll onto my back, trying to quiet my fantasies so I can fall asleep.
But nope, there he is again, and this time I’m kissing him and I’m tearing his clothes off and… Oh my God, this is torture.
Turning the light back on, I sit up and grab my phone. I really want to hear his voice but it’s too late to call. I could message, but what would I say? Hesitating for only a moment more, I settle on the absolute truth.
Me: I can’t stop thinking about you
I smile when the dots appear almost immediately.
Huxley: Yeah? What are you thinking?
Me: About kissing you. And other stuff. Have you been thinking about me too?
Huxley: Yeah I have. You’re okay then? Not freaking out?
Me: Not freaking out. It felt right. I wanted to go further.
Huxley: We should take things slow, so you have time to figure out if it’s what you want
After talking everything through with Koa, I realise how important it is to be respectful of Huxley’s wishes. We haven't known each other long and it takes time to build trust.
Me: I understand – of course we can take it slow. We can go at any speed you feel comfortable with.
Huxley: Will you tell anyone about this?
Me: Maybe not straight away. As you said, it’s a lot to process and it might come as a shock to some people. Does that bother you?
Huxley: No, it’s okay. It’s not as though we’re dating or anything.
A few days ago, Koa asked me if Huxley was a girl would I have already asked her out on a date. The answer was a resounding yes. And, after what we shared today, I’m certain I want to date Huxley. Which makes my next text the easiest of all.
Me: It’s funny you should mention that because I’d like to take you out on a date – are you free Saturday night?
No dancing dots. Oh fuck! I stare at my phone screen. “Huxley, please don’t run off scared again. Please.” Cazaly whimpers in his sleep. Looking down, I see his little feet running, and I know he’s dreaming. He’s probably chasing Louis. I swear Cazaly’s as smitten as I am.
Glancing back at my phone, the dots finally appear.
Huxley: I can be.
“Fuck yes!” Cazaly’s head shoots up, ears on alert. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” I reassure him. “Go back to your dream.”
Me: It’s a date then. Sleep well, Huxley. See you tomorrow
Huxley: Sweet dreams Oliver
I put my phone down, smiling so hard I think my face might break.