Chapter 1
One
Hudson
Present Day
“Come on, dude! You gotta give me a chance to get out of my hiding spot before you go in for the kill,” I complain as Cullen takes my last player life.
Again.
It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon. We’re holed up in the multimedia room at my house, burning through PlayStation games and junk food.
“Nah man, who made that rule? You have to go for the win when the opportunity presents itself,” he teases, a small triumphant laugh bubbling out of him.
I roll my eyes and grumble, “Guess bro code doesn't exist when there is a kill streak on the line.”
“What was that, Hud?” Cullen asks, scrolling on his phone.
“Nothing. Load up another game, and I’ll grab more snacks.”
He throws a head nod my way as I get up and head into the kitchen.
Most days, being in the same room as Cull is hard. Keeping my secrets feels like a mask I can’t take off. Today, it’s suffocating.
It’s the mundane days that make my head spin. It’s when I can steal glances without him noticing or be near enough to let his crisp, evergreen smell envelop me.
It’s all torture.
My heart claws at my ribs, like it’s trying to reach him. But it never can.
Because he’s straight—and dating my twin sister.
No one in my family knows I’m gay. None of my friends. Not even Cull. I’m not ashamed, just…skeptical. Telling anyone would only stir more heartache.
Part of me wishes he knew. That I was the twin he took on dates and made out with over homework. But then I’m knocked down from that dream and remember that life never gives us what we want.
Just a bunch of pain and misery.
I grab pretzels and candy, lingering in the pantry a little longer to clear my head. I take a deep breath, shake out my limbs, then finish what I came to the kitchen to do.
Clutching the snacks in one arm, I snag a couple of sodas from the fridge and head back to the entertainment room. I drop the collection on the coffee table, then flop down on the leather sofa like I wasn’t just diving down a dark mental hole.
“Took you long enough. What was the holdup?” Cull asks, eyeing the treats before snagging the bag of pretzels.
Oh, nothing. Just mourning how you’ll never want me in this lifetime or the next.
“Couldn’t decide what to grab,” I lie.
He nods like he gets it, then rips the bag open and pops a handful of pretzels in his mouth.
I seize the moment, taking in his side profile.
He’s so beautiful. The kind of beautiful that makes my chest ache when I look too long.
His brown wavy hair is a little longer on top, falling perfectly to the side on his forehead, framing his bright green eyes and dark lashes.
And that stupid dimple… the one that only shows when he’s really laughing. The laugh that wrecks me every time.
I exhale through my nose and tear my eyes off him, locking back onto the TV screen. We fall into a quiet rhythm, navigating the game map in silence. Just as I’m about to pounce on Cullen’s character, the door flies open.
Hadley crashes into the room and drops onto his lap like she owns the place.
“Oomph,” Cull grunts, clearly caught off guard.
My sister wraps her dainty arms around his neck and starts covering his face in kisses, blocking his view of the screen. I look away, my stomach twisting. It sucks watching her claim him like that.
“Hey, Culley!” she chirps, her voice so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.
Cullen doesn’t smile. “Hey, Hads. Thought you were out with your girls today.” His jaw tightens, a muscle flexing beneath his cheek.
She flips her hair over her shoulder, her blonde locks smacking Cull’s cheek. “Plans change, Culley.”
I fake a gag at the nickname. Cullen shoots me a glare, but I just grin.
“As much as I love seeing you, you should go. I’m hanging with Hud today.”
Her whole posture shifts, spine straightening, and hackles raised. “Why don’t you want to spend time with me?” she snaps. “I'm your girlfriend, for goodness’ sake! You’ve already had most of the afternoon with Hudson.”
Cullen tries to lift her off his lap, but she tightens down like a koala. He growls, clearly fed up.
“We went out last night, remember? But you had your bitch squad tag along.” He flinches the second it leaves his mouth. It's no secret that he isn't a fan of Hadley's friends, but calling them bitches? Yeah… cardinal sin.
Hadley stares at him, outraged. “Cullen Andrew Anderson!”
Oh, shit. She pulled out the full government name. Cull just dug his grave. Good luck, my dude. I sink into the couch, preparing to watch the shit show unfold.
Hadley shoves off Cullen's lap and slaps him hard across the face. The crack of her hand against his cheek is deafening in the otherwise silent room.
Cullen stares up at her, slack-jawed, hand to his cheek.
Hell, my chin is on the floor, too.
Did that really just happen?
Anger surges through me. I rise from the couch, ready to defend Cull, but Hadley cuts her sharp blue gaze my way and throws a hand up at me to stop. Her eyes say it all—do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.
I sit, but stay perched on the edge, knee bouncing, that familiar static buzz growing beneath my skin.
“What the fuck, Hads! Are you crazy?” Cullen explodes, breaking out of his shock.
Oh look. He thought his grave wasn’t deep enough. Even I know you never call a woman crazy.
“You disrespected my two best friends and then have the audacity to call me crazy?” she shrieks, voice climbing straight into headache territory.
I rip open a bag of Skittles, my unease needing an outlet. Anything to keep from clawing at the pinpricks on my skin. This isn’t even my circus or my monkeys, but waves of anxiety tighten my chest regardless.
The drama is overwhelming, so before someone throws something, I speak up.
“Ok, let’s all just settle down.” I toss the Skittles back down and stand, my hands up in a peacemaking gesture.
“Hadley, I’m sure Cullen didn’t mean to call them bitches.
And the ‘crazy’ thing was just… a poor choice of words.
Heat of the moment, right, Cull?” I glance at him, silently begging him just to let it go.
“Of course I fucking meant it,” he snaps.
Jesus, man. No self-preservation instincts at all. I throw my hands up and fall back on the couch. So much for a chill Sunday.
Hadley is seething, arms crossed tight. “First, you blow me off. Then you insult my friends. Now me?” Her chin quivers, her famous crocodile tears brewing. Cullen drags his hands down his face like he already regrets this entire conversation.
“Hads,” he sighs out. “You had plans, so I made my own with Hud. It’s not like I don’t want to see you, but I’m not going to ditch my friend. And yeah… I shouldn’t have said what I did. I lost my temper. I’m sorry.”
He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear, then pulls her into a hug, whispering something that makes her smile.
I scoff to myself. It’s always the same cycle. She manipulates, he gives in, and nothing ever changes.
“I forgive you, Culley,” she croons, leaning into Cullen. “Why don’t you come to my room and show me how sorry you are?”
Gross.
Cullen pulls back, ignoring her come-on. “And you’re sorry for...?”
She stiffens. “I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. Keep acting like an ass, and it’ll be just you and your right hand for the foreseeable future.”
I'd offer him a hand. Or a mouth. If only.
She tosses her hair and storms out. A door slams upstairs, silence settling like dust. Cullen sinks into the bean bag chair, sighs, and runs a hand through his hair.
“You okay, dude?” I ask, softly.
“Yeah,” he mutters. He grabs the controller and presses start.
I stare at the screen, not seeing anything. Hadley doesn’t know what she has, and Cullen doesn’t realize what he deserves. Something’s gotta give. I just hope it happens soon.
***
Cullen
“Well, that's four games in a row that you’ve annihilated me. I deserve pizza for the trauma you inflicted,” Hud gripes, tossing his controller on the coffee table.
I snort and toss my own controller down next to his. We managed to enjoy the rest of the afternoon Hadley-free, but I wasn’t able to focus much. My mind is a swirling clusterfuck of thoughts.
“Fine. I can wine and dine the shit out of you, just don't ask for any late-night sexual favors to end the date,” I quip, making myself chuckle.
Hudson tenses, his cheeks turning bright red.
“Chill, man. It was a joke.”
He visibly relaxes. “Well, you’re missing out on what would be one hell of a BJ, but since cock isn't my favorite flavor, I'd say you’re safe from any unwanted advances.” He waggles his blonde eyebrows playfully and turns away from me, folding a blanket to throw back over the couch where he dragged it from.
I wonder what head from Hud would feel like.
The thought hits out of nowhere, and my eyebrows lift before I can stop them.
Well, that was… unexpected.
I give myself a little shake and turn away, reaching for a soda can like the idea of my best friend blowing me didn’t just float through my brain uninvited.
The fight with Hadley takes its place. Lately, things have been tense, with so much push and pull that it makes my head spin. With Hud, it’s easy. Effortless. A stark contrast to how Hadley and I revolve around each other.
Half the time, I don’t know why she keeps me around. Or why I stay.
We finish cleaning our mess, then head into the foyer to grab our shoes for dinner. I glance up the stairs toward Hadley's room, a flicker of guilt crawling in.
“Hey man, I'm going to run up and check on Hads, try and smooth things over a little more. Give me five minutes.” I’m already halfway up the wooden staircase.
“Keep it in your pants so five doesn't turn into twenty. I’m starving.”
I wink at him. “No promises.”
“Just… hurry.” His voice is tight, clipped.
Hudson makes a weird face, something I can’t quite read, but it’s gone before I can make sense of it. He’s still a virgin, and I know sex talk makes him uneasy sometimes. Well, sex talk when it involves his sister, at least.
“Yes, mom,” I grumble, sarcasm dripping from my tone.
“Hurry up, fucker. If you're not down in five, I'm going to grab Archer from his place, and he can be my date for the night.”
My look is bland as I glance at him over my shoulder. “Love the guy, but he’s the dollar-store version of me. Don’t forget that,” I tell him with a smirk.
He presses his lips tight, then blows out a breath, shooing me up the stairs.
I take the steps two at a time and approach Hadley's door, knocking lightly. “Hads, can we talk?”
No response.
I take a deep breath, send up a quick prayer, and brace for whatever bullshit awaits me.
Then, with a slow push, open her door.