Chapter 2
Two
Hudson
Monday rolls in with my shrill alarm clock blaring, snapping me awake and into another school day. I was up late, my brain refusing to shut off after witnessing Hadley and Cullen’s showdown.
Unsurprisingly, he never came back down after heading up to her room.
It took less than five minutes before I heard a husky, groaned “fuck” travel down the stairs.
I froze at the base of the steps, heat spreading low in my stomach.
The gruff moans, the gasps, the steady creak of the bed drifted down and curled around me like a slow, haunting melody.
My chest ached as I pulled myself away. I wanted to stay there. To let Cullen’s pleasure sink into my bones.
But none of those sounds were meant for me, no matter how badly I wanted them to be.
I shake the memory off and drag myself to the dresser, grabbing clean boxers and a white tee before stumbling to the bathroom.
Yawning, I flip on the light and squint against the brightness. Hadley’s going to be pissed I beat her in here, but hey, you snooze, you lose.
Blonde bedhead and drowsy blue eyes greet me in the bathroom mirror. Most days, I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. I’ve worn a mask to hide the turmoil my mind keeps me in for so long that seeing who I truly am is rare. Today is no exception.
My neck cracks as I move it side to side, trying to release the uneasiness sneaking up on me. I brush my teeth quickly, strip off my joggers, and start the shower.
Turning to take my morning piss, I stop, something in the trash catching my eye. The shiny latex doesn't register until I do a double-take.
It’s a used condom.
My stomach twists.
“Stupid, reckless idiots,” I hiss, glaring at the bin like it personally offended me.
If Mom walked in and saw that, Hadley would be grounded until the end of time. And Cullen? Banned from the house entirely.
Yeah, not gonna happen.
Because I’m the good guy, and for totally selfless reasons, I scan the bathroom for something to hide the evidence of their extracurricular activities.
My eyes land on an almost-empty black shower gel bottle in the shower.
Perfect. I’ll shove the condom in the bottle, and no one will ever know it’s there.
Overkill? Yes. But I’m not risking Mom finding the condom and banning Cullen from the house.
I grab the bottle and walk back to the wastebasket to tear off a few sheets of toilet paper. Carefully, I pick up the used condom out of the trash. I scowl. At least they’re having safe sex.
Rolling my eyes, I unscrew the bottle and start to shove it in the hole. Just as I’m giving it one final push, the knot slips loose, and cold, sticky fluid squirts across my hand.
I stop breathing.
Cullen’s release drips to the bathroom tiles, slick and milky. I should wash it off, but instead, my fingers twitch, rubbing the cum between them before I can stop myself.
My stomach flips. Not in disgust, but want. I stand there, stunned for a second too long, before a wave of shame crashes in.
“Jesus,” I mutter. “What the hell am I doing?”
I push the condom into the bottle, screw the cap on tight, and drop the whole thing into the trash. I step into the shower and crank the water hotter than necessary, scrubbing my hand like it’ll erase the memory.
But it doesn’t.
It ignites a fantasy. One I can’t resist indulging in.
I’m hard. Aching. And in my mind, I’m on my knees in front of Cullen, his fingers tangled in my hair, his breath catching as he spills over my tongue.
I brace one hand against the tile, the other wrapping around myself. The heat of the water isn’t nearly as scalding as the need flooding my chest. My hand moves faster, slick from the steam, every stroke timed to the rhythm of Cull’s moans echoing in my head.
I lean forward and use my free hand to play with my ass. I’ve been priming myself for a while now, though I’m not sure what for. It’s not like I’m having sex any time soon, but still, I can’t help breaching my tight ring of muscle when the memory of those sinful, raspy moans is so fresh in my mind.
My fingers find that sensitive button inside and press.
My balls draw up, a tingle sparking at the base of my spine.
I’m close, my toes curling against the slick floor as I give myself a few more rough strokes.
Everything inside me clenches. My body jerks, cock pulsing as I explode over my hand and shower floor, Cullen’s name burning the back of my throat but never making it out.
My breaths are ragged, and I have to breathe deep through my nose to settle my racing heart.
Fuck.
I don’t know if I’ve ever come that hard before.
I ease my fingers out and glance down at the mess. My cum is swirling down the drain, right alongside the fantasy.
A heavy throb settles in my chest, a dull echo of the pleasure I just felt. All that’s left is the bitter reminder that he’s with Hadley.
And straight.
Can't forget that part.
He’ll never love me the way he loves her, which leaves me with nothing but my fantasies.
I turn my face into the now lukewarm stream and go through the motions of a quick rinse, trying to wash off the heaviness.
A harsh rap on the bathroom door pulls me from my miserable state.
“Hurry up, Hudson. I need to exfoliate and do a hair mask, and I don’t want to be late for school,” Hadley snaps through the closed door.
I glare through the frosted pane of glass, hoping she can feel the heat from my eyes through the bathroom door. I'm in no mood for my sister’s temper tantrums. Besides, what even is a hair mask? I thought those were for your face.
Chicks are weird.
Hadley keeps banging on the door while I dry off, taking my time on purpose.
I slip into my boxers and t-shirt, grateful for the distraction, even if it's her.
The weight in my chest lingers, but I shove it down and focus on the little things, like spending way too long styling my faux hawk just to piss her off.
Brother perks.
I love my sister. But messing with her is easier than dealing with my own shit.
I open the door with a smug grin, my sister staring back with burning eyes.
“Sorry, sis, it takes time to look this damn good,” I tease with a wink and a self-satisfied smile.
She shrieks, stomps her foot, and shoves me aside. I chuckle when the door slams shut behind her, but lose it in a full-on belly laugh when I hear her indignant muffled rant from behind the door. No doubt she’s just discovered I left her with no hot water.
Shaking my head, I head back to my room to get dressed. I pull on my favorite pair of distressed jeans and a gray polo, finishing with a spritz of cologne.
My phone chirps, notifying me of a new text. I grab it from the nightstand and swipe it open.
UNKNOWN: I can’t wait to see you today.
I ignore the message and shove the phone in my pocket.
Every so often, I get these anonymous texts, clearly from a secret admirer at school.
The messages are harmless, usually a good morning or you look cute today, type of text.
I never respond. I don’t know who it is, and I’ve never asked, but it doesn’t matter.
I guess I should be flattered, but unless they have green eyes and are around six feet tall with a defined Adonis belt, I’m not interested.
After sliding on my white Air Force 1’s, I grab my morning meds and head down to the kitchen.
My nose follows the smell of sausage cooking until I turn the corner to see my dad hugging up on my mom from behind.
He’s nuzzling her neck while she’s trying to scramble some eggs.
He murmurs something into her ear, making her giggle, and it pulls a smile from me.
My parents are totally head over heels for each other. They’ve been amazing role models, and I know I’ll never settle for less than what they have.
Too bad the one my soul craves will never feel the same way.
I glance at them and imagine a world where it’s me and Cullen, shoulder to shoulder in the kitchen doing something mundane together, like burning Pop-Tarts in the toaster. The image tightens my chest until it’s hard to breathe.
I take a few slow breaths to keep from cracking.
My dad looks up from my mom's neck and gives me a big smile. “Morning, bud. Sleep alright last night?”
I plaster on a practiced smile, hoping it hides the mess still churning beneath the surface, and walk over to where they’re standing. I kiss my mom on the cheek and give my dad a quick hug.
“Out like a light all night. I didn’t even hear you guys come home. How was the day trip?”
“We ran into a little traffic on the way home from your grandparents, but other than that, it was a nice, quick trip,” Mom chimes in. “Your grandma wonders if you remember what she looks like, though.” Her tropical blue eyes flick to mine, the corners crinkling with her teasing smile.
My grandparents are the best, but their house in the mountains doesn’t offer much to do. The hiking’s great, but that kind of defeats the purpose of visiting.
“Mom—” I start, but she cuts me off.
“Don't worry, love. I told Grandma that it was your last few weeks of school, and you’re trying to spend time with your friends before you all go off to college, but you’d love to come visit for a few days after graduation.”
I give my mom an appreciative smile. We both know she fibbed a little.
Cullen and I are going to Ashbridge State University and rooming together.
I got in on an academic scholarship, one of the hardest ones to land, and Cullen will tell you he chose ASU because “Why not?” His words, not mine.
He had his pick of schools, same as me, but I won’t pretend I’m not thrilled we’ll be living together.
We’re even planning to try out for the soccer team.
Mom brings over a plate with sausage, eggs, and hash browns and sets it down in front of me. My mouth waters as the comforting smells help to bolster my mood.
“I'll make sure to call her and Granddaddy this weekend, and I’ll figure out a good time to go up there this summer,” I concede.
Mom gives me a satisfied wink. Maybe I can lure Cull into going with me with the promise of white water rafting on the river up there.
Dad sits down across from me just as Hadley’s usual high-pitched screech echoes from down the hall. He looks at me with a dark brown, raised eyebrow that I mirror back at him, both letting out a silent chuckle.
“Mom, can we, like, get a better water heater or something? Do you know how impossible it is to rinse out a hair mask with cold water?”
“Sweetheart, if hot water is an issue, you and your brother need to work out a shower schedule,” Mom voices, ever the family mediator.
“But Mom—” Hadley starts, but Dad cuts in. The man’s a saint.
“How was your day with Cullen yesterday, bud?”
I shoot him a grateful look. “It was good until Hads decided to ruin boys’ day.”
“I didn’t ruin anything,” she scoffs around a mouthful of toast. “Culley was the one being an ass.”
“Hadley Grace Daniels, language,” Mom warns. Hadley just rolls her eyes and keeps eating her breakfast.
“What happened between you and Cullen, pumpkin?” Dad asks over his cup of coffee.
I jump in before Hadley can twist the events. “It was a total shitshow. Hadley slapped Cull.”
“Hudson Gray!” Mom scolds, exasperated.
“Sorry, Mom, but you’d agree if you’d been there.”
Hadley glares at me, and I stick my tongue out at her.
Mom throws her hands up, mumbling about her heathen children. She’s still chuckling as she loads the dishwasher, but swiftly spins around, eyes wide. “Hadley Daniels, you slapped Cullen? What on earth—”
It’s an art form how quickly Hads can work up the crocodile tears. I scarf down the rest of my eggs and push back from the table, and make my escape before the performance begins.
“I'm heading to school. See y’all later.” I give Dad a shoulder squeeze, kiss Mom on the cheek, and head for the front door. Fake crying follows me to the foyer, but I do my best to ignore it while grabbing my keys and bookbag.
The early morning sun hits me as I step onto the porch, the warmth doing little to ease the irritation simmering beneath my skin. Hadley always knows how to twist things, to dodge blame and play the victim.
I drag in a breath and tilt my face toward the light. For a second, I wish for a different life. One where I wasn’t a bystander in her drama, one where I wasn’t in love with my best friend.
The thought knocks something loose in me, raw and heavy.
I slide into my blacked-out Bronco and crank the engine, the radio blaring. Some pop anthem pulses through the speakers, something about being pushed to do something they really don’t want to do. The lyrics grab me, stitching themselves into an idea I don’t really want to have.
I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I just think it’s time Cull and Hads stop hurting each other.