Chapter 8
Eight
Cullen
It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’ve spent most of it staring at my phone like a desperate loser.
Normally, Hud and I would hang, but we haven’t talked since I walked out yesterday.
I’m still embarrassed about how I reacted when he suggested I was jealous of Ella.
It hurt, and I needed to get out before I said something stupid. Like confessing my feelings.
The worst part? He was right. Ella’s hot, and she and Hud would make a great couple. It’s why she freaks me out so much.
I’m intimidated.
I hate that she makes him laugh. I hate that she can touch him in a way that can actually lead to something.
And that makes me a complete idiot.
Like I have any kind of chance with him.
I thought coming out would be the hard part. Turns out, that was easy. Figuring out how to wade through my feelings for Hudson? That’s the real minefield. They’ve hit hard and fast, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with them.
My phone buzzes next to me on the couch, Hudson’s name flashing on the screen. Butterflies swoop in my stomach, and a smile creeps across my face. I open the message, and my smile only grows.
HUD: I came to grovel. I’m sitting out front looking like a tool, holding two ice cream cones, one in each hand. Please come and put me out of my misery.
I decide to needle him a little. Just because I’ve caught feelings doesn’t mean I have to change the way I act.
ME: If you’re holding one in each hand, how are you texting me?
HUD: It’s mint chocolate chip. Do you want the ice cream or not, dickhead?
I laugh and shove off the couch, heading outside. “Why didn't you just come in?” I ask, dropping down next to him on the steps.
“I don’t know. This felt like a better ice breaker,” he tells me, a playful smirk dancing on his lips. He hands me my favorite and digs into his own, his tongue curling around his strawberry scoop.
Fuuuuuck. That was sexy as hell. My brain short-circuits, instantly detouring to filthy thoughts. None hit harder than the image of Hudson treating my dick like that ice cream cone.
Hud catches me staring like a creep and gives me a questioning look. I blink hard and jerk my eyes away, heat rising up my neck.
“Do I have ice cream on my face or something?”
“Uh, no,” I rasp. I clear my throat and try to discreetly adjust the semi in my shorts, hoping he doesn’t notice. I focus on my own ice cream while we sit in a comfortable silence.
After a minute, he speaks again. “Listen, I’m sorry for being a dick yesterday. You know I’ve always been close with Ella, and what you said hit a nerve.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out like that.
” I fiddle with the wrapper on my cone. “I guess I am a little jealous of Ella… don’t want to lose my best friend to a girl,” I add half-heartedly.
“I know how selfish that sounds, especially since I’ve been with Hads for so long.
” I give him a playful nudge with my shoulder, and he smiles.
“It’s all good, man. And you're not going to lose me to a girl—or anyone for that matter. It’s you and me, Cull. Always.”
Sincerity pours off him, hitting me square in the chest. My heart thunders. I’m so close to opening my mouth and inserting my foot, but I occupy it with more ice cream instead.
How do I explain that I’ve done a one-eighty on the sexuality scale? Or would it be three-sixty since I’m still into girls? Who knows. Figures of speech aren’t my thing.
I wish I could spill my soul to Hud. I’ve never kept anything from him, and doing it now feels like some kind of betrayal. I don’t want to freak him out or accidentally push him away. Coming out is risky. What if it changes everything between us?
I don’t realize I’ve zoned out until he nudges my knee. The simple touch sends a zing down my spine, and his nearness leaves behind a lingering, smoky-sweet scent. I breathe his cologne in deeply but discreetly, just trying to savor this small piece of Hudson the universe handed me.
“Did I get too serious for you?” He looks nervous, like maybe he said something he shouldn’t have.
“Of course not. You and me, Hud. Always.” I echo his words back to him.
A flicker of something—sadness, maybe—passes across his face, but he smooths it over, then finishes his waffle cone.
“Oh, by the way,” he says, wiping his hands on a napkin. “Hadley is on the warpath. She came home pissed, saying she needs to talk to you about Friday night.”
“Wonderful,” I grumble, voice flat. “I tried calling and texting her, but she ignored me all day yesterday.”
“Well, I just wanted you to know so you can gird your loins.”
I bust out laughing. “What are you, eighty? Who even says that?”
Hud shrugs but gives me a serious look. “Blame my SAT prep. I devoured every English word and phrase from every prep book I could get my hands on.”
I can’t help but rib the brainiac further. “Was it worth it to now sound like your grandfather?”
“Hey, my grandpa is awesome. Did you know he wears an American flag Speedo to his senior water aerobics class?” He makes a face.
“He does it to get a rise out of my grandma, but jokes on him, because she secretly loves it.” He shudders.
“So yes, it was worth it. My fourteen-fifty score would agree.” He shoots me a self-satisfied smirk.
“Yeah, yeah. Rub it in, Mr. Highest Score in the class. I get it, you’re smart. Us average peasants bow down to you,” I joke, my eyes rolling.
“Dude, you got a twelve-ninety. That’s better than, like, ninety percent of the class, and at least you weren’t like Hads who had to take it twice,” he grimaces.
“True,” I agree.
“Okay, man, I’m gonna run. Ella and her parents are coming over for dinner tonight, and Dad asked me to grab some steaks on the way home.”
My jaw clenches. I hate that she’s getting time with him while I’m stuck here, choking on feelings I can’t admit out loud. I’m still a jealous bastard, and I don’t want her anywhere near Hud.
It’s not much, but the fact that they’ve been friends forever without crossing that line is the only thing keeping me sane.
“Alright, have fun.” I smile, trying to hide the green monster trying to break free.
He claps me on the back, then stands and wipes the back of his black shorts, drawing my eyes right where they shouldn’t be.
Fucking fuck. I’m in the second circle of Hell.
I scrub a hand down my face and shoot to my feet, practically tripping over myself to move before Hudson catches me staring at his ass.
It’s amazing what happens when you open your mind to those repressed feelings.
My brain went from unsure to fully on board with wanting Hudson in the span of a few days.
That ache I’ve grown used to over the last two days flares in my chest. Of course, the moment I accepted I’m bi, my heart had to go all-in on my straight best friend.
And it’s not just a harmless crush. I feel this tether to Hudson, like something invisible pulling me toward him, no matter where he is.
If soulmates exist, I’d swear he’s mine.
But you can’t be soulmates with someone who can’t love you back. Right?
“Earth to Cull.”
I’m jolted back to reality by two fingers snapping in front of my face. I smack them away, Hudson laughing while jogging down the steps toward his SUV. He turns to walk backward, pointing at me with that shit-eating grin of his. “Remember, gird your loins. My sister will be on the prowl.”
My stomach drops. “Thanks for the reminder,” I grouse.
“You love me for it.”
With that, he gets into his Bronco, then backs out of my driveway. Citizen Soldier is blasting through his rolled-down windows as he tosses me a wave and disappears down the street. I drop back down and release a slow breath, hoping to compose myself.
My phone buzzes, instantly dashing any hopes of clearing my mind.
Preparing myself for whatever Hadley has to say, I pull my phone out and swipe it open.
A cold ripple of dread twists my guts.
It’s not from Hads.
UNKNOWN: One day, he will look at me the way he looks at you. He will be mine.