Chapter Eighteen #2
“I’ve been keeping a secret too,” I admit softly. He looks straight into my eyes. This close, I can see every striation of color in his beautiful, Caribbean blue irises.
“I’m bi. And the last few weeks I’ve been struggling with trying to hide feelings for my best friend,” I admit, a soft smirk on my face.
“You’ve what?” His disbelief is kind of adorable. I lean in and press another soft kiss to his parted lips.
“When I was sixteen, I realized I was attracted to both girls and guys. I’d make offhanded comments to Hadley about guys being hot, and she’d tell me to stop being gay. Like it was something I could just turn off.”
My chest tightens with the memory. Hudson doesn’t take his gaze off of me, listening intently.
“That sent me into a full-blown identity crisis, and I started having all these internal homophobic thoughts. I let her convince me something was wrong with me, so I shoved that part of myself down and locked it away.”
His hands land on my thighs, grounding me with their warm, steady weight.
“What changed?” he asks.
“You started slipping into my thoughts more and more. It was like no matter how hard I tried to shove it down, there you were,” I breathe out.
“I think Ella hanging all over you at the party was the tipping point. And things falling apart with Hadley didn’t help.
I couldn’t ignore it anymore. So I stopped fighting it. I embraced it.”
The widest, goofiest smile breaks across his face. “That was my first kiss, you know.”
I straighten, dropping my hands from his face. “It was? You’ve never kissed anyone before?” I feel like that’s a detail I should’ve known.
“There’s only ever been one person I’ve wanted to kiss.”
My heart sinks. I just stole Hudson’s first kiss, and all because I was selfish and caught up in the moment.
He must see it all on my face, because he chuckles and slides a hand behind my neck, pulling me in until we’re sharing the same breath.
“Want to know another secret?” he murmurs, his lips brushing my jaw as they trail toward my ear.
“Yes,” I rasp. Goosebumps rise over my skin like a wave.
His soft mouth reaches the shell of my ear, his breath warm and teasing. “I’ve longed for the day you’d be my first kiss,” he whispers. “I want to give you all my firsts, Cull.”
Then he nips at my earlobe, the sting shooting straight to my dick like a lightning bolt.
I kiss him again, urgent and hungry, my hands already roaming like they have a mind of their own.
My fingers find his shirt and deftly undo all the buttons.
I taste my way down his neck, pausing to let my tongue drag across his Adam’s apple.
“You’re fucking delicious, baby,” I breathe into his skin. He lets out a strangled groan, his fingers tightening on my shoulders to stop my descent. “Shit.” I pull back, breathless. “Am I pushing too far?”
He huffs and shakes his head, smiling. “I’ve dreamed of doing this with you hundreds of times, and I feel like I may wake up any moment. But I think we need to talk this out a little more.”
Right. One of us needs to be responsible. Funny how it’s the virgin showing all the restraint. Meanwhile, my dick is fully in the driver’s seat, and my brain’s just the drunk passenger princess along for the ride.
I reach over and start buttoning his shirt back up, taking my time. He smiles and leans in to press a soft kiss to my lips.
“What does this mean? You just broke up with my sister, like… an hour ago. And do your parents know you’re bi? No one in my family knows about me.” It all comes out in one long, nervous string.
“I want you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. Kissing you… It slotted everything into place. I don’t want to go another day without being able to touch or kiss you. Now that I’ve tasted you, no one else will ever be enough.”
A sly smile curves one side of his mouth. “You saying you want to be my boyfriend, Cull?”
“Yes. More than anything.”
“What if this messes up everything? Our friendship…”
“Will make us stronger,” I tell him with conviction. Certainty.
“You don’t think this is too fast?”
I grab his hand, covering it in both of mine. “We’ve been best friends for eight years. I think this has probably been a long time coming, whether I realized it at the time or not.”
His eyes shine, the blue so crisp it steals my breath. “I can’t believe this is happening right now,” he laughs softly, still looking like he’s trying to catch up with his own emotions.
Honestly? Same.
“To answer your other question, yeah, my parents know. They’re totally supportive. I only kept it quiet because of Hadley. I didn’t want to make things harder than they already were.”
He gazes across the water, thinking. “I want you, too. I always told myself you were the only person worth coming out for.”
That strikes me right in the heart, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.
“I’m comfortable with who I am,” he continues, voice steady. “But I think we should keep this quiet for a bit. For Hadley’s sake.”
I bob my head, completely agreeing.
Something else clicks in my brain.
“Ella knows, doesn’t she?”
A flash of guilt crosses his face. “Yeah. I told her after our first date. I didn’t want her to think she did something wrong when I let her down. It was her grand idea to be my beard,” he huffs, making air quotes, “to get our moms to stop playing matchmaker. We both knew they wouldn’t quit.”
“I get it. Can’t say I like it though.” I pause, then glance at the setting sun. “Are you going to tell her about us?”
“I don’t think I should. She and Hads are close, and I don’t want to put her in any more positions where she has to lie.”
“Okay,” I agree, nodding. “So we keep this to ourselves for a while. We act normal around everyone… but when we’re alone?” I lean in, voice low. “You’re mine.”
He smiles, eyes sparkling. “I’m all yours.”
Finally.