Chapter Eighteen
Eighteen
Cullen
My mind is still racing from the last hour as I bump down the dusty road to our spot on the river. I came home to an empty house, and the silence was so loud I thought I might lose it. I stood in the entryway for a full minute, just listening to nothing but the whir of the air conditioner.
Not able to sit around and let my thoughts spiral, I messaged Hudson, hoping he and Ella had already ended their night. His response was swift, excitement and relief threading together.
I roll to a stop next to Hudson’s Bronco and throw my truck in park.
Through my windshield, I spot a figure sitting on the steel beam railing of the railroad bridge, looking out across the unusually calm river.
I know this is his favorite time of day to be here.
With daylight savings pushing the sunset later, and since we ate early, we still have time to watch the oranges and pinks of the setting sun.
Navigating my way through the tall, unkempt grass, I easily climb over the railing and walk down the wooden planks toward Hudson. He hears me coming and smiles.
“Fancy meeting you here,” he jokes when I make it over to him.
I chuckle. “You say that like we didn’t just make these plans twenty minutes ago.”
“I know. I just always wanted to say that.”
Laughing, I straddle the old, rusted beam like Hudson, mimicking how his legs are hooked around the lower supports.
“You okay? I know tonight wasn’t easy.”
It was a lot easier than it should have been. I care about Hadley, but the relationship wasn’t serving either of us anymore, so it was time to call it quits.
I shrug. “I’m alright. I already had plans to end it with her this weekend anyway.”
“You did? Then why go on the double date tonight?”
I stare out across the river. “I don’t know. Maybe I just wanted to experience a double date with you.”
A hint of sadness crosses his face. He looks back out across the water, lost in thought.
“How’s Hadley?”
“Sad, but otherwise okay. She went to the party with Katie and Maggie,” he admits.
She must not be all that sad. Not that I want her holed up at home blaring sad love songs and working her way through a gallon of mint chocolate chip, but I thought maybe she’d take some time to decompress and reflect.
Guess she is just more upset she got dumped in general.
“I’m glad she’s alright. That wasn’t how I wanted it to happen, but I just couldn’t do it anymore, ya know?” I lean my head back against the beam and close my eyes. I feel foolish for letting things go on so long with her, but it is what it is. I can’t change the past.
“I get it. But healing starts now.” His face lights up, mischievousness curving his lips. “Which is why I got you some presents.”
I crack one eye open to look at him. “Oh no, should I be worried?” I ask teasingly.
Hudson gasps dramatically while clutching his invisible pearls. “I’m offended by your lack of faith in me.”
I let out a loud laugh. “Do you or do you not remember giving me a rat for my twelfth birthday, just because I said it would be cool if Master Splinter were real?”
“Hey! It took me three days to catch that thing in my dad’s shed. I begged him not to put out rat poison. Figured I could save a life and give you a thoughtful gift. Win-win, dude.”
“Our cat ate him after I screamed like a girl and dropped him in the backyard,” I deadpan.
He shrugs. “It's the circle of life and the thought that counts.”
I can’t help but laugh, because as weird as a gift that rat was, it really was thoughtful.
“Alright, what did ya get me?”
He grabs a yellow bag with the local dollar store logo on it and starts pulling out random items, passing them to me one by one until my lap is full. It takes me a moment to realize what he’s done.
“Okay. So, I got your favorite beef jerky, the shareable bag of M&M’s, a character juice with one of the ninja turtle heads on top, and a DVD of Ladybugs. That last one was an impulse buy.” His cheeks tint pink with embarrassment, but I’m filled with awe.
“You got all my favorites,” I say, my voice a little raspy. “Even the ninja turtle juice. I stopped drinking them because Hadley said they were childish.” I swallow, a swell of emotion threatening to spill out of me.
“You don’t think all of this is stupid?” He’s rubbing the back of his neck, looking unsure of himself.
“No, Hud. I‘ve never gotten anything this thoughtful before. Thank you.”
He smiles brightly before reaching back into the bag and pulling out one last item. “In that case.” He hands it to me. I raise an eyebrow when I see the small purple cylinder.
“Bubbles?”
“Yeah. Remember when we went to the fair after my parents had to put Juniper down?”
I nod, remembering how I dragged him to the county fair to take his mind off losing his dog and hopefully make him smile.
“Remember the foam pit they had set up for all the little kids? You dragged me right into it. There was a bubble machine, and you said, ‘No one can be sad as long as there are bubbles.’”
Well, damn. I’d forgotten that. The memory rushes back, vivid and crisp. Hud was so sad that night, but the moment we stepped into the white, sudsy foam and started popping bubbles, he smiled for the first time in days. I felt like I’d won the lottery.
“Hudson, I—” the words stick in my throat. I just stare at the bottle, stunned by the simplicity of it.
Slowly, I crack it open and fish out the little plastic stick slick with soap. I lift it to my lips and blow. Dozens of tiny bubbles float out and away from us, the iridescent orbs glowing in the fading sunlight.
“Thank you. This means a lot.”
“I should be thanking you. This doesn’t compare to what you did for me this week.”
“I’d do it a million times over,” I tell him, hoping he can hear the earnestness in it.
He dips his head before looking away towards the setting sun.
We go quiet for a few minutes while I blow sporadic bubbles, Hudson reaching up to pop the ones that float near his face. He looks contemplative, like something’s bothering him.
“You alright?” I ask, watching him closely. I screw the lid back onto the bubbles and start putting all the things Hud gave me back into the bag.
“Yeah. Just thinking about Ella,” he admits, his smile tight.
“It seems like y’all fit well together. She clearly likes you a lot.”
He lets out a long breath and starts rubbing his hands up and down his jeans.
“Cull, I need to tell you something.” He pales, the calm from a few minutes ago gone without a trace.
“You know you can tell me anything. No judgment ever.”
Please let it be that he’s having second thoughts about Ella. If I can’t have him, then maybe we can be single together. Eternal bachelors.
Yeah, right.
“Ella and I don’t fit together. We aren’t really dating.”
Relief washes through me, but I keep my face passive, not wanting to be a prick by showing my happiness.
“Then why are you two acting like you are?”
He’s fidgety, his long fingers tapping an erratic rhythm on his thigh. “So our parents will lay off trying to push us together.”
That makes sense, but it doesn’t explain why he couldn’t just tell me that from the start.
“Why not just tell me?”
“Because I’ve been hiding something,” he whispers.
His face goes green, like he might be sick.
I scoot closer along the railing until our knees are touching.
That familiar shock of electricity lights up my entire system, the same way it does every time we touch.
I grip the railing, part to keep from falling into the river, and part to keep from reaching for him.
“What’s going on?”
He blows out another breath and runs a hand through his hair, mussing it up. He scrunches his eyes closed, like he’s scared to see my reaction.
“I’m… gay.”
My entire world stops, that one word hanging in the air between us.
“What?” It’s the only coherent thought that makes it out of my mouth. My heart kicks into overdrive. He couldn’t have just said what I think he said.
“I’m gay. I’ve known since I was thirteen. Keeping that secret from you was starting to suffocate me.” Tears well at the corners of his blue eyes. He’s taking slow, deep breaths, just trying to keep it together.
I gape at him, my pulse thrumming and heat creeping up my neck.
Something in me snaps.
Every ounce of want and need that’s built up over the last few weeks comes rushing to the surface, and I do the only thing that makes sense.
Grabbing Hudson by the buttons of his shirt, I yank him toward me, crashing my lips into his. He gasps and freezes, but only for a moment. His hands come up to the sides of my neck, pulling me in, kissing me back, and anchoring us both.
I lick his lips, desperate to take the kiss deeper. My smile curls against his mouth when he parts them, letting me slip my tongue inside, warm and welcoming.
I thought the electricity of just touching Hudson was something to marvel at. But this? This is a blazing fire. Pure euphoria with every stroke of his tongue.
Fuck, I never felt this way kissing Hadley.
This feels right. Kismet.
Everything that’s ever felt off in my life just… clicks. Like I’ve found the one damn piece I didn’t even know was missing.
Hudson pulls away from the kiss, breathless. I find myself chasing his lips, not ready for the high to end. He places a gentle hand on my chest, keeping some distance between us.
“What’s happening right now?” he asks, his voice quiet and rough.
“I kissed you,” I answer, grinning like an idiot.
“But… you’re straight.” His breathing picks up, and tears spring to his eyes. “You’re straight, Cull. A-and my best friend! You’ve been with my sister for the last three years. Oh God, my sister…”
Hadley is a conversation that will have to wait. Right now, he looks like he’s on the edge of a panic attack. I take his face in both hands and rest my forehead against his.
“Breathe, Hud.”
He falls into rhythm with me, matching my breaths like we did in his room a few days ago.
“Feeling calm?”
He gives a stuttered nod, his breathing now slow and steady.