Chapter 23 #2
For a second, she just looks at me. There’s something sad in her eyes, something that twists in my gut. She gives a slight nod, then takes hand’s hand and disappears into the house.
I hang for another minute before I’m done. The noise, the people, the fake laughs, it all grates. I climb out, grab a towel, and slip through the side entrance.
The house is quiet. Eerily so. The music is long gone, and the hallway feels too still. My instincts twitch.
I want to check on Hadley. The urge is persistent, but she’s free now to do whatever and whoever she wants. I’ve just always felt the need to protect the people I care about, and I don’t think that’ll ever go away. Hadley will always fall into that category, no matter how complicated things are.
I just want her to be smart and not do something out of revenge or some misguided need to rebound quickly.
Knowing I can’t do anything for Hadley, I go in search of Hud. I take the elevator to our floor and head down the hall to the room we are sharing. I push the door open, expecting emptiness.
What I get instead is Ella—screaming.
“You’re gay, Hudson! The whole point of my being your cover is so people won’t question it. Now everyone’s going to know! No one will believe I’m your girlfriend. I look like a fucking joke. What the hell is wrong with you?”
She lunges to slap him, hand arcing through the air, but I’m already moving. I bolt forward and catch her wrist before it can land.
“I’d seriously reconsider that,” I growl, shoving her hand away.
“You!” she snaps. “You just sat there and let him make a fool of himself. Some fucking friend you are. He’s gay, and you let him out himself!”
I feel Hudson press his forehead between my damp shoulder blades, his breath coming fast and shallow. I reach back on instinct, his hand latching onto mine. I pull his arm around me and press his palm to my chest, right over my heart.
Steady. Just breathe, I think to myself.
His breathing slows in an instant. The weight of his other arm wraps around my waist, pulling me tighter against him.
Ella sees every bit of it. Her expression twists, eyes blazing with fury and hurt. I’m grateful I shut the door when I ran to Hud, because I have a few things to say, and I’m not pulling punches.
“First off, I didn’t let Hudson do anything. He decides who he is and how he shares it. That’s not up to me. But you? You just outed him. To me. And even though I already knew, that was still a shit move.”
Her face falters, the weight of what she’s done sinking in.
“Second, no one downstairs gives a damn. They’re drunk and laughing and half-naked in a hot tub playing a dumb game. This isn’t about you, Ella. So stop making it that way.”
“Hudson, I—”
“I’m not finished.” I cut her off. “He told you about the panic attacks. The depression. Right?”
She nods, silent now. Eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Hudson is the strongest, most selfless person I know. He carries more than anyone should, and he does it alone, because he’s afraid his pain will become someone else’s problem.
His mind already lies to him enough. He doesn’t need your shit added to the pile.
So if you want to talk about being a good friend, take a long look at what you’re doing to him. ”
I don’t even realize my voice has climbed until I feel Hudson’s lips brush the skin between my shoulder blades, whispering, “Breathe.”
“I’m sorry,” I mutter into the room. It’s meant for him, and he knows. It’s in the way his arms tighten around me.
“You already knew he was gay?” Ella asks, blinking. “He told me no one else knew.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Out of everything I just said, that’s what she clings to? I give Hud’s hand a gentle squeeze, a silent heads-up. He nods against my back, making me smile. We’re sharing a brain now.
I’m okay with that.
“I found out last Friday. After he gave me bubbles.”
Hudson snorts behind me, his laughter warm against my back.
“Bubbles?” Ella asks, confused.
Hud steps out from behind me, his hand slipping from my chest to rest lightly on my hip. His other arm stays looped around my waist. I lift mine and drape it over his shoulders, claiming him in a way words can’t.
Ella’s eyes ping between us, tracking every point of contact. Seeing. Processing.
Then her face shifts as her brain catches up with her eyes. She stumbles back a few steps, breath stuttering, a skinny finger pointed at us. “No. No, you can’t be together. You just broke up with Hadley on Friday.” She grips her damp hair and starts pacing, muttering things we can’t quite catch.
“Ella,” Hudson coos, voice calm, like he’s coaxing a wild animal. “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t fair to put you in another position where you’d have to lie. We’re not ready to tell anyone. Out of respect for Hadley.”
She stops pacing long enough to wipe away a few stray tears. She’s probably hurt that he kept this from her, especially since she was the first person he came out to.
“Sorry for freaking out,” she responds, voice steadier. “I’m too drunk—not that that’s an excuse…”
“I get it,” Hud says, pulling her into a hug that she returns. “We’ll still hang out. This won’t change anything.”
I wish it did. I’m a selfish bastard who wants Hud all to myself, and as much as I dislike Ella, I’m not going to dictate who Hud should be friends with.
“I guess being your cover is even more important now.” She pulls away from the hug, her hands still loosely around his waist.
“About that,” Hud says, his face apologetic. “I appreciate what you’ve done for me, but I don’t think it’s necessary to keep up that charade.”
She’s stoic, her eyes pinging back and forth between Hudson’s. Ella shakes her head as if to clear it, then smiles wide. “Okay! No problem. Glad I could help.” She steps away from Hudson, and I take the opportunity to step up beside him.
Hudson reaches for my hand and interlocks our fingers. I love how his hand fits in mine, like it was meant to. From his fingers to his soul. Everything fits.
“Thanks for telling me. I’m gonna go now.” She slips out the door without another word, leaving us in the quiet.
I turn to Hudson, pulling him into a hug and burying my face in his neck. It’s been a hell of a night. All I want now is to help him rinse off the chlorine and then curl around him like armor.
“The hot tub’s starting to itch,” I murmur into his neck. “Want to grab a quick shower then crash?”
“You don’t want to talk about this shitshow of a night?”
“Not tonight. You’re still buzzed, and I’m just… done. Tomorrow, we can fake hangovers and hang around the house while everyone else soaks up the last day. We’ll talk then, if you want.”
“I like that idea.”
We rush through a shower, hands to ourselves, then climb into bed in nothing but boxers. I curl around him, the perfect little spoon, my nose tucked against his neck.
“I’m sorry if I overstepped with Ella,” my voice soft in the dark room. “I know you don’t like being treated like you’re weak, but I couldn’t just stand there. When I saw she was going to hit you, I had to step in.”
Hudson lifts our joined hands to his lips and kisses the tips of my fingers. “Thank you for stepping in. I was fighting off a panic attack the second I left the hot tub. Seeing you walk in stopped it cold. You’re like my new form of Xanax,” he yawns.
“I’ll be whatever you need me to be,” I whisper.
His breathing slows, then evens out. He’s asleep.
I kiss his shoulder and pull him tighter. His skin against mine is the most grounding thing I’ve ever felt. The affection I have for him is overflowing, and I want to guard him from everything that could ever hurt him. His heart is too good, and somehow, somehow, he gave it to me.
This started as friendship, but it’s grown into more. So much more.
A smile curls at the edges of my mouth, and I whisper into the dark the words that have lived quietly in my heart for longer than I realized.
“I love you.”