Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
Hudson
The last day of our trip turned out to be a wash. Literally.
A huge storm rolled through. Torrential rain, heavy winds. No one got to enjoy the lake one last time. Which ended up being great, because most of us were too hungover to function. Myself included.
There were even a couple of people from the other group who did the walk of shame. That girl Heather was one of them. She cut me a look before she made a hasty exit, heels in hand.
With everyone stuck inside, Cull and I couldn’t hide out in the bedroom all day without raising eyebrows. Still, we managed to steal some time that morning to talk about the night before and apologize for our fight. Cull called it our first lovers’ quarrel. That made me laugh my ass off.
We eventually had to rejoin the land of the living so no one got suspicious. Turns out, no one seemed to care about what I did in the hot tub. Everyone acted like it never happened. Either they didn’t remember, or they took it for what it was, a dumb dare.
Either way, it was a huge relief.
Ella was extra chatty that last day. She hugged me and apologized again for screaming the night before. She admitted she was out of line, and I didn’t deserve it. That it was the alcohol talking.
I’m sure the two pills I saw her down with tequila played a part, but I figured there wasn't much point in bringing that up.
We’ve all done stupid shit under the influence, so I’m not about to throw stones.
We got back Saturday, sunburnt and exhausted but buzzing for the last few weeks of school.
That’s all Ella wanted to talk about on the drive: our summer plans and how we’d be hanging out a lot.
Cullen tried to get her to ride back with Hadley and the girls, but Ella claimed there was a fight between them. Something about a threesome in her bed.
I didn’t want to know if my sister was involved, so I didn’t push for details.
The ride home was awkward. Cull wasn’t in a talking mood, still upset with Ella for how she acted the night before, so I was relieved when we dropped her off. It felt like she took the thick air with her, and we could relax.
And Hadley. She hasn’t talked to me in the three days since I kissed Cull during truth or dare.
Honestly, I don’t blame her. I’m sure it’s confusing as hell to see your brother kiss your ex-boyfriend.
I was trying to protect Cullen and spare him from seeing me kiss someone else, but I didn’t think about how that would affect Hads, too.
It stunned Ella, but Hadley… I don’t know what she thought. I tried talking to her this morning, but she walked away like I wasn’t even there.
It’s added to the anxiety that’s been my constant shadow since we left the cabin. I got used to falling asleep wrapped together with Cull. He’s become a safety blanket, and without his warmth, his smell, everything feels a little off-balance.
Not to mention that private number started messaging me again. I hadn’t received one in a couple of weeks, but one came the morning we were leaving the cabin. It just said one word.
Mine.
I wanted to tell Cull about the messages, but I didn’t want him to feel like he has to constantly protect me, and I can’t run to him every time I start to unravel.
I have everything I’ve ever wanted, and I don’t want to mess it up by making it all about me.
If I can just hold it together, then I’ll be enough.
As if the universe could sense my internal spiral, my phone lights up with Cull’s name. The second I answer and hear his smooth voice, my body starts to settle.
“Hey, baby, are you okay?”
“Do you have ESP or something? I was just thinking about you.”
“Well, I’m always thinking about you, but I had a feeling you needed me to call. Is everything alright?”
Damn, I love this guy.
I had a dream the night I kissed him in front of everyone that he whispered those exact words in my ear. I’ve wanted to say them back ever since.
“Just feeling a little anxious. I thought about calling, but I didn’t want—”
“If you dare say you didn’t want to bother me, then the next time I see you, I’m going to edge you within an inch of your life and not let you come.” His voice is stern but playful, and my dick is suddenly very interested in whatever sexy game Cull has in mind.
“I, um… forgot what I was gonna say.”
“Good boy,” he purrs.
Oh, fucking hell. I groan, and I can hear him laughing on the other end.
“Can you get away for a bit? I need to see you,” he asks hopefully.
“Yeah. My parents went to a dinner meeting for one of Dad’s clients. They left not long ago. Hadley’s around here somewhere, but I haven’t talked to her today.”
I can practically hear his smile through the phone. “Meet me at the river?”
“There in fifteen.”
My chest feels lighter than it has in days as I hang up, grab my shoes, and run out the door.
***
By the time I back my car up at the end of the dirt road to overlook the river, the bottom of the sky has fallen out.
Not wanting to get soaked, I climb from the front seat into the back and pop the swing gate just enough to flip open the window.
The smell of wet earth filters through the cab as I shut the door quickly, leaving the window propped up so I can watch the rain pelt into the river below.
Headlights catch on the trees, alerting me to Cullen’s arrival. My nerves settle the moment I see him get out of his truck, baseball cap pulled low, a plastic grocery bag swinging from one hand.
He comes around to the back of my Bronco, wrenches the door open, and climbs in beside me. The car rocks as he settles in, small rain droplets dripping from his tanned skin.
I’m greeted with an easy smile and bright green eyes.
“Hey, baby.” He shifts into the cramped space, then takes my chin between his fingers and pulls me in, kissing the air from my lungs.
When he pulls back sooner than I’d like, a small whimper escapes me.
He smirks, grabs the bag next to him, and starts pulling things out.
“I could tell you weren’t quite yourself on the phone, so I stole a page from your book and got you a few things. ”
He lays them out like an offering before me. Gobstoppers, cherry Coke, pickle-flavored sunflower seeds… and then he produces a small plastic bottle and hands it to me.
“Bubbles.” I breathe out a laugh, smiling like a little kid on Christmas morning.
“You can never be sad when there are bubbles,” he declares, winking before tossing the bag aside. It hits the tire well with a dull thunk. “Wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” He scoots closer until we’re shoulder to shoulder, our backs resting against the seat.
“I’ve just felt kind of off since we got back. I think it mostly has to do with not sleeping next to you anymore.”
He laces our fingers together and rubs soothing circles over my thumb. “Well, if it helps, I’ve felt kind of the same way. But mine started the night of the party. I think our brains are still catching up after all the chaos that happened that night,” he voices with a shrug.
Maybe he’s right. It does sound like the most logical explanation.
We fall into an easy silence, the soft drumming of rain against the Bronco filling the space between us. The tension in my stomach hasn’t completely gone away, though, and the question forming in my head might be the reason why.
“Cull? Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
He pulls our joined hands into his lap and starts to idly play with my fingers. I keep my gaze fixed on the open window, too afraid to see his reaction.
“Have you had any second thoughts since we got together?”
“What? No. Why would you think that?” I can feel the weight of his gaze, but I still can’t bring myself to look.
“I’m scared you’ll decide this was a mistake. I’m just struggling to understand how you became so confident in being bi so fast.”
He doesn’t answer right away, which makes my chest tighten, but then I realize he’s thinking. Really thinking.
“Look at me, Hud.”
I swivel my head, locking eyes with the one person who has the power to completely wreck me. He brings his hands up on my neck, thumbs rubbing my jawline.
“When I first started realizing I was attracted to guys as much as girls, I was really conflicted.” His eyes are focused on mine, almost like he’s asking me to see the words in his soul.
“It felt easier to shove those thoughts down, to ignore the urges, than to admit what I was. What that meant. I had some grisly, dark thoughts about myself, and I’d mentally beat myself up for every physical reaction I had to another guy. ”
His voice is low and soft, sadness flickering across his features.
“When I told Hadley about those feelings, just trying to be open, I didn’t realize I was handing her the power to reframe how I saw myself.
She twisted it into something ugly, but I don’t blame her completely.
I was too na?ve to know better, but it shaped me in ways I didn’t see at the time.
“So to answer your question, my sexuality didn’t just appear.
It’s always been there, even when I buried it so deep I couldn’t feel it.
” He shifts a little, eyes not leaving mine.
“When things with Hadley started to fall apart, it was like something in my mind broke free. That wall I built cracked, and suddenly, I could see clearly. And what I saw was you.”
My breath catches, but he keeps going.
“You became the one person my heart wanted more than anything. The second I found out you weren’t actually dating Ella, or even straight, I couldn’t keep holding it in.
Hud, when I kissed you, it was like every puzzle piece snapped into place.
I was suddenly looking at a picture of us. Of what we could be.”
He leans in, pressing his forehead to mine.
“So no. I haven’t had any second thoughts. Not for a second. I’m confident because I know what I want. And what I want is you. Because I love you, Hud. I love you so damn much.”