Chapter Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Seven
Cullen
I’m losing Hudson, and I don’t know how to bring him back.
I can see him retreating further into himself day by day, no matter how well he fakes it for everyone else.
You’d never guess he’s unraveling when he’s laughing or cracking jokes, but I see it in the quiet moments.
When his smile fades just a second too soon, or when his eyes glaze over like he’s watching a movie only he can see.
When someone pulls him back to the moment, his answers come a little too slow, a little too vague.
He hasn’t been himself since the party, and I swear he’s walking a tightrope, teetering off the line.
And it scares the hell out of me.
After the blowup with Hadley, when I realized Hudson had vanished, I panicked.
My first thought? He got in his Bronco drunk and drove home.
Relief punched through me when I saw it still parked in Matt’s driveway.
When he didn’t answer his phone, I followed my gut to the river. My body just knew that’s where he’d be.
What I didn’t anticipate was finding him sprinting back down the dirt lane like he was running from hell itself.
My stomach dropped. I’d never seen him that scared before.
It took five solid minutes to calm him down enough to tell me the stalker had called.
When I asked if he recognized the voice, he just shook his head and said it was disguised.
He came back to Matt’s and started throwing back anything he could find.
He even asked Ella what pills she had, right in front of me.
That’s when I stepped in, unintentionally causing another fight.
He told me to fuck off. Or fuck Hadley, he didn’t care.
I wanted to snap back, but it wasn’t him talking. It was the booze.
I gave Hudson some space, but I kept my eyes on him all night.
Somehow, Hud managed to snag a pill from Ella right under my nose.
I only figured it out when he bolted to the back patio and threw up everything—including a half-dissolved white pill.
I know they weren’t his meds. I’ve made it my mission to learn everything I can about what he goes through and the medicines he takes.
I stayed with him, rubbing his back until he was done. Then I tucked him into one of Matt’s spare beds. He passed out fast, but not before mumbling a garbled apology and I love you.
I was hoping Senior Celebration Week might lift his spirits.
It has, but only for a few minutes at a time.
Like Monday, when they announced he was Valedictorian at graduation practice, the whole gym erupted.
He smiled so wide and bright, but the second Hadley stood up and stormed out, it dimmed.
The light went out behind his eyes. He sat back down, tuning out the praise like it meant nothing.
Yesterday was the senior picnic, and we spent the whole day outside, doing whatever we wanted as long as it was school-approved. We started up a soccer game, and Hudson played, but only half-heartedly. Hud lives for soccer, and to see him so disengaged made my stomach twist.
I know he’s trying to push through. But the more he tries, the more I see him shut down.
Hudson’s voice pulls me back to the present. “Hey, you ready?” I hadn’t even noticed him walk up beside me.
We had a half-day today, and he had a meeting with the guidance counselor to confirm his scholarship. Since my truck’s still in the shop, I’ve been waiting on a picnic table in the back courtyard for him to finish.
“Hey.” I jump up from my seat. “How was your meeting?”
He takes my hand as we head toward his Bronco, one of the last cars in the lot. “It was fine. Scholarship’s officially mine. Well, pending one last morality check.”
“Morality check?” I raise a brow.
“Yeah. Since it’s directly from Ashbridge State, they do a deep dive on academic records, extracurriculars, and legal history. If anything’s off, they can pull the plug.”
“Damn. That’s harsh.”
He shrugs. “It’s partly why it’s so prestigious. Most students just get a basic background check. This is more in-depth.”
I smirk. “Let’s hope they don’t find out what a dirty boy you are.”
He rolls his eyes and cranks the engine.
We pull out of the parking lot, sun flaring off the hood.
“You’ve got that interview at the hardware store in a couple of hours.
Wanna hang at the house until then? I don’t have much energy for anything else.
And before you ask, Hadley’s not there. She’s been alternating between staying with Katie and Maggie. ”
That’s news to me, but not shocking. Matt kicked Hadley out of the party after I told her off. She shuffled out with the help of Katie and Maggie, both bitching about having to leave. Hadley’s been lying low ever since, especially since our friends have iced her out after that homophobic meltdown.
“I actually canceled the interview,” I confess as we turn onto his street.
His head jerks, surprised. “I thought you were gonna work through summer to have extra spending cash.”
“I was. But Mom and Dad said they’d rather I didn’t take on a job, that they are more than happy to keep giving me an allowance. Especially with some psycho lurking around. They were proud I wanted to take on the responsibility, but they’d rather me be safe.”
Hudson goes quiet.
Shit. I’ve said too much. I can practically see the guilt pulling at his shoulders. “Hud—”
“Wanna grab pizza?” he cuts in. “Or tacos? Oh—it’s Wednesday. Melvin’s has half-priced burgers.”
“Baby… ”
“Or we could hit that Chinese buffet—”
“Hudson.” I raise my voice. “This isn’t your fault. I know that’s what you’re thinking.”
His jaw ticks. “I’ve obviously done something to catch this person’s attention. And from what they said on the phone… he’s not stopping. He’s gonna rip everyone I love out from under me. Things are just going to keep getting worse.”
I reach for his hand. “I’m not going anywhere. No matter what bullshit he throws at us.”
He squeezes my hand as we pull into his driveway, then kills the engine and gets out without a word. I follow him inside, catching his hand at the base of the stairs, and tugging until he turns around.
He won’t meet my eyes.
“Talk to me, baby. Please.”
“I’m just…” He sinks onto the stairs, rubbing his face with both hands, before his fingers rake through his hair. “I know this guy’s a lunatic,” he says. “I know I didn’t cause this, but I can’t stop my brain from screaming that this is karma. That somehow, I deserve it.”
I sit on the step behind him, pressing my thumbs into his shoulders. They’re stone, tight with weeks of tension he hasn’t let anyone see. He groans low when I hit a knot, dropping his hands from his hair.
“I can’t lose you, Cullen.” He utters it so softly I almost miss it.
I lean in, keeping my voice just as low. “I already told you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Not by your own choice.” He stands and heads up the stairs. I stare after him, heart pounding, his words clicking into place like puzzle pieces I don’t want to see. A lightbulb flashes, and I bolt after him.
“Hud, it’s not going to get that far. We won’t let it.” I catch him just as he’s tugging off his shirt in his bedroom. He faces me, jaw set, arms tense at his sides.
“If you’re so sure,” he growls, “then why are you going to the gun range with your dad? What are you preparing for if you don’t think this guy is capable of violence?”
“So I can protect you!” I snap. The words fly out before I can reel them back. “So that if it comes down to it, I don’t freeze. If it’s him or you, I’ll make sure it’s you walking away.”
Hudson shakes his head and storms out of the room.
“Where are you going?” I follow, hot on his heels.
“To take a shower if that’s okay with you.” His voice is rough, clipped. “I just need… I don’t know. To not think about any of it. About him, or Hadley, or you having to kill someone because of me.”
He slams the bathroom door, but I’m right behind him. I throw it open harder than I mean to, the edge bouncing off the stopper with a loud thud. Hudson doesn’t turn. He’s too busy fiddling with the water knobs.
If he doesn’t want to think about it, then fine. I’m great at distracting him.
I strip quickly and step up behind him, chest pressed to his back, skin to skin.
I thread my fingers into his hair, tug his head to the side, and lower my mouth to the warm skin at his neck.
He shudders as I drag my fingers along his ribs, down the line of his abs, stopping at the button of his jeans.
“If you want a distraction, all you ever have to do is ask, baby.” My breath fans over his skin, goosebumps popping along his neck. His exhale is shaky as he leans back into me, my hard cock pressing against his ass.
“Help me forget, Cull,” he whispers. “Please.”
I smile into his skin and lick a slow path to his ear. “I love it when you ask so nicely.” I nip his earlobe, earning a groan. “Now I’m gonna make you beg.”
I pop the button of his jeans and drag the zipper down just as Hudson pushes them over his hips.
“Lube?”
“There’s coconut oil under the sink.” He kicks his pants away while I find the jar, then move to join him under the hot spray.
The moment the glass door closes, I claim his mouth, all heat and hunger.
He matches me kiss for kiss, walking us backward until I hit the tile wall.
There’s desperation in the way he moves, like he’s trying to claw back control.
It dawns on me.
That’s what he needs right now.
Control.
“Take my ass, Hud,” I whisper against his lips.
He stills. “You sure?”
I pull him back in for a deep kiss. “Yes. I’m yours. Use me.”
His eyes darken, pupils blown wide. His hand wraps lightly around my throat, and my dick jumps, brushing his. “Tell me if it’s too much.”
I lean in, teasing his lips with my tongue. “Being a brat is gonna be fun. Show me what you’ve got… sir.”
Hudson smirks, takes the coconut oil, and sets it on the shelf.