chapter 17 #2
“No, he looks healthy to me—mostly. Maybe a little less robust than usual. It’s more that he’s preoccupied and upset about something.”
“Would your parents know what it could be?”
“I doubt it. I’m not even going to ask them. I know he wouldn’t appreciate that. If he won’t tell me, he’s not telling anyone.”
“Good idea. I can just see your mother calling him immediately. Karen means well, but she won’t let him rest if she thinks
he should tell her what’s going on.”
“Exactly.”
“Maybe it has to do with his work.”
“He claims all is going well there. Still, I’m hoping that’s it. Problems at work would be better than so many other things.
We could help him with money, if he needs it.”
They didn’t have a lot of extra money themselves, but Ben would help Julian, no question. “He’s there in Italy with you. He’ll
talk to you when he’s ready.”
“So I need to calm down and wait?”
“That’s what I’d do.”
“Because you are a calm person. I am not. I’m high-strung and totally freaked out right now.”
He chuckled. “I love you just the way you are.”
“I wish you were here, Ben. I always feel better when you’re around.”
“I wish the same thing.”
“Come over for the last week,” she suggested once again. “What the hell. It’s Italy.”
“I can’t, and you know it. We already used my vacation days when we went to Niagara Falls for our anniversary six months ago.”
“I hate that you’re so tied down.”
“The curse of working for someone else.”
“Actually, I put in as many hours—or more—than you do,” she pointed out.
And he could let his work go once he left it each night. So there was that. “Pros and cons.”
“Do you miss me?” she asked.
“Of course I do.”
There was a slight pause. Then she said, “Do you think we’re meant to spend the rest of our lives together?”
He felt his chest tighten. That was the big question, wasn’t it? “I think it’s time we figured it out.”
She went silent.
“Sloane?”
“I was hoping you’d reassure me.”
“I’d like to do that. But we’d better start talking about the issues that stand between us. And somehow it’s easier while
you’re gone.”
“Is that why you were so supportive of me leaving?” she asked.
He pulled out of the parking stall and rolled to the light. “I wanted you to be able to support Charlotte. But, yes, that
was part of it.”
“Are you not happy being with me?”
“I’m happy being with you. But will I be happy staying with you if our lives don’t include children? You don’t want them,
right? That’s what’s standing between us. I know you’d rather not admit it, but it’s becoming obvious.”
“What if I have them anyway?” she asked.
“I don’t want you to ‘have them anyway.’ I don’t want to feel like you’re doing me a favor. I want you to want children, and I can’t make that happen and neither can you. So where do we go from here?”
“I wish I knew,” she said. “Why does it have to be this hard?”
“If marriage was easy, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high.”
“I love you,” she said. “I hope you know that. I don’t think I could find anyone who’s half as good a person as you are.”
“I hope you’re not out there looking,” he said jokingly.
“Of course not.”
“Then relax and get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning.”
“Okay,” she said, and the call disconnected.
Ben remained in his car for several minutes even after he reached home. It was hard having Sloane gone, but he felt it was
important they finally address the uncertainty that’d been eating away at their peace of mind. He was also worried about Julian.
Was Sloane right? Was something wrong with him? And, if so, how would that impact her?
The next morning, while everyone else was still sleeping, Lilly stood outside the storage room that held her mother’s belongings.
For the most part, she knew what she’d find in the boxes Luca had brought—Sabrina’s cheap costume jewelry, the clothes she
bought even when they didn’t have the money, a few knickknacks she’d kept on her dresser and case upon case of makeup and
perfume.
Sabrina had always gotten what she wanted when it came to beauty products, even when they should’ve been paying for other stuff instead.
They couldn’t pay their rent, and yet she’d come home with a new outfit or spend over a hundred dollars at Sephora.
It’d cost two thousand dollars for her to get hair extensions before they moved to the Amalfi Coast; then they’d left their one-bedroom place in Fort Bragg without paying the last month’s rent or the electric bill.
The landlady had called several times, but Sabrina had already spent the money. She finally just blocked her. Lilly had seen
her do it. The knowledge that they hadn’t paid the nice woman who’d let them move into the small house in her backyard—when
they had nowhere else to go and couldn’t afford a place that required first and last month’s rent and a security deposit—made
Lilly’s stomach churn with embarrassment and humiliation. But it didn’t seem to faze Sabrina. She wouldn’t even talk about
it.
Lilly opened the door. She should get her mother’s phone, if it was there, but just the sight of those boxes made her eyes
burn with unshed tears. Seeing and touching her mother’s things—especially her phone—would make the fact that Sabrina was
never coming back too real. That phone had meant more to Sabrina than anything else. Sometimes, Lilly couldn’t even get her
mother to respond to her, she was so caught up in doing something on her phone. She had it in her hand all the time, was constantly
on one of her dating apps or Instagram—or texting some guy, even if she already had a boyfriend. She’d once joked that it
never hurt to have a Plan B. She’d said that when they were with Steve. It was what had alerted Lilly that even though they’d
finally found a wonderful home and a really good person to share their lives with, neither would be theirs for very long.
“Hey, what are you up to today?”
Lilly turned to see Julian, who’d come out of the house carrying his camera. He was always the first to get up, seemed more
accustomed to jet lag than his sister or Charlotte.
“Nothing,” she replied, even though she’d been thinking that if she could find her mother’s phone, she could call Steve.
He’d always been kind to her, had tried to make them a real family, so maybe he wouldn’t mind hearing from her.
Lilly knew he’d called to check on her now and then, even after they left the States.
She’d heard her mother tell him not to bother them again, that what she did with her own daughter was none of his business.
Julian gestured toward the storage room. “Are you ready to go through your mother’s things? It’s a nice quiet morning, might
be a good time.”
She closed the door. “Not really. Not all of it, anyway. I was just wondering about her phone. Unless someone pays the bill,
it won’t work very long, so I was thinking that maybe . . . maybe I should write down some numbers before they’re gone.”
“That’s a really good idea,” he said. “Hopefully, it hasn’t been turned off already.”
The fact that it might be added a jolt of alarm to her other emotions. She had to dig into those boxes—and the sooner the
better. Her mother was always behind on the bills. They’d shut off her phone service before, and she’d had to pay a penalty
and reconnection fee. Lilly remembered her cursing about it. It’d also caused a fight with Luca because she’d wanted him to
pay it for her, and he wouldn’t. He’d said she hadn’t even tried to pick up any extra shifts at her bartending job, and she’d
said that was because she’d wanted to spend time with him and thought he’d wanted to spend time with her. It had been their
first fight.
“Do you know if Luca even brought it?” Lilly asked hesitantly.
“I’m assuming he did. Why wouldn’t he?”
Because Sabrina owed Luca a lot of money and that phone was the only thing he could sell to get some of that money back. He’d
said as much when Lilly had asked if she could have it—a request he’d shot down right away, saying she was too young and wouldn’t
be able to pay the monthly bill.
“No reason,” she mumbled. “I just . . . I thought maybe he gave it to Charlotte and didn’t put it in with her other things.”
“Charlotte hasn’t said anything. But you could ask her.”
“Yeah, I’ll check with her when she wakes up.”
“That could be a while. I got a text from her in the middle of the night telling me she’d finished the first five pages of
her new book.”
“That’s good, isn’t it?”
“It’s fantastic, but it also means she needs to get some sleep. Sloane’s already rumbling around. She’s about to take a shower
and begin her day. Is there any chance you’d like to go for a walk with me?”
“Where are you going?”
“Don’t know yet. Sometimes I just go out to see what I can see—and if I’m feeling it, I take some pictures. Are you hungry?
We could grab some breakfast while we’re roaming around.”
She wanted to find her mother’s phone before it got shut off so she could save Steve’s number and check on Old Blue. But she
wasn’t even sure the phone was in the boxes, which she didn’t want to touch in the first place.
Besides, there was something about Julian that reminded her of Steve—he wasn’t only nice; he was steady and reliable. Just
the sound of his voice made her feel better. She craved more of that steadiness, and now that she knew Charlotte had started
her book, she’d probably have to continue working on it, and Lilly would be left alone with Sloane, whom she didn’t trust
as much, so she decided to go with him. She didn’t know him that well, but he typically didn’t ask her a lot of dumb questions,
didn’t try to get her to talk about things she didn’t want to and seemed fine just taking things as they came.
“I don’t have any money,” she said. “So I don’t want to eat. Going out costs more.” Luca always complained about that when
Sabrina wanted to eat out. “But I’ll walk with you.”
“Lilly, you’re only twelve,” he said. “Quit trying to carry the world on your shoulders. I don’t expect you to have money. If I offer something, you’re welcome to take it. If I don’t want to pay, I won’t suggest it in the first place, okay?”
She felt her body sag as some of the worst of her emotions eased. She hated being so needy, hated that she was too young to
take care of herself. So many of the men her mother had been with resented the money she cost them. But at least Julian wasn’t
making her feel terrible about it. “Thank you.”
He grinned at her. “Let’s get out of here and see what we can find.”
“Shouldn’t I leave a note for Charlotte?” she asked hesitantly.
“I’ll text her.”