chapter 27
Lilly told Charlotte she didn’t want to help search through the boxes in the storage room. She felt bad saying no—it seemed
ungrateful after all her sister had done for her—but she couldn’t make herself do it. She was too angry. And even though Charlotte
had asked why she wasn’t interested, she couldn’t really say. She’d been getting along with her mother before Sabrina died—as
well as she ever had when Sabrina was with a man. But something about her mother losing her temper and jumping on that Vespa
filled her with such rage; she was afraid it would come ripping out of her like the chest-burster in Alien if she didn’t clamp it all down and look away.
Fortunately, she’d learned how to bury her feelings deep. Sometimes her jaw ached from how hard she tried to keep them inside.
But it was the only way she could cope from day to day. She was afraid she’d fly apart if she didn’t—or rant and rave and
scream profanity at everyone around her like her mother used to do.
And just look where that had gotten Sabrina.
Besides Lilly, no one had ever really loved her.
Steve tried, but even he couldn’t do it in the end.
No one had wanted to be around her for very long.
No one had even been able to muster a small amount of sympathy for her situation.
They all thought she deserved what she got—including her own family.
And they could be right. She’d created so many of her own problems. Even Lilly had been able to see how easy it would’ve been
to avoid most of them. If only her mother could’ve stopped going from man to man. Could’ve settled down and worked a steady
job so she could pay her bills. Could’ve focused on building healthy relationships and reconnecting with her family instead
of just rolling along from town to town, hunting for something she could never find.
Lilly had tried to tell her as much, but Sabrina would never listen. She made the wrong choice over and over again. Maybe
that was what made Lilly so mad. Even though she’d always been there, willing to give her mother the love she craved, it wasn’t
enough. Sabrina had always wanted more.
“What are you up to?”
Sloane had entered the kitchen where Lilly was staring at a recipe. She’d opened the cookbook thirty minutes earlier, while
Sloane was handling some work-related things for her design business back home, but she hadn’t been able to focus.
She forced a smile as she said, “Just looking for things we could make.”
The scent of bacon lingered and dust motes danced in the sunlight coming through the windows as Sloane responded. “You really
like to cook, don’t you?”
“I do.” Planning the meal, shopping for the ingredients and creating such beautiful and delicious pastas, polentas and chicken and seafood dishes for the group made Lilly feel as if she was contributing something special—something they all looked forward to and enjoyed.
It was a way to show how grateful she was for her sister and Julian without having to say it.
Words were too hard, especially since she was afraid to crack open the safe inside her that contained all the feelings she’d been storing up.
There was so much stuffed in there, she couldn’t even guess what would come out.
“What sounds good for tonight?” Sloane asked.
“I haven’t decided. But I thought it might be fun to make croissants today. We could do chocolate and lemon. See how they
compare to the pastry shops around here.”
“Now you’re really looking for a challenge,” she said with an impressed and slightly overwhelmed chuckle.
“You think it would be too hard?”
Sloane turned the book so she could look at the recipe. “I’m willing to try it,” she said at length. “I bet there aren’t many
people who can say they’ve made croissants. We’re really doing this Italy thing right.”
“They offer cooking classes here in town.”
“I’ve had my eye on those, too. I’m just waiting until Charlotte can take one with us.”
“That’ll be fun.” She was coming to enjoy Charlotte and Sloane so much she was growing more and more afraid of when their
stay in Italy would end.
“Where is Charlotte, anyway?” Sloane asked. “She’s not at the dining table, pecking away at her computer.”
“No. She already turned in her sample chapters. Now she’s just waiting to hear how her editor likes them.”
“I bet she’s nervous.”
“Has to be. So am I,” Lilly confessed. There was a lot hanging on those pages.
“She’s an excellent writer. I have no doubt her publisher will love them.” Sloane peered out onto the deck but apparently
didn’t see Charlotte. “Did she go somewhere with Julian?”
The knot in the pit of Lilly’s stomach grew even bigger. “No, she’s going through Sabrina’s things.” It felt odd to call her mother by her first name, but Sabrina was technically Charlotte’s mother, too, so “our mother’s things” felt just as strange. “You just can’t see her from there.”
“She’s doing that today? And you’re not out there with her?”
The guilt reared up again. Dropping her eyes, Lilly shook her head.
“Are you sure you don’t want to help?” Sloane said. “I’m not trying to put any pressure on you. I’m just afraid you might
regret your decision later. Charlotte won’t know what’s most meaningful to you.”
Lilly understood that. The thought of Charlotte or anyone else examining that stuff and throwing away this or that made it
difficult to breathe. She wished they could just leave everything where it was until she was ready to deal with the challenge.
But that could take years, and they were getting toward the end of their stay in Italy. They had to do something with Sabrina’s stuff. It didn’t make sense to drag all those boxes, most of which were filled with makeup and toiletries,
back to the States.
Closing the cookbook, Lilly got to her feet. “I guess I’ll go help.” The words tasted like gravel in her mouth, but she squared
her shoulders.
A compassionate expression claimed Sloane’s face. “I think it would be for the best. But you’re the only one who can determine that. I just . . . I wanted to give you another
chance. That’s all.”
“I know,” she murmured and started across the kitchen. As difficult as it was to acknowledge, Sloane was right—Lilly probably
would regret it if she didn’t take this final opportunity.
She told herself she’d get through it somehow. Life was about making choices—the right choices. If she’d learned anything,
she’d learned that. But when she got outside, she found Charlotte so absorbed in what she was looking at that she didn’t even
hear Lilly’s approach.
When Lilly said her name, she twisted around, obviously startled. Then Lilly’s heart sank because she could see what Charlotte had been reading.
Charlotte watched the blood drain from Lilly’s face. She knew what had upset her. Charlotte was holding printed screenshots
and email printouts—ink a little smeared, corners paper-clipped—and other correspondence between Sabrina and a previous boyfriend,
something that had probably been turned into hard copy because of the admissions it contained.
This had to be what Steve was referring to when they’d talked on the phone. Walter, the guy Sabrina had been with in Colorado,
had put a hidden camera in the bathroom Lilly used. What he’d done was so disgusting Charlotte could hardly believe it, but
it was almost worse that Sabrina hadn’t gone to the police. Instead, she’d threatened to turn him in whenever she needed money,
and he’d paid up to avoid that—until the last time she’d gone to him, after she’d left Steve. Then he’d refused. Charlotte
had read an exchange where Sabrina claimed she was finally going to the authorities, and he told her she’d get into as much
trouble as he would for blackmailing him.
It didn’t look like she’d gotten another payment. She’d told Walter that at least they’d received some compensation to help
them on their way. Making him register as a sex offender or putting him in jail certainly wouldn’t improve things for Lilly.
But Sabrina seemed to have realized that she’d milked the situation as much as she could, or she’d just been distracted by
her new relationship with Luca and going to Italy, because she’d seemingly moved on.
How deeply had this incident impacted Lilly? Lilly had to know about the camera or Steve wouldn’t have said he’d let her tell
Charlotte the story when she was ready.
Lilly immediately pivoted and started toward the house.
Charlotte got up from where she’d been sitting on the deck—where she had more room to spread things out—and ran after her,
catching her just before she could go in. “Lilly, I’m so sorry for what happened. Is there any way we could talk about it?”
Tears gathered in Lilly’s eyes, but she shook her head adamantly.
“Did he ever . . . touch you?” Charlotte hated to ask, but she doubted she’d have another chance and felt she needed to know
so she could get the appropriate help for her sister.
Lilly’s scowl darkened. “No!”
“It was just . . . just the camera?” Charlotte clarified.
Lilly said nothing. Just probably hadn’t been the right word. What he’d done was bad enough, but Charlotte was trying to determine the scope of the
problem. “If you don’t want to talk to me, can I get you someone to talk to? A therapist or a counselor?”
“I have nothing to tell them,” she mumbled. “He never touched me. I didn’t even know about the camera until . . . until my
mom found it. Then we left.”
Thank God Sabrina had done that much. “That camera was such a betrayal, especially from someone posing as a . . . a father figure.”
Tears fell over Lilly’s lashes and ran down her cheeks. “I don’t like thinking about it.” She swiped at her cheeks, obviously
angry at the tears.
“I can understand why. He’s a terrible person, a pervert. But nothing like that is ever going to happen to you again, so you
don’t have to worry. You’re going to be safe from here on out. And I won’t bring up the past again. I just . . . I want you