chapter 27 #2
to know that you can talk to me about anything—or ask for help—whenever you’re ready, okay?”
“I don’t need help.” She stared at her feet as tears splashed on top of them. “Just . . . don’t tell Sloane or Julian, okay?” Finally, she looked up. “Don’t tell anyone!”
She found it humiliating, as any girl would. “I won’t,” Charlotte agreed. “You have my word. Except . . .”
Fear registered in Lilly’s eyes—and doubt. She was probably thinking that yet another adult was going to let her down. But
that was the very reason Charlotte felt the need to be completely honest and transparent.
“I feel like . . . Well, what happens next depends on you,” she continued.
“How?” Lilly asked.
“Sloane and Ben have invited you to live with them after we get back from Italy.”
Her mouth fell open, and she dropped back. “Until when?”
“Until you’re grown, Lilly. They’d like to raise you.”
Her eyes widened.
“If you choose to do that, they might need to know about Walter. It would help them support you in the best way. But only
if you agree. You control that story.”
She blinked several times. “You want me to go live with Sloane and Ben?”
“That isn’t what I want, no. It’s what they want. They asked me, but I think you should be the one to decide.” Charlotte caught her breath as she waited. When she’d
first arrived in Italy, she’d never dreamed that Lilly would come to mean so much to her, not in such a short period of time.
“I need to decide between the farm and Ben and Sloane?” she asked.
Charlotte inhaled deeply. “Between the farm, Ben and Sloane and . . . me.”
“You?” she said hopefully and sniffed as she wiped her face. “Where would we live?”
“That’s just it. I can’t offer you everything they can. Not yet. First, I have to get back on my feet. And I know you’ve lived with too much uncertainty as it is. Part of me believes you’d be better off with Sloane—”
“And not Steve?” she broke in.
“Steve seems very nice. And the farm sounds great, too. But I don’t really know him. That worries me, especially when I love you and would do my best to take care of you.”
She seemed even more taken aback. “But if I stay with you . . . What about Cliff? He’d never want me to live with you.”
“No.”
“So you’re choosing me over him?” She seemed stunned, as if she couldn’t quite comprehend that.
“I am, and it’s the better choice for both of us. I know that. I promise he won’t figure into our futures—except I’m staring
down the barrel of a divorce, which won’t be easy.”
“What will your parents say if . . . if you bring me home?”
“I think you know they’d be supportive, which is good, because we’d probably have to live with them for a while until I could
finish my book, find us our own place and . . . and see if I’m offered another publishing contract. If not, I won’t even be
employed.”
She knew having Lilly could make a big difference in Sloane’s marriage and wanted to be supportive for that reason, but Lilly
was her sister—her only blood relative, at least that she knew of. She couldn’t give her up too easily.
Charlotte took hold of her hand. “Do you feel you can make such a big decision? Because there’s no wrong answer.
We—all of us—only want what’s best for you.
If you go to the farm to be with Steve and Old Blue, I’ll visit as often as I can, or you can come see me.
The same goes for Seattle.” She gripped Lilly’s shoulders.
“So you’re in a good place. It’s not that you have nowhere to go.
It’s that you have too many people who want you. ”
A hint of a smile curved Lilly’s lips. “That feels good,” she admitted. “But I don’t know what to do—who’s just being nice
and who really means it.”
“We all mean it, or we wouldn’t have offered,” Charlotte insisted. “But like I said, we won’t be hurt by what you decide, so don’t
be afraid of choosing what would make you happiest.”
“How long do I have before…before I have to say?”
They were getting toward the end of their stay. It would be good to know soon, so they could make plans. But Charlotte wasn’t
going to press her. This was too important a decision. “You can have a few days. Then we’ll talk about it again and go from
there.”
“Thank you,” she said and gave Charlotte an impromptu hug.
Charlotte sighed as Lilly went inside. She’d wanted to get to know her birth mother better mostly because she’d craved something
to admire.
But certainly nothing she’d found so far was any help.
Lilly almost couldn’t believe it. She’d gone from having nowhere to go to having three places, and she liked them all. There would be no group home or foster care. The hard part now would be deciding where she’d
be happiest.
She’d rather be with her sister than anyone. That was a no-brainer. Her sister was family, and as someone who had so little
of it, family meant everything to her. But Charlotte was young. Although she claimed she didn’t mind how keeping Lilly might
affect her future, there was always the chance she’d change her mind. What if she found someone else, someone like Cliff,
who wasn’t willing to let her have another person in her life, especially someone who needed time, attention and a home?
Steve was probably the surest bet. She’d lived with him before and knew what to expect.
He was all about routine—something her mother loathed, which was partly why they hadn’t been able to get along.
“Can’t you ever cut loose?” her mother would yell at him.
And he’d yell back that he wasn’t about to let his animals or his property go without the care they needed even if the work he did wasn’t exciting enough for her.
And Old Blue was there. She missed that dog so much her teeth ached.
But she also felt a little melancholy when she remembered attending school in Iowa and was afraid it’d get lonely out on the
ranch. Steve had been the most decent guy her mother had dated, but what if he wasn’t as decent as she thought? What if he
was like Walter and would get weird after a while? She had no idea what he might be like as she grew older. Could she really
trust him—she, who couldn’t seem to trust anyone?
Then there were Sloane and Ben. They both seemed nice. But wouldn’t she feel a bit like a guest in their home? She’d never
been to Seattle. She was tired of moving around, tired of trying to become familiar with place after place.
Which brought her back to Steve, who was, at least, familiar.
What should she do? And what if she made the wrong decision? Her mother was no longer around to make her go one way or another.
This decision was entirely hers, and she didn’t want to screw it up.
“Sloane asked to take Lilly?”
Charlotte could hear the surprise in Julian’s voice. They’d just made love and were lying in bed, the house quiet around them.
Outside, a single cicada rasped; inside, the air smelled faintly of linen and sandalwood from the soap they’d shared in the
shower. “She hasn’t said anything to you about it?”
“No, nothing,” he said. “But I’ve been keeping my distance. I’m afraid she’ll know something’s going on between us if she ever really focuses on me.”
Charlotte chuckled. “I’m surprised we haven’t been found out already.”
“Everyone’s pretty caught up in their own thoughts and decisions. Taking on a child is a big step for Sloane.”
“It would be good for her and Ben. In all honesty, I think it would be good for Lilly, too. But . . .”
He’d been running his fingers down her bare arm. When her words fell off, he stopped. “But?”
“I’ve decided I want her to stay with me.”
He shifted so that he could see her face in the moonlight streaming through the veranda doors, which were open to the cool
ocean breeze. “When did you decide this?”
“I think I’ve known I’d do it from the beginning—that I could never really let her go. I was just overwhelmed by what I was
going through myself—and knowing Cliff wouldn’t be happy if I brought her home while I was married to him—which made me hesitate
to offer too soon.”
“Are you really committed to raising a teenager?”
“Now you sound like Sloane used to,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Maybe so, but becoming her guardian is a lot of responsibility. It’d be different if the situation hadn’t changed, but it
has. Now there are other options. Good options.”
“I don’t care. I want her with me. As soon as I told her today, I felt infinitely lighter. Even if . . . even if I lose my
publishing career and the divorce turns into a nightmare, I know I’ve chosen the right thing. Lilly—and you.”
He stiffened. She was generally careful not to say things like that.
It upset Julian, made him moody. From her perspective, that was like a cloud crossing in front of the sun.
It got suddenly chilly; she hated it. They could talk with their bodies—communicate all they wanted while making love—but he didn’t like it when she put her feelings into words. That always spooked him.
“Relax,” she said. “I know you care about me.”
This was Jules. He wouldn’t be making love to her if he didn’t feel what she was feeling, wouldn’t risk ruining their relationship.
They were friends first and foremost, which gave them a strong foundation of trust on which to build.
“Charlotte, we agreed we’d wait to talk about anything serious until after Italy. This is an escape, a time to be selfish,
remember? I believe those were your words.”
“Because I wanted you to lower your guard.” She got up on her elbows, letting her hair fall onto his chest as she gazed into
his handsome face. “So what if I want more?”
“Now’s not the time to make that decision.” Resolute, he slid out from beneath her and got up to go into the bathroom.
She knew she should allow him to withdraw. He did that occasionally, whenever she got too close. Giving him space and time
during those periods usually brought him around again.
Besides, she needed to seek her own bed before it grew even later. Morning would come far too soon, and she’d had a particularly
emotional day. There hadn’t been anything good in those boxes—no memorabilia attached to her birth father or extended relatives—so
she’d been disappointed. And she’d been upset by Sabrina’s communication with Walter.
Other than that, she’d discovered nothing but clothes, knickknacks, jewelry and makeup. Charlotte had packed one small box
of the best items she planned to ship back to the States—just in case Lilly wanted any of it when she got older—thrown some
of it out and planned to give the rest to a local charity.
“You’re turning into a curmudgeon, you know that?” she called after him.
“I’m not old enough to be a curmudgeon,” he responded, his voice muted so they wouldn’t wake up the others.
“Exactly. So lighten up and enjoy life, okay?”
The toilet flushed, the water came on and he appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. “We have another week. I’m going to
enjoy that.”
“It doesn’t have to end in Italy.”
He seemed frustrated that she was so confident. But she knew him, knew what was important to him. She was important to him. She could feel it in his touch. It was different than Cliff’s had ever been. She didn’t think Cliff
knew what real love was, but Jules did. She was willing to bet her life he felt exactly as she did. “You know you want me.”
He scratched his head, making his hair stand up even more. “Of course I want you! But . . . God, have I made a mess! You’re
never going to speak to me again, and I’m never going to forgive myself.”
She gave him a saucy grin. “I’ll always speak to you, and you won’t be able to avoid speaking to me, since you’re going to
marry me.”
He stopped dead in his tracks. “Charlotte, don’t make any decisions yet.”
With a laugh, she fell back on the pillows. “I’m not worried. Whatever you’re going through, we’ll work it out. I’m finally
with the right person, and I know it.”
He came over to the bed and glowered at her. “Maybe we need to have a talk now.”
“Nope! I promised you Italy, and you shall have Italy, but I’m also not going to let you make me think this won’t last,” she
said.
He didn’t seem to know how to react. She’d never approached him in quite this way. But she was truly happy when she was with
him, too happy to imagine being with anyone else. Whatever he was dealing with, it couldn’t be that bad.
At least, that was what she thought until she coaxed him back into bed, and he eventually relaxed enough to fall asleep in her arms. Then his phone went off, and when she reached over to dim the screen so it wouldn’t wake him, she saw the text that had just come in:
Parkinson’s affects everyone differently. Chances are good you can still lead a full life. Please call and schedule an appointment
so we can get you started on a treatment plan as soon as you return to the States.