chapter 29
Ben had met Lilly via FaceTime. He thought she was a sweet, beautiful young girl. Smart, too. He would’ve loved to have had
her as a baby, because it would’ve enabled him to savor every stage of her life. But getting in halfway through was better
than nothing. He was so eager to have a young person around, someone he could help and guide, someone who needed him. He knew
there were people who didn’t agree. The same thing wasn’t right for everyone. But he felt his life would be missing something
without the opportunity to devote himself to a little human being. And after being so hopeful that he’d soon have a child in his home, the news Sloane had just delivered landed hard.
“She’s not coming?” he said. “But it was going to be perfect.”
“I’m sad, too,” Sloane said. “But you can’t really blame her. She has so little family. It’s understandable she’d cling to
what she’s got. And Charlotte is wonderful.”
“I can’t argue with that. But Charlotte’s currently living with her parents, going through a divorce and trying to save her career.
Is she really the best person to raise Lilly?
Because this seems to be hitting her at a really bad time.
” Which was why they’d been about to step in. They were stable and ready.
He was ready, anyway, and he finally had Sloane on board. He didn’t see another opportunity like that—one they were both happy
with—coming up again in the future.
“Charlotte’s capable of doing a great job, regardless of the headwinds she’s facing. You know her. She won’t allow Lilly to
want for anything.”
“At what sacrifice?” Hadn’t that been Sloane’s argument from the beginning? Why was she so calm and accepting of this news?
Because she didn’t truly care if Lilly came to live with them?
Maybe her offer to take Lilly had only been an attempt to placate him, something that was easy to offer since she’d known
it would never happen.
“Less of a sacrifice than giving her up,” she replied.
He said nothing—couldn’t speak. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret later. Of course Sloane had been sincere. It was
terrible of him to suspect otherwise. That was his hurt talking. What was happening right now was his fault. He’d let his hopes get up way too high even though he’d warned himself that this could happen.
While cleaning out the spare bedroom, he’d imagined taking Lilly school shopping, reading out loud—she was a little old for
that, but he’d hoped she’d still allow it—and helping with her homework. There were so many books he wanted to share with
her—Tolkien, Sachar and a dozen others. He wanted to attend Back to School nights and cheer her on as she learned and developed.
And she probably wouldn’t be too excited about this, but he was also looking forward to having her help him with the yardwork because
he remembered bonding with his father as they clipped and mowed and weeded.
In retrospect, working together had been more rewarding than playing together. Those were the times his dad quietly taught him so many lessons, and it was those lessons that’d molded him into the man he was today.
Now the dream of being a father like his own was shattered. Already. He felt sick.
“Ben?” Sloane said.
“I’m here,” he replied.
“You seem to be taking the news pretty hard, babe.”
“Yeah, well, I’m disappointed. I wanted her to come. I really wanted her to come.” What he didn’t add was that, as much as he loved Sloane and could never let her go, his life was starting
to feel empty without children. If that hadn’t been the case, he would’ve quit asking for them long ago. He didn’t know why
he seemed to need them, and why she didn’t. He couldn’t explain that, but he knew it wasn’t going to be easy for him to go
through life without kids.
That was exactly what he’d have to do, however, because he couldn’t give up the woman he loved, either. Fuck.
Apparently, it was fate that he’d get what he most wanted on the one hand—a wonderful partner to share his life with—and not
on the other.
“I’ve got some things to do here,” he said, eager to get off the phone. He was the one who’d made the decision to remain in
their marriage and accept what it meant. He needed to abide by his choice gracefully. “I’ll have to call you later.”
There was a long pause. Then she said, “Before you go, I want to tell you that . . . that meeting Lilly and getting to know
her has . . . has changed something inside me.”
He didn’t say anything. He could barely listen. He just wanted to get off the phone.
“Did you hear me?” she asked.
His coffee had gone cold in his hand; he hadn’t noticed. “Yeah. I heard you. But is there any way we could talk about this later?”
“Sure, I just . . . It’s the weekend.”
“I know.”
“And…since you don’t have to work, I thought you might like to spend some of the day turning the bedroom you just cleaned
out for Lilly into a nursery.”
He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting her to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. He blinked. “Excuse me?”
“I told you—Lilly changed something in me, Ben. I’ve decided I want to have a baby. Your baby.”
Sucking air in between his teeth, he held himself perfectly still. He was afraid to react for fear she’d retract that statement.
“Hello?” she said. “Are you still there?”
“Do you mean it?” he finally asked in response, barely able to squeeze the words out of his tight throat.
“I know how much a baby would mean to you. I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t completely committed.”
“But you’re not doing it just for me, are you? I don’t want you to resent it later. Pregnancies are hard. So is raising children—”
“I know the risks, honey. I’ve continuously listed them off to myself for the past few years. But I’ve decided that, yes,
having a child is hard—but it’s also worth it. I’m finally ready. Just in the nick of time,” she added with a laugh. “I’m
not getting any younger.”
The lump in Ben’s throat made it almost impossible for him to speak. “I miss you so much,” he said. “I would’ve stuck by you.
I hope you know that.”
“I do know that. And now I’ll let you get off the phone. I have to go myself. I promised Lilly we’d go to the beach, so she’s waiting
for me.”
“Okay,” he said, and she nearly hung up before he overcame his surprise and elation enough to add, “I love you.”
“I know,” she said teasingly. Then she disconnected.
Ben sat still for several minutes. His whole world had shifted, and he was stunned by the whiplash it caused. A baby. Sloane wanted a baby. She’d really said that. He’d be a father, after all.
He laughed out loud, even though there was no one around to hear him. Then he yelled, “Yes!” and pumped his fist as he leaped
to his feet.
He needed to find his laptop. If they were going to create a nursery, they’d need some ideas, and he wanted to see what other
parents had done. He couldn’t make any decisions without Sloane’s input—she was the decorator, and a professional at that—but
he could certainly send her some ideas.
Charlotte had received an email from her editor. Megan was cautiously optimistic about her new manuscript. She said she personally
liked this story better than the first one, but was worried about the difference in tone. She’d had the publisher read her
sample chapters to get his opinion—as Charlotte had guessed she was doing—and he was equally concerned that her readership
wouldn’t follow her into more “emotionally hefty” territory. But they both liked the book well enough to give it a chance.
That meant she was going to get to finish the manuscript and send it out into the world. She was excited, but the uncertainty
they felt tempered her reaction. She wasn’t any more convinced than they were that her audience would embrace such a big change.
But what she was writing now reflected how much she’d grown as a person. She had to go with what inspired her, what moved
her—couldn’t conjure up anything else at the moment—so she was going to take her chances.
“What is it?” Lilly asked. “Have you heard from Megan?”
Lilly was sitting at the other end of the table putting a thousand-piece puzzle together and must’ve noticed the change in
her expression because Charlotte hadn’t made a sound.
“I have.”
Worry entered Lilly’s eyes. “What’d she say?”
Sloane was in the kitchen putting together a vegetable tray but was close enough to overhear them and immediately came to
the dining room. “Did she like it?”
“She did,” Charlotte said somewhat tentatively. “More than my first book. But they’re concerned about how it might be received.”
“What does that mean?” Lilly asked.
“They’re afraid it won’t sell,” Charlotte clarified. “And if it doesn’t sell . . .”
“Well, there are no guarantees any book will sell, are there?” Sloane said.
Yes and no, Charlotte thought. If she’d gone back to Cliff, she would’ve had as much of a guarantee as anyone could get. Her book would’ve
sold simply because of her connection to him, like the first one did. She had to go with this one on her own, which was terrifying,
but it didn’t make her regret her decision. She hadn’t married Cliff for his fame, and she wasn’t willing to go back to him
because of it, either.
“True,” Charlotte agreed.
“It’s going to be a great book, which means it’ll do fine,” Sloane predicted, obviously trying to buoy her confidence.
“I hope so.” Charlotte checked her phone. Julian had only left a few hours ago, but she was already dying to hear from him.
Sadly, there’d been no word, but she kept checking.
“So are you going to try to get a few pages written today?” Sloane asked.
Charlotte nodded. “I can’t fall any further behind.”
“At least you know what you’re creating is good,” Sloane said. “Let that encourage you.”
“I will.” Although Charlotte was worried about the risk, she knew the situation with her career could be worse. Had Megan
and the publisher hated what she was writing, she would’ve been in a world of hurt.
Picking up her phone again, she texted Julian: