chapter 29 #2
Don’t you want to know what my publisher said about my book?
She’d thought that might be just the carrot to get him to respond. But she waited several minutes—and got nothing.
You’re making Charlotte really sad.
Julian sat in a hotel room in Rome, exhausted from the train ride north and feeling sick to his stomach as he read the texts
he’d been getting. That one was from Lilly. It was hardest not to respond to her.
He scrolled through Sloane’s texts. She was getting pissed off. He’d never ignored her before. He’d have to respond to her
eventually; she was his sister. He just couldn’t do it now when he was already feeling so terrible. She’d called their parents
and enlisted their help in trying to reach him. Although they’d already known about his diagnosis, they now also knew his
relationship with Charlotte had changed and were hounding him to go back to the villa and work things out with her, which
ticked him off. Sloane shouldn’t have said anything to them.
He knew he was lucky to have so many people in his life who cared about him and were willing to stick by him during difficult times.
But they didn’t understand—he didn’t want them to have to do that.
He’d always prided himself on what he could give.
If he was incapacitated, someone who could only take, how could he be of any value to them?
He sighed. He hadn’t eaten all day, but he didn’t care. He was too tired to worry about that. He hadn’t had much sleep since
arriving in Italy. At first, he’d been too wound up about his diagnosis and how and when he was going to break the news. Then
he’d spent every night he could with Charlotte, trying to collect as many memories as possible—as if that would be enough
to carry him through his particular future. He was going to bed. But before he set his phone down, he received another text
from Charlotte.
Please don’t hurt me.
He winced. That one took a chunk out of him. He didn’t want to hurt her. He was trying to save her, but he could only do that by staying away from her.
She’d be so much better off in the long run. He wanted to reiterate that, but he knew if he started a dialogue with her he’d
crumble. He wanted what she wanted probably even more than she did.
Leaving his phone on the nightstand, he pulled the covers up and rolled over. He was doing the right thing. He had no choice.
He kept saying that to himself, but the minutes ticked away and sleep wouldn’t come.
Finally, after nearly an hour, he sat up and grabbed his phone again.
I’m doing this for Charlotte’s good. One day you’ll understand, he wrote to Lilly.
I can’t believe you looped Mom and Dad in about Charlotte, he wrote to Sloane.
And to Charlotte: Please don’t feel hurt. I will always love you.
He told himself to leave it at that—hoped that now he’d be able to sleep—but he couldn’t help waiting for their responses.
Lilly: If you love her, you’ll come back.
Sloane: They agree with me. Charlotte is perfect for you. That’s why they keep calling—to say the same thing. Parkinson’s doesn’t
mean your life is over. Fight to live every moment to its fullest, the way you always have. That’s who my brother is.
Charlotte: I’m the one who should get to decide what’s best for me and my future.
Lilly was too young to understand, he told himself. And Sloane was right, but he didn’t feel much like fighting today.
He hoped he’d be stronger tomorrow.
Problem was, Charlotte was right, too. She was a grown woman. She should get to decide what was best for her. In any other
circumstance that would apply.
He just couldn’t let her make this one mistake.
“You’ll be glad one day,” he muttered and pulled the blankets back up.
The flight home was long and uncomfortable, made worse by the fact that Charlotte couldn’t sleep. She’d enjoyed Italy. She’d
loved their villa, too, and definitely wanted to come back.
Next summer when Lilly was out of school, she hoped they could spend another month on the Amalfi Coast. After all, it was
the place where she’d met Lilly and fell in love with her, so to speak. Praiano, especially, would always be close to her
heart.
But thinking about her time on the Amalfi Coast was bittersweet.
Although it wasn’t where she’d met Julian, it was where she’d fallen in love with him, too, and yet he hadn’t responded to her since he left, except to tell her he would always love her, and he was going to live his life without her for her sake, not his.
He wanted her to find someone who wouldn’t be so much of a burden, wanted her to have the kind of happy and
fulfilled life she “deserved.”
She’d tried to tell him that she preferred quality over quantity—whatever years she could have with him over whatever years
she could have with someone else. But he’d never replied to that text. Last she’d heard from Sloane, he’d started treatment
with his doctor and then left for Iceland, where he was taking pictures of the volcano that was erupting there.
She pictured him under a pewter sky, lava lighting his face from below, and felt a lump rise in her throat.
“Are you excited to be home?” Lilly asked. The cheapest flight for Sloane had been through Dallas, so she wasn’t with them.
Only Lilly was sitting next to her. She’d read almost since they took off—when she wasn’t sleeping.
Charlotte had been gazing out the window, watching the ground rush up to meet them as they prepared for landing. “I am,” she
said and smiled. But she was feeling more tentative than she wanted to admit. She knew Cliff would have divorce papers waiting
for her; he’d told her as much. He was now claiming that he was going to try to break the prenup himself and leave her with
nothing, and she’d been so engrossed in trying to make progress on her latest book that she hadn’t even had the chance to
contact an attorney.
She’d figured she’d handle all that once she was back in LA, so that was what she had to look forward to now.
“What about you?” she asked Lilly, to take the focus off herself.
“I’m excited, too.” Her sister looked more nervous than excited, and Charlotte could understand why.
Her life was entirely different than it’d been just a month ago.
She had yet to meet Charlotte’s parents in person, had no idea what living with them would be like. She’d also be in yet another new area.
Charlotte gave her a nudge. “Don’t worry. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I know.” She was probably exuding more confidence than she felt. But they were both pretending. Every time Lilly asked about
Julian, Charlotte acted as if whatever happened was going to be fine. That she was resilient and happy. She knew Lilly had
been subjected to the ups and downs of her mother’s many romantic relationships and didn’t want to put her through the same
angst and uncertainty. She was determined to remain solid as a rock no matter what she went through personally so that Lilly
could finally feel confident and secure. That was the promise Charlotte had made when she’d decided to finish raising Lilly.
Although she still wanted to find a mate and have children herself, she wasn’t going to burden Lilly with her own heartbreaks.
Rubber thundered under them and the wings hummed as the plane touched down and bounced slightly before settling securely on
the tarmac. Lilly’s eyes flew open wide.
“The landing can be a bit disconcerting,” Charlotte explained.
Lilly relaxed as they taxied more comfortably down the runway. “Do you think Jules will be waiting for us?” she asked as the
flight attendant opened the door and everyone started to get into the overhead bins.
For a moment, Charlotte was tempted to believe it was possible.
Surely he’d change his mind. Why would he relegate himself to a life of loneliness when she was right there, ready to love him?
She’d texted him the date and time they’d arrive in LA and asked him to pick them up from the airport.
If he was going to respond to anything, it’d be a request for a favor.
Jules was like that; he loved to step up for people.
He hadn’t responded, so she had no commitment. Still, she hoped he’d surprise them. “You never know,” she said hopefully.
But after they got off and gathered their baggage, it was only her parents who were waiting.
Lilly was going back to a whole new life. She wouldn’t recognize a thing.
She knew she should probably be terrified, but she wasn’t. As different as this new world would be, she felt safer than ever
before. She hoped her mother was happier in heaven than she’d been on earth—that she finally had the love she needed—because
Lilly knew she was going to be fine. Charlotte wouldn’t let her down. As long as she had someone to love her, someone she could love in
return, Lilly felt she could handle almost anything. It was trying to take care of her mother when she couldn’t seem to make
much of a difference that’d been so hard.
She wasn’t even scared to meet Charlotte’s parents. She’d sort of met them already via FaceTime, so she knew what they looked
like, how they acted and how they treated her.
When she saw them standing at baggage claim with a bouquet of welcome balloons and a huge stuffed bear, she was slightly embarrassed—they
were drawing a lot of attention from other travelers—but knowing they were excited to have her come home with Charlotte felt
wonderful.
“Thank you,” she’d mumbled when they handed her the balloons. She didn’t tell them that she was getting too old for stuffed
animals. What did that matter? She felt so light inside she thought the balloons might carry her away.
Once they got their luggage, she sat in the back seat of their giant black Mercedes with her new bear and the helium-filled balloons taking up all the space between her and Charlotte, listening to Penny describe the bedroom she’d decorated for Lilly as they started home.
Although Charlotte had made it clear that they probably wouldn’t be living in the house for all that long, Penny said she’d wanted to have a special place for Lilly, because even after they moved out, she wanted Lilly to come and stay on weekends or over summer break.
Lilly got the feeling that Don and Penny viewed her as sort of a grandchild, and since she’d never really had grandparents,
she didn’t mind.
The bear’s fur tickled her cheek as she told Penny she couldn’t wait to see her new room. Then Don looked at her in the rearview
mirror and winked as if to say he knew she was too mature for the way Penny was treating her, but appreciated her playing
along.
That made Lilly smile even wider.
Charlotte reached over and held her hand as if she thought her mother might be a bit much, and Lilly squeezed to let her know
Penny was just fine. “This feels sort of like Christmas,” she whispered to Charlotte while Penny was telling Don that he was
going to take them all out for a special welcome dinner once they’d had a day or so to recover from the jet lag.
“Do you know if Sloane made it home safely?” Penny asked.
“She hasn’t landed quite yet,” Charlotte told her.
“Have you heard from Jules?” Penny kept her tone light. Lilly could tell she was trying not to upset Charlotte and felt bad
for her sister that Julian wasn’t being her friend anymore.
“No.” Charlotte turned to the window, probably so no one could see how sad that made her. “But it’s fine.”
She always added that at the end because she didn’t want Lilly to worry that she might break down or spin out.
Lilly appreciated how hard she was trying, but she knew Charlotte was hurt, and she couldn’t understand why things had to be this way.
Okay, so Julian had a disease. Anyone could get sick.
You didn’t stop loving someone because of that.
Jeez. She’d thought he’d figure that out. He was so smart.
But it would be hard to feel you’re no longer lovable because of something outside your control . . . She’d experienced a
bit of that, thanks to her mother.
After peppering Lilly with questions about Italy and what she might like to see or do in the next few weeks—and promising
to take her to Disneyland for the first time—Penny struck up a conversation with Charlotte, asking about her book and how
much she’d written. Charlotte told her that once she’d gotten her publisher’s approval, she’d made good progress but still
had a lot of pages to write. And Penny said she knew she’d be able to finish them. Then they started talking about Cliff.
Lilly had heard all she wanted about Charlotte’s ex. He was being so mean about the divorce that Lilly couldn’t think of him
without getting mad.
Her phone buzzed. She glanced down to see that she’d received a text from Sloane.
You home, girl? How was the flight?
Good. Just read and slept. Penny and Don picked us up in a huge black Mercedes.
?? I bet they were excited to meet you.
They brought me balloons and a huge stuffed bear.
Nice.
How’s Ben?
Haven’t seen him yet. Just landed. We’re still waiting to deplane.
I bet he missed you.
I hope so. And I hope you and Charlotte will come visit us after she finishes her book.
I’ll see if we can.
Lilly was about to put her phone back in her lap and start listening to what was being said again. But because she was also
hurt that Julian didn’t come get them from the airport, she took a moment to text him instead.
I can’t believe you didn’t come get us.
Three dots appeared. She thought he was going to finally say something back, but then they disappeared and she didn’t get
anything.