Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
J ust a couple of days later, Kyle and the band were practicing in The Apothecary, just like they’d done consistently since deciding one day a week was enough. Wolf and Hayley had written a new song together, a ballad, and even though it was much slower than the music they usually played, the whole band seemed to be having a hard time getting it down.
“I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with my fingers, dude,” Pedro said after their seventh time through the song. “They can’t go the speed limit.”
Wolf laughed. “You’ll get it down. Just like everything else, we need—”
“To practice. Yeah, yeah. I know. It’s just frustrating.”
“What about everyone else? How are you feeling about it?”
Adrian stood and stretched. “I gotta say I’m loving it. It kind of gives me a little break from the usual.”
Hayley said, “That hadn’t been our intent but, as we kept writing it and playing it on our own, we thought it might give all you guys a little break.”
Although he wasn’t feeling as talkative as usual, Kyle felt the need to add his own two cents. “Yeah, and if we feel like we’re getting a little rest in the middle of a show, maybe we could play longer. Once we have a bigger repertoire, that is.”
“Exactly,” Wolf said. “All we gotta do is get it down.”
Hayley said, “It’s even good for me .”
“And it shows off your range, too,” Pedro added.
“Do we want to go through it again or do we need a break?” Wolf asked.
Everyone agreed that they wanted to go through it again—including Crazy Stu, Intent to Murder’s number one fan. He stood up from his booth near the door and said, “Do it again. I want to hear you guys play it through without mistakes this time. I can almost hear what it’s supposed to sound like.”
In the microphone, Hayley said, “That’s why this is a rehearsal , Stu. That’s how we’ll get better. If you wanna hear us play things perfectly, then only come on Saturday night.”
“I do .”
“Yeah, I know—but don’t expect perfection during practice.”
Wolf started playing the opening, a slow, almost haunting guitar solo that echoed the riffs of what would be the actual solo inside the song. After several bars, he was joined by Kyle and Pedro, adding a richness to the music that reminded Kyle how much he, like his friends, was a creator. And playing this particular song, while challenging, made Kyle feel like writing a song or two might even be in his future. A year ago that idea was out of the question.
Shortly after, Adrian’s drums came in playing a slow beat and it wasn’t long after that Hayley began singing. Her voice filled every nook and cranny of the bar and, although it was low, it was strong and powerful, poignant, loaded with emotion that Kyle could feel.
Not for the first time, Kyle felt camaraderie and fellowship with his bandmates, people that were like his second family. He felt grateful to be here with them, sharing an experience that was almost religious.
It was in that very moment that he knew they would make it. It was as if the heavens had parted and showed him his future. They had the hard-hitting heavy stuff, each member at the top of their game, and now they were adding more dimensions. He was proud to be part of something so beautiful, so creative, so expressive. And, in his heart, he thanked Liam for being part of it too. His brother would always be part of this band.
And this was what it felt like to let go…and to let it in.
He could hardly wait to tell his therapist. She would definitely call this a huge breakthrough.
And they played the song almost perfectly. Stu, for his part, seemed quite pleased as they were reaching the end where Hayley would hold the final note until Adrian ended it with a faint, almost imperceptible cymbal vibration.
Until it was done and Stu was clapping like crazy, Kyle hadn’t realized that he, like Hayley, had closed his eyes to simply feel . When he looked around the space, he saw Melody standing near the door.
Jesus…she was a sight for sore eyes, an angel in the darkness. Ever since the blowup at his mom’s house on Christmas, things had felt weird and stiff between them. Now that a couple of days had passed—and, shit, here she was to watch a practice for the very first time—a huge wave of relief washed over him.
Everything was okay.
Wolf asked, “How did everyone feel about that time?”
“Hot damn,” said Pedro. “We kicked some ass.” The expression on everyone’s face told Kyle that they all seemed to agree—but his focus was torn and he really wanted to acknowledge to Melody that he’d seen her.
Hayley said, “I want to try a few things when we go through it again—but we can do a couple of different songs first.”
“Everyone want to take five really fast?” Wolf asked.
Pedro answered for everyone. “Does a duck with a stiffy drag weeds?”
“Oh, God,” Hayley said, clearly not amused.
Although Kyle smiled, he hoped Melody hadn’t heard it. Even though he knew he’d told her about Pedro’s penchant for answering simple yes/ no questions with colorful phrases, hearing an actual response could elicit something more akin to Hayley’s reaction.
Pedro started almost cackling. “I’ve been dying to try that one out. Another winner!” He held up his hand for Adrian to give him a high five and his friend did, albeit reluctantly. Kyle pulled his guitar over his head and placed it in the case at the back of the stage before turning back around to hop off the platform onto the main floor. Everyone else was headed in different directions, either toward the bar or the bathrooms.
Melody moved toward him still wearing her coat. Excited to see her, Kyle pulled her into an embrace.
And that was when he realized something was off. Letting go, he looked in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Can we talk?”
“Yeah. Do you wanna sit down?”
“Uh…not here. Can we go outside? Or would you rather wait till later?”
At first, Kyle wondered if Tommy had shown up at her place—or maybe the cops had gotten back in touch with her to deliver bad news. But then he knew…that wasn’t it.
She was leaving.
She’d been pondering it ever since her ex had shown up at Tequilaville threatening her—and how stupid Kyle had been thinking she was considering staying. He’d been rather impressed with his persuasive skills, but now he wondered if she’d just stuck around until it was a good time to bolt.
And as much as he wanted to talk her out of it, now was not the time. “Just a sec.” Kyle approached the stage again, this time pulling his leather jacket off a chair in front. As he turned and got closer to her, he pulled the jacket onto his arms. Melody was already walking toward the door. As he caught up, he said, “If you’re planning to leave, can we just talk about it after practice? That way, if your mind is made up, you can take my car instead of yours.”
They were outside by that point, but Melody continued walking a few feet from the door before turning around to face him. Although it was dark out, the streetlights illuminated enough that he could see her facial features—and he was immediately struck with another realization.
His guess must have been wrong. So what the hell was it? Was she pregnant or something?
“No, I, um…” Melody shook her head and then looked down momentarily, smoothing her forehead with the fingers of one hand. When she looked up at Kyle, her brows remained pinched together. He hoped his face looked calm, because inside was like a boiling mess.
But he kept his mouth shut, waiting.
Finally, she said, “Kyle, you are such a good guy—and, especially after Tommy, you have been exactly what I’ve needed. But this past month with you has really opened my eyes to a lot of things…especially the realization that I really need to be alone.”
Was he hearing her right? Did he understand what she was saying? “What?”
“You’re a great guy, Kyle…and you will be a good boyfriend for someone else someday. I know that. But it can’t be me.”
“What the hell does that even mean, Melody?”
“It means I’ve been doing some soul-searching.” As she spoke, Kyle tried searching her soul as well through her eyes— but it was like she was wearing a mask. “I realize that I make the wrong decisions time after time and it’s due to something fucked up inside me. My judgment is skewed and I really can’t trust what I think and feel.”
“Wait a minute. That’s not true.” None of what she was saying sounded honest—but Kyle had a theory. “Did Tommy show up again? Is he threatening you?”
“No.” The way she said it told Kyle she was at least being honest about that. “But look at how I’ve been running scared ever since he showed back up. It’s unhealthy—and I’ve been jumping at shadows and questioning my every move. I don’t know if I’m going to leave yet but I know I need to be alone so I can figure out what I should do next.”
“I can help you. We can do it together.”
“No—don’t you get it, Kyle? We can’t do it together. I can’t. I haven’t been making decisions for myself and that’s what I should be doing…what I should have been doing all along.”
It was as if she had a blade and she was slowly pressing it into his chest as her words began sinking in. But he still held on to a glimmer of hope. “Okay. So how long do you need?”
She swallowed and looked down, taking one of his hands into both her small ones. He tried to focus on how much he loved the touch of her hand, but he sensed it was futile. When she looked up at him, he tried donning emotional armor, freezing the muscles in his face, as he awaited the fate of their relationship.
“I’m really sorry, Kyle…but this isn’t just a cooling off period. I can’t see you anymore.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. What decisions aren’t you making for yourself? How have I stopped you from doing that?”
“To begin with, you didn’t let me leave when Tommy first showed up.”
Ignoring the knot in his gut, Kyle shook his head. “Yeah, okay. But do you really wanna spend your life running, constantly looking over your shoulder? Is that really the kind of life you want?”
Melody let out a long sigh. “I really didn’t want to say this.”
“Say what ?”
“I don’t understand—” She shook her head. “Look, it doesn’t matter. I care about you, but I also need to look out for me. So this is over, okay? I wish you the very best in your life, but I can’t be a part of it.” Letting go of his hand, she turned and started walking away while Kyle’s heart thudded to the ground. When she turned back around, he could almost feel it starting to ascend, but that changed quickly. “I almost forgot.” As she moved back toward him, she reached inside her purse—and what she handed him shattered his heart into a million pieces on the sidewalk.
It was the print he’d bought for her on their first date.
“I can’t keep this.”
“Why not? I gave it to you as a gift. You don’t return gifts.”
As she shook her head, Kyle saw a tear fly off her cheek. But that didn’t make any fucking sense. She was the one cutting every tie between them. She was the one twisting the knife in his gut. It was her, the woman who’d given him so much joy in such a short amount of time, who was now not only ending it all but almost making a mockery of it by giving him back the one gift he’d really wanted her to have.
As she walked away again, he glanced at the print in his hand and then looked back to her once more. Part of him wanted her to turn back, but a large part of him felt like a flayed piece of meat losing all its blood. Her words had completely eviscerated him, and he wasn’t sure what to do. He’d never been here before. He and Hayley had been together since they’d been kids and their breakup had been inevitable—the actual severing of emotion had happened long before they’d made it official. And they still cared for each other, but in a much different way nowadays. Their split had been a mutual decision. Maybe it should have hurt, but it hadn’t.
This…what Melody had done felt calculated and cruel.
How the fuck was he supposed to go back in the bar now?
As if he’d sensed Kyle’s thoughts, Adrian popped his head out the door. “You ready?”
All Kyle could do was shake his head, looking at the ground.
Adrian stepped outside in only his t-shirt. “What’s wrong?”
“Only…everything.”
“You need to talk about it?”
Again, Kyle shook his head. “Maybe later.” But he wasn’t so sure about that. He would probably talk to his therapist about it but tonight, he planned to buy a six-pack and, while he drank it, he was going to burn that fucking print. After that?
He didn’t know. It was still too goddamned fresh.