Chapter 7
Damon
“Li, the last time we were naked together, we were sixteen,” I remind him, leaving my shorts in place.
I remember that night well.
I already knew by then that I was attracted to him, and while he exhibited normal teenage boy behavior, wanting to whip his dick out constantly, I was enthralled and way too fucking eager to lay eyes on it.
He was already starting to put on muscle by then, and I wanted to map every line of his body.
Liam falls silent, and I let my head fall back against the side of the hot tub.
The deck isn’t covered, so when I look up, I can see the stars.
I’m desperately trying to soak in this moment with the love of my life beside me, safe and healthy, but it hurts.
Turning my head, I see he’s mirrored my position.
The way he held on to me in that bar had me drunk on love, lust, and the feel of him.
I wanted so badly to go weightless, to just fall back against his strong chest and let him hold me up.
But as always, I will choose to protect him over everything else…
even if that means protecting him from myself.
Pulling out of his grip to go to the bathroom tore my heart in half, and I probably imagined it, but I swear his fingers tightened ever so slightly when I started to move away from him.
Suddenly, Liam sits up. “You know what this night needs?” he asks.
“H-Burns,” I tell him without hesitation, reciting the name of the artist who sang the song that became the soundtrack to more than one of Liam and I’s adventures.
Dark and vibe-y, our favorite song works for any setting, and Liam’s right; this sky is begging for the sound of Night Moves.
He climbs out of the tub, grabbing my robe—because of course he forgot a towel—and runs across the frozen deck, his bare ass greeting me before he whips the robe around his body.
I hear the song change through the speakers, and I blink rapidly, pushing down my tears at the way the lyrics really hit for this situation.
It’s impossible to feel like this isn’t the last memory he and I will make to this song because even if we can survive the truth about his dad, how do I survive my feelings for him?
Before I can give in to the despair, I hear the sliding door open and wipe my cheeks.
“Damon?”
My blood freezes in my veins despite the heat of the tub. Liam never uses my full name. And he definitely doesn’t say it like that.
He knows, I immediately think to myself.
“Yeah?” I whisper into the night air, closing my eyes as my soul prepares to leave my body.
“You missed a text from your brother.”
I could play it off and pretend like I think it’s Ashton who texted me, but Tay deserves better from me, and Li deserves the truth.
As I’m trying to remember how to breathe, I open my eyes and see Liam move to the edge of the hot tub, waiting for me to speak.
“Um, what did it say?” I ask.
“Taylor hopes we’re having a great time,” Liam starts with his jaw clenched. “He also wants you to know, and I quote, ‘If it doesn’t feel right, there’s no pressure to tell him.’ He’s glad you two are ‘good,’ and he loves you.”
I close my eyes, searching for the right words, knowing there aren’t any. I should’ve told Liam the truth as soon as I learned it.
He’s the first to break the silence.
“You didn’t tell me you and Taylor made up. When did that happen?” he asks, accusatorily…and in an eerily quiet voice.
Looking my best friend in the eye, I tell him what I should have told him weeks ago. “Yeah, um, we’ve tried to repair some of the damage.”
Based on the way his mouth moves, I can tell Liam is literally biting his tongue before he throws words into the air, unable to pull them back once they’re out.
“Is this what you’ve been keeping from me?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say slowly.
“But?” he prompts, sensing there’s more based on my reaction.
“But that’s not all of it,” I admit, my heart rate spiking in my chest.
Liam’s face scrunches in pain, and I don’t care that it’s below freezing, or that he’s in my robe and I have no towel, I’m out of the tub in a flash, trying to pull him into me, but he plants a hand on my chest and pushes me backward.
For the first time in our lives, Liam pushes me away from him.
I know I deserve it, but fuck, it hurts.
“Li, let me explain,” I plead.
The anger in his eyes is unmistakable.
“Liam, please,” I whisper brokenly.
“You are the one person I trust more than anyone, Damon. When I felt like the whole world was against me, I always knew you were on my side. But it seems you’ve changed sides, and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me.”
He turns around, heading back into the cabin, and I race after him. All my feelings about personal boundaries have gone out the window. I don’t initiate physical contact with Li. Not because I don’t want him in my personal space, but because I do.
I do, so fucking much.
I’m afraid if he lets me hold him, I’ll never let him go, and then he’ll know the rest of my secrets. But right now, I have to try.
“Li, wait. Please. Let me explain,” I plead again, sounding like a broken record.
The water from the hot tub has frozen in my hair, and my chest and arms burn as I step into the warmth of the cabin. The temperature difference causes the numbness of my skin to fade, and feeling returns like tiny needles with white-hot tips.
Liam turns down the hall toward our bedrooms, and I do the only thing I can think of to stop him.
I fling myself at his back, wrapping my arms around his torso, and hold on for dear life.
“Liam, please. Let’s talk. I’ll explain everything. You aren’t going to like what I have to say, and…I’m scared.”
It’s this admission that finally gets him to stop walking.
He turns to face me while still in my arms. Our naked chests are pressed together, but I can’t even enjoy the sensation of finally having him against me like this.
It seems every time I get to hold Liam, it’s due to some tragedy or devastation.
What would it be like to hold him out of joy and desire with none of the bad stuff between us? I wonder.
He takes a shuddering breath, tipping his chin up and looking over my head.
Without thinking, I keep one arm wrapped around his back and place my other hand on the back of his neck to bring his forehead down to mine.
“Please,” I plead again, waiting with bated breath for his response.
My heart shatters when he says, “Not tonight. I need some space,” and rips himself from my grip.
The sound of his bedroom door shutting has my stomach threatening to empty.
My legs give out, and I slide down the wall, not knowing what else to do except sit outside his bedroom until he’s ready to talk to me.
I hear him moving around, and it isn’t long before the door opens again. My hopeful heart is pierced a second later when I see that he’s dressed.
He’s going out.
Liam doesn’t see me as he exits his room and trips over me. He curses, throwing a hand against the wall so he doesn’t crush me.
“Jesus fuck, Damon. What are you doing? Get off the floor.”
“Can we talk?”
“I said, not tonight. I’ll be back later.”
I want to beg him not to go, to plead for him to stay here with me. I want to pull him onto my lap and squeeze him until my arms ache, our size difference be damned.
I’ve fucked this all up.
“Don’t be worried if you don’t hear me come back in,” he says, gutting me further.
He’s going to look for a distraction. A woman to warm his bed and serve as a distraction.
I’m no longer his safe place, and he’s going to seek one elsewhere. I’ve just driven him into someone else’s arms, and they won’t even know they’re holding my entire world.
I barely make it to the bathroom before I’m on my knees, throwing up whatever has remained in my stomach from the day.