Chapter 10
Liam
Inever thought I would have to justify myself or my anger to Damon, but because it’s Damon asking, I actually take a minute to think about his question. My initial reaction is to get defensive, but he deserves better from me.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong. It was shocking as hell, and I’ll admit, I’m still a little disturbed, but what’s the hardest part for you? Was it because Taylor’s a guy? Was it their ages? Or the fact that it was my brother?” he presses gently.
I sit for another minute in full silence, really working to sort through all the thoughts I’ve pushed to the side about this.
“All of the above, I guess. Plus, it felt like a betrayal to my mom,” I finally admit.
“And more than that…it felt like some weird midlife crisis, which made it worse because how could he do that to her memory. How could he do that to me? I mean, fuck, D…my dad watched you and Tay grow up. He knew Tay as a kid.” It actually feels kind of good to get this off my chest. Damon and I never talked about it after it happened, and my dad certainly never brought it up.
“It just made me have so many questions. Like, how long had he seen Taylor as more than just your brother? Has he ever thought of you like that? It’s not like he just decided to get a new car, Damon. He was fucking your twin brother.”
Damon winces at my harsh statement, but hell, it’s true.
“I couldn’t help but get pissed and possessive every time I thought about it because although you and Taylor aren’t the same, you are.
That was your face he was staring at…your face he was coming to…
oh God, where’s my barf bowl?” Damon huffs a laugh at my theatrics, and I finish by realizing, “I was so pissed because they both put our friendship at risk. It’d felt like they had tainted what was mine,” I explain.
“But to hear that Taylor initiated it was a punch to the gut. I mean, he was always kind of our third wheel, and that had to have been awkward for him, since he literally shared a womb with you. He’s never been my biggest fan, and I guess I could see him doing that to, like, get back at me or something.
” The expression on Damon’s face when I look up at him is hard to read.
I’m not quite sure if he’s going to cry or yell at me, but I keep going.
“You said my dad used Taylor’s confidence against him, but is it so hard to believe that Taylor might use my dad’s grief against me? ”
Damon eyes me thoughtfully before taking a deep breath.
“Honestly? I don’t believe Tay has a vindictive bone in his body, Li.
If anything, I think they’re probably guilty of using each other a little, but I’m tired of punishing Taylor, and I’m pissed that your dad let him take the fall.
I mean, do you really think your father, at forty-seven years old, couldn’t make up his own mind about what he was doing?
Sure, it was shocking, but he was allowed to grieve however he wanted, and Taylor is an adult.
It didn’t need to be the huge thing it turned into,” he says with a shocking amount of understanding and rationality.
“I can understand your dad’s fear of losing you and destroying his relationship with my parents, but he just threw Tay to the wolves, Liam, and he hurt my whole family with that story. ”
Well, fuck. If this is all true, then he has a point.
And of course, it’s true because Damon doesn’t lie to me.
“I’ve wanted to tell you since the day I found out, but I really thought you should hear it from your dad.
I tried to give him a chance to come clean on his own, but I knew he hadn’t when you didn’t mention anything, which just pissed me off all over again because I’ve been sick over having to tell you. ”
Yeah, that’s a kick in the balls.
“You know my dad thinks I can’t handle shit.
Which is crazy since he’s never given me the chance to properly process anything that mattered by telling me beforehand instead of waiting until after shit has hit the fan.
Then he blames me for my reactions and uses them to perpetuate the belief that I’ll fly off the handle when something bad or stressful happens. ”
“I’m really fucking sorry, Liam. I was selfish, and like your dad, I didn’t want you to be mad at me. I put off having the hard conversation so we could at least have a couple of decent days here together first, but that didn’t really work out, either.”
I nudge him in the chest with my foot.
“It’s okay. At least you finally told me. I need to think on it a little longer, but it sounds like eventually I’ll have to have a conversation about this with my dad…and I probably owe Tay an apology. Jesus, I didn’t even go see him in the hospital.”
Damon gives me the first real smile he’s given me on this entire trip. Unease still lingers in his eyes, like the storm hasn’t totally passed, but for now, I’ll take the smile he’s offering.
“Tay has a heart of gold, just like you. He’ll forgive you, but your dad’s another story.”
Yeah, that’s fair.
“Since we’ve made up, is now a good time to ask if I can have another Coke?” I ask, grinning back at him.
He runs the knuckle of his index finger up the bottom of my foot, knowing I hate the way it feels, and I pull my knees to my chest.
Laughing, he stands. “Of course, you can. How kind of you to move so I can get up to serve you.”
I flip him the bird as he takes my trash.
While he’s in the kitchen, I flip around so that when he sits back down, I can lie with my head in his lap.
Damon gives the best scalp massages. He doesn’t even question the move when he sits.
He just holds his arms up so I can get comfortable before driving his fingers in my hair and tugging on my roots.
“Fuck, that feels good, D.”
We spend the rest of the afternoon watching movies on the couch, but my mind keeps wandering back to our conversation about his brother and my dad. I still have so many questions, but they can wait for another time. Right now, I’m just glad I have Damon back, and everything is out in the open.
No more secrets.