Chapter 13 Damon
Damon
Liam is watching Owen and Storm, but I’m watching Liam, trying to figure out how he’s going to react.
When he says, “They make it look kind of hot, don’t they?” I realize I’m part of the problem. The thought that Patrick and I are in the same camp when it comes to assuming Liam is somehow fragile and can’t handle life’s truths is reprehensible on my part, and quite frankly, unforgivable.
My only excuse is that I love Liam so fucking much, I want to create a safe and carefree world for him, and the harsh reality is that being queer in today’s world has never been safe or carefree.
I used to get so frustrated with Taylor for his outfit choices, his makeup fetish, and his need to be over the top with everything, until these last few weeks.
Watching Knox love my brother, encourage him, support him, and not find fault with a single one of his character traits has made me realize I was the problem all along.
And now, I’m being taught the same lesson again.
“Yeah, they really do.” The longing in my voice is painfully obvious, but if Liam notices, he doesn’t say anything. He does, however, talk incessantly on our walk back to the cabin, and I revel in the sound of his voice. God, I want to reach over and hold his hand.
When he placed his hand on my lower back earlier, I almost melted into a puddle right there in the entryway. I couldn’t stop myself from whipping my head around and glancing at him over my shoulder, but he just shrugged, like it was no big deal.
Except every time he touches me is a big deal…and becoming bigger.
With all my lovely revelations recently, I’m also growing guiltier by the day, knowing I continue to harbor secrets from him.
The thought of telling Liam I’m gay doesn’t terrify me the same way it used to.
Hell, after tonight, it doesn’t really scare me at all.
What chills me to the bone is knowing that once he knows I’m attracted to men, he’ll try to find me the perfect man, and eventually, I’ll have to come clean about being in love with him.
And I’m not ready for that.
Because while being gay may not impact our friendship, being in love with him definitely will.
How could it not?
“I mean, I totally think I could do it,” Liam continues beside me, causing me to whip my head toward him because…what? Liam thinks he could be gay?
“Well, maybe not the business side, because who the hell in their right mind would loan me a million dollars to get started, but like, I could do the rest of it.”
Oh. The bed-and-breakfast. Right.
Apparently, the idea of a B&B has really hit Liam in his chest because I haven’t seen him this animated in quite some time.
“You would have to put together a business plan and scout for potential investors,” I supply, trying to reengage.
“Oh, investors! Right!” He turns to look at me. “Um, how do you find investors?” he asks.
“Tell you what,” I start, “Taylor’s boyfriend is good friends with the guy who owns Ellington Enterprises.”
“The multi-billion-dollar investment firm?” Liam practically shrieks.
“One and the same. Why don’t I see if I can set you two up on a Zoom meeting, and you can pitch your idea to him? Maybe he can walk you through the steps you’d need to take. Hell, he might even have some clients willing to invest.”
Liam’s eyes widen. “I don’t know that I’m ready for all of that. I mean, I want to do it, but I need to think this through a little more before I waste someone’s time.”
His lack of confidence in himself hurts me.
“Li, you can do anything you set your mind to,” I remind him as our cabin comes into view.
“I know you think that. You’ve always been my biggest cheerleader, but that’s like real money, with real consequences, and you know I’ve never been so great at real-life anything, especially since Mom died.”
I stop unbuttoning my peacoat, ignore the alarm bells of my libido going off, and place my hands on Liam’s shoulders…
his broad, muscular shoulders that are being choked to death by the skin-tight sweater he’s wearing.
The same sweater that’s outlining his pecs and has demanded my attention all night.
Fuck. Focus, Damon.
“Losing your mom was traumatic, Li. Not being told she was sick left you with trust issues that were exacerbated when your dad started sleeping with my brother behind our backs. It was a betrayal on multiple levels, and I haven’t helped things recently, either.
Your response to these events is understandable.
What matters is that you’re working through them.
We are all evolving—at least we all should be evolving—into better versions of ourselves.
So, have some grace for yourself because I happen to think you’re very capable and would make a great business owner, especially in the hospitality industry. ”
My heart rate speeds up. With each word of truth I speak to him, I feel myself preparing to reveal one of the cards I hold closest to my chest.
“Thanks, D.” Liam pulls me into a rib-crushing hug after that.
When he releases me, I’m reluctant to let go and take an extra second just to breathe him in before pulling away.
“Mind if I get a little more work done?” I ask.
“Nope, you do you, man,” he replies.
I pull on sweatpants because I’ve spent the last several hours in real clothes. Plus, it’s cold as fuck in here since Liam insists on vacationing in an igloo. I grab a T-shirt and make my way back out to the living room with my laptop.
Liam is pacing back and forth with his phone to his ear.
“Yeah, we’re having a great time, thanks.
” He doesn’t have the phone on speaker, so I can’t hear what the other person says or even who it is, but it only takes me a second to figure it out when he says, “No, Dad. I’m fine.
Just tired after a long day. Let’s catch up later, okay?
” After another pause, he says, “Yeah, you too.”
“Acting like everything is normal?” I ask, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice, which is so fucking hypocritical of me. Christ, I’m going to have a stress-induced heart attack at this rate.
“Yep. Just wanted to check on ‘us boys,’ and make sure we have everything we need.”
I nod, unable to speak around the guilt lodged in my esophagus, as I set my laptop and phone on the coffee table.
Finally accepting that I’m not going to be able to enjoy the time we have left out here if I don’t come clean—about being gay, at least—I prepare to out myself for the first time in my life.
Suddenly, I’m not just cold, I’m fucking freezing, like my body is going into shock, and I wrap my arms around myself.
“See,” Li starts, not fully understanding what’s going on, but noticing my shaking frame, “this is why you need to own a hoodie, for crying out loud.” He crosses his arms and pulls his hoodie over his head before throwing it at me.
Of course, he doesn’t have a fucking shirt on underneath. Li acts like every article of clothing personally offended him, so he wears minimal amounts at all times.
Miles of bare skin are winking at me, taunting me.
“We’re buying you a hoodie before we leave,” he states matter-of-factly.
I pull the sweatshirt over my head, inhaling deeply. Maybe I subconsciously didn’t bring a sweatshirt because I knew he’d give me his…and no hoodie I ever buy could compare to this one simply because this one has spent countless hours against his skin.
My heart rate immediately begins to slow just from being wrapped in his scent. Maybe it would help if I made my confession while he was in my lap.
I almost laugh out loud at the thought, but decide to take the plunge.
It’s now or never.
“Li, I need to—”
“Do you think being queer is genetic?” he asks, interrupting me and leaving me speechless.
Maybe I haven’t hidden it as well as I thought.