Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
LEO
I wasn’t going to ask her to repeat her name, because there was a good chance I might not need to remember it, anyway. The tall, round woman with red hair stepped aside with a smile, revealing the other woman interviewing me today.
Except she didn’t need to introduce her to me.
Because I had just been inside her less than twelve hours ago.
* * *
“Where did you work before Sun Steer?” I asked Jacqueline one evening. We were on her living room couch because we hadn’t been able to make it to her bedroom this time. I had dropped the food I had grabbed on my way over because she was on me as soon as I walked through the door. Her tongue was demanding entry into my mouth before I could get a word in. Within minutes I had her bent over the back of her couch. Now, we sat side by side, naked, with my socked feet up on her coffee table while she threw her legs on the long side of the couch, leaning against my side under a throw blanket.
It was my favorite way she greeted me.
From the view I had of her profile, it looked like Jacqueline frowned at my question, and not the endearing frown-smile-thing she did, but a true frown.
“Blix,” she replied, before popping a chip into her mouth.
Sorry, a fry .
I was so glad she was someone who appreciated good takeaway as much as I did.
“That’s cool,” I grabbed my strip of fried potato and took a bite, but I kept my other arm around her waist to hold her snugly against my side, “Did you like it?”
She snorted before shaking her head once, “Not at all.”
“Why is that?” I pried.
Jacqueline shifted against me, and even though I lifted my arm to allow her to adjust her seat so her back was more against my side, I was grateful she didn’t pull away entirely from my question. She even went as far as to take my arm and wrap it around herself again once she was settled.
I wondered if physical contact was just as grounding for her as it was for me.
“Several reasons,” she sighed, before pulling the blanket up higher, covering her perfect chest, “Though a big one is because my ex is kind of a huge asshole.”
I tried my best not to stiffen at the mention of her ex.
“Do tell,” I managed to reply.
“Do you really want to know?” She turned her head, giving me her profile as she side-eyed me. I could feel how uncomfortable she felt having this conversation, but she wasn’t shying away from it either.
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.” I flexed my arm around her waist before leaning forward to grab my drink, taking a sip through the straw. It was a little more difficult to eat, wrapped up with her like this, but oh so worth it.
I was hoping my casual body language made her feel more comfortable sharing.
“Okay, so.” She was working herself up for this, I realized. She held tight to her chips, flexing her fingers over the cheap cardboard box they came in, “I met him working at Blix. About seven years ago.” She released a deep sigh, and her body relaxed against me as she started the story, “I wasn’t a director or anything. I just worked in the HR department. It was a huge company, even back then. So when this handsome sales rep started stopping by my desk more and more, I was flattered that I was supposedly singled out compared to everyone else there.” She traced the edge of her chip box with her index finger, “Within six months of officially dating, we moved in together.”
I glanced around the living space, wondering if this was the same space she shared with him. If it was, I hoped she and I had created new memories in it for her. Memories that didn’t involve him.
I side-eyed the kitchen counter, wondering if I could help her create more new memories to replace potential bad ones.
“That sounds fast,” I muttered.
“That’s because it was. Too fast, definitely.” She leaned her head against my shoulder, and even though I couldn’t see her face, I loved watching the back of her head lean into my body like this, “I was young. I hadn’t dated seriously before Vincent, and I thrived off of the attention. Everyone at work knew we were together, too—”
“—Pause, his name is Vincent?” I interrupted.
I felt her cheek pull back, she must have been smiling against my arm, “Yeah.”
“That’s the most evil-villain name I have ever heard,” I replied. She finally released a huff of laughter.
“You’re not wrong,” she laughed again before getting back to it, “The problem is, as soon as I was under his roof, that’s when he started to show me who he really was. He didn’t have to pretend to care anymore, he didn’t have to try to win me over. As far as he was concerned, I was locked in. He even tried to talk me into marriage within a few months of living together, and when I told him I wasn’t ready for something like that, I think that’s when even the little things angered him.”
I tried not to hold my breath, hoping that the story wasn’t going in the direction most stories went when a man in a relationship started feeling anger towards his partner.
“Did he hurt you?” I asked, doing a terrible job of hiding the fury in my voice.
Jacqueline was silent for a moment before whispering, “Yes, but not physically.” That didn’t help my mood, unfortunately. “He’s the kind of guy who feels better when he can put other people down. Suddenly, everything I did either wasn’t enough for him or was something that made him upset. When I started getting more promotions than him at work, making more money than him, that’s when his ego took a big hit.”
I rolled my eyes, not that she could see.
I’d met a couple of men like him in the past, “I stayed with him for three years. And yeah, there were good moments. Moments that kept me with him much longer than I should have been. He would put on the mask of the guy he was when we first met, usually after a fight or disagreement. I was convinced that that mask was who he really was. I was confident that he was just going through a rough time, and I even blamed myself for bragging about my success at work too much. But it wasn’t until we started going to couples counseling that I really started to see what the situation was.
“After a year of counseling every other week, I asked to see our counselor one-on-one. I was so lost, and so confused. Surely, I was missing something, because after a year of work, nothing really changed. I was convinced it was all my fault—Leo, I need to breathe.” I blinked, loosening my grip around her waist at her words.
“Sorry, sorry.”
“Don’t be, I know it’s upsetting,” she snuggled back into me once my hold on her relaxed enough.
“So what did your counselor say?” I pressed, not ready for her to change the subject quite yet even though everything she shared made an indescribable rage burn in my chest.
“Well, she ended up risking her license for me,” Jacqueline murmured.
That made me raise an eyebrow, “How?”
“So, the thing with couples counseling is that the couple is the client. The two of us. Which can be tricky, especially if the relationship is toxic or emotionally abusive in any way. We hired her to heal the relationship, to find a way to keep us together. So when I asked to meet with her one-on-one, and she told me what she really thought of our situation, it went against the ethics of the situation, since there wasn’t any physical abuse and I wasn’t in any obvious danger.”
I sighed, “Okay, but what did she say?”
Jacqueline shifted to set the chips down on the coffee table before turning so that she could tuck her legs underneath herself, laying her cheek on my chest, “She told me that she considered Vincent emotionally abusive. That no matter what I did, he would look for new ways to attack me. That he had no desire to change or improve. She told me—” She swallowed before continuing, “She said he was preying on my empathy. He knew I was quick to blame myself instead of him. That if I really did want to try to continue to work things out with him, she would help us, but she was tired of trying to lead me to the conclusion herself, and I needed to hear the words ‘emotionally abusive relationship’ point-blank.”
I whistled low, “Wow.”
“Yeah,” Jacqueline lifted a shoulder against me, before her index finger started tracing invisible shapes on my chest, “The problem is, I don’t always understand nuance that well. So when Vincent would randomly give me the silent treatment or slam a door, I would spiral trying to figure out what exactly I did wrong. I wouldn’t know we were even in a fight until he randomly snapped one day. Usually, it was for me not understanding what he said or expected of me. When our counselor tried to do the same, subtly hinting that Vincent had no intention of improving or changing, I didn’t get it either. She would say things like, ‘For every mile of progress you make, Vincent only makes a few inches, but he wants praise for it as if he also worked a mile.’ So I just kept thinking to myself, ‘Okay, I just need to be patient and work harder and wait for him to catch up.’ Instead of understanding that that was her way of saying that he never had any intention of improving.”
I set my drink down on the coffee table before slouching down some more, wrapping Jacqueline in both of my arms and resting my cheek on her forehead, “Can you give me an example?” I winced, “Sorry, I’m just trying to understand how not understanding nuance can cause a grown man to throw a tantrum toward his partner.”
Jacqueline released a short giggle before flattening her hand against my chest, “Okay, um…” She drummed her fingers on my skin, and every muscle in my body relaxed at her touch, “So, one day, we were supposed to go for a run together after work. I was home earlier than him, watching TV. When he came in, he slammed the front door, huffed and puffed, and was visibly upset. I asked him what was wrong, and he just said that he had a long day and didn’t want to think about it anymore. This was a couple of years into our relationship, and so I was trained to try to de-escalate his moods. So I immediately replied something along the lines of, ‘Hey, if you’re too stressed to go for a run and you just want to hang out at home, that’s fine.’ But apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.”
I lifted my cheek off her head to ask, “How was that the wrong thing to say?”
“Because,” she turned so she could rest her chin on my chest, giving me a quick glance, “He said, ‘I just want to forget about my day’ again, so I repeated, ‘That’s fine, we don’t have to go on a run if you don’t want to.’ But apparently, he did want to go on a run.”
I knew my face looked confused because her lips twitched with humor at whatever expression I had on, “Why didn’t he just fucking say that?”
“See!” She grinned, before resting her cheek against me again, “That’s so validating. So he was mad at me for a few days after that, and when we talked about it in counseling, he explained that he felt like I didn’t want to spend time with him. That I was always looking for ways to avoid spending time with him. Even though we spent that entire evening on the couch, watching TV together.”
I nodded, hating that Jacqueline was ever treated this way. I loathed the fact that a man had managed to convince a goddess like her to move in with him, and yet that was how he acted because he was too emotionally immature to deal with his own insecurities.
“I’m so sorry,” I managed to spit out, “So, your counselor finally told you how abusive it was?”
“Yeah. I still stayed with him for another few months after that, though. I wasn’t ready to hear what she told me. Part of me was convinced that I could even prove her wrong. Another part of me wondered if therapists nowadays just felt too comfortable throwing words like ‘abusive’ and ‘narcissist’ and ‘gaslighting’ around. That I wasn’t actually in an emotionally abusive relationship. I was embarrassed to admit that to myself, and she stayed on as our counselor until—ugh, I’m so stupid.”
“Don’t talk about my lover like that.” I scolded, planting a kiss on the crown of her head, “You aren’t stupid.”
“I felt stupid in the moment, though,” Jacqueline grumbled, “Anyway, I stayed with him another few months until I learned that he was cheating on me.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I couldn’t believe the nerve of this prick.
“Yeah, with someone else who worked at Blix.”
“What the fuck,” I rubbed my hand over my eyes, “You’re shitting me.”
“No,” Jacqueline shifted so that she sat up on her knees. The throw blanket was mostly over her as she tucked it around her chest, but there was a corner of it keeping my groin from making an appearance during this vulnerable conversation we were having, “I told Marco what I found on his phone and stuff, and—”
“Who’s Marco?” I asked shifting closer to her because I couldn’t help myself.
“My brother—my twin,” Jacqueline’s dark eyes lifted to meet mine.
“You have a twin? How did I not know this?” I mentally scanned all our past conversations and having a twin had never once come up.
“I never bothered to tell you until now,” Jacqueline smirked, shifting on her knees so that they rested against my thigh, “Anyway, Marco was there that same night with suitcases and cardboard boxes. He helped me pack up my apartment while I wrote my letter of resignation. I didn’t even give two weeks notice. I knew it wasn’t professional of me, but I just couldn’t stomach the thought of seeing him and the woman he was having an affair with. I didn’t even want to confront him. I just…left.”
“I’m so fucking glad you did.” I wrapped both of my arms around her waist, tugging her over onto my lap. She came willingly, and as she planted either of her thighs around my waist, I grinned at her.
“Yeah, me too.” She looked nervous as she untucked the blanket, letting me get an excellent view of her naked body straddling mine. She tucked either end of the throw blanket around the both of us, creating a little fort with both of our bodies. It was like she was shielding us from the outside world, and I loved it, “Vincent was an asshole about it, though. I think he couldn’t handle the fact that I was the one who left him . He didn’t even like me, but he insisted that I come back. He cared more about how my leaving made him feel than why I left him. He even ended things with the woman he was seeing, but it didn’t matter to me anymore. When he started to realize that I really wasn’t coming back, that’s when he got mean.”
I frowned, so when Jacqueline glanced up from her hands resting on my chest to meet my gaze, I was surprised to see her tuck her lips between her teeth and hold back a smirk, “You look upset.”
“I am upset,” I admitted, “I want to do unspeakable damage to this guy.”
“Well, you already punched him in the face, so—”
“Wait—” I interrupted her as I sat up, using my grip on her waist to keep her in place as I did so, because Jesus Christ I had already forgotten about that, “ That’s who that prick at the bar was?”
“Yeah,” She rolled her eyes, frowning again as she started running her hands up and down my chest, back and forth, “I hadn’t seen him in years before that. Since I started my job at Sun Steer, moved out of Marco’s and rented this place.”
I frowned, and she noticed my movement with a raised eyebrow, “What?”
I caught myself and shook my head, “Nothing.”
“No, tell me,” she slid her hands up my chest to start kneading my shoulders, “You made a face at a weird part of the story.”
I chuckled, leaning my head back against the couch, soaking up the feeling of Jacqueline fucking Williams straddling my lap and massaging my shoulders, “I did, but it’s for a ridiculous reason.”
“Just tell me.” She leaned toward me, her dark eyes bouncing between the two of mine.
I bit my lip in thought, and when her gaze dropped to my mouth, I finally admitted my childish thoughts, “Earlier I was just wondering if—god, I’m such a wanker for even thinking—”
“Leo, please tell me.” She leaned forward more, her breasts pressing against my chest as her arms wrapped around my neck. Jacqueline laid her head on my shoulder, letting her hair fall and tickle my skin.
“Fine, fine,” I sighed, wrapping both of my arms around her back to keep us chest to chest, “I got a little excited at the idea of shagging on every surface in this flat.”
Jacqueline didn’t stiffen in my arms at the admission, instead, she was quiet momentarily before asking, “Why?”
“Because then we’d replace any memory you had of him in this flat with—hopefully—a better one.” And that was when Jacqueline pulled back to look at me with a pinch in between her dark brows. I held my breath, waiting for the scolding. For the reprimand of how childish my thoughts were.
But that never came.
Instead, a slow, small smile pulled on the corners of her lips, “…We could still do that.”
I raised an eyebrow, “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” she blushed, and it killed me to see Jacqueline blush like that when she was sitting her bare arse on my bare thighs. Her warmth mere centimeters from where I was starting to harden underneath her, “I’ve never had an exciting sex life before you.”
I grinned, pride coursing through me, “Our sex life is exciting?”
“Obviously,” Jacqueline shifted against me, smirking at my hold tightening on her, “You’re the only one who matches my energy like this.”
I leaned forward to capture her lips, my hands on her waist dropping to cup her firm, tight ass, “I’m also the only one you feel comfortable orgasming with, don’t forget that.”
Instead of scoffing or shaking her head or getting embarrassed, Jacqueline nodded and traced my bottom lip with her tongue before saying, “Yeah. Just you, Leo.”
And damn if that wasn’t the best thing that I had ever heard Jacqueline say to me.
The conversation shifted then, and something about the next time we were joined was different. Jacqueline didn’t need me to grunt demands in her ear, instead, she hopped off the couch to grab another condom before crawling back into my lap. We didn’t speak beyond groans and whimpers of euphoria when I gripped her hips to guide her over me. When I grabbed the back of her neck to bring our lips together, seconds from unraveling, she wrapped her hand around my neck, too. Anchored against each other as we raced toward that edge, much faster than expected.
Soon we were both spent. Jacqueline’s head rested on my shoulder, struggling to catch her breath, as she whispered, “Thanks for letting me talk about that.”
I turned to kiss her shoulder, squeezing her tight against me as I murmured, “Of course,” against her skin.
I was starting to realize how this looked.
How our casual shags were slowly morphing into more.
It wasn’t me coming over to her flat for a quick fuck and some post-coital cuddling before I left anymore.
Instead, we were eating dinner together more often than not. We spent the evenings together beyond having sex. We spent quality time together, getting to know one another. Tonight just happened to include some trauma dumping, which I encouraged her to open up about.
I referred to Jacqueline earlier as my lover, and she didn’t question it, but part of me wondered if I wanted to ask for more.
Acknowledging how her last serious relationship ended (that also started at her workplace), I understood any potential hesitation about jumping into some type of commitment with me. Perhaps it was too early. We had only been doing this for a few weeks at this point.
I was in upper management.
She wasn’t.
Even though it never felt like it, on paper, unethical power dynamics lingered between us.
So instead I focused on what I did get with Jacqueline.
How I was still the only one to get this with Jacqueline.
How I was content to keep this secret between us a bit longer, for both her protection at work and also mine.
But mostly hers.