Chapter Fourteen
Liam
It feels like Christmas morning. That rush you get knowing when you walk down the stairs and the front room is teeming with gifts, lights are shining and the frost is crisp on the windowsill. That is the only way I can describe the feeling thumping through my veins right now. It’s stupid really, I feel almost giddy just because Ellis is standing in my kitchen giving me marching orders for the day.
Finally, my team are going to meet the mother of my child. Since I told them the truth I have been pushing for Ellis to meet them. I think when she knows the type of people they are she will be a little less mad about them knowing. She can see that they will keep it a secret. Jack is stood by his mother’s side looking as giddy as I feel about the idea of a big barbecue with my closest friends; it is lighting up his eyes. There is something so right about them in my space.
Images of Ellis cooking when I get home from practice or Jack sat at my dining room table doing homework flood my senses, us cuddled on the couch watching film after film while our baby is asleep upstairs. Although it’s only a dream, it feels so close to reality as she tells me to get the deck ready for guests.
The springtime air is crisp but the skies are clear. I hope we get a nice summer to match my sunny disposition lately. This is the first ever barbecue I’ve hosted, but all my other ideas for how to introduce the guys to Ellis never felt right. Dinner party: too formal. Meal in a restaurant: too loud and not private enough. There was Ellis’s plan of just never meeting them, but I’m pretty sure she was joking or that she was just still angry about them knowing. Though with her British humour, I can never quite tell.
Jack was on my side. Before me, he never really watched hockey, but I think having me in his life has brought out a love for the sport. He was most excited to meet Jackson Felix, the Spears goalie, and I had to be the one to tell him that Felix wouldn’t be attending. Actually, a lot of the team still only knows the bare minimum about our situation, there is no way I am letting it slip again.
Edge was right when he said Cassie was going to kill me when I told her I was going to be a dad. The PR department were easily placated once she heard how serious I am about Ellis and my family. Still, she told me to keep everything as low key as possible right now, more so for Ellis’s sake. Since she found out about Ellis’s fibromyalgia, she wants to make sure Ellis has as straightforward a pregnancy as she can. Coach Mitch agreed: he was openly happy for me but he knows that it is better to keep this as close to the chest as possible to make sure Ellis’s pregnancy is as stress free as we can make it.
Luckily for all of us, journalists don’t care as much about me now that I’m not partying like a rookie. But if even one reporter made Ellis uncomfortable, I don’t think I’d handle that well. Thankfully, there are so many more players going out drinking and getting up to mischief that it can be easy to slip under the radar. Especially now that I am an older player. There is always someone younger, more interesting. The last time I was really in the news was when I was traded home, but even then it was a case of welcoming me back more so than anything dramatic. When there are players on the team like Anders who feature in underwear campaigns I am not the person the press wants to follow.
Keeping her and Jack out of the limelight was Cassie’s advice, that was after she threw a pencil at me for not telling her as soon as it happened. Given the circumstances, I had expected her to at least throw a stapler so I will take that win.
Ellis asked if we could have a bit more time to decide how we want to tell the world and Cassie granted us that. She has a statement ready to go if it leaks before we are ready, saying we were keeping it a secret so Ellis wasn’t caused any stress given her health. Cassie hopes that will garner sympathy from people who might be mad they didn’t know. Only time will tell.
It’s less than an hour until the guys arrive and the garden is sparkling. Back inside, the house feels like a home. Ellis is sat at the kitchen island drinking some tea while Jack is sat on the rug going through a box I haven’t seen in a long time.
“He found it while polishing your trophies, I told him I’d show them to him, but he wanted to wait for you.” Ellis’s words are curt, still slightly stiff with me but she smiles politely, not wanting Jack to feel any tension. He runs over to grab my hand and pulls me over to the box of college pictures on the rug.
On top of the box is written “College Memories”. There is another box somewhere with my first year in the NHL but that has nothing fun for Jack in it. In this box there are a bunch of pictures of his mom and me.
Ellis leaves us to our boy time while I go through a bunch of different pictures of a younger me. I don’t remember aging this much, but the boy in these pictures looks nothing like the man I see each morning in the mirror.
Jack holds every picture of his mom and I can see how much he treasures them with how delicate he is being. Most boys his age wouldn’t care about any of this but Jack is not like other kids. No, Jack is quiet and introspective, so gentle just like I hope our baby will be.
“Can I keep this one?” Jack is sat close to my side, holding one picture tighter than any other. In this picture I’m sat on a couch with Ellis settled on my legs. I’m looking down at Ellis while she is laughing at whoever was behind the camera.
“Of course you can, bud, but don’t you want one of just your mom?” I ask.
“No thanks, I like this one best,” he says bluntly.
As Jack wonders away with the photo in tow, my doorbell rings. Ellis’s eyes jump to mine, filled with anxiety. I give her a reassuring smile and sigh – all I can muster – before I swing the door open to reveal Anders. He’s stood with all his Southern manners, showing up right on time with a bouquet of flowers.
“You gonna invite me in Ruin or just look at me with moon eyes?” Anders smirks, sending me a joking wink. So much for those manners I guess. Instead of replying, I move out of his way so he can waltz past me.
Ellis appears in the kitchen doorway, smiling at Anders.
“You must be Ellis! I’m sure you could have made a better bouquet than this, but I tried.” He says with a Texan drawl that could win over the coldest of hearts.
Ellis’s smile widens at him. “Don’t be silly,” she teases. “I appreciate them, thank you.” She takes the flowers from him, allowing him to lean in for a peck on her cheek.
I want to listen in on the rest of their exchange, make sure there is no awkwardness between them, but the doorbell ringing again pulls me away. On the other side I can hear both Rook and Edge bickering.
“Just don’t be a dick, Ellis needs to like us,” I hear Edge muttering aggressively.
“Says the world’s biggest asshole, don’t scare the kid,” Rook snaps back.
“I’m just an asshole to you,” Edge spits back.
“Love you too buddy— Hey, Ruin, nice place.” Rook snaps to attention when I swing the door open and I gesture towards the inside of the home. But with none of the social etiquette of Anders, he shoves past me to get inside.
I don’t bother stopping him; it will be less painful to just let him introduce himself. I warned Ellis beforehand about all the boys’ personalities. She refused to meet them unless she was fully prepared, not that I blame her. She was worried they were going to be the stereotypical meat-head sports people that you see in teens films. I have to trust these guys every time I hit the ice and I know that they will have our back. Ellis just needs to see it for herself.
Honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t start taking notes with how much information she wanted. I have known Edge for four years, Anders for two and Rook for a year; yet I still didn’t have answers for everything she asked. I didn’t know what any of them studied at school or how many sisters Anders has. Despite knowing Edge for the longest, it shocks me when he walks up to Ellis and smiles. Really genuinely smiles. He even has dimples, where the hell did they come from?
“Hi, I’m Jay,” he introduces himself warmly, but it takes my brain a moment to adjust to what I just heard. There’s no way he asked her to call him Jay .
“Nice to meet you, Jay.” Ellis blushes. My Ellis blushed for Edge. Before anything else happens, Rook nudges him out of the way.
“I assume I don’t need a reintroduction?” Rook says full of confidence.
“I’m sorry, have we met?” Ellis tilts her head playing the perfect role.
“Ouch, my poor heart. Don’t worry Ellis, I know before Ruin stole my thunder there were sparks between us.” He winks at her like he did once before. He wishes , I think to myself.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Ellis winks back at him mockingly. I can see the tension in her shoulders softening every minute.
“Hi dude, you must be Jack?” Rook asks dropping into a squat in front of Jack, lifting his hand for a high five which Jack quickly returns.
As brief introductions come to an end and the full swing of conversation fills the room, the house bursts into life. Music starts humming through the speakers as Ellis hits play on her favourite playlist and everyone is laughing as though they’ve known her forever. The players are waiting hand and foot on her without me having to ask, and much to her annoyance, nobody stops when she asks them to.
With the four of us she shouldn’t have to do a single thing today.
I haven’t known Jack for very long but in that time this is the happiest I’ve seen him. He is stood with both his hands on his hips and his brows are drawn down as he explains the rules of “football” to Rook. I keep repeatedly calling it soccer, to which both Ellis and Jack correct me.
Even though Rook could run circles around many professional players, he is listening with rapt attention. I think this is the longest he has ever listened to anyone that wasn’t coach Mitch or Cassie. Now though, he is asking questions and asking for Jack’s advice on how to kick the ball. Beside me, Ellis is hiding a smile behind a glass of juice with stars in her eyes looking at her boy.
“I like you both happy,” I tell her.
“Seeing him like this, confident and open, it makes me happy. If his dad was around he wouldn’t be this kid.” I wish I knew more about Jack’s father, but a part of me knows that if I knew how to find him I would find myself in a prison cell.
“Ellis! Help me!” Rook hollers from the ground rolling in the grass as Jack laughs above him.
“That was a red card for sure!” Anders shouts and Edge goes to join Jack above our teammate.
“Don’t worry kid I’ll hold him down.” Edge lies on Rooks chest and Jack laughs harder, beginning to tickle him.
“Ellis! I’m a damsel, save me!” Rook is still hooting and hollering and Ellis is holding her sides from how hard she is laughing, she looks truly free and open. It’s glorious to see.
Eventually Edge rolls off Rook to help him up but Rook goes limp. “I need a kiss from a princess to save me.”
“If you think I’m getting down on that floor you’re crazier than you look.” Ellis laughs, walking away and into the house, leaving the men to fend for themselves.
I follow behind her, needing to get myself a drink too. I shake my head at her in dismay, speaking low, “If you weren’t pregnant with my baby, Rook would absolutely be trying to date you.”
She tuts at me. “I wouldn’t date any of these idiots.” She holds her pinkie finger up to promise me, but instead of linking it back, I hold her hand in mine, close to my face.
“Does that include me?” I whisper against her knuckles.
“I’m not sure. If you had asked me when you told them about the baby. There would be no way but now – I get it. They are easy to talk to. I guess I forgive you, that’s what I am trying to say.” Her breath is heavy and I feel the pulse in her wrist thumping against my fingers. There is barely an inch between us, but it still isn’t close enough. Any distance would be too far when it comes to Ellis, so I can’t help it when my body sways even closer to hers.
Every one of my prayers are answered when her body sways towards me too. She lifts her chin so her lips graze against mine. Before I close the tiny gap between us, her phone rings from the counter. Snapping out of our haze, she darts past me to grab it.
“Lyndsey is outside, I’ll go let her in.” Her voice is a laboured gasp, but it’s enough to pull me back to the room.
After less than a minute, Ellis is ushering her friend out to the garden. The distance is a palpable thing pulling us away from each other again, but now I know she wants me too beside her hormones, I could see it in her face. Even if only for a second, she felt it. It had to mean something.
It hits me like a wave as I watch Ellis play with Jack after introducing Lyndsey to the guys. This is the life I’m lucky enough to have, and I’m going to give it my everything. After this season, I only have one more on my contract with the Spears, and I never would have thought I would be ready to retire when I signed it – but somehow I do. Plus, even if I did sign again I only have a few good years left in me. Hockey is physically demanding and soon my body is going to protest against the strain. I want to be here for Ellis and Jack and our baby, see them grow and hold them when they cry. I want to have my family. I need to figure out if now is the right time or if I am just being swept up in the emotions of becoming a parent.
Hockey was my driving force, but Ellis has given me so much more than I thought I deserved. Even if she doesn’t want the same things as me, if she doesn’t want to be a family, I will come to terms with that. But I don’t want to miss a single moment of our future.
My life.
With Ellis.