Chapter Twenty-Two
Liam
Even during the offseason, I try to spend as much time as I can on the ice.
Not making the playoffs this season was a blessing and a curse. No NHL player wants to get knocked out, so obviously it sucks that all the hard work the team put in wasn’t enough. My contract coming to an end plus the fear of being away from Ellis if she needs me is a lot to deal with. I know that I only have a few good years left, and I want to leave on my own terms – not because my body can’t handle the strain.
I’m loving having extra time with Ellis and Jack during the offseason as the pregnancy has moved past the halfway point. There’s just one glaring issue: the sex. It was amazing. It was what I wanted. But it was our boundary, and we broke it. Now I have no idea where I stand. Where we stand.
There is only one thing that keeps me from calling Ellis and putting on the pressure about our relationship: being on the ice. I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be at the rink when I got here a few hours ago, but colour me surprised, because a few minutes after I got out on the ice, Edge followed behind.
Honestly, I think he is beating himself up a little bit. No player wants to lose and I think he is trying to prove himself for next season. It’s a commendable thing, but I’m not good enough at pep talks to tell him that. Instead I told him to get in goal so I could work on my slap shot.
To be candid, Edge is shit in goal. Too big to move quickly enough to block, but I figure if I was in goal he’d take his frustration out on me and that doesn’t sound like fun.
“Ruin I didn’t come here to be your puck boy, I want to run some drills.” He finally whips his helmet off yelling at me. I nod to him and with a relieved sigh he skates to the bench for some water.
We race up and down the ice for a while until someone else joins us: Anders. He announces his presence by skating over while slow clapping.
“At least I know two of my players are working out instead of drinking all night.” He drawls as he nears, and I notice the bags under his eyes.
“Shit, who’s in trouble?” I ask, my chest heaving. Sweat drips from the ends of my hair.
“Got a call at two a.m. from Rook because he needed a lift home from some bar. Kid was drunker than a skunk. My car still reeks.” Normally Anders would be mad, but we know why he isn’t. Rook is blaming himself for us not making the playoffs. He was about to score when he got slammed into the boards, causing him to give the puck away to the Kings, which led to them going one up. We lost by one and he has been punishing himself ever since.
“Do we need to do something?” Edge asks. Underneath his burly exterior he loves his teammates, if he can do something to help he will.
“He is just blowing off steam, I’ll give him till the end of the month and if he’s still wallowing then I might need all y’alls help.” Edge and I just nod. There’s nothing I can say right now anyway, but if the time comes when we need to show up for our teammate, we will.
Anders takes over as coach for the next hour, yelling at us like we are back in college trying to impress scouts. I don’t think I have ever seen Edge this shade of red before and he has more stamina than me, god knows the state I’m in.
Eventually I look over at my friend and see the same desperation in his eyes that I feel, so without an ounce of subtlety I fall back onto the ice. Edge lays down next to me. A mixture of the body exhaustion and the feeling of being reprimanded by our captain is just funny right now and we break into hysterics. Anders doesn’t share our humour if the look on his face when he stands over us is anything to go by.
“What do y’all think you’re doing? I didn’t tell you to stop.”
“Who knew he was such a hard ass?” Edge whispers out the side of his mouth, making me laugh even harder.
“I love you, Cap, but it was either stop or pass out on the ice.” I give him my best shit-eating grin and he rolls his eyes before leaving us hurting.
“I think my body is shutting down now I’m becoming a dad,” I tell Edge while trying to stand back up again.
“No that’s not it, you’re just getting old.” He laughs and smacks my ass before skating off leaving me to chase after him.
I spent more time at the rink than I planned, but it was nice to spend time with Edge. Since we traded from Vancouver I feel like we haven’t spent much time together alone. For a while when we got here I clung to him, I was insecure about being home again thinking my life was going backwards and he was my tether to reality.
But now, I want to spend all my time by Ellis’s side, so naturally our friendship has taken a back seat. Out there on the ice though, we are as tight as we’ve always been.
After jumping out of the shower I change quickly so I can get to Ellis’s place in time to see her before she has to leave to get Jack. I offered to get him on my way back from the rink, but she likes their car rides together, I think she wants everything to be as normal as possible before everything changes.
My heart stops when I pull my phone out of my bag to see:
9 Missed Calls from Sunshine
5 Missed Calls from Lyndsey
2 Voicemails from Sunshine
1 Voicemail from Lyndsey
6 Texts from Sunshine
The first voicemail stops me in my tracks, “ Hi Liam it’s Lyndsey, Ellis is on her way to the hospital, she will probably downplay it but she fainted and was having some cramping. I have the shop covered but someone will need to pick up Jack later. Give her my love when you see her. ”
Her words echo as the next message begins to play, this one from El:
“ Liam, don’t panic but I’m on my way to the hospital. ” Her voice is shuddering and my knees nearly buckle. “ I fainted but don’t worry. I’m sure everything is fine. Please call me. ”
She has been crying, I can hear it in her voice. I know she must be scared out of her mind all alone. Fuck , I need to get to her.
I’m running down the hallways towards Anders when the third message plays.
“ Getting checked in so they can check on the baby; they just want to make sure everything’s fine. Sorry for calling so much, I just want you here. ” She needs me and I was fucking about on the ice. My heart hurts and it’s hard to breathe; all I can think about is getting to her.
“Ruin? What’s wrong? What happened?” Anders grips my shoulders as I try to push past him. I hear him shouting for Edge but his voice sounds like it is underwater.
“Ellis – she fainted. She’s in the hospital.”
“Shit, okay, let’s go.” Anders pulls away from me and starts to jog alongside me towards the parking lot. I don’t notice when Edge joins us but my captain throws him my keys. “Edge, you’re driving.” I don’t even remember giving him my keys.
I need my keys.
I need to get to the hospital.
“No. You’ll crash and you will be no help to anyone if you’re dead.” Either I said it out loud or he read my mind, but I can’t think past my own worry enough to question him.
“Need to see her.” I need to know my Sunshine is okay . If I don’t breathe properly soon though I’m going to need the hospital bed beside her.
When I do steadily breathe again I will probably be thankful that Anders didn’t take us in his car; if it smells as badly of booze as he said then I would have thrown up. I feel on the verge of it already.
“Liam, I need you to listen to me.” Anders voice starts to come into focus as we drive out of the lot, but I think it’s the shock of him calling me Liam instead of Ruin.
“What?” I ask.
“If you are in this state when you see her, she is going to be scared. Do what you need to now before we get there.” What does he mean?
“Liam if you need to shout, do it now, if you need to cry go ahead, but you need to fucking breathe.” Edge’s voice is calm and collected, breaking through my spiral.
“Shit, okay. FUCK! AHHHH!” I yell out until my throat is hoarse but I can also feel my heart rate starting to steady. Just in time too, because Edge has just turned into the hospital parking lot – so fast I think we go in on two wheels.
I don’t care – all that matters is getting to my girls. My feet pound on the pavement and the double doors slide open for me.
“Ellis Ainsley, I need to see her.” Thanks to the guys, I’m able to speak in full sentences again, but I still feel the weight of five men pressing on my chest.
My voice doesn’t startle the woman behind the desk, but the footfall of three hockey players running probably gave us away. Moving too slowly for comfort she starts typing on her computer and eventually she looks up at me with boredom in her eyes.
“Are you family?” She waves her hands dismissively at me and the guys.
“I’m her fiancé.” I don’t think and the words are out there. There is a doctor stood holding a clipboard who I didn’t notice at first, tunnel vision only letting me see one obstacle at a time. She glances over the receptionist’s shoulder before smiling at me.
“You must be Liam, follow me.” She points down a corridor, but before I walk down it, Anders grabs me by the elbow.
“Liam, we are going to go pick up Jack okay? Cassie is on his pick-up list right?” When I nod he continues, “We’ll take him to your place and wait for y’all there,” he reassures me.
“Thank you, I’ll call you when I know anything.”
“Go get your girl man.” Edge pats me on the shoulder and I’m off. I scurry after the doctor as she leads me down corridor after corridor, it’s a labyrinth that my Sunshine is waiting in the middle of, a prize that I hope is alive and healthy.
“How did you know my name?” I ask the doctor, breaking out of my fog, as she leads me onto the maternity ward.
“As soon as Miss Ainsley knew she was being admitted she was asking for her partner, when you wouldn’t pick up the phone she was cursing your name.” I don’t think I am going to let my phone out of my sight ever again. Silence falls between us for a moment but I need to know what to expect.
“Is she going to be okay?”
“Why don’t you see for yourself?” At that she stops at a door and nods towards it. I know that if something bad had happened then there would have been more questions or more waiting, but I’m still terrified of what I will find. I take two deep breaths to calm my shaking hands and reach for the handle.
Behind the door Ellis is sitting up on the bed with an IV in her arm and a grey band wrapped around her exposed bump. Now my heart is thumping for a different reason. She looks so small. I know can see she’s awake, but that doesn’t mean she is safe.
“Ellis! Fuck, are you okay?” I’m across the room and taking her into my arms. I need to feel her skin against mine. I need to feel that she is warm and alive; her heartbeat can be heard on the monitor, but it doesn’t feel like enough.
“I’m fine Liam, I promise,” Ellis whispers against my shoulder as I take my time breathing her in.
“And— and the baby? Is the baby okay?”
“She’s fine. Strong as hell.” She starts running her fingers through my hair so I settle in beside her. I needed to know she was okay but I think she just needed me .
“Sunshine.”
“We’re okay Liam, we’re okay.”
“I thought… I don’t even know what I thought, but god, I was so scared.” On the bed I sit beside her and tuck her into my side so I can rest my head on top of hers. It will take an act of god to pull me away from her.
There was a time I lived for nobody, all I lived for was the thrill of taking to the ice with hundreds of people screaming my name. As much as I loved it, there was something missing, something empty in my heart. For a minute today, my heart stopped because I thought that the person I want to spend my life with was hurting.
My heart stopped because the idea of living without her and Jack and our baby didn’t feel like a life I could live. I have missed out on a lot of things that normal people have in their lives. A nine-to-five job, a steady home that I go back to every night instead of moving around the country every few years, strong relationships built on trust and not on what I can offer.
I was never ungrateful. I have money to help people who need it. I have a job people would kill for. My family loved and supported me wholeheartedly when I was young. But I would give it all up in a second to keep Ellis safe. Forget the money and the fans screaming my name, as long as I can come home at the end of the day and lay in bed next to Ellis then it will be a damn good day. Right here, as I sit beside Ellis a stillness settles over me. I don’t think I can sign another contract for the Spears. Another year away, travelling and missing everything. I don’t think I can stomach it. This is where I am meant to be.
“I’m waiting for the doctor, I need to pick Jack up soon so I need the discharge papers.” Ellis breaks through my thoughts when she notices the time.
“No chance. Anders and Edge have gone to get Cassie to pick up Jack. They’re going to take him home and chill with him until we can leave, and we are not leaving until we know for sure that you and the baby are okay,” I tell her, tipping her face up to mine with a finger under her chin. Ellis didn’t fight about adding Cassie to Jack’s pick-up list. It made sense, if Ellis is ever in too much pain and I am travelling with the team, it means Lyndsey doesn’t have to close up the shop to get him.
“They have Jack?” Her brows furrow.
“They dropped me here and left to get him, they’re his family now, too.” I assure her with a small kiss, just a peck on her forehead. I can’t help myself, my hands itch to rub over her skin, needing to feel her reassuring warmth against me.
“Family?” she whispers as I pull away, more to herself than to me and her eyes flood with tears.
“Fuck, why are you crying?” Her face drops to the centre of my chest and her tears soak my T-shirt.
“I miss having a family.” Her words are muffled against the fabric, but they hit my heart with the strength of ten men. She has a family now and I’m not going anywhere.
“So… I’m your partner, huh?” I need to see her smile more than my next breath.
“You caught that?” Her voice is still quiet but her shoulders shake in a small laugh.
“Best thing I’ve heard all day,” I tell her honestly, but after all the other things I’ve heard today it wouldn’t be a task to top them.
“Ignore that.” She laughs and moves to look up at me. “Apparently I fainted because I was dehydrated and under nourished.”
“How did that happen? Have you not been eating?”
“See, here’s the thing… No, I haven’t.” Before I can ask what the hell she means, she continues, “Wait, look okay, so I have been in so much pain that eating hadn’t even crossed my mind. I’ve had a few meals here and there but on the whole, not so much. It’s not like I have been doing it on purpose; I wouldn’t do that.”
“Ellis—”
“I know, I’m going to do better, shit you can force feed me if you have to. I never meant to put me or the baby at risk, I just wasn’t thinking.” She interrupts me but that’s not what I am mad about, I’m angry at myself.
“I’m so sorry Sunshine.”
“What are you sorry for?” Confusion laces her tone.
“I should have been paying more attention, I should have noticed you weren’t eating and I should have been there when you fainted and I wasn’t. I’m so sorry.” I kiss her head and feel her melt into my embrace. We don’t say much other than me checking she is comfortable until the door opens half an hour later.
“Hi Miss Ainsley, how are we doing in here?” The same doctor that showed me in comes back into the room with a smile.
“Ready to go home please,” Ellis tells her.
“We can do that, but there are some conditions.” The doctor checks over the baby’s heart monitor as well as Ellis’s and looks up with a smile.
“Okay…?” Ellis wants to get out of here. I can feel the need buzzing under her skin.
“There was no bleeding and the cramps were just a product of the dehydration; the baby seems strong. That being said, I think it would be best for both the baby and yourself if you go on bed rest.”
“Done,” I say at the same time Ellis says:
“I can’t do that!”
“I’ll go get the discharge papers while you guys talk it through.” Her lips thin as she tries to hold back a smile, leaving us alone in the room.
I turn to her. “Ellis?”
“Liam?” She is looking at me as if I am crazy, I know why she won’t want to do it, but this is for her, for our baby. I can hear her complaint before she opens her mouth. “I have a kid and a business, I can’t lie around all day.” There it is .
“You can and you will, the doctor recommends it and I’m going to implement it.” She can fight me all day long. She can fight me until she is blue in the face, but her health is my top priority.
“How do you plan to do that?”
“I’ll step up for Jack, we don’t have any games to play until the season starts up again and I’ll tell coach I need a leave of absence from training. Lyndsey can look after the shop. She has keys and has been there for as long as Jack has been alive – the place isn’t going to up and run away.” The more I talk, the more sense it makes, it sounds like a practised argument even if I am just spitballing.
“So, what? You’ll sleep on my couch and take over as head parent while I do nothing all day?” She thinks I’m being over the top but she is underestimating the lengths I will go to for the people I love.
“No—” I start, but she interrupts.
“Exactly.”
“You and Jack will move into my place, there’s no way I’m sleeping on a couch when I’m six foot four,” I say. Before she has a chance to shoot that down, I tell her the rest of my master plan that I am making up on the spot: “You can both have your own rooms if you aren’t ready to be in mine, there are plenty of them. Edge lives two minutes away if we need him, but I know we won’t because I am going to be the best nurse you could ask for.”
“Th-that… actually sounds like a good idea?” she says with some disbelief in her voice. Hell, yeah it does , I think. It will take time, but I have four more months of pregnancy and hopefully the rest of our lives where I am going to be by her side, being her support because there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be.