Chapter 19
NINETEEN
Fuck, I didn’t think this through.
Sophia has already ventured into the indoor pool area, and the inviting sounds of water and laughter reach my ears as I remain in the changing rooms, staring at my reflection in the harshly lit mirror.
In this unforgiving light, all I can see are my big thighs, the stretch marks that adorn them, and the cellulite that has always made me self-conscious.
Everything I typically keep hidden beneath layers of clothing is now exposed, laid bare for anyone to see.
To make matters worse, the ceiling lights in this facility are far from flattering, casting every imperfection in stark relief.
Xander and Joshua wanted to do some laps, while Clay and Sophia talked about hanging out in the hot tub area where there are seats with jets and some rain showers that massage your back.
It all sounds amazing, and I wouldn’t be able to wait to join them if the problem with the nearly-no-clothes issue wasn’t holding me back.
Standing here with a towel wrapped around my stomach, my hair coiled into a messy bun atop my head, and a makeup-free face, I inhale deeply.
The knowledge that I must leave before someone, likely Sophia, comes back and discovers my stalling lingers in the back of my mind.
But I’m struggling too much to keep myself together to care.
Come on, Lina, get a fucking grip.
Considering all I’ve faced in my life, wearing a bathing suit in public can’t possibly be the end of the world, can it?
Leaving the changing room with the towel wrapped around my waist, I try to cover as much of my lower body as possible.
The rhythmic sound of water splashing and swimmers gliding through the pool fills the air.
I approach the pool’s edge, my steps hesitant, when I spot Xander and Joshua chatting a few feet away.
I walk over and sit down, letting my feet and calves dangle in the water while clutching the towel to my chest.
Joshua turns his attention toward me, a welcoming smile stretching across his face, making my heart jump. His eyes wander appreciatively over me, and my self-consciousness ebbs away for a moment.
“Hey,” Joshua greets, his voice carrying a hint of excitement. “We were about to swim some laps. Want to join us?”
“No, thank you,” I reply, smiling to mask my insecurities. “I’m not the best swimmer.”
“But you can swim, right?” he asks, looking concerned.
I shrug, suddenly feeling another pang of embarrassment. “I learned when I was a child, but I haven’t been swimming since.”
Joshua’s concern is even more palpable now as he leans in a little closer to me. “Promise me you won’t go to the deep end without me.”
I chuckle. “Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on it. I don’t think I’ll swim at all. I’m here to watch you. I want to see the talent behind all those medals.”
As he glides his hands up my calves in the water, an involuntary shiver runs down my spine, his touch sending a tingling sensation through my whole body, leaving me momentarily breathless. “You wanna watch me?” he inquires, his mischievous grin making my heart skip a beat.
“Absolutely,” I reply, my smile playful as I challenge him. “Show me what you’ve got.”
His face lights up with excitement, and with a swift motion, he removes his wristwatch and hands it to me. “Can you time me?”
“Sure,” I agree, quickly checking how the timer works. “Okay, ready?” I ask, and Joshua gets into position. “Go!” I shout, pressing the timer on the watch.
He launches forward, propelling himself through the water with powerful strokes, creating a whirlwind of splashes that douse me, making me laugh. I watch in awe as he moves effortlessly through the pool, each stroke showing me how good of a swimmer he is.
Those medals are certainly deserved, and a sense of pride for him surges in me.
“You’re good for him,” Xander comments from beside me, his tone sincere and thoughtful.
I tear my gaze away from Joshua just long enough to glance at Xander and ask curiously, “You think?”
“He needs someone genuinely interested in him and his passions. Someone who’ll show up for him. God knows he didn’t have enough of that.”
As Joshua reaches the opposite end of the pool, he does a flawless flip-turn, pushing off the wall. It’s a sight to behold, and I can’t help but marvel at his skill.
“His parents?” I ask, my voice hushed.
“All they ever had for him were expectations, never support,” Xander murmurs.
Joshua speeds back toward us, the water parting effortlessly in front of him. I stop the timer as he touches the wall underneath me.
“Wow, you’re incredibly fast,” I exclaim as he emerges from the water, shaking his head like a wet dog.
Glancing at the time on the watch, he notes, “I can be faster.”
“Really? That seemed super quick already,” I respond, genuinely impressed.
He grins, a hint of competitiveness dancing in his eyes. “Give me a few laps to warm up, then time me again.”
Joshua reclaims his wristwatch, then leans in, his damp lips meeting mine in a wet, playful kiss before he dives back in to do more laps. A hint of chlorine lingers on my lips as I watch him swim away, a smile gracing my face.
Still leaning against the pool’s edge beside me, Xander turns his attention to me again. “Why don’t you come into the water? Are you scared?”
I shrug, my gaze momentarily fixed on the ripples Joshua left in his wake. “Not exactly.”
“Come on,” Xander coaxes, his tone teasing as he moves closer and positions himself between my legs. “I promise I won’t let you go under.”
I hesitate, then confess, “I just don’t feel comfortable.”
“Why’s that?” Xander pries gently.
I look down at my hands in my lap, feeling a mix of vulnerability and frustration. “I already told you guys yesterday. I don’t like being in a swimsuit.”
He persists, a determined look in his eyes, “But why?”
I shoot him a pointed look.
Does he not want to get it?
“Look at me.”
He reaches for my towel, letting it slip away so I’m no longer shielded, leaving me feeling exposed. His hands trace their way up my thighs, the touch gentle yet electrifying.
He squeezes lightly, his voice a soft, reassuring murmur. “All I see is beauty.”
Casting a doubtful and somewhat startled glance in Xander’s direction, I’m caught off guard when he suddenly pulls me toward him into the water.
Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist and clutch his neck.
“Relax, I’ve got you,” he whispers in my ear, a soft laugh escaping his lips as he cradles me in the water. The coolness of the pool water surrounds us, reaching just up to my chest as Xander strokes my thigh gently. “See? It’s not so bad.”
I become acutely aware of our closeness, the water feeling like a buffer against the sudden rush of emotions. Xander’s bare chest presses against mine, his skin warm and wet, while my bare thighs are securely wrapped around his waist.
Fuck.
“What are you thinking about there, little tomato?” He smirks at me, knowing very well what’s going on.
I blush even more, my cheeks turning a shade of crimson. “Nothing,” I reply, perhaps a bit too quickly.
Xander’s fingers start to trace patterns along my thigh underwater, his touch both calming and exciting at the same time. He shifts the conversation, asking, “Have you thought about what kind of tattoo you want?”
My fingers absentmindedly trace the tattoo on his shoulder as I consider his question. “Not really,” I admit, my voice soft.
He leans closer, his breath tickling my ear as he continues to stroke my thigh. “You know, once a scar is properly healed, it’s relatively easy to cover it with a tattoo.”
I glance at the scars on my forearm, then back at him. “Really?”
He nods. “You saw my stomach.”
A playful smile tugs at the corner of my lips. “How many Christmases would it take to get a sleeve from the talented Xander?”
He doesn’t even hesitate when he tells me, “Fuck Christmas, I’d do anything for you any day of the year.”
His intense gaze holds mine, and a warmth spreads through my chest. But our moment is interrupted when Joshua chimes in, breaking the spell.
“Ready to time me again?” Joshua asks, flashing me a smile when I turn my head to him.
I feel a pang of guilt for clinging to Xander like this, but Joshua doesn’t seem bothered. So, I take the watch from him and get ready to time his next lap.
Carolina is totally ignoring me.
I find myself in the hot tub area of the swimming center, attempting to relax as the spa jets blow soothing bubbles up my back. Yet I can’t help but dwell on my recent life choices as the bubbles envelop me.
Since what happened in the kitchen, Carolina hasn’t said a word to me, apart from that single, dismissive “No” she texted yesterday. But that doesn’t count. She even avoids looking in my direction.
I can tell because I’m always watching her.
I can’t be patient any longer.
It’s driving me nuts.
I hear Sophia’s voice, and my attention shifts toward the entrance of the hot tub area. She’s leading Carolina by the hand, and my heart skips a beat. Xander was absolutely right.
That swimsuit is something else. The V-neck is super low, hugging her tits perfectly.
Fuck.
They wade into the water, moving to the opposite side of the pool where there are shower-like mounts designed for a back massage. I can’t help but watch them, observing their shared smiles and laughter.
I love to hear her laugh.
After a while, they come over to where I’m sitting. Carolina tries to walk past me in the water without even glancing in my direction. Frustration wells up inside me, and I decide I can’t take her ignoring me any longer. I reach out, grab her hips, and pull her into my lap.
The water’s deep enough to cover us up to our chests, and Sophia winks at me, making her way out of the pool.
“Can you ignore me while sitting in my lap, please? I’ve missed you,” I plead, resting my chin on her shoulder and wrapping my arms around her waist underwater.
“I’m not ignoring you,” she replies softly.
“Lies,” I accuse, placing a light kiss on her shoulder, and she turns to face me, bringing us nose to nose.
“What if this ends badly?” she whispers with uncertainty.
“What if it’s meant to be?” I counter, my fingers tracing circles on her forearm beneath the water.
“Someone, probably me, will fuck up, and then I’ll lose all of you,” she says, looking away from me.
I reach down to gently grip her thighs. “I’ll stay, even when it’s time to go. I promise.” She still looks sad, so I joke, “It’s okay to be obsessed with me. It’s a safe space. Ask Xander.”
She turns again to look at me, now with a smirk. “You’re so full of shit.”
I give her a peck on the nose. “You have freckles. Fuck, can you get any more adorable?”
“Fuck you,” she mutters.
“It’s okay,” I tease. “You keep pretending to be mean, and I’ll keep pretending not to be in love with you.”
“You are way out of line.” She scowls, but I spy a hint of amusement in her eyes before she turns away.
“Am I?” I smirk, leaning back and pulling her with me.
She rests against my chest, and we sit silently for a while. After a moment, she speaks softly, “I don’t know what to do, think, or feel.”
“Just don’t push me away, kitten,” I tell her. That’s the one thing I truly need from her. “We’ll figure the rest out as we go.”
“Promise,” she murmurs reassuringly, and I finally feel at ease for the first time in two days.