Chapter 20
TWENTY
It’s Monday, and college is back from winter break, but I didn’t go. I’m almost positive I am not missing much.
The first day back is always kind of a waste of time.
Instead, I’m heading to the shelter. I need to talk to someone who isn’t involved in all this. Someone who’s on my side.
It’s too early for burgers, so I toss a bag of bagels to Howie, who’s lounging on his bed.
“Happy New Year,” I exclaim, breaking the tranquil stillness surrounding us.
He grins but doesn’t miss the opportunity to tease me, “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”
I plop down beside him, rolling my eyes playfully. “Why? You keeping tabs on me?”
“Just saying…” he shrugs nonchalantly, “… it’s not like you to skip, especially on the first day back.”
I can’t help but mockingly retort, “Yes, Daddy,” as I reach into the bag to grab a bagel.
A shudder of distaste crosses Howie’s face as he scowls, “Ugh… fuck no, don’t call me that,” he snaps, and I can’t stop the laugh from bursting free.
“Sorry. But don’t give me a hard time for skipping just once,” I say, rolling my eyes.
He raises an eyebrow and leans in, his curiosity piqued. “So, why are you here?” he asks, his voice laced with genuine concern.
“I need some advice,” I finally admit, feeling the weight of my dilemma pressing on me.
“All right, shoot,” Howie says, taking a casual bite of his bagel.
“I told you about my boyfriend,” I begin cautiously, my words laden with uncertainty.
“The cop, yeah,” he responds between bites.
“Yeah, him,” I confirm. “Well, he has two best friends, and they’re together.”
Dio, am I really just going to tell Howie I am in love with three men at the same time?
Howie raises an eyebrow, his interest growing. “Cops too?”
“One of them,” I confirm with a nod.
He leans in slightly, clearly intrigued. “And what about them?”
I hesitate for a moment before quietly admitting, “They seem to be... interested in me as well.”
“Guy and girl or two guys?” he asks.
“Two guys,” I admit.
He takes a moment to digest this information before shrugging casually. “Well, love is love.”
I can’t help but sigh, my worries still lingering. “It’s not about them being together. It’s about them wanting to date me too,” I clarify, not understanding how he can be so casual.
Howie offers a nonchalant response, “Again, love is love. Some people don’t even manage to find the one. What does the initial boyfriend think about his friends hitting on you?”
“He told me that he’d be open for me to explore my feelings. That I would not lose him over this,” I explain, still uncertain. I offer a hesitant shrug, my doubts surfacing. “Although, I’m not quite sure if he really means it.”
Howie leans in, his gaze probing deeper. “You don’t trust him on that?” he asks, searching my eyes.
“No, I do trust him,” I clarify. “It’s just…”
He interrupts with a straightforward question, “What’s the issue then?”
I shoot him a look, frustration simmering beneath the surface. “Do you realize what I just said? I might end up in a relationship with three guys, two who are already together. And all you can say is, ‘What’s the issue then?’”
Howie maintains his calm demeanor as he continues to dig deeper. “Do you want to be with them?” he asks, cutting through the confusion.
I pause, wrestling with my emotions, “I’m not sure. I don’t even feel worthy of Joshua. I can’t figure out why the other two would be interested in me.”
“So, you’re only doubting yourself,” he states.
“No, really, I can’t understand it. You should see them.
They’re incredibly good-looking. Xander’s probably the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen.
He’s tall, built like a Viking, covered in tattoos and piercings, has a face like a bearded angel, and he is kind and protective.
Clay’s so funny, charming, and tall too.
He is like everyone’s wet dream come true.
And Joshua… he looks like he walked out of a fashion magazine, and he’s the sweetest guy I know.
Why would men like them even look my way, let alone want to be with me? ”
Howie fixes his gaze on me, his hand gently stroking his beard as if contemplating something profound. After a brief pause, he utters, “Did you know that butterflies can’t see their own wings?”
I scrunch up my face, slightly perplexed by the sudden shift in conversation. “Butterflies?” I question, unsure of where he’s leading with this analogy.
“They live their whole life without realizing how beautiful they are. But everyone else sees and admires that beauty.”
I let out a sigh. “I’m no beauty.”
He chuckles warmly. “Butterfly.”
Clay
Forgot to mention, you were on a secret police mission for the past few days and are not allowed to talk about it. Happy shift!
I stare down at Clay’s message, glad I decided to check my phone for a text from Joshua before starting my shift.
“What is wrong with this guy?” I mutter to myself and quickly stash my jacket and backpack in my locker, tying my apron around my waist.
Work with Sophia was slow today. I was looking forward to seeing Joshua and, okay, maybe Clay too, for dinner. But they didn’t show. A local gang that’s been quiet for a while is crawling out of their holes again, making things busier for them.
Joshua told me Clay handled the situation with my job here, but I should have asked what this meant.
I head to the bar through the kitchen and quickly nod to Lennard and Matteo.
“Hey, are you all right? Where have you been?” Matteo asks, walking beside me.
“Top secret,” I reply as we reach the bar where Cindy is busy painting her nails.
“Carolina,” she exclaims, giving me a kind of air hug, careful not to smudge her freshly painted nails. “Finally! Could you help the police with their case?”
“I can’t talk about it,” I reply, trying to keep a straight face while mentally cursing Clay.
“Oh, right.” She giggles. “That handsome cop and your boyfriend mentioned something like that.”
“Boyfriend?” Matteo chimes in.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in the back?” I ask him, sounding uninterested.
“Carina, a cop?” He raises an eyebrow at me.
“This is the front.” I gesture toward the bar, and he gives me a sharp look before huffing and heading back to the kitchen.
Cindy laughs. “You’re such a cold bitch.
I love it. Now tell me, did you spend some time with the handsome cop too?
Honestly, he could handcuff me any day.” I huff a laugh.
If she only knew. “And what happened? You go out of here, determined to lose your V-Card, and then you just vanish? Was the dick so good?” She grins at her joke.
Then her face falls, and she whispers, “Or was it that bad?”
“The dick was perfect, thank you very much.” I laugh. “And like I said, top secret.”
“Okay, forget the working for a cop part. Tell me everything about the having sex with a cop part.” She grins from ear to ear.
I hesitate, but she did help me, so I have to give her at least something. “He was gentle and made sure I enjoyed it too. It was good,” I offer, thinking about Joshua and feeling tingles in my stomach.
“It was good? Oh my gosh, you’re blushing! I’m so happy for you,” she exclaims, clapping her hands together. “Do you think you could get his partner’s number for me? After the past few days without you, I’m so over Donny. He’s such a jerk. And that other cop? He is fucking candy on a stick.”
Jealousy flares inside me, and I can feel my hands balling into fists. “He’s off-limits,” I state sharply, surprised by the strength of my feelings.
She tilts her head, studying me. “Oh wow, you’re into him too?”
“What? No, he has a boyfriend,” I clarify, grabbing a cloth and heading to the tables to put the chairs down.
Cindy trails behind me. “Hold on. So, you’re into both cops, but one is your boyfriend, and the other is taken? I would’ve never guessed he’s gay.”
“He’s not,” I snap. “And I’m not into him.”
Well, the urge to scratch her eyes out for calling him candy on a stick tells a different story.
“Oh, you’re in deep. You know, poly relationships are a thing now.”
“Cindy…” I sigh, “… stop that shit.”
“From innocent to wild, I’m here for it,” she teases.
I whirl around and toss the cloth at her, hitting her square in the face. “I think we talked enough for tonight.”
She pulls the cloth off, smirking. “Yes, ma’am. I can totally see you as their Domina,” she jests, laughing as she moves to another table to clean it.
This is going to be such a fun night.