Chapter Eighteen
Now
Avery
Ispent the entire day pacing back and forth between the living room and the balcony. I thought about walking down to visit Helen, but my thoughts were swirling with heaviness from this town. I can’t imagine having to answer the endless questions I’m sure she’ll have.
A buzzing sound coming from the kitchen table breaks my stream of unconscious internal ramblings for a moment before they’re back once again.
I don’t know how Coconut Grove managed to sink its warm, beachy claws in me again or how, after so many years, it still has a profound hold.
I’ve tried to make sense of the summer that changed my life, but I haven’t been able to.
The insistent buzz continues for an unclear amount of time before I realize it’s my phone. Absently swiping it off the counter, I also drop it on the floor. Shit.
“Hello,” I answer, frazzled and without checking to see who it is first.
A man’s voice on the other end of the call startles me. “Hi, babe.”
“Hi?” I pause, confused. Wait. “Dave!”
“Yeah, of course,” he hisses with annoyance.
“How are you?” I bend to sit on the couch, barely missing the edge while scrambling to string a full sentence together—one that does include me calling him Jasper.
He pauses before answering. “Fine. Are you alright? You seem a little off.”
“I’m fine, just getting settled. That’s all.”
“Have you spoken to your aunt yet?” he asks. I told Dave I needed to come out here to tell Helen about the engagement in person. He knows I lived with her the summer after my parents passed, but that’s the extent of it.
“I did a little.” My legs bounce. “I think I’m going to stay the weekend with her,” I tell him, anticipating this visit down memory lane is a longer road than I expected.
“Oh, so you won’t be back for a few more days?” he clarifies, impatience in his tone.
“No, sorry.”
“I have that Dentists of the Valley Association dinner on Saturday. I was hoping you’d be back for that.”
My heart is heavy having to lie to him, but I need to do this for myself. “I know. I’m really sorry.”
“Why do you need to stay that long with her anyway?”
My eyes lower. “Because she’s my aunt, and she meant a lot to me. I’m sure you understand.”
“You haven’t seen her since I’ve known you,” he quips. Why is he suddenly arguing about me staying away? “Don’t you think I deserve to spend time with my fiancé the first week after I proposed to her?”
“It’s not about you. I need to do this.” I stand, feeling defensive. “I’m sure you understand.” We’ve only been casual for the last year and a half. It’s not my fault he decided to propose and suddenly wants to claim more stake on me.
“Fine. Do what you have to do.” His words come out low with frustration. “Just so you know, I’m pissed you’re making me go to this without a date. I thought this was our understanding.”
“I get it and I’m sorry,” I offer, trying to sympathize with him.
“It is what it is.”
“Thank you,” I say. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Fine, Avery,” he spits, followed by an abrupt end to the call.
I shrug off Dave’s attitude, but guilt about my relationship with Helen hits.
I need to spend more time on this short trip.
We’ve spoken here and there over the years, but after how much I was gutted that summer, I didn’t want anything to do with this place.
She was a reminder of all of it. Maybe one day, I’ll give her the explanation she deserves. But first, I need to handle Jasper.
I watch anxiously as the little surfboard-shaped hand on the clock inches toward the four.
Molding myself into the couch, a thought pops into my mind. I glance down at the sundress I’m wearing and the lace-up sandals. Do I look cute enough? Do I smell good? I shouldn’t care, but I do.
I fly off the couch and sprint down the hall to the bathroom.
While giving myself a spritzer of coconut body mist, I take another look in the mirror.
A flash catches my eye—Dave’s engagement ring.
Twisting it in my finger a few times, I make the choice to side it off.
I’m confident Jasper knows at this point, but I’m not going to rub it in his face.
Whether he’s over me or not, it feels disrespectful.
I place the ring safely in a ziplock baggie and tuck it into my suitcase.
I fluff my hair a few times, and then a light but forceful knock hits the door.
My stomach drops—that intense feeling of riding a roller coaster for the first time. The anticipation, the excitement—the fear.
“You can do this, Avery,” I whisper to myself. “You are a strong, independent woman with money and a career,” I continue to repeat as I shuffle toward the front door.
“You can do it.” I open it to see Jasper with a thin cotton shirt, shorts, and Converse like he’s still nineteen. Fuck me.
“Hi.” He smiles, leaning against the door frame.
“Hi.”
“Are you ready to go?”
I nod, biting my lip. “Yeah, let me get my purse.” He waits patiently on the porch for me to return. “Okay. All set.”
Jasper nods and steps aside.
A few minutes later, Jasper and I are driving down the beach in his car. It’s not long until he pulls off onto a dirt road.
“We’re headed into the middle of nowhere?” I ask, but something about this rural part of town is familiar. Déjà vu?
“I guess I should tell you this now,” he begins, flashing me a quick side-eye.
I cock my head to the side. “Tell me what?”
“I’m kidnapping you,” he states cooly.
A rush of adrenaline zips up my spine. “Funny.”
He laughs. “You’ll see.”
I stare out the window, watching as he turns left out of the forest. A small light blue beach house with a white fence comes into view. It can’t be what I think it is. He pulls his car around to the side—the open ocean right in front of us and not another house in sight.
“Jasper?” I utter his name in disbelief.
“Look familiar?” he says, opening the car door.
“Oh my god,” I mutter as he walks around to my side. I step out and into the tall grass. “Is this—?”
“Yes,” he interjects, taking my hand. Jasper leads me down a narrow dirt path lined with green grass. The high blades reach up to my waist.
“It looks different.” My eyes land on the yellow beach cruiser resting against the front window on the porch.
“Well, it’s had some upgrades in the last few years,” he replies. I follow Jasper to the door with my heart in a death grip. “Do you want to go in?”
I smile, my eyes stinging with moisture. “Yeah.”
His eyes meet mine. “Okay.”
When the door swings open, I can hardly take in a breath. The small cottage is set up exactly how we talked about it. The furniture is blue and white, with island theming throughout.
“Jasper, it’s beautiful,” I mumble, taking in this space that was once going to be our home. The kitchen is white, with light-colored wood and a small round table sits to the side.
“Remember we talked about how hard it would be to have all the guys over this small place at once?” he recalls, dreamily.
I smile, turning on my heels in the small living space. “I do.”
“It turned out well, didn’t it?” he boasts, sliding open the large glass doors on the opposite side of the living space. “There are two bedrooms and one bathroom. Want to check out the rest?”
I nod. Jasper clasps my hand with his and leads me into the bathroom first.
Rounding the corner into the bathroom, a chuckle bubbles in my chest. Pineapples. “Pineapples?”
“They’re your favorite, right?” he says, stepping into me. My back is against the door while Jasper’s body crowds me in this small space.
My breath quickens. “You remembered?”
“Of course.” His eyes drop to my lips. “And orange is the only color you like outside of black.”
A flush creeps up my neck. “You remembered that too?”
“Yes.”
My breathing picks up. Oh no. “You don’t live here anymore, do you?” I ask, quickly breaking the tension.
“No,” Jasper replies. Then he backs up and walks away.
I take a minute to control my breathing and slowly follow him. He stands in the living room with his back to me, looking at the water.
“It’s beautiful.”
“I lived here for a while after you left.” Oh god. Here it comes. “I fixed it up myself, well, with the help of my dad.” He turns to me with his hands inside the front pockets of his shorts. “Now I rent it out to people during tourist season.”
I cautiously sit on the soft white fabric of a wicker couch. “Now you live in your dad’s house?”
“When he got sick, I bought the house next door to his so I could be closer.” His attitude has become somber. Talking about us and his dad can’t be easy. It isn’t for me.
“My aunt said he passed a few years ago.” My voice cracks with sadness. I haven’t seen Duke in years. He was an incredible guy and Jasper’s best friend. I can only imagine how hard the loss was on him.
“Yeah. It was rough.”
“How did you do?” I ask, wondering about his depression. Maybe it is out of line, but it feels natural.
He raises his eyebrows. “You mean with my depression?”
“Yeah, but I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about it. Bad habits die hard, you know?” I avoid his gaze, feeling ashamed that I brought it up. It’s not my place. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
Jasper sits beside me on the couch, his leg barely rubbing against mine. “It’s okay, Avery. I don’t mind talking about it.”
“Okay.”
“It was hard. But I’ve been on medication for the last few years, and things have been stable.” His lips part, and he continues, “I haven’t had a bad episode since I lost him three years ago.”
My stomach twists with a pang of regret. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
He shakes his head sympathetically. “Don’t be.”
“I wasn’t around for Helen either,” I reply, hanging my head low. “I know it was hard on her.”
Jasper’s firm touch finds my chin. Pinching it, he lifts my face, capturing my eyes. “You needed to do what was important to you.”
My lips tingle with the memory of having his mouth on them.
And the flashback of the first night we came here together.
“Thank you.” Jasper breaks contact, dropping his focus to the floor.
A sly smirk crawls across his face. I catch it, and it forces me to blush.
He’s thinking about something, and I’m dying to know what. “What?”
He shrugs, straightening his posture. “Nothing.”
“What are you thinking?” I press, arching a brow.
He gestures toward the set of chairs by the window. “This room.”
My cheeks redden. The corners of my mouth quirked up. “Oh, I remember that night.”
“I remember that night too.” He turns away, but I can tell he’s grinning with how tight his voice is.
“I was so nervous,” I admit. The night I gave myself to him. Having him for the first time is a vivid experience. And now, reliving that night here with him years later is surreal.
“So was I.”
“How? You had been with other women,” I quip. My words sound more annoyed than I’d like them to be.
“That didn’t matter. You were …” He pauses. “You.”
Thick tension fills the air, creating an apron around us. For a brief moment, I’m taken back to that night when nothing mattered except for Jasper and me. The emotions come rushing back, slapping me like an unexpected wave. I panic and quickly stand.
“I should go,” I whisper, but I don’t want to go.
“You’re probably right.”
Running my hands along my dress to straighten out the wrinkles, I catch Jasper staring at me with a look in his eyes that I can never forget. It makes my insides clench. “Are you checking me out?”
“You’re still my wife. Can’t I appreciate you before you aren’t anymore?” he replies, discreetly licking his bottom lip.
That subtle action and his words—wetness pools in my panties. My fucking body is betraying me. When he speaks to me like that, I fall right back into the same safe place of knowing I’m his.
“Is that why you won’t sign my papers?” I snap, taking a hard exit out of the heat of our conversation. I can’t get caught up in his charm.
“Maybe.” His expression turns from playful to firm. “Let’s go.”