Chapter Thirty-Three
Then
Avery
It’s been a week since I found Jasper at the beach house. I haven’t heard from him either. It’s better this way. My heart is broken, and I can’t wait to leave this town. The summer whirlwind I’ve experienced is enough to send any healthy person into a spiral of sadness.
“How are you feeling?” Helen asks, standing at my door.
Pulling my lips to the side, I fight against the quivering of my chin. I’ve cried for seven days straight. I let myself mourn. It’s time to take my control back.
“As to be expected, you know?” I say, sitting on the edge of my bed.
Helen shuffles over, moving a stack of clean clothes, ready to be packed, to the opposite side of the bed. “I am just so sorry you’re going through this.”
She has been more of a mom to me the last couple of months than my birth mother was during my childhood.
I lean into her just as she wraps both arms around me in a sweet embrace. “Me too.”
She sniffs a few times. “I’m definitely going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too,” I say, hugging her side.
We hold each other for a silent beat before she slowly pulls away. Clutching both of my shoulders at a distance, she smiles through the sadness. “I know it will be difficult, but it is the right choice for you. It’s what you’ve wanted.”
“I’m a mixed bag of emotions,” I admit. “But yes, it’s what I need to do.”
“And to think, we almost withdrew you from the college last week,” she comments with relief.
“Yeah.” My heart clenches as I try to push off regret and the images of what might have been. “I guess I need to trust the timing of my life.”
“Everything happens for a reason, Avery, even if it causes heartache,” she adds.
I stand, then walk around to the other side of the bed to continue packing the last few things. “Seems like it.”
“Have you spoken to Jasper?” she asks timidly.
I shake my head and swipe a tear from my cheekbone. “Not since I found him at the beach house last week.”
“He knows we’re flying out tomorrow morning?” she confirms.
I asked Helen not to interfere with what was going on between Jasper and me—a hard thing to ask of her based on the relationship she has with Duke, but a necessary one for my mental health. I need a clean break. It might not be the choice someone else would make, but it’s the one I have to.
Rubbing my lips together, I imagine the calendar on the wall in his bedroom with today circled in red marker. He knows.
“He does.”
A sigh slips through her tight lips. “Once we arrive in Phoenix, we’ll pick up your car from the shipping location, then head up north, right?” she asks, clearly wanting to change the subject. I appreciate it.
“Yeah, I got the confirmation from the moving company that all my stuff was officially delivered to the storage unit on campus.” I swipe up on my phone, confirming the information.
“These were not this convenient when I went to college.” She chuckles. “You have been able to ship your furniture and car out there seamlessly. It’s amazing.”
“Beats us having to rent a moving truck and drive all the way to Arizona. Besides, I didn’t want to put the miles on my new car anyway,” I say.
She slaps her legs, then rises to her feet. “I’m going to let you finish packing the rest of your things. What do you want for dinner?”
I filter through all the wonderful food I’ve had here, living by the coast, but only one dish comes to mind that I’d like to have on my last night. “Pineapple chicken?”
Helen’s smile is wide. “I would love to make that for you tonight.”
My heart warms. I’m going to miss her so much. I will miss everything about this town, but I won’t miss the pain that also comes with it. “Thank you.”
Helen turns on her heels and walks toward the door but stops short of the hallway. She slowly faces me. “I know you’ve thought about this. You’re such a smart woman, honey, but what are you going to do about your marriage to Jasper?”
I want to tell her nothing. I want to tell her this was all a dream and none of what happened this summer actually occurred, but it would be a lie.
The pit in my stomach grows. “Bill, our family lawyer, who has helped with my parents’ trust and my inheritance payments,” I tell her. My words come out like poison. “I’m sure he can get it taken care of.”
A weak smile appears on my aunt’s face. “That’s good to know. And please let me know if you need anything through that process. I’m here to help you.”
I nod. “I know. I appreciate it.”
Helen has known Jasper for years. She loves and cares about him and Duke.
I can’t imagine how hard this is for her as well.
This fantasy we were all living in completely blew up in our faces.
I never expected to fall for her partner’s son, but it happened.
And now I have the emotional scars to prove it.
Jasper made me believe my life could be different. I could have a life of security—one where I wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore. But it was all smoke and mirrors. That life does not exist for Avery Thomas. I have to accept it.
I fold a few more articles of clothing into my suitcase when I hear a rapping sound outside of the window.
Jasper? Oh fuck. I can’t see him. I can’t talk to him. My hands start to sweat with nerves as I walk over to the cracked slats in the window.
“Arizona?” A male’s voice I recognize, but don’t place right away.
“Yes?” I say, unable to see into the dark night.
“It’s Easton. Can I talk to you?” he says.
Oh, Easton. Emotionally drained and barely able to keep myself from crying, I fear talking to Jasper’s best friend won’t help the situation. But Easton is my favorite one of the guys—he’s the most caring.
Against my better judgment, I agree. “Sure. I’ll be right out.”
“Come around the back,” he tells me.
I slip on my shoes, then walk past Helen in the kitchen. “Just stepping outside for a bit. Be right back,” I say, opening the back door.
“Okay,” she calls out.
As soon as my feet hit the sand, I see Easton’s dark figure only a few feet away.
“Hi, Easton.” My voice comes out weathered.
“Hey,” he greets me as I approach him. “Sit with me?” He gestures next to him while he lowers into the sand.
I follow his lead. It feels nice seeing him again. Somehow, sitting beside Easton makes me feel closer to Jasper.
He brushes two rogue hairs away from his eyes. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m alright,” I say. “It fucking sucks. This whole thing, you know?”
Easton rests his arms on bent knees. “I can only imagine.”
I can’t explain what comes over me, but a wave of emotions roll over me. “I love him,” I say, through a spontaneous outbreak of tears. “Easton, I love Jasper so much.”
His face softens. He lays a friendly hand on my shoulder. “I know. He loves you too.”
“How could he just leave me like that?” I beg, craving to have answers when there aren’t any I’d understand.
“I’m so sorry,” Easton says. “Jasper has suffered with depression for as long as I’ve known him,” he explains. “When we were in middle school, he’d retreat into himself for no clear reason. He’d lock himself in his bedroom and sleep for days.”
I sniff. “That must have been difficult for him to understand, being so young.”
“Oh yeah. Especially for Duke. He didn’t know how to help him,” he says, glancing over at the dark, endless ocean. “At first, he thought it was because they lost his mom, but by the time we got to high school, Duke had more information.”
My heart aches for Jasper but also for myself. “I’m sorry he has had to deal with this, but what I went through—” I pause to wipe my leaky nose. “It was hard for me too.”
“And I understand that,” he reassures me. “Look, I’m not here to try to make you feel bad or justify Jasper’s actions in any way, but he is like a brother to me, and I know how much you mean to him.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, sucking in a desperate breath. “I don’t know how to be there for him. It was simple when I didn’t need anything in return, but I did.”
“I know,” he whispers.
“Does he know you’re here?” I ask.
“No.”
“Do you know where he is?”
“Yes.”
I shove my face into my hands. “I’m only eighteen. I shouldn’t have to deal with this,” I complain, unable to control my emotions.
“You’ve been through a lot too.” He empathizes in a small voice. “I get it.”
With my heart pounding on the back of my chest and panic coursing through my veins, I do the only thing I know how to do—protect myself. I love Jasper, but I’m also a realist.
I straighten my posture and sniff one more time to pull myself together. “I appreciate you coming by, Easton. Jasper is lucky to have you,” I say, then with bile creeping up my throat, I slide Jasper’s mom’s ring off my finger. “I want you to give this back to him.”
Easton’s eyes are as large as saucers. “Avery—”
I shake my head. “No, he deserves to have it back.”
His eyebrows snap together. “I can’t give this back to him. He’ll be crushed.”
I lick my lips, then rub them together. “I know. But I’m leaving for college—”
“And the summer is over,” he finishes my thought as he knew where I was going.
I hold out the ring with a shaky hand. Easton gently takes it from me with an understanding, yet solemn expression. “Time for you to move on?”
“Yes,” I admit with a heavy heart.
Easton and I share a quick, heartfelt goodbye. I hug him with everything I’ve got. Our embrace encompasses emotions of my farewell to Coconut Grove, this summer, and more importantly, Jasper.
“Goodbye, Arizona,” Easton says, his eyes swelling.
I squeeze him one more time, fighting the tears threatening to fall. I use him to release so many things. The emotions of what I’ve gone through in such a short amount of time combined with the emotions of saying goodbye to a life I would have had.
It’s all too much.