Chapter Thirty-Four
Then
Jasper
It’s been almost a week since I’ve been back on my medication. The clouds haven’t entirely lifted, but the first few hours after my first dose of the day, I get a little burst of energy—a transient effect that will level out over time, like it has many times before.
I overheard my dad on the phone with Helen, discussing Avery’s decision to return to Arizona for school. That conversation ripped me open and sent me to sleep for about two days afterward.
“Jasper?” My dad knocks softly on my bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
I peel my face from the sticky cotton pillowcase. “Yes.” I’m relieved when I answer that it doesn’t physically hurt. The medication is working. This episode is passing.
My dad opens the door but doesn’t walk in. I see his shadow only as he stands in the doorframe. I know it’s daylight outside based on the sun shining through the slits in the shutters on each window.
“Easton is here,” he tells me. “Would you like to see him?”
I roll onto my back, another activity that doesn’t come with pain. Thank god. The fog that’s clouded my thoughts is also dissipating. “Sure.”
My dad nods, then walks away. He’s heartbroken by the events of the last almost two weeks.
What Avery and I have been going through has unintentionally strained my dad and Helen’s relationship.
Helen wants to support Avery, and my dad intends to help me.
And as I’ve overheard a few of their conversations, those two things don’t always align.
I pull myself up to lean against the headboard of my bed. Blinking a few times, the furniture in my bedroom looks crisper than in some time. I can make out the sharp lines and the textures of each item. Another sign is that things are passing.
“Hey,” Easton greets me as he walks through my door.
I reach my arm out to shake his hand. “Hey, man.”
A somber expression has taken over my best friend’s face. Normally happy and going with the flow, his demeanor is unsettling.
He sits at my desk on the opposite side of the room. “How are you feeling?”
I shake my head with relief. “I’m feeling better. Thank god.”
“That’s good,” he says, avoiding eye contact. What’s going on?
“What’s up, dude?” I bluntly ask, knowing there’s something on his mind.
He leans back and rubs his palms across the top of his legs. “Have you spoken to your dad about Avery?”
My heart aches. “I did, briefly. He mentioned she decided to go back to Arizona. I’m going to try to go back there tonight. I remember she was supposed to leave in the next few weeks.”
Easton’s eyes dart over to the calendar on my wall, then back to the floor. “I saw her last night.”
My ears perk up. “You did?”
“Yeah,” he says, nervously picking at a loose piece of denim on the seam of his jeans.
A heat pulses through my veins. “And?”
“She wanted me to give you this,” Easton says, reaching into his front pocket. He pulls something out. With his palm face up, my eyes land on a yellow-gold diamond ring: my mother’s—the one I gave to Avery.
My breath hitches, and my heart shatters. “Fuck,” I let out, and my head drops into my hands.
“I’m so sorry, Jasper,” he mumbles. Easton steps up and puts the ring safely on my nightstand.
“What am I going to do?” I ask painfully.
With his forehead puckered with empathy, Easton rests his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“You saw her last night?” I ask.
He nods. “I went to her house. We talked outside for a bit. She’s broken, Jasper.”
“Fuck!” I squeeze my eyes shut. “Why am I like this?”
“The whole thing sucks,” he says.
“I need to talk to her.” I rise to a stand on wobbly legs from spending days in bed.
Easton’s hands come up to stop me. “That’s the other thing—”
“What?”
“She and Helen left this morning for school.” He grimaces, the words like poison to him.
“Shut the fuck up,” I warn, my limbs locked in place.
“I’m serious,” he tells me. “She told me last night they were catching a flight out this morning.”
“What the hell? Why the fuck didn’t my dad tell me?” I yell, panic whipping my back.
Easton’s forehead mists. “Avery asked Helen not to tell your dad.”
This cannot be happening. Heat pricks to the tips of my earlobes. This is just a fight we’re having. Everything is going to be alright. Avery can’t leave yet. She’s not supposed to go for another couple of weeks. We have to work it out. Avery and I are meant to be together.
She’s my fucking wife.
The room spins as I rush toward the door. “Dad!”
Easton is hot on my heels. I quickly turn to face him. “You knew last night? Why didn’t you tell me then?”
“I tried to call you like a thousand times,” he defends himself. “I know how you get during these episodes, and honestly, I thought it was just a threat. But then, when I went by her house this morning, and they were gone, I knew she was serious,” he rushes out. “And then I came directly here.”
Blood boiling, my heart pounding on my ribcage, I gather my thoughts. “Dad!”
I sprint toward the back door, but my dad grabs my shoulders.
“I just got a text from Helen,” he says, my back to him. “I came straight home from the shop to speak with you.”
Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I shove my dad aside. “Get the fuck away from me.”
I open the sliding glass door, jump down the steps, and onto the sand.
Making a beeline for Helen’s house, I run full speed down the beach.
The hot sand burns the bottoms of my feet, forcing me to pick up my pace even more.
My heart lodges in my throat until I reach the cottage’s back door.
Taking the stairs two at a time onto the patio, I fight to catch my breath.
“Jasper!” I hear Easton shout from the beach. He followed me.
I bang on the door. “Avery!”
My knuckles slamming into the wood.
Easton is suddenly at my side. “They left.”
I bang on the door until my skin cracks. The rapping vibrates through my chest. Blood drops onto the painted white wood at my feet, but I don’t care.
“Avery!” I scream, my voice more desperate this time.
“She’s gone, Jasper.” My dad’s steady voice is now behind me as well.
Avery left me. Did everything that happened between us mean nothing to her?
She fucking left.
Tears spring from my eyes as my legs give out underneath me. I pull out my phone and tap her name. It goes straight to voicemail. I call her ten more times before I feel my dad’s hand on my shoulder.
“Maybe try to call her in a couple of days,” he says.
I let my head hang between bent legs and drop my phone. “She left me.”
Easton sits at my side, with his back against the house. “I’m sorry, man.”
Soon, my dad takes the spot on the other side.
“What do I do? I love her,” I plead to my best friend and dad for answers—ones they can’t give me.
“I don’t know.” My dad’s kind voice does nothing to comfort me. “You need to take care of yourself right now.”
“I love her,” I mutter. With my heart shattered and my mind facing a whirlwind of emotions, I try to think about my future, but there isn’t one without Avery in it.
How can I convince her to be with me? How can I ask her to choose a life with a broken person like me?
I couldn’t even support her during one of the most traumatic events of her life.
What type of man—husband—father would I be if I’m incapable of putting the people I love first?
“Do you want to go after her?” Easton asks more like a suggestion under his breath.
Go after her?
But Avery chose. She wants more. She deserves more.
She never was supposed to be a young wife and mom.
Avery wants other things. She wants independence and solitude.
It was selfish to ask her to marry me, and I could have done more to prevent the pregnancy.
But I didn’t. I was caught up in being in love.
I know she is the one for me, but what if she isn’t sure I’m the one for her?
I shake my head, swiping a tear from my cheek. “I can’t go after her.”
“Why?” Easton challenges. “Get her back. Tell her you’re sorry.”
Swallow hard. “I can’t.”
I hear an audible sigh from my dad. “Just give her some space. You need to get your depression under control before you think about anything else.”
“I thought I had it taken care of,” I say.
“I know, Jasper. I did, too, but it’s alright. It’s going to take some time,” he replies.
“I get it.” Easton runs a hand through his hair. “It’s just that you’re my best friend, and I’ve never seen you that happy.” He fights on my behalf. “There’s more to her than just summer love.”
I smile and hook an arm around my friend. “You’re a good guy, Easton. Thanks for being my friend. But right now, I need to accept her leaving, which I have no idea how to do.”
How do I move on? Will I ever?