Chapter Thirty-Five
Now
Avery
“Breakfast?” I ask, running my hand through Jasper’s hair.
He flips the cotton bedsheet from over his head. “I think I’ve just had my breakfast.” He emerges from between my legs and crawls over my torso. “But.” He pauses, his lips are now on my collarbone. “I’m still hungry.”
“I need real food.” I giggle, grabbing his bare ass. “And I’m sure you’ll need some energy if we ever want to leave this bedroom.”
Jasper raises his head, arching a brow. “I have no plans on leaving this bed, let alone the room.”
My belly rumbles with a laugh. I would love to stay in bed all day, our limbs intertwined with one another, but I am extremely hungry. “That sounds like the best idea, but I’m starving.”
He lifts above me, looking down with a smile. “I forgot how much you eat, Arizona.”
Every time he calls me Arizona, it hits me with a cyclone of emotions. “I can eat a lot. And with how much late-night cardio we’ve been engaging in this weekend, I will need it even more.”
“You got it.” He lowers to kiss the tip of my nose before pushing off the bed. “I’ll order us breakfast and then pick it up after I catch a few waves.”
“That sounds perfect,” I say, sitting up. I pull my legs close to my stomach, keeping the sheet around my breasts.
“Don’t hide those,” he playfully warns, grabbing at the edge of the sheet.
Laughing, I fall backward, holding the cotton in place. Jasper crashes down on top of me, capturing my face between his two hands. “I don’t want to leave.”
“I’ll be right here when you get back.” I lift my head and kiss his inviting lips.
“Promise?”
“Of course.”
He rolls off me, grabs his pants from the floor, and slides them on. “Be back in a few.”
“I’ll be waiting,” I answer in a high tone, flipping onto my back.
Jasper takes off down the stairs, but not before turning to flash me a knee-buckling wink.
Once I hear the front door shut, I pop out of bed and head for his closet.
I’m craving everything about him. My body yearns to be bathed in his scent like it used to be.
I finger through his collared shirts, board shorts, and sweaters before I find a simple white button-up.
Gently, I pull it off the hanger, then slip my arms through.
Bringing both sides of the shirt up to my nostrils, I inhale deeply.
Every ounce of my being electrifies under the heavenly nostalgia.
Wearing nothing but his shirt, I make my way around his room. I scan every area of the place he’s been for so many years. The endless nights I stayed up wondering how he was. I thought about his life and whether he’d gotten married or had kids.
I jump at the loud ringing of my phone on the floor to the side of his bed. Scurrying over, I don’t think twice about who it could be and instead bring it to my ear.
“Hello,” I answer.
“What the hell, Avery?” Booms the masculine voice on the other end.
Dave.
I cautiously sit on the side of the bed and cross my pantiless legs as if he can see me. “Oh, hi. Dave.”
“That’s it? Just a hi?” he growls. “I didn’t hear from you again! I almost called one of your friends.”
My eyes drift out the open window, falling onto the steady ocean waves. Stability.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “It’s been harder being back than I expected.”
“What the hell does that mean?” he snaps. The anger in his voice is unmistakable.
I sigh, then pause for a moment to gather my thoughts—and words. “There are a lot of memories here—”
“Oh my fucking god,” he interrupts me. “There’s another guy, isn’t there?”
I swallow. “Look, Dave—”
“Don’t, Avery. I know where this is going.”
Panic shoots up my spine. I care for Dave. He’s stable, and I can count on him. There’s an unspoken agreement between us. We’re transactional and that works for me.
“There’s no one else. Everything is fine.” I sigh, rubbing my eyes. “It’s just been an emotional weekend. Well, week.”
“What does that even mean?”
I lift off the bed, still in Jasper’s shirt, and walk back to the open window. Closing my eyes, I let the salty mist pepper my face. It feels good, but it also feels like heartache. “This town holds a lot of memories. That’s what I meant when I told you I have unfinished business out here.”
“I’m trying to be understanding.”
“I know. I appreciate it.”
“As long as there’s no other guy getting time with my fiancé, especially when she should be here supporting me, I can give you the space.”
“It’s not that I need space from you,” I begin.
But then I quickly realize it doesn’t matter how I explain things to him.
He won’t fully understand. No one can. I need to get this wrapped up with Jasper to leave this place and return to my secure, controlled life.
“Thank you, Dave. I’m sorry I’ve been distant.
I’ll try to catch a flight out tomorrow. ”
“I don’t want you to leave sooner than you need to. Besides, tomorrow isn’t even our day together anyway. I’d like you to finish whatever you need to do, so it doesn’t come into our marriage.”
His comment makes my skin crawl, but I shake it off. “That’s fine.”
“Good, I’m glad we’re both back in agreement.” His voice is stern. It catches me off guard, but I get it. I’d be annoyed if I were him.
“We are.”
Dave and I say a quick goodbye, and then I toss my phone onto the bed. A quick glance at the ocean behind me, I reassure myself this is for the best. I must close this chapter for good. My little escape from reality is over.
I stand in the window, enjoying the sea breeze for some time before I hear Jasper’s footsteps on the wood staircase. My stomach twists with what I must talk to him about—playtime is over.
I need my fucking divorce.
“Look at you,” he says, holding a take-out bag. “Found my closet?”
I fight back a blush. “Can we talk?”
“It might be difficult while you’re wearing that.” He smirks.
My eyes flick down at my bare legs. “I’ll change and then meet you downstairs?”
Jasper’s expression changes slightly, sensing my distance. “Sure.”
As soon as he’s downstairs, I grab my clothes and dress as fast as possible. An urgency takes over my nerves. If I don’t get a hold of my fantasies now, I’ll be free-falling down the same bottomless hole that got me eight years ago.
I take the steps two at a time and round the corner into Jasper’s kitchen to find him standing behind the island, where our breakfast takeout awaits.
“Check out this spread.” He extends his arms like he’s presenting a meal he cooked himself. It’s fucking adorable.
Keeping my head down, I approach one of the high-top chairs. I grip the leather’s back to release some tension but fail miserably. I suck in a breath and blurt out the next four words, “I need a divorce.”
Jasper’s head drops. He leans over the side of the counter without responding. A beat passes, causing bile to creep up my throat. Don’t throw up. I need to let him speak first. He deserves to respond.
“You still want a divorce?” he asks, but it comes out as an accusation.
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Yes, that’s why I came back to Coconut Grove.”
Suddenly, Jasper slams his hand into the granite countertop. “Did this weekend not mean anything to you?!”
“Of course it did.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, holding back tears. “But it was also irresponsible.”
“Irresponsible?” he repeats. “What the fuck do you mean?”
“I’m engaged, Jasper.”
“No shit, Avery.” He pushes off the counter. “I’m reminded of it every time I see that god-awful ring on your finger.” He sneers. “Which is not even your taste.”
I hate that he’s right. “I’m sorry.” I hear the sadness in my voice as it cracks under the dense pressure of my emotions.
“Why can’t it be us?” he begs, pain woven into his words.
I pause, mustering up the courage to spill everything I’ve felt for years—the reasons why it couldn’t be all those years ago, the reasons why it can’t be now. “Please, just sign the papers so we both can officially move on with our lives.”
“No.” Jasper quickly rounds the corner of the island, stopping only a few feet away from me. “My life has been on hold since I showed up at Helen’s house that morning looking for you, only to discover you were really gone.”
“Like you were surprised!” My patience is growing thin.
We’re back there now.
We’re back to that day all those years ago, finally addressing what we never did.
Maybe this is the closure we both need.
“Yes! I was gutted. I lost my baby, my wife, and my entire future in a couple of days.” His hands clasped behind his head. “You threw me aside like one of your expensive shoes.”
“How can you say that? I was willing to give up my entire life to be with you at only eighteen years old!”
“So was I!” he shouts. “I thought we had something special. But I was wrong. Who finds their soulmate as a teenager anyway?” he bites angrily.
“I did love you! I lost all of that too!” I scream in return. “I’m the one who lost our baby.” I point a finger at my chest, then turn it toward him. “Not you. I have had to live with that guilt for eight years, all alone.”
“That was your choice. You didn’t have to do it alone.” Jasper’s Adam’s apple bobs. “I was there! And I am here. I always have been.”
“You left me in that hospital room to cry and mourn by myself,” I squeak, tears spilling from my eyes. “I was fucking alone! Do you know what that feels like?”
Jasper runs his hand down his face, and his eyes swell. “I grieved alone too.”
“It’s not the same,” I whisper. “It was my body. My job. And I failed.”
“You didn’t fail. There was nothing you did wrong. Sometimes, bad shit just happens,” he argues with a softer tone.
I hear his words, but they don’t scratch the surface of the trauma I’ve carried with me. “It changed my whole world.”
Jasper’s eyes lower. “I’ve never been the same either.”
“I need a divorce.” My stomach clenches. “I need to move on. From you, our baby …” I sniff. “Coconut Grove.”
“Don’t do this. Please.” His eyes are begging, pleading. It fucking kills.
“You’re putting this on me like I’m the one who made this decision.”
Jasper rubs the back of his neck, pacing between the counter and the dining table. “You’re the one who left me.”
“I had no choice. Your depression was difficult for me to understand back then. I was young.” Another desperate tear rolls down my face. “But you never came after me.”
Jasper’s jaw twitches. “I know it was a lot. I was still trying to understand it myself. And maybe a part of me felt guilty about forcing you to carry that darkness too.” He pauses, his eyes darting out the window.
His struggle is written all over his sharp features.
“I wanted you to choose me for all I was. Just like I chose you.”
I’m barely processing our conversation. It’s emotionally charged and painful. “You know where I’ve been since I left. And chose to stay here and move on.” I suck in a desperate breath. “But I haven’t. I never did.”
“I never moved on.” He takes a couple of cautious steps toward me. “My love for you has been like a ghost. It has never died.” The wind is knocked out of me. My heart plummets from my chest. “And you’re the one who’s engaged!” Jasper’s words hold disgust. I know I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I am.
I purse my lips together, swallowing the hurt and guilt and fighting to protect my heart forever. “I am.”
Jasper’s expression darkens, hardening under the midmorning sunlight. He abruptly turns and pulls out a drawer behind him. A yellow manila envelope emerges, clutched in his hands. I stand frozen, immediately recognizing what the document is.
The divorce papers.
He rips it open, flips to the last page in the back, and removes a pen from the same drawer without making eye contact with me.
My breath halts. A dense ringing in my ears drowns out every single background noise. In what feels like slow motion, I watch as he signs his name next to one of the sticky pink arrows.
“Now leave me the fuck alone,” he warns, shoving the stack of papers across the island. Then he leaves, slamming the front door and leaving me alone in his house.
I gasp, forcing a breath. Keeping myself together, I snatch the documents with shaking hands.
I take one more painful look around his house before leaving.