Chapter 44 Parker
Parker
“How soon would be too soon to propose to her?” I ask Jameson while we’re organizing the firetruck at the station during some down time.
“I don’t think there’s any timeframe. You already asked her to move in?”
“Yeah, it kind of slipped out.” I shrug; even though I wanted to, I thought I would do it more smoothly. I know when I propose I’m going to get it right. I still have the ring I bought for her when we were younger.
I didn’t have a plan back then, just waited for the perfect time to present itself. And that perfect time never came, instead she left. This time I want to be prepared. But I don’t want to scare her by doing it too soon.
Though, I really don’t think there’s such a thing as too soon with us.
“If you want to marry her, why would you wait to start your lives together?” Jameson says easily. “Plus, you’ve known each other forever.”
“That’s essentially what I said.” I shrug.
“Do you think she’ll say no?”
I chuckle thinking about Lily, and how much I love her chaotic personality. “I never know anything she’ll say.”
Jameson nods. “That sounds like Lily.”
I’m about to say I don’t think she’d say no, but the alarm is going off, signaling a call. We’re told over the speaker it’s a fire, and the location is close to Lily’s house which has my urgency increasing as we jump into action.
It’s not her house, but fire can spread, and it’s been a dry summer so far, which doesn’t help. We all get our gear on and hop into the rig. Adrenaline is running through my veins like it always does before a fire.
We get closer, and I can already see the black smoke rising from the flames currently consuming the barn. As soon as Jameson stops the truck, we’re all jumping out getting ready to tackle the fire. The homeowners are an older couple standing and staring at the building.
While Dave, Jo, and I work to get the hose ready, I hear Jameson talk to them.
“Is anyone inside?” he asks.
The older woman shakes her head. “It’s just us, but my goats are in there. I saw some of them run out, but I don’t know about all of them.”
“Parker,” Jameson calls, “We’re going to clear.”
I nod, joining him in jogging over to the barn that seems to be burning mostly from the upper level, I’m assuming from a hay loft. The building is filled with smoke, and at risk of collapsing so we have to clear quickly.
Right before we step through the threshold of the barn I glance to the side and see a familiar bike laying by the building. My adrenaline rush quickly turns to panic as I think about there being a kid inside that no one knew about. Even worse, that kid being Ethan.
“Ethan may be in here!” I yell to Jameson as we head inside.
We’re only down the road from Lily’s house and I think about Ethan seeing the fire and thinking he could come help. He’s always wanted to come with me on a call but hasn’t, and I think about him taking that into his own hands.
“Ethan!” I call out, doing my best to search through all the smoke.
I don’t get a response, and I don’t hear any of the goats that are supposed to be in here. All the stall doors seem to be open. Which makes me think they’ve been set free.
“Anything?” I call out to Jameson.
“Nothing,” he replies from somewhere I can’t see through the thick black smoke. Our masks we wear help filter it out, but they aren’t perfect, and they’re hard to see out of, especially when visibility is already so limited.
“Shit,” I murmur, continuing to search for Ethan.
The longer we’re in here the worse everything looks. The smoke is getting thicker, the building more unstable. We have to get out and get the fire extinguished. I know this, but I can’t risk leaving if Ethan is still in here.
“Parker, we have to get out!” Jameson calls out from somewhere I can’t see.
“It’s not cleared!” I yell back.
Part of the ceiling falls, and I hear the thud of it not far away from where I am.
“We have to go!” Jameson demands.
Just then I see him. Ethan is in a corner with his knees against his chest looking scared out of his mind.
“I got him!” I yell out, the air getting impossibly thick. I have to get him out of here, the smoke inhalation alone already has impacted him. I kneel down, already scooping him into my arms. “Ethan, we gotta go.”
“Parker, I’m so sorry,” he cries with tears streaming down his face. His voice is hoarse, and I can tell he’s struggling to breathe. I wish I could take my mask off to put on him, but all I can do is try and get us out of here as quickly as possible.
As soon as he’s in my arms another piece of the ceiling falls creating a wall of fire in front of us. I look around for the best possible route to get us both out of here mostly unscathed.
There’s a small opening I run toward before the flames engulf the only exit we have.
The wood creaks as it starts to give away.
I can’t see the exit through all the smoke, and I don’t know how far we have to go.
It all happens so fast, the sounds, the flames, I act on pure self-preservation and instinct, dropping us onto the ground.
I cover Ethan’s body with my own so I’ll take the impact as the barn loses all structural integrity and collapses.
I never thought about how I would die, never wanted to. But it didn’t feel like this. I thought I would die of old age with a life well lived. This doesn’t feel like that, this feels like I have so much left to look forward to. I just got Lily back and I’m going to lose her again.
I can only hope that I’ve done enough to save Ethan over myself.
That she can live the rest of her life with her family.
Hopefully find happiness again. I want to apologize to her.
I want to kiss her one last time, hold her one last time.
Tell her I love her just one last time. All the things we didn’t get to do. All the things we didn’t get to say.
I didn’t regret losing her the first time, and I can’t find it in me to regret losing her this time. As long as I’ve saved Ethan and given her some joy back, then that will have to be enough. Her image floods my mind, her smile, her laughter. Her bright blue eyes looking at me.
As my consciousness fades, the last thing I see are the memories of her.