Chapter 10Hailey
CHAPTER 10
HAILEY
Humiliation and shame don’t even begin to cover how I’m feeling as I walk through the gift shop at Tree Toppers, two days after the engagement party. Heading for the door that will take me out to the picnic area, and beyond, the obstacle course, I will my frayed nerves away.
Luke’s Jeep is in the parking lot, and he’s not inside, which means he has to be out there. I’m not really eager to come face to face with him after the other night.
The hangover the next day was the worst I’d had since my twenty-first birthday when friends took me out and got me plastered. After that one night, I said I’d never get that drunk again, and I’ve been perfect at keeping that goal.
Until Luke showed up, anyway.
I woke up the next morning thinking everything had been a dream. It was fuzzy, and I could only remember parts of it. The heat of his body. The strength of his arms that carried me even though, in the real world, I should have been too heavy. The intoxicating scent of his cologne—the one that hasn’t changed since the day we met.
It was that same scent that pulled me harder from my slumber because it was wrapped all around me, as though he was wrapped around me. I’m surprised I didn’t break my neck with the speed at which I turned to look and make sure he wasn’t in bed with me. He wasn’t, and so I was certain my mind was playing tricks on me, ‘cause I swore I could smell him. His cedar scent. And citrus. Quinn was right that day when she pegged it.
It wasn’t until I got out of bed and looked down at what I was wearing that I realized it hadn’t been a dream at all. Which kicked my memory into gear, and more and more flashes of the night came back to me. In pieces, of course, because why would it all come at once?
Naturally, the worst of it came when I stumbled into the bathroom, still feeling half drunk, and eyed the porcelain I’d hugged.
“Ugh,” I groan to myself as the humiliation washes over me anew. I hate myself for the shots I took.
If I’d had just a little bit of self-control, I would have simply walked away, found someone to talk to, and forgotten Luke was even there. Or I would have just kept my mouth shut and given him the cold shoulder. Something. Anything.
Stopping at the door that seems like a safety net between walking my path of shame, and staying on the other side of it, I look through the window, taking it all in. I’d rather know what to expect versus charging straight ahead.
A coffee kiosk and snack concession to the right, picnic tables to the left. The trail straight out the door leading to the other thing that has had my stomach swimming with nerves all morning. The aerial ropes course.
The walking death trap.
Everyone always tries to convince me that it’s safe, but I want nothing to do with hanging bridges and rope obstacles, suspended a million feet in the air, where I need to go from one platform to another. I know if something happened, I’d be surrounded by the best people to help in a dire situation—my team—but even they can’t work miracles if someone falls and snaps their neck.
My eyes slide to the picnic benches. Luke sits on top of one, his back to me, elbows on his knees, in a conversation with the rest of the guys. Liam, Brody, and Shawn all stand in a semi-circle around him, facing the building, something causing them all to laugh as Luke tells a story.
Oh god. What if he’s telling them about my drunken night?
“What are we looking at?” A voice, unexpected and sudden, says in my ear.
Screaming, I nearly come out of my skin, jumping at the abrupt intrusion. The fright has me stumbling straight into the door, which opens with my weight against it. I try to catch myself. I really do. But the door is opening too quickly, and my forward momentum has me falling without anything to grab. One second, I’m upright, and the next I’m hitting the ground and rolling.
I really, really hope that I look like some kind of action movie star, but I have a feeling I look more like someone who would win on a TV show for funniest video.
There’s a moment of complete silence all around me—I don’t think the chipmunks even breathe—and then the damn hyenas erupt. Laughter from the picnic benches. Laughter from the doorway. I’m pretty sure even the damn chipmunks are laughing.
“Oh my god,” Quinn says through wheezing gasps. “Are you okay?”
From my place on the ground, I glare up at her in the doorway. The embarrassment is there, striking hot and deep, but anger overrides it.
“Really, Quinn?” I hiss at her, jumping up as quickly as I can, the humiliation settling in. “Did you need to do that?”
“What? I only asked a question,” Quinn says, looking over me at the picnic area. A grin so wide I’m positive it can’t get any bigger, suddenly gets bigger on her face. “Ah, I see what we were looking at. A certain blond firefighter, perhaps?”
Dusting myself off, I scowl at her. “Shut up.”
“You hurt?” the one voice in the group I don’t want to hear calls.
The group of men are still trying to control themselves. Brody and Shawn have mostly recovered, but Liam is in stitches. I’d bet he saw the whole thing happen. The only one not laughing is Luke. His eyes are trained on me, his brows furrowed.
“Fine,” I grind out, wishing I could go back inside to disappear. Wishing this whole day wasn’t a thing in the first place. Silently, I curse Nate for his stupid bonding experiences.
“Ladies,” says the man from my thoughts, coming up behind Quinn. Nate looks between the two of us. “Let’s not block the exit, yeah?”
Somehow I manage to refrain from giving him a death stare, and move forward with Quinn, who goes straight to the group of men standing around. Of course. I follow a few steps behind her, with Nate on my heels along with one of the staff from Tree Toppers, who, at a quick glance, is already suited up for the aerial course.
Though I don’t look at him again, I can feel Luke’s eyes on me. I can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking of the other night, and all the embarrassing moments I had. Shame starts at the top of my head and slowly slides down the length of my spine, continuing until it reaches my toes.
“Okay,” Nate says, clapping his hands together. “I want you in pairs. Brody and Quinn, Liam and Luke, Shawn you’re with me.”
Wrapping my arms around myself as everyone starts shuffling about, my stomach sinks when Luke says, “Wait, what about Hailey?”
Everyone, Nate included, chuckles. My cheeks flush deeper with humiliation. The crew all know that I’m risk averse. That this place scares the hell out of me. My dad fell to his death, and while I do understand that he wasn’t safety harnessed the way he should have been while on a roof, heights and falling are at the top of my fear list. It’s why I always hated the Double Drop at the Boardwalk, and why my friends were all shocked that Luke got me on it.
“Hailey doesn’t do this,” Liam says, waving at the course. “Between her dad, and her accident, she’s deemed this too dangerous.”
“Accident? Too dangerous?” Luke repeats, shock evident in his voice. “We’re harnessed in.”
The way they talk like I’m not standing ten feet away from them irritates the hell out of me. And when I glance over to tell them to both knock it off, I meet Luke’s eyes and can see all the questions in the green-blue depths. Out here, with all the redwoods surrounding us, they look more green.
His eyes seem to ask, “What happened to you? Why won’t you take a risk? You took risks the whole summer when we were together, and you had the time of your life. Why aren’t you living life?”
While the silent questions filter through my brain, Liam explains, “A wire could snap, and we might fall to our deaths. A tree could fall. Platforms could give way as you’re moving your clip through?—”
“I’ll do it,” I say, lifting my head high, my jaw set. The confidence may ooze out of me, but it’s fake as hell, and I hope no one else can tell. I just need the questions and judgement to stop.
Silence, much like when I fell out of the building, greets me, and I can feel all eyes turned in my direction. I glance at the group to my left, frowning when I find all of their jaws hanging open. All but one.
Luke sits on the picnic table with a satisfied smirk that makes me wish I hadn’t just said I would risk my life.
“Hailey, you don’t need to do this,” Nate says to me, and I turn to find him shaking his head. “Don’t feel pressured because of these bozos.”
“I don’t,” I tell him, indignantly, the words falling from my lips without permission. Like someone else is controlling my mouth. “I’m fine. I’m going to do this.”
Nate studies me for a moment, appraising, probably trying to gauge how good of an idea this is. I wonder if he can see all that I’m hiding. My stomach is swimming with nerves, ready to make themselves known all over the ground, but puking isn’t something I’m willing to do twice in front of Luke. My hands shake at my sides, and I force myself not to close them into fists, knowing that would be a dead giveaway for how petrified I am. Thank god for the cooler weather and the humiliation of earlier, because it’s keeping my cheeks pink, I think. If not for that, I know how stark white I would be, and how pronounced my freckles would look.
Not a good thing, considering the memories of Luke calling me Freckles the other night.
Nate gives a resigned sigh. “Suit yourself. Shawn, you’re with Liam. Luke, you’re with Hailey.”
“What?” I screech, eyes widening into saucers. Now my hands do clench into fists, but for a completely different reason. He’s off his rocker. There’s no way Luke and I being partners is a good idea. In fact, it’s the worst.
Luke slides off the table in my periphery. “Nate, are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Good. Common sense. At least Luke and I have that in common.
I don’t take my eyes off Nate, though, and I realize he’s battling to keep a smug smile from his face. This asshole. He’s dead serious, and he’s amused by it.
Suppressing his enjoyment of the situation, Nate looks from me to Luke. “The two of you need the most bonding of everyone on the team. With you willing to go up there, Hailey,” he looks back to me, “This will give you two that chance.”
He’s not just an asshole. He’s a clever fucking bastard. I want to kill him right now. Shooting daggers from my eyes, my hands ball so tightly my nails bite into my palm. I wouldn’t put it past Nate to have believed he could make this happen before we even got here. If he’d calculated that Luke would ask, and had anticipated my reaction, he would have seen this coming. And I played right into his goddamn hand.
Ignoring the look I’m giving him, Nate turns to the already harnessed Tree Toppers staffer and has a word with him while Luke steps up beside me. Before he can say a word, I face him, poking a finger into his chest.
“If I die, you’re to blame,” I seethe, directing all my anger in his direction.
He puts his hands up in the air, eyes widening. Damn it, this close they look blue. “Whoa. I asked if this was a good idea, so clearly we’re on the same page.”
A very unladylike noise comes from me. “Right. You probably put him up to this, didn’t you? After the other night?”
“Whoa,” Liam cracks from the other side of Luke.
“How did you guess?” Luke says dryly as though Liam didn’t make a peep.
I deserve the dryness. No part of me believes that he set this up, but he’s the recipient of my ire because I can’t direct it at Nate. Glaring at him, I grumble, “Just don’t get me killed.”
A second later Nate is instructing us to follow the employee, but not before I hear Liam say, “Bets on Hailey killing him before he kills her?”
“What the hell are you doing?” I shriek when Luke walks up to me, grabs the harness around my thighs, and gives a good yank forward.
My hands shoot up instinctively, fingers curling into his chest as I lose my balance. He grips my hips, steadying me, then one hand slides down further and grabs the harness again, yanking sideways this time.
“Luke!”
We’re all geared up, have been checked by workers, had a safety briefing—in which I took extreme mental notes—and were shown how to move through the course, cables, and clips, correctly. I asked the guy to go over how to remain clipped in properly three times, so I would always know. Not that it’s hard. Kids do these courses all the time. I just had to make sure I understood. No mistakes. I can’t afford a mistake while I’m up there.
“If you’re going to blame me if you die, I’m going to make sure you’re harnessed in properly,” he says casually, but his eyes are full of mirth as he tugs on the other side.
“They already checked me,” I remind him, my voice much too high-pitched for my liking. “And what the hell gives you the authority to check? You don’t work here. How the hell would you know?”
One of his hands is hooked in the top of my harness, and he’s about to tug on it when he stops, his eyes narrowing, eyebrows furrowing. “Hailey, not only do I rock climb, rappel, skydive, and zipline as frequently as I can, but need I remind you I’m a firefighter? And certified in technical rope rescue.”
My mouth opens, closes, opens again, and then firmly shuts. Right. If anyone is an authority on this, it’s him. Not that I knew all of the death defying stunts he likes to do in his free time, not that they surprise me. The certification, however, I did know about.
Luke smiles at me, his dimples popping ferociously with his wide, satisfied grin, and he gives one last tug on my harness, pulling me to him again. “That’s what I thought, Freckles.”
He dances out of my way, laughing before I can smack him, heading towards the ladder that will take us up. The others are already on the main platform, having climbed up while Luke made his final checks. Or while I stalled, asking all my questions.
I look up. Way up. And I want to throw up.
The ropes course is high above the ground in the redwoods, trees that are gigantic and majestic. I love them. I’ve always loved them. But there’s also significant danger when it comes to them. When one of these comes down it can be devastating to anything caught in its path. It isn’t just falling to my death that scares me about climbing up there and doing this course, although that is my main fear. It’s the thought of one of the trees coming down. Falling while we’re all high up in the air. Or being in the path of it.
“It’s going to be fine,” Luke tells me, all trace of joking and laughter gone. “We’re going to take the easiest path.”
Sliding my gaze down the large trunk of the tree, I find him at the base of the ladder, hand outstretched, waiting for me.
Good God. This is how he looked at me every time he asked for my trust when we were kids. Soft eyes, open palm, and a smile that gave me the barest glimpse of his dimples. And when I would take his hand, whether it was five seconds or five minutes that passed, he’d deepen those dimples, rewarding me with the smile that made my heart pound and my stomach swim.
“You could also say no,” he adds, pulling my attention from his hand back to him. “You know I’ll respect you if you do. We can go sit at the picnic tables and talk over hot chocolate and tea.”
My eyes widen at the prospect. Oh, hell no. The last thing I want to do is sit with him for any period of time. My mind immediately pulls up images of the other night, the flashes I’ve been assaulted with since I woke up hungover. Truly, still drunk. My embarrassing fall out the door had me all but forgetting about my mortifying night, but now it’s front and center, and I want nothing to do with it.
“No.”
Lifting my head, I take a deep breath and march forward, ignoring his hand, and begin to climb the ladder. It isn’t that bad, but when I get to the top and crawl onto the platform, my pulse picks up speed as I look over the edge.
It’s a long way to the ground.
Disaster swims in my vision. The trees toppling over, all of us standing on the platform falling as the cables go slack and come down with it. My stomach nosedives with the visual dancing before me, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s how my dad felt when he went over the edge of the roof. It’s a thought I have every time I’m somewhere high.
“Hailey?” Luke says gently, but I start, my name so unexpected and so close to my ear that I can’t help it. His hands grip my upper arms, steadying me. “You’re okay. I know it’s pretty high, but we’re clipped in.”
“But what if the trees fall?” I ask without thought. Without thinking of how vulnerable the question makes me to him and my deepest fears.
“They inspect them every day. Just like the cables.” He rubs my arms soothingly. “It’s hard to bring down a redwood. You told me yourself once, how long some of these trees have been standing, and how much they go through. They’re strong. Just like you.”
My head turns at that, just enough that I can see over my shoulder to him right behind me, the heat of his body offering a comfort that seeps into mine. Strong isn’t a word that I would use to describe myself. I mean, sure, I lift weights with everyone at the firehouse when I can, but I know Luke isn’t talking physically.
“Okay,” I nod, but the motion is in vain. I don’t believe it for a second. “You go and I’ll follow.”
The first obstacle isn’t difficult. It’s a plank bridge from this platform to the next. There are even cables along the sides of it to hold onto as you walk across. It should be easy. One foot in front of the other.
Luke looks at me dubiously as he comes around to face me. I set my jaw, my lips flattening into a thin line, and lift my chin. It’s all for show. I don’t feel a single ounce of the confidence I’m trying to exude. His eyes move down the length of me and then back up until our eyes meet and his narrow. If he sees right through me, he doesn’t say anything, finally shrugging.
Clipping into the line that we need to cross the plank bridge, he points at the platform right in front of him. “Come here so I can at least clip you in. Then I’ll go across.”
“I can do it myself,” I protest with an air of defiance.
“Yeah, but will you?” he counters, one corner of his mouth lifting. He did see right through me.
Damn him. He knows exactly what he’s doing because my feet are moving before I know what’s happening, and then I’m in front of him, eyebrows raised in challenge as I clip myself into the line and unclip from the original one. “Yes, you ass. Happy?”
“Not yet,” he says, stepping backwards onto the first plank. “That was the easy part. I hope you weren’t expecting a medal for it.”
Grabbing onto the cables, I step up to the edge of the bridge, my eyes narrowed at Luke only a foot away from me. The plank is lower than the platform, so we’re nearly eye level. “I know what you’re doing.”
He grins, a dimple popping at me. “Enlighten me.”
“Getting me angry so I won’t think about it,” I tell him, and his eyes sparkle with mischief. “You’re not the only one who can see through shit, you know.”
“And it’s working,” he says, and I realize that I’ve taken the first step off the platform. Which means he moved backwards and I didn’t even notice.
Fear seizes me in that moment, and I gasp, looking down at the ground directly beneath me. My fingers tighten around the cable, my knuckles surely turning as white as my face feels as all the color drains from it.
“Eyes up here, Hailey,” Luke says firmly, in a tone I can’t ignore, and my eyes lift to his. “Good. Don’t look down. You can do this. One step at a time.”
My head shakes. “I can’t.”
“You can. You’ll be fine. This one is easy.”
Again I shake my head.
I watch him restrain himself from sighing. “Just come across. All you need to do for this one is walk. It isn’t that bad.”
One more shake. The fear and defeat is clear, even to my ears as I say, “I changed my mind. I can’t do this. Call Nate and have him be your partner, I’m going to sit on a picnic table and wait for you guys.”
“You’re not changing your mind. You can do this, even if I have to carry you across every single obstacle in this park,” he tells me, crossing his arms in challenge.
My eyes widen, and I curl my lip, sneering, “You wouldn’t dare.”
When he steps towards me onto the same plank I’m on, I scramble backwards onto the platform, yipping in surprise when he bends at the waist, still pushing forward, wraps his arms around my thighs, and lifts me into the air.
“Lucas Colton Reyes,” I scream, hitting his backside, my entire world upside down. Anger boils inside my veins, ready to unleash itself on him in worse ways than just hitting him in the ass. “Put me down. Now!”
“Nope,” he says, so calm that he’s lucky I can’t claw his face off right now. “We’re going across the bridge.”
“I’ll walk! I’ll do it! Just fucking put me down!”
“You promise?”
“Yes, you asshole! I promise. Just put me the fuck down,” I growl, and when my feet hit the platform and he lets me go, I swat him in the chest. “Don’t you ever manhandle me again, you big goon!”
He does nothing to protect himself, instead trying to hold his grin back from me as he steps aside and waves to the bridge. “After you, Freckles.”
“I can’t wait until we’re back on solid ground and I can send Liam after you,” I tell him, eyes narrowed, before setting off across the planks like I promised I would.
Behind me, I hear the park worker say, “Uh, hey man? That’s a big no-no.”
Luke responds to the worker, cheery as can be, “Noted.”
Stupid, stupid asshole. How dare he pick me up like that. Does he know what could have happened? We’re on a platform, high in the air, and he thinks it was just safe to throw me over his shoulder? Like I weigh nothing.
Goodness. He really did pick me up like I weighed nothing.
My stomach swirls for a different reason than being this high up. Luke, even with all the weight I’ve put on since we last saw each other, had zero issue picking me up, and that heats me from the inside out.
No. Absolutely not. That’s not where my thoughts need to go. He’s a firefighter. He’s in good shape. That’s it, that’s all, there’s nothing more to the story.
My hands come up against resistance, and I blink in surprise, realizing I’m at the end of the plank bridge. Just like that, it’s over. I’m across. And yet, I can’t move. Because I realize in moving, I need to let go of the cable handles I’ve been holding the whole way across, and there’s nothing else to hold onto.
There’s a light touch on my elbow that makes me jump, and then Luke’s soft voice right behind me. “What’s wrong?”
Anger all but dissipated, I whisper, “I can’t move. I was so mad at you that I didn’t think when I crossed, I just did it.”
“And you can keep doing it,” he encourages, and then both his hands are on my shoulders, slowly moving down along my arms.
“No,” my voice ratchets up in pitch, pulse racing, and my eyes squeeze shut. “I can’t move because I can’t let go.”
“You can,” he murmurs, sliding his hands to the underside of my forearms. His fingertips skim along the heel of my palms then, and I whimper, leaning backwards when his body heat is suddenly against my back. “Are your eyes open?”
Closing my eyes is always the first thing I do when I’m scared. Out of sight, out of mind is my theory, even if it doesn’t change a situation. I’ve always figured if I can’t see what’s coming, I can’t be scared of it.
“Open your eyes, Hailey,” Luke whispers, his lips right at my ear.
Open your eyes . Something he always used to tell me when I was scared. See the fear, feel it, then conquer the hell out of it. And somehow it always worked. Luke got me to do a million things by having me open my eyes. It was like opening up to the whole world.
Sucking in a deep, shuddering breath, my eyelids flutter then inch open until I’m staring at the tree in front of me. One more step and I’m off the plank bridge. It will have been completely conquered.
Luke’s fingers slip further into my palm, the warmth and safety of his touch loosening my grip on the cables. He rubs them along as much of my skin as he can with my fingers still curled around the wire, but with each pass, I let go more and more.
“Take my hands,” he says, and his breath against the shell of my ear has a thrum of electricity sliding through my whole body, which has me relaxing further into him. “You can hold onto me.”
He’s sturdy. Solid. Safe. Things I’ve longed for since I lost him. That I’ve never found in anyone else. And maybe I never wanted to. Luke’s safe isn’t the kind that would have me in bed by eight every night. It’s the kind where if this bridge fell in this moment, he would wrap himself around me and take the brunt of any fall if it meant keeping me safe. He’s the kind of safe that feels like a warm blanket wrapped around you after the toughest day. The one that chases all the bad away. The safe every girl dreams of.
Which also makes him dangerous.
Slowly my fingers release their death grip around the cable, my hands sliding into his. I can hear the smile in his voice as he says, “Good girl. Now take a step forward.”
I shake my head, terrified of that last step. It would be so easy to take it. One step onto the platform is all that’s left and then I’ve done the first obstacle. But that one step is so much more than just one step.
“Why not?” he questions, calm and soft.
“I’m scared,” I whisper honestly, my mouth bone dry. “Once I go forward, I can’t go back.”
There’s a chuckle in my ear. “Sure you can. You can always go backwards. You can always go back to where you came from, but where’s the fun in that? There’s no growth. No conquering what scares you.”
He scares me. Luke being back in my life terrifies the hell out of me. Opening the door for him to be my coworker, to be my friend… it feels like such a slippery slope.
He puts a foot on the same plank as mine, pushing me forward to the edge of the board. My hands tighten around his as my balance feels thrown off while he joins me on the same step, our bodies flush against each other. Warmth seeps into me, and I realize how cold the fear has made me, and how good he feels, but I can’t think about that.
Dangerous. Dangerous territory.
“You remember what it was like to do the things that scared you?” he continues. “I do. I remember watching you that entire summer. You opened your eyes, saw the world. I can still picture the joy and happiness on your face every time you conquered and overcame. Tell me you’ve had a better summer since.”
It’s like he knows I’ve lived in constant fear since. That all I do is play the safe game. It’s futile to try and lie, so I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“Don’t you want that again?” he questions, pressing his chest into my back more firmly, pushing back against me as I lean into him. “To say screw the fear and conquer things despite it? Feel the thrill, Hailey. Do the things that scare you because they make life that much better.”
I lean into him, my stomach swimming with nerves, feeling unbalanced by his forward pressure. “I’m not that brave. I’m not like you.”
“Yes you are. That’s an excuse you use so well. I’ve seen firsthand how brave you are, you just don’t see it in yourself. But I do, Hailey,” he says, squeezing my hands in comfort before his grip on me loosens. It makes mine tighten. “Be brave now. Prove to yourself what you’re capable of.”
“What if something happens?”
“Trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”
My head whips around, angling awkwardly so I can look at him. Though he can’t actually make that promise, just like he couldn’t ten years ago, those are the same words he said to me more times than I could count. They were the words that meant everything to me that summer. From day one when he got me on the Double Drop, to the day he got me to jump off a cliff.
If this were ten years ago, those words would have me planting a kiss on his lips. Now, my eyes dart down to those lips, and I have to force myself to stay frozen in my place. Muscle memory. It’s only muscle memory.
“Okay,” I finally murmur, sucking in a sharp breath. “I can do this.”
I slowly peel myself away, but not because I think I can do this. Because I need to get away from him. From this closeness, and the memories, and the way my stomach swims with nerves that have nothing to do with this obstacle, or the rest of the course. And everything to do with him.
He’s right, he won’t let anything happen to me—physically, at least. I am safe.
Luke safe.
The dangerous kind.
I step onto the platform, releasing his hands to stand on my own two feet, holding onto nothing. With a deep breath, I switch clips and cables, officially conquering the first obstacle, even if it took goading from him.
I need to hate him. I have to. Keeping my heart safe needs to be number one.
But as I glance back to find him stepping onto the platform, I see the pride in his eyes.
Dangerous, dangerous territory.