Chapter 11Luke
CHAPTER 11
LUKE
A blood-curdling scream fills the air, goosebumps popping up on the flesh of my forearms, all the way up my arms, to the back of my neck. My stomach bottoms out, and I lurch forward, nearly leaping off the platform in an effort to reach Hailey, who just slipped halfway across the last obstacle.
She’s in no danger, but that doesn’t stop me from having to swallow her name before I yell it out, a surge of fear clanging through my gut. I know the harness will keep her safe, but the scream might do me in for life.
“You’re okay,” I call out in my calmest voice, taking a breath of my own.
Okay is relative at this point as she holds onto the safety line connecting her harness to the cable above. Even from here I can see the panic on her face, her eyes squeezed shut, shoulders curling in on themselves. The screaming has stopped, but I can practically hear her thoughts racing through a number of scenarios. Most of them probably ending with her death.
It’s been ten seconds since she fell, and quickly I clamber back towards her. This obstacle was the hardest of this course, and she was hesitant to do it, but after I showed her twice how to get across, she nodded and readied herself to try. Swinging planks hang in the air by two cables on either end, with no railing to hold onto. The idea is to move from one end of the plank to the other, and then step across to the next plank while it swings in the air. It was the first challenge that was both unsteady and lacking something firm to hold onto the entire way across.
“Luke,” she squeaks. If the terror wasn’t clear in her voice, it would be from the white of her knuckles as she grips the rope suspending her.
“I’m coming, Hailey. You’re okay,” I tell her, three planks across, two more to go before I reach her. Slow and steady. The last thing I want to do is freak her out further by slipping off as well.
“Everything good?” someone from down below calls.
Hailey is quick to yell, “No!”
I, on the other hand, nod at Nate. “We’re good.”
“No, we are not!” she screeches at me, and when I look back in her direction, she’s stiffened even more from where she hangs. She’s going to be sore as heck tomorrow.
Reaching the plank she slipped from, it’s clear how scared she is. Her chest rises and falls too quickly for her to be getting any good oxygen into her bloodstream, and her entire face is scrunched in an effort to keep her eyes closed.
“Open your eyes, Hailey.”
Vehemently, she shakes her head at me.
“I know you’re scared, but you’re safe. I promise. You can do this,” I say gently. With her eyes closed, I’m assessing exactly how to get her back on the plank once I get her to calm down. And how exactly I’m going to get her to calm down. “You’re brave. Nothing is going to happen to you. Remember, I checked your harness myself. You can trust it.”
“I can’t. I can’t do this,” she whispers, her voice trembling. “You know this is how my dad died. You know he fell. I can’t. I can’t do this.”
I’ve been so focused on her, and helping her through the course, that the thought of her father slipped my mind. There’s no way it would leave hers, though.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out quietly, easing myself off the plank to hang by my harness alongside Hailey. Not wanting to jostle the line too much and freak her out, I go slow. It has the desired effect when one of her eyes cracks open to see what’s going on, but then it’s closed tight again, and her body tenses as she grips the line harder.
“You can do this. You are doing it,” I whisper to her, reaching a hand out to run a finger from her knuckle up the length of her arm. “The harness has you. You’re trusting it.”
“I have no choice!”
Biting back a smile, I grip her elbow, now that she knows it’s me, and pull her towards me until she’s close enough I can wrap my legs around her, locking them beneath her butt. My arms come around her, gathering her close, and she doesn’t fight at all, even after I give her plenty of time to do so. Instead, she clutches my jacket, her helmet covered head pressing into my shoulder as her face comes in contact with my neck.
“You always have a choice,” I remind her, trying not to enjoy the warmth of her breath against my skin. “You could be kicking and screaming and clawing at the harness in a total panic, but instead you’re just chillin’ in a little panic.”
She snarls at me, “You’re not funny.”
“I’m a little funny.” This time I don’t hold my chuckle back. “Now tell me what you feel.”
Her breath comes out as a puff and causes goosebumps to crawl up my neck. “What?”
Forcing myself not to focus on the way she feels against me, I say it again, “Tell me what you feel in this moment.”
“Besides scared? Anger at myself that I gave in to this stupid rope course and didn’t just stay on the fucking ground where I knew I’d be safe,” she hisses, full of ire. I can work with that. Anger is easier than fear.
“No, Freckles,” I use her nickname—the one I’m not supposed to be using. “Physically. Name three things that you can feel right now. What does the harness feel like?”
At my neck, I can feel her mouth open to answer, then close. There’s a pause, an intake of breath, and then she answers, “The strap is cutting into my thighs. And the back of my legs where it goes up to my waist.”
“Mmm, good,” I nod encouragingly. “What else do you feel?”
A shuddering breath rumbles through me that originated in her chest. Slowly, her head lifts from my shoulder and her legs flex between mine. Our eyes meet, and I’m suddenly aware of how close she is. How I can see the little brown flecks within her deep green eyes. The smattering of freckles along her cheeks and over her nose, despite it not even being spring yet. Give it another month or so and I know they’ll be more prominent than they are now.
Questions swim in her eyes, and I wonder if they’re the same questions that are in mine. What happened? Why didn’t you pick up the phone? Why wouldn’t you talk to me? What did I do to chase you away?
“Blue,” she murmurs, more to herself than to me, and there’s a little quirk of her mouth on one side.
The look she gives me is familiar, but it takes me a moment to recognize it, and when it dawns on me, I can’t help but smile. Every day Hailey used to look at me like that, deciding what color my eyes actually were, and then she would give a little happy, dreamy smile and sigh contently, as if all the problems of the world had been solved. While I don’t get the latter half now, with the full smile and sigh, seeing her make the decision on what color my eyes are has hope blooming in my chest that she won’t hate me by the end of the day.
“How’s your heart?” I question, my fingers itching to tuck an errant piece of hair back into her helmet.
Blinking a couple of times, like I’ve pulled her back into this world with me, she takes a breath. “Calming down the longer we sit here.”
“Good. Starting to trust the equipment?”
She shakes her head. “No. I mean, I guess. But it’s more like I trust you.”
My eyebrows shoot upwards as my eyes widen. I can’t control the look of surprise I give her, but before I can say anything, she’s lifting a hand from between us, waving it dismissively.
“Physically. I trust you physically,” she corrects. “I have to. Physically, you’re right, I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.”
All the questions I want to ask her are on the tip of my tongue, begging to be released, but I stop all of them as she pushes her hands into my chest. Without question, I release my arms from around her, giving her what she’s asking for, though I’m slower to drop my legs, letting her get used to not having the security of my body wrapped around hers.
Hailey takes a deep breath, releasing it gradually as she once again hangs on her own. Her hands are at my forearms, holding on, but then she lets go, lifting them an inch from me. Pride fills my chest as she hangs there, suspended in the air, putting her trust in the harness without all the tension from before.
“Dang. Would you look at that,” I say, my smile growing as she grabs onto the strap holding her from the cable. “You’re doing it all by yourself.”
A smile creeps across her face. “You’ve always believed I’m capable of more than I think I am. I suppose I can trust that, too.”
Grabbing onto the strap holding her up, I pull her towards me, coming as close as I can with our gear and without wrapping my legs around her again. She gasps, her grip tightening on the strap below my hand.
Eyes narrowing, I tell her in a tone that leaves no room for debate, “You are capable. Of whatever you want. Even if you’re scared, you can do whatever you set your mind to.”
Her chest rises and falls quicker than before, but I can tell by the blush spreading across her cheeks it has nothing to do with fear.
“My belief in you will never change. It never has,” I growl, and, unable to help myself, my eyes dart down to her lips before my gaze lands back on hers. “And if you ever find yourself in a position where you don’t think you can do something, you remember this moment. Are we clear?”
As though she also can’t help herself, I watch her eyes fall, only for a second, to look at my mouth. Like she needed the same glimpse as I did, but needed me to do it first.
“Clear,” she says breathily.
“Good. Now you’re going to get back up on that plank and finish this obstacle.” Releasing her strap, my hand catches her chin between my index finger and thumb, holding her face gently, a contrast to my words. “Because if you don’t, you’re going to regret it, and I’m not sure I can stand the thought of that.”
Hailey gives a small nod, and when I drop my hand from her face, her eyes hold mine for another moment before she looks at the suspended plank, working out how to get back on. I reach up to the cable above me, and drag myself further away, allowing her the space to work.
It takes her a few minutes, and a couple of attempts, to get herself there. I swear I see a tremble still in her hands, but when she finally gets both feet on the plank and is standing up on it, albeit a tad wobbly, I give a whoop of celebration. It’s followed by a chorus of cheers from down below, and I glance in that direction to find everyone standing beneath us, watching.
“You did it,” I grin at her, and she beams back at me, causing warmth to spread from my chest outwards. But when she hesitates to go any further, I add, “Fuck the fear, Freckles. Just do it.”
Her eyes meet mine, wide with surprise at my language, but it’s short lived before she nods and focuses on the task at hand. One step, two, and then she’s onto the next plank. Which is actually more log than plank, given its round shape.
I want to throw my fist in the air and let out another ‘whoop’ of pride, but I rein it in, not wanting to jinx her bravery as she maneuvers herself across the swinging logs.
“Atta girl, you’re doing great,” I call out as she keeps moving without any trouble.
This woman. The absolute determination in her as she carries herself from log to log, fills me with a pride I haven’t felt in years. Watching her conquer fears and take on challenges she never thought possible for herself made me feel alive ten years ago. Watching her thrive gave me a rush I could never replicate. And since then, I’ve done everything I possibly could to get the feeling back. Jumping out of planes, bungee jumping, rock climbing, surfing—anything to give me something that would come close to the feeling she gave me. Nothing worked.
Until this moment.
Whatever it is, because it can’t be adrenaline, it’s rushing through my veins now, for the first time since I left Santa Rosé all those years ago. It feeds a part of my soul that has felt empty for too long, giving me a piece of myself back.
And the closer she gets to the end, the more intense the feeling becomes, until it feels like I’m going to burst out of my whole body when she finally reaches the last log. When she jumps onto the platform and turns back to look at me, triumph sparkles in her eyes. Admiration radiates back to her from mine.
I waste no time hauling myself up onto the log closest to me, this time moving over the beams as quickly as I can, without the fear of scaring Hailey. When I reach her, she’s glowing.
“You swore,” she says, sounding astonished.
The accusation is so unexpected, I throw my head back and laugh, the sound hearty and full. “Yeah, well, sometimes the situation calls for it.”
Hailey grins at me, then looks over my shoulder at what she just accomplished. She’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen as she shines, her cheeks bright pink. “I did it.”
“You did. And no one can ever take that away from you.”
When she looks at me again, tears sparkle in her eyes. “I would have regretted not finishing it.”
I chuckle, patting her on the helmet before I sling an arm around her shoulder, turning her towards the one last thing she needs to accomplish to complete the whole course. “We’re not done yet. But this is the fun part. All you have to do is sit back in your harness and enjoy the ride down.”
Hailey looks at the zipline. “Solid ground? Yes, please. I might not even scream.”
“Oh, you’re going to scream,” I tell her with a laugh, reaching up to unclip her first line, clipping it to cable for the zipline. Once that clip is secure, I do her second one. “I’d bet on it.”
“Wait, I’m going first?” she asks, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You’ve done everything first.”
I’ve touched her so many times up here in the trees. Taken liberties I probably shouldn’t have. Wouldn’t have if we’d been on the ground this whole time. My fingers itch to reach up and run my thumb along the delicate skin of her cheek, along that line of freckles. It’s probably my last chance to do so, knowing that up here in the trees has been like a different world, and back on the ground we go back to being…two people who spent a really phenomenal summer together a long time ago.
We’ve formed some sort of tentative bond up here, but I’m well aware how fragile it is. How easily it could be broken. We need to move forward, not backwards. I can’t live in the past, even if I want to. I can’t keep bringing things up or thinking that I know her now.
“I would never leave you up here alone, Freckles,” I say, allowing myself to use her nickname one last time since I won’t allow myself to touch her. “Besides, you’ve got friends down there waiting for you. No one is down there waiting for me.”
She looks down to the ground where Nate, Liam, Quinn, Brody, and Shawn all stand, waiting for us to come down. We might have been on the easiest course, but it took us the longest to get here. And I wouldn’t have changed a second of it, including the way tears again fill her eyes because all her friends are witnessing her conquer this moment.
“You’re right about a lot of things, Luke, but you’re wrong about one,” she says, bringing her attention back to me. “I’ll be down there waiting for you.”
Then she’s gone. She uses me to push herself off the platform, practically jumping into the air where her harness and the cable catch her, and then she’s soaring through the air towards the ground.
She screams all the way down.
I can’t tear my eyes away from her, my breath caught in my chest. The same feeling that filled me as she crossed the last obstacle is back, though it never fully vanished, only diminished. It runs into me like a freight train, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it. That I didn’t want more of it. That I didn’t need it like a drug.
And though I need to leave the past up here on this platform, the second Hailey is free from the zipline at the bottom, I’m chasing the feeling all the way down.
The feeling that is Hailey.