Chapter 9 Heath
HEATH
“You okay?” Sebastian asks.
“I’m fine,” I lie. The truth is I’m far from fine. So far away from it.
Hope is talking to Marie, well, more like crying a river and babbling stuff. They haven’t had a proper conversation since Marie tackled her in a hug and refused to let go of her. I was afraid she’d suffocate my girl.
My girl.
What was I thinking when I said that? I wasn’t.
That title means she belongs to me. She is mine.
Do I even deserve her? It doesn’t matter. Because I’ll become whatever she needs me to be.
This past weekend has made me realize that I’m in big fucking trouble.
Because I’m willing to go to such lengths for this person that it’s insane.
No one would understand it if I tell them that this one girl has the power to make do anything.
I will do anything for her without thinking a single word.
And now she is attached to me. I’m not single anymore. We’re together.
“If you frown any harder you’ll grow wrinkles.” Sebastian pipes in, his tone filled with humor.
“I’m not frowning.”
Sebastian rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone. Turning on the camera app he brings it in front of my face and I see that I am indeed frowning.
Asshole.
I relax my muscles and the frown goes away.
“What has you frowning that hard?” he asks.
“Nothing.”
“C’mon, tell me.”
I lean my head back, but don’t take my eyes off Rose. She’s still crying and I want nothing more than to wipe away her tears and paint a smile on her face and plant joy in her eyes.
Fuck. What am I becoming?
“What is Marie to you?” I ask him.
“She’s everything to me.” His reply is fast.
“I know that. I mean she’s your girlfriend. What does that mean?”
“Why? You want to ask Hope to be your girlfriend?”
My heart races. “I told her, she’s my girl.”
“She’s your girl as in your girlfriend?”
“I think so.”
Sebastian gapes at me. “What do you mean you think so? It’s either yes or no.”
A sigh leaves my lips. “I don’t know. We didn’t discuss the details. I had more important things to talk about.”
He chuckles. “Only you can fumble with the girl you like so much.”
I glare at him. “If I remember correctly, you fumbled a few times yourself, jackass.”
That sobers him up. “Fine, you’re right. But since I’ve gone through all these stages, I can help you.” He faces me. “What do you want with Hope?”
“I want her.”
He rolls his eyes. “That means a lot of things. You have to be certain about what you want with her so you don’t hurt her by leading her on or confuse yourself.”
I swear he’s making it more complicated than it already is.
“I want her to be my…” My cheeks burn. “Girlfriend.”
Sebastian grins like he’s been waiting for this day for years.
Who knew a pretty book nerd would be the one to make me want a relationship.
“You’re blushing,” he teases. “It’s cute.”
I shoot daggers at him with my gaze. “Shut up!”
He laughs and I want to pummel him.
Okay so what if I have feelings for a girl?
It’s normal.
However, all that I feel towards her doesn’t seem normal.
There is so much happening all at once: my heart jumps begging to reach her, the cadence of my breathing changes to rapid breaths as if she’s sucked all the oxygen in the room, and insects and fireflies fill my stomach and wage an assault that makes me nervous.
I keep my hands gentle so that I don’t hurt even a little bit.
My movements are slow so I don’t scare her.
And when I kiss her, I want to devour her, but I go at the pace she wants me to because she’s all that matters to me.
Sebastian clears his throat.
I look at him and he smirks. Clearly I was busy staring at Hope while I was thinking about all that.
“Communication is the key. Talk to her and be clear about what you want,” he suggests.
“So I tell her that being my girl means that she’s my girlfriend.”
He nods. “Yes, and, also, make sure you go at her pace. If she wants to take things slow then—”
“I already know that.”
“Did you ask her out on a date?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t gotten to that part.” Anger laces my words.
“What part did you get then?”
“The part where she had to clean my blood off her bedroom floor and her dad tore apart all of her favorite books.”
“Fuck!” A mixture of sadness and despair flashes across his face. “He is a monster.”
“He is.” I grit out. “You have no idea how much she loved those books. Books are her favourite thing in the world.”
Whenever I see books, I think of her.
“I hate that man,” I tell him. Rage sears through me and turns my blood hot. I’m so consumed by the desire to hurt him, but the sight of Hope stops me. It’ll upset her if I hit her dad and went to jail. She’s already feeling guilty about it.
“I swear I’ll break your bones if you do anything irrational. I know you want to hurt him, but think with a cool mind before you dive headfirst into this mess. You have to be careful and logical about this because you won’t be able to do anything if you’re locked up inside a cell.”
I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I do it a couple of more times before I’m finally cool enough to kick that monster out of my head.
Sebastian is right. What happened to Hope is my fault. Maybe if I didn’t appear in front of her dad and hurt him, he wouldn’t have touched her books. She’d still have them and wouldn’t damp my t-shirt from her tears.
I’m glad he didn’t fucking hit her. Seeing Hope in bruises would have sent me over the edge and nothing would have stopped me from driving to her home and attacking him.
My best friend grabs my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “You have a lot on the line. It’s not just him you’ll be hurting. He’ll hurt you and Hope.”
I curl my fingers into fists.
“Things will get worse if you lose control and just think about him. Hope is the person stuck in the middle of this complicated situation. You have to put her first and think it through before you do anything.”
I close my eyes, and try to imagine a scenario where I can stand and watch him he hurt Hope.
I can’t.
“I can’t make any promises, Bash.”
“Then don’t. Because I was once in your place. I wanted nothing more than to hurt the people who hurt Marie. Nothing else made sense to me.” He stares at me. “Just call me before you do anything. I’ll be there for you.”
I nod, knowing that I can’t trust myself when it comes to Rose. I can risk everything for her.
“You should take her out on a date. Make sure she has a good time.” Sebastian gives me advice.
“I know.”
He smirks. “Don’t tell me you’re nervous to ask her out.”
I push him off. “It’s not that.” It’s exactly that.
When I look back at Marie and Rose, they have stopped crying—thankfully.
They seem to be engrossed in a deep conversation.
I notice Rose letting Marie touch the side of her head and then point to her cheek.
I know exactly what’s the topic of their conversation is and it pisses me off because I’m once again reminded of the person who caused the damage.
I’m burning with the desire to search him at this hour and hit him, when Rose turns her head and looks at me.
Trust, affection and care shine in those gorgeous brown eyes that I’ve become obsessed with in the last few months.
They are not just eyes anymore. They have the capability to make me feel weak in my knees, fall down and worship the ground she walks on.
She looks away from me and sends a smile to Sebastian.
A scowl grows on my mouth, hating the fact that she didn’t send her smile my way.
Fortunately she notices for Sebastian’s sake—I was thinking about shoving him—and sends me a weak smile. It’s nothing like her usual sweet smiles that make my heart pound, but it’s a smile nonetheless. It’s enough that she’s managed to muster up one despite everything that has happened to her.
Marie says something to her. A few minutes, after a hug, they start crying again and Sebastian and I make our way to them.
I pull Hope against me as she shares about her parents and her childhood.
She then talks about her dad’s return and how he started hurting her.
Listening to it doubles my anger, but the only thing that keeps me calm is her.
I keep her tucked in my arms and take in every detail that she tells all of us.
Marie starts crying again and Sebastian hugs her and whispers words to her.
“You didn’t tell me those details,” I grumble into Rose’s hair. “I had no fucking idea it was this bad.”
“I’m sorry—”
“You don’t need to apologize. I don’t blame you.”
Since her back is to me, I can’t see her face and read her thoughts.
Rose surprises me when she grabs my wrist—the one with her bracelet on—and places it in her lap. She rarely initiates physical touch with me, so it renders me surprised when she does it. I lose my ability to speak.
“There were times—many times—when I wanted to tell you everything. I would gather the courage but then the thought that you’d judge me or stop talking to me would just shatter that courage and I’d keep it all inside.
You and your friends are the good parts of my life and I didn’t want to lose you guys. ”
I hug her tighter. “You’ll never lose us. No matter what happens you’ll always have us. Drill that into your head.”
I don’t see her smile but I know there is one curving on her lips. “Okay.”
“Good,” I murmur, nuzzling my face in the crook of her neck. Her lavender scent enters my system and I can’t help but lose my mind over it. That flowery scent is fucking addictive and I love getting high on it.
A shiver runs through her and her breathing becomes rapid. I slant my head and look at her. Her eyes look back at me, and she looks so innocent and pure, making me want to do dirty things to her.
But I won’t because I want her to lead me. After everything that has happened, I know it can be hard for her to indulge into physical touch.
Of course, I want to do things with her. Things that are wicked and she’s read about in her romance novels, but I’d rather wait for her.
“Heath,” she breathes.
“Yeah,” I reply.
I wait for her but she doesn’t continue—she doesn’t need to. Her pupils dilate and her cheeks turn red and it’s clear that she’s getting attracted to me.
Before I can tease her or steal a kiss, the shrill sound of the bell disrupts the moment.
Rose pulls away from me and clears her throat. “It’s lunch break. We should go down.”
Marie speaks with a grimace. “People are talking so if you want to avoid them we can eat somewhere out.”
Rose stiffens and she resembles a statue. I just know her overthinking mind has started working.
Leaning close to her, I wrap my around her front and set my chin on her shoulder. Looks like I can’t keep my hands to myself anymore.
“They…know…about…me.” She pants.
Panic contorts Marie’s face. “No! They don’t know about you. They are just talking about Heath and you and how amazing you look together. Really. You don’t need to worry about them. They know nothing about what happened over the weekend—”
The more Marie talks, the stiffer Rose gets.
I glare at Marie. “Stop talking!”
She opens her mouth to fight me, but one glance at Hope has her mouth sewed shut.
I mumble curses, knowing all that information will trigger Hope.
She didn’t tell us for months because she didn’t want to be judged and now the whole school is gossiping about her.
In the hallways earlier, she looked like she was going to have a panic attack if I didn’t arrive.
Everyone was staring at her, pointing at her and talking shit about her.
While I know how to shut up people, she doesn’t. All she knows is how to hide.
I cup her cheeks and force her to look at me. Her gaze aligns with me and it’s brimmed with big, fat tears that are ready to be spilled.
“Don’t cry.” I grit my teeth. “It’s okay.”
“Everyone knows,” she croaks out and reaches for my t-shirt.
“It doesn’t fucking matter.”
“But—” What comes out is a gasp that turns into panting. In seconds she’s fighting for breathing, putting a tear right through the centre of my heart. The entire world be damned. I hate it when she cries. “I…”
“Listen to me. I want you to breathe, Rose.”
She shakes her head but I tip back her head and make her look at me.
“Take a deep, long breath. Now.” I demand.
She yields under my authority and compels herself to do what I ask of her.
Closing her eyes, she takes a long, deep breath and slowly lets it out. I keep talking to her and she listens to me.
“You’re doing great, Rose.” I caress her jawline and her eyes open and stare at me. “Just five more times.”
She nods.
I move forward and press a tender kiss against her temple. “Good girl.”
She doesn’t react and it hurts.
I look to the side and find that Marie and Sebastian are no longer there, but standing a couple of feet away from us to give us privacy. I almost smile at their thoughtfulness.
Two minutes later, Hope looks up at me and she looks much better than before. My palms are still cupping her beautiful face that I like so much.
“Better?” I ask, wiping away all the traces of her tears.
She weakly nods. “I’m sorry—”
I press my lips against her and sweetly kiss her. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Footsteps near us and we both look at our friends.
Marie shoots a smile to Hope. “We can eat at the diner.”
Hope looks hesitant, even though I can see the way her eyes light up. She wants to be away from here.
“Let’s fucking go.” I stand up and offer my hand to Hope.
She takes it and stands up.
Ten minutes later, we’re in the diner, talking and laughing about things that matter far more than our problems.