Chapter 15 Hope #2
Leaning his head back, he says in a quiet voice, “The thing that bothers me the most is, why do I care? I don’t like them at all. I hate them. It was good when they weren’t here and I didn’t have to see their faces or listen to their voices. I had nothing to remember them by, but now…fuck!”
He rubs his face and groans. “Now I don’t fucking know what to do.”
Frustration bubbles under the surface and he looks about ready to burst and explode everywhere.
This is the first time I’m seeing him this way. All these emotions that I didn’t get to witness and know about.
There is so much that I need to learn about Heath Travon. He’s like a puzzle that I need to collect all the pieces of so I can put them together and complete the picture. Only then I’ll truly know him.
Watching him going through such an array of emotions and a situation like this makes me to help him but nothing pops into my head.
Gosh. I’m the worst girlfriend ever.
I need to read more books and see how characters tackle this sort of issues.
Usually they hold each other or distract themselves with having sex—
NO! I can’t do that.
Option one it is.
My cheeks are burning and my heart is racing.
Just thinking about sex makes me so nervous.
Heath is staring straight ahead with a stoic face and mildly cold eyes.
Slowly, I let my hand cross over the console and grab his hand. The silver rings on his fingers feel cold and send a shiver down my spine.
He swivels his head in my direction and gives my hand a squeeze.
“What is it, Rose?”
“I’m trying to comfort you.”
A laugh comes out of him. “Just by holding my hand?”
“Is it not enough?”
“It is, but I think you can do more.”
My eyebrows pinch together. “How?”
He smirks. “Get in the backseat and I’ll tell you.”
My stomach flips. “In-in the backseat?”
Instead of answering me, he moves to the back while I stay rooted in my place.
“Come here, Rose,” he says in a husky tone that makes me press my legs together.
Why did I think of sex earlier? Now I can’t function normally.
Not wanting to make him wait, I climb into the back and settle down beside him. Well, not exactly beside him. There is enough space to fit a person between us—which shouldn’t be there since we’re dating.
Heath reaches over and turns on ignition, but doesn’t switch on the headlights. He turns on the music player and ANGELS by Chase Atlantic starts playing at a low volume. Just enough for us to listen to the music and also talk to each other.
When he moves back, he makes sure to sit right next to me.
The thrum of my pulse increases at having him so close to me. His body, his heat and his scent are making my senses go into a frenzy. I’m clueless which one to focus on and how to deal with him.
I know how his body looks under that black hoodie. The strong structure of muscles in his chest and torso and crevices that makes the six-pack. I remember his upper body very vividly—I couldn’t forget after seeing him in just shorts. He’s beautiful and perfect in every sense of those words.
And if his body isn’t enough to make me nervous, his body heat is like that of a furnace that’ll keep me warm all night. Also, he wears this cologne with hints of mint or something, it smells refreshing and cool just like him.
The combination of all these three is something I can handle only in books. But now that it’s in real life, my head and heart have stopped working. No rational thought crosses my mind, just loud heartbeats beat like a drum into my ears.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“I’m fine,” I blurt.
“You’re clutching the ends of your sweatshirt a little too tight.” I quickly let go and place my hands in my lap. “And you’re looking at my chest.”
I meet his gaze, then quickly look away because it looks so intense in the dark.
Heath cups my chin and tips back my head. “Look at me, Rose.”
“Okay,” I whisper, staring into his blue eyes that have softened. They remind me of an ocean on a summer day. The color so bright, blue and beautiful that it imprints itself on my mind, making it impossible to look at the shade again without thinking of him.
“You look nervous. Is something wrong?” His thumb caresses my chin. “Tell me so I can fix it.”
“Uh, it’s nothing like that.” My heart pounds.
“There is something that is bothering you.”
How can I tell him it’s the idea of intimacy that scares me?
Perhaps, the thought hasn’t crossed his mind and only I’m fussing over it.
“I…” I can hardly speak.
“Are you worrying yourself over what I said to you earlier?”
“No.”
“You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. We’re taking things at your pace. Whatever you want, I want that.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. “If holding my hand is how you want to comfort me then it’s enough. You are enough for me.”
I shake my head. “I can do more, but I feel scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Not knowing what I’m doing.”
He smiles down at me. “That’s fucking impossible. Whatever you’ll do to me, I promise you, I’ll feel it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“We’re only on first base.”
“I’m aware.”
“Don’t you want to go to other bases?”
“Do you want to, Rose?”
Heat flushes through my body, igniting every inch of me.
“I…” I stammer. “I… I…”
Heath presses a soft kiss against my temple like I’m the most precious thing in the world to him.
“It’s okay if you don’t have an answer right now. Think about it and tell me later.”
I shake my head and force my hands up to fist his hoodie into my hands.
Despite how hard my lungs ache and how fast my heart beats, I refuse to let myself be the shy, nervous girl who can’t communicate.
With him I want to share my thoughts no matter how absurd they seem. He deserves to know all of me.
Because he likes me. That means something.
I push him back to straddle him.
Once I’m sitting on his lap with my knees on either side of him, only then I meet his gaze.
Heath looks utterly stunned. His eyes are wide and his mouth is a little open.
A flush of heat curls in my stomach and turns my insides into liquid.
I can’t believe I just did that or that I’m not backing off.
“Please wait. I have the answer,” I say without my voice breaking.
“I want you too, but in a way no one else does. I want to know the way you like to be kissed or how you liked to be touched.” My skin is burning hot.
“I want to go beyond the first base with you but I don’t know how to do that.
I want to complete all the bases with you. ”
This is it.
The reason why I need to fling myself off this cliff after what I just said.
I straight up told him to have sex with me. Or eventually.
Heath sits beneath me like a statue. He doesn’t utter a word, only stares at me.
The growing silence makes me anxious.
So, I look down in his lap and play with the strings of his hoodie that looks too good on him—everything does. I don’t think there’s anything that won’t suit Heath Travon.
At once his hand cups my face and lifts it.
Leaning down, he says, “Do you have any idea what you fucking do to me?”
Before I can open my mouth to answer him, his mouth is on mine and he kisses me hard. If it isn’t for his hand holding the back of my head, I would have fallen behind by the sheer force with which he comes at me.
It’s like he is talking to me with his body rather than his words.
Not that I mind this form of communication.
In return, I fist his hoodie and arch myself into his direction as I kiss him back. His hand moves down my back and he bunches up my sweatshirt and pulls me to him.
Air grows thick and tension rises.
My heart beats so hard my fingers shake.
All because of this boy who consumes me like a drug.
I’ve never done drugs in my life, but now I understand why people find that euphoric feeling exhilarating. Every nerve ending in your body has come to life.
We kiss for what feels like hours but it’s only minutes.
Sometimes, time slows down, when I’m with him. Every second ticks by at the pace of a turtle.
Heath is first to pull away, and fill the tiny space between us with his hot breath. It dances on my swollen, numb lips that still ache to taste more of his.
It’s only my labored, fast breaths that halt me from claiming his mouth.
Books indulged me enough to know that kissing is romantic, but I had no idea how special and close it makes you feel to someone.
My lips are forever imprinted by his.
“Fuck!” Heath hisses and moves.
In doing so, the inner side of my thigh brushes against the front of his jeans and we both still.
A gasp leaves me, and I clutch his hoodie even tighter.
Don’t freak out.
Don’t freak out.
Don’t freak out.
“Oh my God,” I whisper.
Heath grips both sides of my waist and groans.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” Heath assures me.
“I’m sorry.”
He huffs. “It…happens. Not your fault, Rose.”
But it is my fault.
I know enough to know that I’m the reason.
“Can I help?”
“No!”
“Let me get off you.”
“Fuck no!” Those words carry a bite and he tightens his hold on me. “I like having you this close.”
“But—”
“Relax,” he says softly.
I nod.
“You don’t have to worry about this. I’ve made up my mind and I won’t change it. I’ll go at your pace.”
I melt against him, loosening the taut muscles that have stretched due to tension and my panic.
“All I want is you, Heath.”
His fingers dig into my sides as he drags me across his lap.
I can feel him beneath me and for a second it scares me because I’ve never been with a guy before. But with that ball of fear, there is also a cloud of excitement that swirls brimming me with anticipation.
I hear him mutter, “For fuck’s sake.”
And then he pulls me against him.