Chapter 18 Heath
HEATH
I drop off Hope at her house with a reluctant heart. She said she has a test she has to study for. I suggested doing it at my place but she said I wouldn’t let her study.
She isn’t wrong.
I can’t keep my hands to myself when she is around.
I let her out of my car after a five-minute make out session and only because her lips were swollen and numb and she pushed me off because she was breathing hard.
That wasn’t the only thing hard.
So was my dick that had no business getting aroused at a moment like this.
Lately, it’s been happening a lot and I don’t know what to do about it.
I’ve never gotten hard this fast and this bad for a girl before.
It is fucking painful. It happens with kissing alone.
I can’t imagine what will happen if we go second base or more.
I know I’ll embarrass myself because there’s no way I’d be able to control myself.
Hope is beautiful. So fucking beautiful. From her big brown eyes to her lovely face. She is gorgeous.
My heart dances at a rhythm of its own whenever it sees her. I can hardly breathe or think, much less control my dick that is as much attracted to her as the rest of me.
“Fucking hell,” I mutter with a groan.
We’ve just started dating.
Nothing much has happened between us apart from some little kissing.
And here I am getting erection just from breathing the same air as her.
I know the person I should talk to about this. I just don’t want to because he won’t let me live if he got to know this is happening to me.
With a tired sigh, I pull out of the neighborhood and drive down to Sebastian’s house anyway.
—————————
Sebastian answers the door sweating and breathing fast and wearing nothing but fucking boxers. Boxers that show the outline of his erection.
The horrendous sight puts me in a foul mood.
“Don’t tell me you’re having sex,” I grumble.
He grins. “I was in the middle of sex.”
“For fuck’s sake,” I mutter. “I need to talk to you.”
“Can it wait?”
“No.”
“It has to wait five minutes. I need to finish and also Marie—”
I grab the door and slam it in his face muffling his reply. A second later I hear his laughter and I know he didn’t finish the sentence and was teasing me.
I walk down the hallway and near the elevator to not hear any of their sex noises.
Sex.
They are having sex.
I wonder how he’s able to control himself when Marie is in front of him.
If Hope takes off one piece of clothing…
I let out a grunt.
Stop.
I need to put these thoughts away.
Nothing of that sort is happening between us.
She isn’t ready and neither am I.
Switching on my phone, I send her a text.
Heath: Did I tell you, you look beautiful today?
It takes her five minutes to reply.
Hope: You didn’t, but it’s fine.
I roll my eyes.
Her standards shouldn’t lower because of me.
I’m not fucking losing to her fictional men.
Heath: Well, you did. Beautiful, I mean.
She sees the message but doesn’t reply.
So I sent her another message.
Heath: You looked beautiful today, Rose. You always do.
It’s then the dots appear on the screen and a few seconds later her reply comes.
Hope: Um, thanks.
Heath: I mean it.
Hope: I know.
Heath: You are terrible at taking compliments.
Hope: That’s because no one’s ever given to me.
My heart squeezes at that sentence.
Fuck. There’s so many things she hasn’t experienced. Simple things that matter.
Heath: That was before me.
Hope sees the message and goes quiet.
She’s busy blushing.
That damn red blush.
It does things to me.
My phone pings.
Sebastian: You can come in, asshole.
What the fuck? How am I the asshole?
He’s the one who ditched me to have sex with his girlfriend. As if he isn’t done the deed a thousand times. Fortunately, he has a brain cell to use protection and be careful.
I’m too young to become an uncle.
I march down the hallway and enter his place using the key he’s given me.
Sebastian is in trousers and t-shirt and is lounging on the couch with Coca Cola cans on the coffee table and a bunch of snacks. He lights up when he sees me and I flip him the finger.
A sweet sound of humming floats out of the kitchen and pulls my attention. Marie is wearing trousers and one of Sebastian’s sweatshirts—thank God she’s dressed decent—and is stirring something in the pot on the stove.
Sensing my gaze she looks over and wave. “Heath!”
There’s too much enthusiasm in her voice.
“Blondie,” I nod.
“How are you?”
I arch an eyebrow. “We just saw each other a couple of hours ago at school.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you asking?”
“Because a lot can happen to someone in a short amount of time.”
“Nothing is going to happen to me. So stop worrying about me.”
“Can’t do that. You are my favourite friend after Hope and Sebastian.”
For some strange reason I feel bitter that I’m at third place. “So, I’m the last on your list.”
Marie’s grin wipes away. “You look offended.”
I narrow my eyes. “I’m not offended. In fact, I don’t fucking care.”
“I’m not fully convinced.”
Sebastian decides to pipe in. “Neither am I. From the looks of it, you look really mad at being at the bottom.”
I send him a glare. “Wouldn’t you like that?”
He grins. “Of course, I don. I’m the second on the list. Above you.”
Marie comes over and stands in front of me. “You are one of my best friends and I love you a lot. You were definitely on second spot, very close to Sebastian.”
“Oh, how much I miss those days.” I reply dryly.
“I miss those days too. You were always there for me and you helped me so much. I wouldn’t have gotten better if you hadn’t supported me. Thank you—”
“Don’t start again,” I grumble.
“You’re important to me.” She tells me. “But now I have Hope, who’s my girl best friend.
Something that I always wanted. She’s so nice to me and doesn’t judge me.
She loves spending time with me and doesn’t mind that I talk a lot.
She has never asked me to shut up. She listens to everything I say and it makes me so happy. ”
Tears fill her eyes. “So yeah, she’s claimed the top spot now despite the fact that she hid something really big from me.”
Sebastian gets up and hugs her tightly. He rests his chin on her head and squeezes her in his arms. “Shush baby, don’t cry.”
She cries anyway, and Sebastian is turning her around and tucking her in his chest.
I grab a can of coke and walk into the kitchen to give them privacy. Their hushed whispers float in the air making me think about something that is always lingering at the back of my mind.
Alex motherfucking Hanson.
It’s been nearly a week, and he hasn’t hurt her—at least that’s what Hope has told me and I can only wish that she isn’t lying to me—but my guard is up. I know he’s going to hurt her—I don’t want that. It’s only a matter of time.
I feel as helpless as I did before.
There’s nothing I can’t do other than hit him—which isn’t enough.
The fact he hurts his own daughter stirs my stomach whenever the thought crosses my head. It is fucking sick.
I wish I could just take Hope out of her house and keep her safe at my place. I’d deal with my parents, who’d be nosy, but I wouldn’t let them interfere.
All I want is to protect that girl. My girl.
“I’m making dinner, are you staying?” Marie strolls into the kitchen with a vibrant smile. Her eyes are a bit red but she looks okay.
My phone pings and I quickly check in case it’s Hope’s message.
Mom: Tonight I’m making dinner, so please come home early.
I must have been staring at the text too hard because Marie’s voice comes from close.
“Is everything okay?” she asks.
“Yes,” I roughly reply and sidestep her to talk to Sebastian.
“Seb is in his room folding laundry,” she adds.
I take the stairs, two at a time, and enter his room. Marie’s imprint is everywhere and it looks more like her room than his.
His bed has soft pink bed sheets and pillowcase — he doesn’t even like pink.
Makeup supplies sit on his study table that should be filled with books and stationery but instead they all are on his nightstand.
On the other nightstand, there’s feminine perfume bottles, hair ribbons and hair clips, all in different sizes and colors.
The chair in the corner of the small room has her clothes on it while his sit in the hamper.
There are pink slippers near the door and a bra next to it.
I gesture Sebastian to it with my eyes and he looks dumb.
“What?”
“Look down and see.”
He does and grins as he picks it up. “That’s my girlfriend’s.”
“Well fucking aware.”
He chuckles as he takes care of it.
I sit on the pink sheets with a a scowl and lean back as I watch him clean his room. It’s a small space but he pays the rent and takes care of it. He’s fucking proud of this place.
“Marie said you’re folding laundry.”
“In a minute.”
I grow silent, watching him closely while trying to arrange the thoughts in my head. The evidence of his physical activities is everywhere and the air wreaks with sex, which sends my head rolling and I can’t fucking decide how to approach this topic.
He’s the last person I want to discuss this matter with.
He won’t let me live it down.
He will be on my ass about the details to make sure I’m not doing anything wrong.
Still, telling him I get a hard-on whenever my girlfriend is around is a bit strange.
“I don’t like that look on your face.”
I glance at him. “What look?”
“That constipated look.”
“Fuck off.”
“No, can’t do.”
“I’ll do it for you then.”
He laughs and walks past me and sets the basket on the bed and starts folding his and Marie’s clothes.
“Something is on your mind. What is it?”
“Everything’s fine.”
“You just love that word, don’t you.”
“You already know that.”
“How many times am I going to ask before you finally tell me?”
I let out a sigh but the weight on my chest only sinks in.
His gaze burns the side of my face, but he doesn’t speak a word.
Only when the silence begins to grow uncomfortable, I utter the words. “I’m a fucking mess when I’m around Rose.”
“Mess?” he asks, confusion laced in his tone.
I nod.
“What kinda mess?”
“Just a complete fucking mess.” I groan and tilt my head back as I stare at the ceiling. “It’s embarrassing.”
“And you say that you’re not in love.”
I narrow my eyes in his direction. “I’m not.”
He smiles softly. “This is what love feels like.”
My heart stops beating for a second. “No, that’s not what love is. How could I love her when I just started liking her.”
He stops folding and looks me in the eyes. “You caught feelings for her the moment you met her. After that your feelings just grew. You’ve fallen for her.”
“Feelings aren’t a fucking plant.”
“In my head they are,” he muses. “Your plant resembles a cactus. Imagine how much patience I have for watering it every day even though it doesn’t require much water.”
I look away, not caring what nonsense he’s spewing up. All I can think about is what he said.
You’ve fallen for her, Heath.
As in she was a pebble on the road, and my foot stuck and I just fell. It happened all of a sudden. And I couldn’t save myself.
Falling should hurt, it doesn’t.
Falling should make me scared, it doesn’t.
Falling should make me save myself, but I won’t.
Is this what love feels like?
The weight on my chest starts pressing down on me and I can hardly breathe.
Fuck. I refuse to have a nervous breakdown in the middle of my best friend’s room. I don’t want to worry him.
But the realization that I’m in love with Hope tears me apart from the inside.
It feels like the world has stopped moving and time has still. Everything is frozen but I’m the only one moving and I don’t know what’s happening.
Confusion, anxiety, fear and a bunch of other emotions swirl in my head making me nervous.
Nervous. Fuck. When have I ever been nervous in my life?
I forget all about the topic I wanted to talk about and instead ponder on what he said. This is not the first time he’s told me this, but the impact of his words only hits me now.
The mattress dips under his weight as he sits down beside me. He grabs my shoulder and squeezes.
“It’s okay,” he tells me.
I gulp hard. “You just told me that I love her.”
“Don’t make it sound like I told you that you’re dying.”
“Then why does it feel like that?”
“Because it’s something new that you’ve never experienced before. It’s okay to feel this way.”
I close my eyes and let out a long breath. The pressure on my chest moves away a little.
“We haven’t been to our first date yet,” I murmur.
“So what? You’ve spent loads of time with her and what matters is how you feel when you’re with her.”
“I feel calm,” I answer instantly.
He smiles softly as if he gets why calm is important to me.
He’s seen me restless, looking for things and ways to ebb the grief and pain inside of me.
It’s still there, but at least I have someone I can hug and find reprieve for a short while.
It’s not cigarettes and alcohol that’ll damage me.
Every time I hug her—my arms wrapped around her and her head resting on my chest—something inside of me heals.
I don’t know what it is.
Love.
“This is good,” Sebastian says. “You’re not freaking out the way you did before when I told you.”
I run a hand through my hair, trying to busy my fingers that shake a little. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“Nothing.”
I look at him in confusion. “Nothing?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Act natural. Don’t think too much. Just be yourself when you’re with her.”
I scoff. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know what happens when I’m with her.”
He nudges me. “Now I really wanna know. What happens? You get horny.”
I quickly stand up. “I’m leaving.”
“What? I meant that as a joke.” He chuckles, but when he sees I’m not laughing he sobers up. “Shit, you really meant it.”
“Shut up.”
His gaze fills with amusement. “It’s normal. It happens. You’re insanely attracted to her. Just don’t think with your dick, but with your head.”
I shoot him a glare, annoyed with myself that he now he knows about it. “I always think of her first.”
“Don’t forget to use protection.”
I scowl. “Shut up.”
He laughs and my anger simmers down a little. He looks so happy. So different from how he was at the beginning of the year.
Standing up, he walks over to his nightstand and takes out something. Turning around he throws it at me and I catch it with one hand. When I open my fist and look down, there’s a condom in my hand.
“Good luck with your first time.”
I throw the condom in his face and slam the door shut with a thud.
Asshole.