Chapter 22 Hope
HOPE
Heath is wearing white t-shirt and grey sweatpants.
And just like that my mind goes blank.
Black. He’s supposed to wear black. Not grey sweatpants.
The last time he wore them I was spiraling in lust because he looked so attractive.
Everything about him is perfect. His handsome face, his amazing body and his beautiful eyes. I often find myself staring at him because someone who looks this good seems unreal. And if he wasn’t perfect already, now he’s building me a bookshelf. A bookshelf.
A frisson of excitement hums through my blood. I can’t help but gravitate towards him.
The moment I kneel down beside him, his hand comes around and holds the back of my head. Gently, he pulls my face towards him and kisses me with such tenderness that I melt into him. Like snow under the heat of the sun.
I press my palm over his chest and almost get burned with how hot he feels. He is burning up.
Breaking the kiss, I breathe heavily as I rest the back of my hand against his forehead.
“You are hot,” my voice comes out husky.
“I know,” his rich chuckles pours into me and the sound tucks away in some corner of my mind.
I blush. “No—I mean—your skin is hot.”
His laughter slowly dies and a smile dances on his lips. “That’s because of you. You do this to me.”
I stare at him, blinded by the sincerity in his gaze.
Heath removes his hand from the back of my head and let his fingers aimlessly explore my collarbone. I shiver as electricity zaps through me and goosebumps raise on my arms.
The rough calluses scrape against my skin, gently, as they dip into the neckline of my sweater that isn’t deep.
Air bleeds out of my lungs, and I’m panting as if I ran a marathon.
“Looks like I’m not the only one,” his voice is low and eyes fixed on me.
I avert my gaze to his chest where I’m holding his t-shirt in my fist with a vice grip.
When his finger goes near my breast, I let out a quiet gasp.
After reading so many romance books, I know exactly what happens. If anything, I know a little too much. However, it’s too intense in reality. Those words don’t even come close to how I’m feeling right now.
His steady gaze makes me forget my name. His touch makes me forget to breathe. And his heat makes me want to curl up against him and never move.
All of this is too much but I can’t bring myself to say no. Because I want this. I want him.
I’ve wanted him for a long time now.
I’m ready for it.
I know it.
Heath reads the look in my eyes and says, “Rose—”
“I want you.”
Shock flashes across his face, as he pulls back his hand. “What?”
I nod. “I want you.”
Running a hand through his hair, he exhales. “Fuck. Don’t say those words. You don’t know what they do to me.”
“I mean it,” I tell him.
His eyes close. “For fuck’s sake.”
Doubt plants its seed in me the longer he makes me wait. I can’t help but utter the words with deep sadness. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know that you don’t—”
His eyes open and he glares at me. “No! It’s not that.”
I stare at him with uncertainty.
“I mean it, Rose. I want you. Fuck. I want you so bad, it’s driving me insane,” he says slowly.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I want you to be ready.”
My eyebrows pinch in thought. “I am ready.”
“You are not.”
“How can you say that?”
“What happened a week ago was a disaster. And just yesterday, your dad hurt you again. I want you to be okay right now and not rush into this to feel better.”
A rope ties around my chest at his words. “You do make me feel better.”
“I know but this is serious. It is huge.”
“It’s sex. People have sex.” I end up saying without thinking.
He speaks calmly, “Yes, they do. But for you I want to make it special. We haven’t even gone out on a date yet.”
“I don’t want special, I just want you.”
He cups my face and his thumbs caress my cheeks in a lovingly manner.
The stir of anxiety swirling in me starts to slow down as he speaks.
“Maybe you don’t, but I do. I want you to experience everything you’ve read about in books.
The magic of love that you believe in.” He pauses.
“I’ve seen the way your eyes light up when you tell me those stories.
You look enchanting, as if that kind of love can only exist in books.
I want to change that. I want to be the guy you compare your book boyfriends with. Not the other way around.”
When I don’t say anything, he adds, “As for sex, we’ve got all the time in the world. Let’s take things slowly.”
“Slowly?” I whisper.
His lips twitch. “You can barely breathe when I kiss you. What will happen when I get you naked, kiss you everywhere and use my fingers to make you—”
I put my palm on his mouth and muffle his words.
Blue eyes fill with amusement and he stops talking only to grin underneath my hand.
My whole face has turned red. I must resemble a red chili.
Taking my palm down, I refuse to look at him as I say. “Let’s build this bookshelf.”
“Sure, Rose. Whatever you want.” He teases me.
For the next hour or so, we work together to build the tall, white bookshelf. The smell of wood is addicting and reminds me of books. Heath does most of the work and barely lets me do anything. I only read the instructions, show him the images and hand him whatever he asks of me.
Seeing him work on something that is for me makes my heart pound like it has never before. I can hear his name echo in every beat of my heart.
I’m falling in love with him more with every little thing he does.
The worst part is, it makes me so scared.
I’ve felt fear before, but this is different.
The way I feel for him so strong and addictive that it has the power to destroy me.
I never thought I wanted love watching how complicated my parents’ relationship was. I didn’t want it because to me love is pain. It’s not beautiful or sweet.
I was going to stay away from this particular emotion, but then a blue-eyed boy entered my life and changed everything.
“I think it’s ready,” Heath says as he aligns the bookshelf against the wall. It looks perfect next to the ceiling-to-floor windows that offer a spectacular view of the outside — a perfect spot for reading.
“What do you say?” Heath asks as he stops twisting it.
Running over to him, I throw my arms around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. I pour all my gratitude, happiness and all the emotions that I’m feeling into that kiss, letting him know how I feel.
“Thank you,” I say.
“You’re welcome.” He smiles down at me.
I love his smile.
“This looks amazing.”
“Wait till it fills with books.”
“I have my Harry Potter collection. I’ll bring it over to fill these empty shelves.”
He shakes his head. “No need.”
I pull back. “What?”
Untangling himself from my arms, he strides towards the other three boxes. “All your books are here.”
“What books?” I’m baffled.
“The ones you ordered in the library with me weeks ago and the ones…” he scowls “…your dad ripped apart.”
My pulse accelerates. “How?”
He rubs his neck. “A while back, I took a picture of your book wall so I could read those books.”
Inching closer to him, I ask, “Why?”
His gaze flickers to me. “So I could know you better.”
“You do.”
“There’s still so much more that I need to know.”
Handing me the cutter, he lets me open the boxes. When I turn over the flaps and see the books nestled inside—the ones I lost—my heart drops into my stomach. With shaky hands, I reach for them and take them out.
The spine isn’t creased, the pages are filled with annotations and the cover is brand new.
They are not mine. But I can make them.
With my arms full with the twenty books, I walk over to the bookshelf and neatly arrange them on the shelf.
Just seeing them makes me happy.
“Rose, you’ve got other boxes, too,” Heath reminds me.
I unpack the rest of the boxes. By the time, I slide in the last book, two whole shelves are entirely filled and something warm and flurry replaces the despair that I felt for losing my books that night.
Enclosing my arms around me, I try to make myself small, to contain this huge feeling that starts consuming me.
I love books..
“It’s okay,” Heath comes behind me and wraps his arms around me. His face burrows in the side of my neck. “You are okay.”
I nod, as I stare off at the shelf.
“I’m going to fill the rest of the shelves, too.”
I lean into him and shake my head. “This is enough.”
“No fucking way.”
“How will I ever repay you?” I whisper.
Our eyes meet at the same time and it feels like time slows down. Everything around us disappears. It’s just the two of us that exist.
“Go on a date with me,” he says in a hoarse tone, voice thick with emotions.
“Date?”
He nods slowly, his eyes locked on me.
“Okay,” I give him a sweet smile.
His lips twitch, until he can’t hold in his smile.