Chapter Fifteen
QUEENS, NEW YORK
Glancing down at my cell phone, I knew my daughter was going to be late for school again.
If she was, it would make me late for work.
I desperately needed to keep this job after I’d gotten laid off from my previous one and hadn’t been able to find employment for several months afterward, which basically drained any savings I had managed to accumulate over the years. And it wasn’t much.
“Ciara!” I called out to my daughter. “We need to leave now.”
“I’m coming,” she said, and moments later appeared at the top of the stairs. “I needed to get R.C. for show and tell.”
I looked at the stuffed animal in her hand, and one that had my sister’s voice on a small chip in the bear’s ear.
I had helped her name the damn thing after getting it made for her on her last birthday.
R.C. could stand for Reagan Coughlin as much as it did for Rowan Coughlin.
Although I had survived, my name had died instead of my twin’s.
At least until I had it legally changed.
I was no longer Reagan, or even Rowan Coughlin, as I’d pretended to be for several weeks after my sister’s and mother’s brutal murders.
I was now Rowan Lynch, and the child I had with Cillian Brannington was also a Lynch, so she would never know the monster that had fathered her, or the evilness of that side of the family that ran through her veins.
I only wished I could’ve banished him from my memories as easily as I had rid myself of my legal name.
Most of my thoughts of him were ones of pure unadulterated rage, but on some of the lowest and loneliest nights, I would remember the boy he’d been before that night, and more of my heart would shatter.
It didn’t help that our child had his eyes.
Thankfully, she had my red hair, but her face was all Cillian.
Sometimes, I wondered how I could look at her when I saw him and still love her, but I did.
She had been the only thing to keep me going after being orphaned.
Wanting and needing to provide a stable life for her had been my driving motivation, and it would remain so for as long as I lived.
“You’re not mad at me, Mommy?” she asked, and as I saw her lip slightly quiver, I smiled at her.
“No, baby. We just need to go so I don’t have to sign you in again.”
“I sorry, Mommy. I’ll wake up a whole fifty hours early tomorrow.”
I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “You don’t have to get ready that soon, but I’ll take a few minutes earlier than today.”
“Gotcha,” she said as she grabbed her book bag from the couch, which also doubled as my bed when it was pulled out.
We left right after, and after getting into my Celica, we headed from one end of Queens to the other where her school was located.
The clinic I worked for was in Brooklyn, which was only ten minutes away from her school.
Traffic had actually cooperated with me, so one of the teachers was still outside when I pulled up along the curb.
“I love you, baby,” I told her, before leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Have a good day at school.”
“Love you too, Mommy, and don’t forget my reci...ahhh...ree—”
“Recital,” I finished for her, then added. “I won’t. I’ll be there in the front row.”
The teacher started toward us, and Ciara flashed a toothy smile at me before getting out of the car. The older woman gave me a curt nod as she tried to settle my daughter’s excitement as she thrust her stuffed bear in the woman’s face.
I drove off in that moment and soon reached the medical clinic where I now worked as a medical assistant.
Being orphaned, pregnant, and broke had killed any chance I had at college, so I’d worked two jobs to provide a stable living situation for the two of us before I was eventually able to take some classes at a community college.
The degree I’d finally gotten had been bittersweet.
It was a blessing because it gave me a better career path, but my twin and mother were both absent, so neither would ever see me walk across the stage.
They didn’t see me celebrate my GED, and not this achievement, either.
I know you’re both watching down on me. I just hope I’ve made you proud.
It was all I could keep telling myself. Regardless of whether I was still hoping on silly delusions or not, I had done my best to be the positive role model for my daughter that my mother had been for me.
Ciara would know love, and the kind that came without conditions.
I thought I had once found love outside of my immediate family, but I had been so wrong.
I’d never allow myself to fall like that again.
It'd been so hard to pick myself up and move on after everything that had happened. There were the constant police interviews, the funeral, which I couldn’t afford, had been covered by the school benefactors, or else I would’ve started my new life as Rowan Lynch in a shit ton of debt.
That did come later as the city was much more expensive to live in than I had ever thought it would be.
Everything was finally coming together though after so many years of struggling. The clinic I worked for was the best job I’d had so far, and as I pulled into the nearby parking garage, I knew I needed to get a move on if I intended to keep it.
Grabbing my things, I hurried out of the garage and across the street to the clinic.
Once inside, I waved at Delilah and Monica at the reception desk.
A few patients were already waiting, and hurrying to the back, I put my purse and cell phone into the locker in our break room, then grabbed a stethoscope before heading to the doctor’s station.
This was an internal medicine clinic, which provided mostly primary care to its patients, and as I grabbed the chart for the first patient, I headed toward the front. As soon as I opened the door, I looked out at the handful of people sitting in the waiting room.
“Andie Fox,” I called out, then watched an older woman as she struggled to get to her feet.
Rushing over to her, I helped the woman steady herself, then put her walker in front of her.
From there, we walked toward the back, then stopped at the scale.
“Do you need help onto this?” I asked, to which she nodded.
I handled everything with that patient and several others throughout the day.
I even ended up working through most of my lunch because today had been a busy one.
Another medical assistant had called out, and after hearing the office manager mention termination, I was thankful that I not only arrived at work today, but on time.
I’d literally had seconds to spare, but prompt was still prompt.
By the time the clinic closed, I polished off the rest of the sandwich I’d not had time to eat earlier, then finished up with the charts before stretching in front of my locker.
I grabbed my things, including the bag which contained a change of clothes.
My daughter had a ballet recital, and luckily, my only friend in this godforsaken city had agreed to pick Ciara up after school let out and take her to the studio.
I wanted to make sure Monica was there, so I picked up my cell phone and quickly dialed her number. After a few rings, her cheery voice came through the speaker. “Hey, Rowan! We’re here at the studio already.”
“Okay, great. I need to change into something less clinical, then I’m headed that way.”
“Perfect. Ciara has been worried that you wouldn’t make it. Despite me assuring her that you would.”
“No, no. I’m at a different job now, so those days are over. Tell her I’ll be right in the front as promised.”
“Will do. See you in a bit.” “Bye,” I said before ending the call.
I’d missed so much at my last job, including nearly every dance practice and recital my daughter partook in.
Guilt would always fill me until I remembered that it was that job keeping us in our newest place.
The loft in Queens was designed more for a single person, possibly a bachelor, but it had been in my price range, and we’d been making it work.
Monica had been a godsend during this time by stepping in and being there for Ciara when I couldn’t be.
One of these days, I hoped to be able to repay her sacrifices, but until then, I could at least keep my word.
With that in mind, I quickly changed from my scrubs into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt.
After, I left and headed the few blocks to the dance studio, also in Brooklyn, and was glad to have made it before the recital actually started.