Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
Valory
I’d been on a train once in my life, as a kid. My parents took me for Christmas one year. We hopped on the Polar Express and I was so excited, I could have burst. I had no idea where we actually went, because I was little and really thought we’d gone to the North Pole. Still, the experience was nothing short of comforting, cozy, and magical.
This... this train ride was not like that. Not in the least.
Our cabin was tight.
Would it have killed Endor to use his demon wiles to secure us something with a little more leg room?
Mercy shifted in her space, likely trying to get comfortable. According to the conductor, we had an eight hour ride ahead of us, nonstop.
Eight hours to be crammed in this tiny space with Endor and Mercy. I shouldn’t have felt bothered by such things, especially given the fact we had Mercy back and faced a much better chance of her actually finding her body than before, but...
Something about sharing such tight quarters with them made me feel antsy.
Irritable.
“What the fuck are you frowning about?” Endor bit, pulling my thoughts.
I moved next to Mercy. I’d opted to take the first shift with her, so I’m not sure why he was still there, wings unfurled and all.
I’d expected him to leave at the first sight of our cabin, what with how grumpy and agitated he’d been.
A part of me wanted to press him about it, but I got the feeling it wasn’t a good idea. Still, I was curious.
We had Mercy. We were on our way to Jasper Springs, and soon, we’d find her body and...
Reality dawned on me once more, that Mercy may not be the only lost soul in need of guidance.
Miles.
Whoever he was to her... is... I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was in need of guidance, too. Whatever happened between them... there was a feeling in my gut that he was connected somehow on a monumental level.
Love will bond people in the face of death.
And judging from the warmth emanating off Mercy during that kiss... I’d say it was safe to say she definitely had feelings of love for the boy.
Something we could use to our advantage.
Her memories were becoming more vivid, which meant we must have been getting closer. Combined with her feelings, it might have been just enough to bring us not just to Mercy’s body, but to another lost soul who needed our help.
Our help. There is no we, Valory. Endor is a demon. When this is all said and done, he will return to Hell, and you to Heaven.
I stiffened in my seat as Mercy settled her feet in my lap.
Somehow, I’d always known this. That my... partnership... with the sexy demon who was all spread out along the booth in front of mine, gazing out the window like some brooding vampire, was as numbered as my days with Mercy.
Finding her body was the mission. If we failed...
God, I didn’t want to fail and find myself trapped here, in limbo like a ping-pong ball unable to truly rest.
But what sort of punishment would a demon endure?
Something horrendous, I was sure, and I certainly didn’t want to be a part of Endor’s eternal damnation.
And because she was such an astute little soul, that was the moment she shot me a knowing look.
I evaded her as best I could, offering her a kind smile.
“Get some rest,” I said as she pulled her feet out of my lap.
“I need to use the restroom first,” she answered sweetly, flashing me a gaze that had me sighing in defeat.
I knew that look, but I also knew I couldn’t really deny a girl the use of the bathroom. Lord only knew the last time she did go, what with waking up a lost soul, getting kidnapped, and getting rescued.
Endor pulled his attention from the window to Mercy, his shoulders tightening.
“Do you want one of us to come with you?” he asked, and there was a softness in his voice that couldn’t be missed.
It was always there when he spoke to her. It was hard to think of a demon as being soft , but Mercy seemed to draw out a softness in the both of us. Accessed parts of us we didn’t know existed until she found her way into our prospective realms.
“I don’t think anything is going to happen to me on the way to the bathroom,” she said with a smirk, and I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as Endor’s eyebrows furrowed.
“I promise I won’t be long,” she said as she slipped through the cabin door before either of us could follow her.
The cabin was stiflingly silent without her there.
My mind was bustling with thoughts, my body aflame as I fought the urge to look at him.
“Do you think he’s alive?” he finally asked.
I looked back and forth, even though I knew he couldn’t possibly be talking to anyone else but me.
“Miles?”
Endor nodded slightly, staring out at the world that passed us by in a blur.
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation.
“Why?” he asked, his tone tired, almost defeated.
I shrugged. “Call it faith, I guess. Her connection was so strong, it?—”
“She couldn’t remember how she died. All this time, she couldn’t remember, and suddenly, she remembers him so clearly, so?—”
“It is love.”
I didn’t miss the way Endor’s shoulders tensed at the word.
Love.
“Love is a powerful thing,” I told him, though as the words left me, I wasn’t sure if I was truly trying to convince him, or myself.
I’d never been in love. When I was alive, I thought it was better if I was alone. Men didn’t seem to value me or my choices in life.
Endor turned, his dark gaze roving over me for a moment before he spoke.
“So is death.”
I shifted in my seat, suddenly feeling flushed and very on the spot.
“I don’t think the connection would be as strong as if he was not alive.”
“Or perhaps, she did not remember because the memory was too painful.”
I shook my head. “Can you honestly tell me you think he is dead?”
Endor shifted in his seat, and I pretended not to notice.
“I’m not sure what to think, Val. I can’t—” He sighed in exasperation. “I can’t make sense of anything...”
I wasn’t not sure why I decided to move, it was almost as if I was possessed. But I managed to somehow get up and take a seat next to him, leaving a modicum of space between us.
Endor pretended not to notice, but the way his shoulders relaxed were both a relief and awfully tempting.
It was almost like my presence... comforted him.
Which would be insane, right?
“I think he is very much alive, and I think he needs our help. Just as Mercy does.”
Endor let out a frustrated groan.
“I did not sign up to be a ferryman,” he said.
My gaze roved over his dark, enticing features. Flashes of his expansive wings, his soft lips, his warm hold... the last few days replayed in my mind.
I shouldn’t have wanted to kiss him right then.
I shouldn’t have wanted to wrap my wings, arms, and legs around him like some celestial moth and never let go.
But that didn’t change the fact that I wanted to.
I knew I needed to be careful. I needed to tread lightly where the demon was concerned, if only because I could not afford to take my eye off the prize.
Mercy’s soul.
The vial Matthew had given me burned a hole in my pocket, calling me like a ghost.
Could I really do such a thing?
Could I poison Endor?
The thought of doing so made my chest tighten.
I knew I should not trust Endor as far as I could throw him, but everything he’d done up to that point had been to help us—Mercy and I—in some way or another.
Perhaps it was stupid of me to trust a demon, but as I took in the sight of him—plum sleeves rolled up to expose those sinful tattoos and toned forearms, dark hair falling in his captivating eyes—I had the feeling I couldn’t help but fall victim to his charm.
Without thinking, I shifted closer to him. His body moved just the slightest as he turned to face me, his thigh brushing against mine. His gaze fell to my lips, then rose once more to meet my gaze.
“And I did not sign up to be a camp counselor for demons, but here we are,” I said with a half-smile.
Endor’s lips tugged up in the corner for a moment, and there was the hint of a smile.
“Please. You couldn’t handle my trauma, angel. Or my version of arts and crafts.”
It was my turn to smile at his attempt at dissuading me, but the words that fell out of my mouth surprised even me.
“I was a devout Christian who died without ever really living , Endor. Trauma is something I know very well.”
His faint smile disappeared.
“Do you regret it?” he asked softly. “Living your life in service to Him, I mean?”
His hand softly settled on my thigh, but he didn’t press or squeeze or stroke. He just settled his palm, like a warm blanket, almost as if he was afraid to touch me.
The truth was refreshing but also startling.
Of course he’s afraid of me. I’m his celestial enemy. We’re in competition, after all.
“I don’t regret my faith, no,” I said.
He nodded. “I see,” he said, but his voice was far away.
“But...” I said as I settled my hand on his thigh. I didn’t move it; instead, I let my palm warm against him.
“I regret the shots I didn’t take,” I said.
“Because you were afraid of judgment?” he asked, his voice steady. “Because you were afraid you’d end up in Hell?”
His dark gaze captured mine and I could see the faintest glimmer in his near black irises.
His words were paralyzing as I thought of all the times I fought temptation.
All the moments I wanted to kiss someone or give in to my desires in the darkness of my own bedroom, or all the shots at love I refused.
I was a good girl because I was raised to be so, but being good felt more like a mask than it felt like my life.
I wanted to do shots from the bar and get lost in drunk kisses, and I wanted to find that person I deemed special enough to give my heart and soul to.
But they never came, and every time I thought I might get close, I feared making a mistake and...
“Endor,” I breathed his name, the sadness of the truth stuck in my throat.
I watched as his tongue darted out, tracing over his lips, and involuntarily, I leaned into his space. My gaze dropped to his lips, knowing just how they tasted. What they felt like against my own.
A darkness spread within me as I wondered what they would feel like along the skin of my neck, what his tongue would feel like drawing warm trails of saliva along my flesh.
What his mouth would feel like on my?—
Heat flushed my cheeks without warning, and he let out a dark chuckle.
“Val,” he murmured my name, his voice slightly raspy and dark. “What about now?” he asked, leaning closer.
I shifted my position, leaning into his space. His lips were inches away, and I knew I could take them without a second thought.
“What?” I asked, my head slightly hazy as the scent of fire and dark forests filled my lungs.
He smelled so freaking good. Like the men’s cologne counter in an expensive department store.
Like hot, sexy man.
Sweet lord, was this how Lucifer fell?
Tempted by Lilith and her demonic charms?
“Are you afraid now?” he asked, his words smooth, full of sin.
My gaze fell to his mouth, my breath catching in my throat. The top I was wearing felt tight all of a sudden. Too tight.
I couldn’t breathe.
“Valory,” he breathed my name. “Look at me.”
Stupidly, I submitted to his demand. I raised my gaze to his as his hand slid into my hair. He settled his hand on my neck, pulling me closer, and I was acutely aware of how fast my heart was beating.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he said softly. “It’s all fucking bullshit.”
I closed my eyes as I leaned my forehead against his.
His tone was like silk and I wanted nothing more than to believe him.
But the vial of poison burned in my jean pocket, calling me like a devil on my shoulder.
I knew I should get rid of it, but...
I was afraid.
I was afraid of what my angelic boss might do to me if I didn’t obey my godly order. I was afraid of what would happen if Mercy didn’t find her body, and we didn’t find the other lost soul.
But I was also afraid of the feelings inside of me, swirling like a hurricane from the way Endor was looking at me right now.
Like he wanted to devour me and poison my soul with his sweet, sweet venom.
But most of all, I was afraid that that was exactly what I wanted him to do.
What is happening to me?
“Says the demon who’s holding back,” I bit, my voice darker than I’ve ever heard it.
What in God’s name?
Why did I say that out loud?
Endor’s grip on my neck tightened as he smirked. He opened his mouth, likely to rebuke me, but the words never escaped him.
I was afraid most of all, that Endor had already poisoned me. The moment I crushed my mouth to his, there was no refuting the truth.
Mercedes may have been a lost soul, but as I kissed Endor, as I tasted his tongue in my mouth and ran my hands over his solid chest, entangled my fingers in his hair... I knew I would be forever damned.
Endor’s grip on my neck tightened as I shifted my position, straddling his lap in the tight confines of our cabin like an unhinged animal.
His mouth trailed over my jaw, my neck, as he grabbed me, thrusting himself against me.
My body was hot like a fire as I ran my hands up over his prominent erection, my fingers tracing the expanse of his chest through the soft fabric of his shirt.
“Fucking hell, Val,” he cursed as his mouth found mine again.
I slipped my tongue into his mouth, feeling the edge of his fang.
I broke away, the taste of something sour permeating in my mouth. It reminded me of Novocain, when you accidentally got a taste of it after the dentist had shot it in your gum. It was strangely numbing.
Endor gazed up at me, his eyes practically glowing with a golden sheen I knew all too well.
Grace.
But that couldn’t be... he...
Panic gripped me as my entire body tensed.
“Endor...” I whispered his name, fear culminating in my gut as I wondered how in the hell this was happening, how I was able to withstand his venom.
How he was able to withstand my grace.
The glimmer of grace shone bright in his eyes, but there was something else there.
Something I didn’t notice before, but that I recognized all the same, being brought up in the church.
Hope.
His wings popped, curling around me like a shadowed cocoon, and my own followed without hesitation. The cabin disappeared and all that surrounded us were black and ivory feathers.
Endor’s lips found mine once more, but his kiss was not as brutal, not as harsh as I expected it to be in retaliation.
It was soft, delicate.
As if he too, was afraid.
I pulled him back into me, shifting position as I leaned against the booth, my back slamming against the hard arm of the booth as his prominent erection pressed against my heated mound. His one hand rested on my neck still, and the heat traveled all throughout my body, lighting me up like a fire.
And then I heard the soft sound of the door, and immediately, panic hit me.
I shoved Endor away, brushing my fingers through my hair and moving as far away as I could from him, if only to gain a semblance of sanity, just as the door opened.