Chapter 7
CHAPTER 7
Endor
The warmth stoked between Mercy’s body and mine was more comforting than anything I’d ever known.
My parents hadn’t exactly been the comforting type, being demons and all. I didn’t have a terrible childhood, not like one would think, being bound to Hell, but I supposed it wasn’t anything like what humans like Mercy experienced.
It was just very... isolating.
Everything in Hell was designed to uphold its ranks and productivity. We were born to work, and work was quite literally, our lives.
And being as death was mostly obsolete, the monotony of being another cog in the machine didn’t leave much for demons to engage in anything deeper than our basic primal needs.
Sex was not just a means to an end for a demon. It was entertainment. It was a way to work out our stress and emotions because those things weren’t needed in Hell, and they certainly weren’t needed to keep the flames flickering.
My parents were good, loyal demons who didn’t question shit, and did as they were told. They fed me. They clothed me. They took care of me until I was old enough to take care of myself.
But I didn’t know if they loved me. I never questioned if they loved me before, but with Mercy in my lap like a kitten, suddenly, I found myself wondering about such things.
Because suddenly, I realized how easy it was to love.
I knew even if it didn’t make sense, I was falling in love with Mercy.
But not in the way one might expect me to.
She was pretty, of course. All mortal women were in one way or another—after all, they were designed to be tempting to angels and demons alike—but I didn’t want her.
I was so angry when the wolves took her. Partially, I was angry with myself for not being able to protect her, not being able to keep her safe.
But it was more than just anger.
I felt like I’d failed her, and the determination not just to get her back because it was my mission, but to get her back because I missed her and her kind heart...
I needed her.
I needed her warmth, her sweetness, her kind eyes and soft touch.
Mercedes may have been a lost soul, but her power over me was irrefutable.
I wanted to hold her in my arms like that forever, because doing so made me feel more powerful than I’d ever felt.
She needed me.
I’d never been needed by anyone before.
“You should get some rest, too,” Valory said, breaking my dangerous thoughts.
Mercy snuggled against my chest, letting out sleepy sounds of contentment.
My gaze met Valory’s. Her bright blue eyes glistened, and she looked quite upset. Though I’m not sure why. She was the one who kept playing with my damn emotions—and my stupid demon cock—like a fucking toy.
Push me, pull me, push me again. I couldn’t keep up with the angel or her fleeting whims.
The fact I wanted to, was also quite concerning. Because I knew, eventually, we would have to face the truth, and I was not sure I wanted to, knowing the outcome.
I’d thought perhaps in the beginning she’d be easy to tempt to my side, but the more time I spent with the pain in the ass angel, the more I didn’t want to condemn her.
She didn’t belong in Hell, and I couldn’t use her to gain favor.
Though, apparently, she could use me without a second thought, given how close she’d gotten to me in such a short amount of time. Not to mention, I’d literally watched her use that man at the bar for her own gain.
Our gain. She only sequestered that dickwad because we needed cash and you were low on power.
Because you are not as strong as you think.
I forced the bitter thoughts aside.
How would I ever attain my position on the surface if I could not take care of a pesky angel and a teenager?
I needed to be better about resisting Valory’s tempting angelic voice and her sticky funnel cake scent. She was a distraction. I needed to keep my eye on the prize...
I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. Her gaze held me like iron chains.
God, was she beautiful. And so fucking tempting. It was most aggravating.
“I do not need rest,” I told her, my voice dark, tinged with anger.
“Endor...” She sighed, but she did not move from her spot next to me. Her thigh brushed mine as she softly petted Mercy’s hair.
“You will be no good to Mercy if you are running on fumes,” she said. “When was the last time you slept?”
I scoffed at her. “You are not any better, angel.”
She pursed her lips as the words spilled out my mouth. “Do not sit there and preach to me about overextending myself. I have a job to do, and I will not rest until our Mercy is safe in her body, where she belongs.”
Valory’s eyes glistened as she bit her lip. Her gaze roved over Mercy, then flashed up to me. “Just listen to me, instead of fighting me...”
“Listen to you?” I bit. “I told you, Val , you don’t call the shots here. You don’t?—”
“What are you so afraid of, hmmm?” she asked, her eyes full of tears. “We are safe, Endor. We?—”
“I am not afraid of anything ,” I hissed, my shoulders tensing. Unfamiliar emotions swirled in my stomach, and I felt as if an earthquake had formed in my body.
I shook, not with anger, but with fear.
But I couldn’t tell her such things, no. She was an angel. She was my enemy. She would have sooner ripped me apart than she would have sewn me back together.
The memory of her grace stitching my wing emerged, and I wondered if my conditioning had blinded me.
Every ounce of me wanted to trust her. To open up more than just my wings to her.
Death was not as terrifying as the idea of exposure.
Of letting her in to see my darkness, tearing open my chest to show her the hole where I lacked a soul, despite the lost one in my arms.
Maybe then she’d understand the true fear of wanting something you can’t have.
“Endor...” she sighed, her voice singing my name like a prayer.
I wanted to tell her the truth.
That Roche wanted me to poison her, but I couldn’t.
That my future was riding on Mercy’s decision, but I didn’t want to condemn her, either.
That even though it made no fucking sense, I wanted to keep them all to myself, like some dragon with a horde of treasure.
I wanted to keep Mercy and Valory in this bubble of warmth and comfort. I wanted to protect them. I wanted to be their shield. I wanted to give them so much, but I had nothing to give. Not even a soul.
“You are the one who is afraid,” I spat. I masked my sudden fear with the only thing I knew.
Venom. It spilled out of me far too easily as I gripped Mercy tight.
Let any willing monster try to pry her from me.
My fury grew with the thought of threats.
“I am not afraid of you, Endor,” she said, her gaze softening.
“You should be,” I bit.
She should have gotten the hell away from me right then. Because I feared if she didn’t, I might do something that I would regret.
I knew I would.
I wasn’t made for this sort of thing. Love.
No one can love a demon. No one can love me.
Valory was right. I was terrified.
I was terrified that nothing would ever fill this hole inside of me because I lacked the very thing that made Mercy and Valory the perfect creatures they were.
A soul.
Valory ran her fingers through Mercy’s silky hair, and in her slumber, Mercy shifted herself, pushing away from me slightly.
Instinctively, I wanted to grab her, but when she settled against Valory’s chest, I eased.
Valory glanced down at Mercy, the corners of her mouth pulled up in the corner into the faintest smile.
She looked at Mercy with so much love , it was impossible not to notice.
And the sight only made my damn heart flutter like a fucking hummingbird.
“I am tired of being afraid,” she said softly, her voice slightly melancholic. “I lived my life fearing God; every decision I ever made was not my decision to make, it was His.” Valory’s shoulders loosened as she traced her finger down Mercy’s cheek.
“That’s a crock of shit,” I said. “You just wanted someone to blame for your mistakes.”
She gazed up at me, and I could see the exhaustion there, in her eyes. Perhaps I was not the only one who needed rest.
But I had started to think not even sleep could cure what truly ailed Valory and I.
“Maybe,” she said as she scooted a little closer, her thigh brushing mine. Her gaze fell to my mouth and she bit her lip. And then I saw it.
The wet streak glistening on her cheek.
A trail of tears.
And that chased all the bitterness away, purged forth something so unknown, so terrifying. New.
I reached out with one hand, brushing my thumb over her soft flesh, wiping away the wetness.
Valory’s gaze flashed up at me with surprise, her cerulean pupils sparkling from the moisture there. “But there’s no one to blame now, is there?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
There was a heavy pause between us as Mercy shifted, and silence fell between us. I didn’t move my hand, and she didn’t push me away, and that felt monumental.
Like a mountain had moved, or a volcano had awakened.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Hmmm?” I murmured, unable to stop staring at her. The way her thick eyelashes stood out against her bright eyes, the fullness of her pouty, bottom lip.
But there was also a sort of glow to her that had nothing to do with angelic grace.
“If you’re bound to hell, what happens when you sin?”
Her words were inquisitive, but there was also something else there, waiting just behind the curiosity.
Hope.
I didn’t want to answer her. But there was a strange desire to be honest. To tell her the truth.
“I think your definition of sin and mine vary greatly, Val,” I told her.
Before she could protest, I stopped her with one finger on her lips. She didn’t look away.
“To give in to your desire is a sin, right? That’s what the big man in the clouds preaches?” I licked my lips. “Desire isn’t the sin, angel. We all desire things. Even us demons.”
I dropped my finger, and she remained quiet.
“The sin is what you would give up to have what you desire.”
The softest touch on my cheek pulled me from my trance, and I realized she was touching me.
My eyes were blurry, and the pad of her finger smeared wetness along my cheek.
Tears.
I’d never felt them before. My voice caught in my throat and suddenly breathing was much more difficult than it was moments ago.
“What would you give to have money? Success? Love?” I heard the fear in my voice, and I hated it.
I hated it so fucking much. Without thinking, I nuzzled against her palm, wiping the unsavory wetness that came without warning on her skin.
Tainting her with my fear, my desire.
“What do you desire, Endor?” she asked.
Before I could answer her, she pulled me closer.
I should have resisted her. I should have pushed her away, refuted her angelic allure.
But devil strike me down, I was weak.
Perhaps more than her grace had poisoned me.
“What would you give up?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
“What I desire does not matter...” I told her, my throat tight.
I glanced down at Mercy between us.
“Not in the grand scheme of themes,” I told her. “There are much more important things to consider.”
I sighed, knowing the truth would be my undoing.
“I have nothing to give up, Valory.” I couldn’t look at her, so I closed my eyes, hugging Mercy tight.
“I’m a demon. I have no soul for sale. I have no heart to bargain with. That’s why demon deals favor us. ”
I opened my eyes, capturing her gaze.
“Humans are willing to give up so much for so little.” I shook my head.
“They don’t understand how precious a soul really is. What it means to sacrifice it.”
Valory leaned her forehead against mine, and I felt her breath against my lips.
She smelled like sweet sugar and hope, and my heart skipped a beat.
I leaned into her space without thinking, the desire in me swelling like a storm.
Valory didn’t startle or push me away. Her fingers gently traced my jaw as I moved my lips slowly against hers.
I’d kissed Valory before, and those kisses were heavy, full of desire and heat. Fast and brutal.
But this kiss was a wish. A prayer.
Damn me.
Damn me for eternity, because if I had a fucking soul, I’d have given it up to keep them in a heartbeat.
My girls.
Valory broke away, her gaze flashing to my mouth, then to my gaze.
“Some things are worth sacrificing,” she said, shifting Mercy back against me.
I looked up at her, feeling more exposed than I’d ever felt in my life.
If I had a soul, I’d say it felt like I was bearing it.
Holding it out to her in my hands, hoping she wouldn’t shatter it.
Valory shifted, her wings popping out to cover Mercy and I on one side, and herself on the other.
Without thinking, my own wings unfurled, stretching to meet hers until we were both cocooned with Mercy between us.
Valory let out a soft yawn, and I smirked.
“Just five minutes,” I said.
I knew it was a lie.
But I’m a demon. Lying is in my blood. I just was not used to lying to myself.
“Five minutes,” Valory responded as she settled her hand over Mercy’s waist. Her fingers found mine there, where they settled on Mercy’s hip.
I slid my fingers between hers, breathing in her sweet funnel cake scent, and drifted to sleep.
And I dreamed of all the things a demon should never dream of, praying to God himself that I’d never wake up.
But my prayers were not answered, of course, because I was just a demon, and no matter how much love was in my heart, I would never escape Hell.