Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
OLIVIA
“No!” I laugh, doing a final check of my carry-on before zipping the bag.
“It’s no big deal, Liv,” Brian says, spinning me around and wrapping his arms around my waist. “It’s just a plane ticket.”
I lean up and press a kiss to his jaw. “A plane ticket you won’t use.”
“I will use it. To go through security with you and hang at the gate until your flight.”
I put a hand on his cheek, stroking over his stubble with my thumb, loving the way it feels.
Memorizing it for all the days I’ll be away.
“There is nothing I want more than a little extra time with you. All the time with you, really. But buying a same day international plane ticket and going through security to sit with me in uncomfortable airport seats is really crazy. You know that, right?”
Brian sighs, pressing a kiss to my head. “In fact, I do know that. But I also know that I hate the idea of saying goodbye to you at security. Of watching you walk away from me. The thought of that makes me feel like doing something crazy.”
Dropping my hand, I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest, breathing him in, the mixture of pine and spice and him that I can’t believe I have to spend six months without.
I feel his arms tighten around me, one hand coming up to tangle in my hair, holding me against him, and I have to swallow hard to stop the tears that want to fall.
The week between Christmas and New Year’s went by fast. Too fast. Brian had to work, and I had a million last minute errands and packing to do, but otherwise we spent all our time together.
We had dinners with my family and his, went ice skating again, and went to the holiday lights shows at Kennywood and the Pittsburgh Zoo.
We spent our nights wrapped around each other and woke up together every morning.
We kissed at midnight on New Year’s Eve and made whispered promises for the months of separation ahead.
We packed a lifetime of fun into those seven days.
But now it’s time to say goodbye.
I glance around my bedroom in the apartment I’ve barely been in since the first night Brian and I were together. All of my things are here, but these walls aren’t home anymore.
Home means something different now.
“This whole day makes me feel like doing something crazy,” I say, my voice muffled by his chest. “Like saying fuck it and unpacking those suitcases and staying right here with you. Italy can wait.”
Easing back, Brian cups my face in his hands, leaning in to kiss my forehead and lingering there.
“But you can’t, Liv. You can’t wait. This is your dream, and I would be a really shit boyfriend if I didn’t make you get on that plane.
I’m so proud of you, baby. You’re amazing, and this trip is everything you’ve ever wanted.
Go to Italy and do all the things. Cook and bake and explore and meet interesting people and learn everything you can, and I’ll be waiting right here for you when you come back. ”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, anxiety twisting my stomach into knots as he says the same words he said on Christmas Eve, and somehow, I can’t stop myself from asking the same question. “Promise?”
He smiles, and I know he remembers that conversation too. “Always and forever.”
He bends to kiss me, his mouth warm on mine, his tongue slipping into my mouth to tease and taste.
We kiss and kiss and kiss, mouths moving, hands roving, saying the words that are familiar and ones we haven’t spoken yet out loud.
Words like promise and forever and us and this and mine and always. Always. Always.
Words like I love you.
They’re right there, waiting to be said, and yet we both hold back for reasons I don’t quite understand. Reasons I don’t want to think about right now, with a plane waiting to take me across an ocean and a big, ticking clock hanging above our heads.
“Shit,” Brian mutters when I rock my hips against him.
He’s already hard again even though he fucked me in the shower half an hour ago.
And in my living room before that. And in the kitchen.
And in my bed first thing this morning before my eyes were even open.
“I can’t get enough of you. But we don’t have time.
Gabe and Molly will be here in twenty minutes. ”
“I know,” I mumble against his lips. “But I can’t get enough of you either.”
Brian pulls back, giving me a sly grin. “I put a couple surprises in your suitcase.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What kind of surprises?”
He winks. “The kind that require you to be alone to use, with me on a video call.”
I laugh, even as lust shoots through my veins. “Maybe we should grab a couple of them and practice right now.”
Brian opens his mouth to respond, but before he can speak, the door to my apartment opens.
“Hey, world traveler,” Molly calls from the entry. “Detach your lips from your boyfriend’s because it’s adventure time!”
I drop my head to his chest as we both laugh at Molly’s extremely on-brand entrance. I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head, running a hand up and down my back, as I wonder how I’m going to spend six months without this. Without him.
“You heard her,” Brian whispers, kissing my cheek. “Let’s go start your adventure, Liv.”
His voice is light, but I can hear the anxious energy underneath.
The same energy that has taken me over, mixing with the excitement stirring in my belly until I’m practically vibrating.
But when Brian lifts his head to look at me, wrapping a hand around the back of my neck and bringing his mouth to mine in a long, slow kiss, that all disappears and it’s just us, together.
And everything inside of me relaxes with the rightness of it all.
“God, I’ll fucking miss you,” Gabe says, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug.
“Me most.” Amelia wraps her arms around me from behind so the three of us stand together in front of the airport security checkpoint.
Amelia flew in from Boston yesterday so we could all have dinner together last night and so she could say goodbye at the airport.
I told her a million times it wasn’t necessary, but now that it’s time to leave, I’m really glad she’s here.
“Okay, Sullivans, break it up and give someone else a chance.” Molly elbows her way in front of Gabe and throws her arms around me.
I laugh at her enthusiasm, even though I didn’t realize how much I hated goodbyes until about five minutes ago, and now I’m regretting all my life choices.
I definitely should have just done this on the curb outside instead of letting Gabe park the car.
“Take care of my brother, okay?” I say quietly to Molly. “He’s acting fine, but he’s so completely not fine. Make sure he doesn’t do anything crazy, like buy a house in Italy just so he has an excuse to come visit.”
“I heard that,” Gabe says, sounding affronted. “I’m fine. So, so completely fine, and I definitely didn’t buy a house in Italy. Yet,” he mumbles under his breath.
Molly squeezes me tighter and laughs, knowing all too well Gabe’s penchant for making massive and entirely unnecessary purchases for his family.
“He’s just having some trouble coming to terms with the fact that you’re a whole entire adult who gets to do things like go to Italy for six months.
I promise he’ll be fine. You go and have the time of your life, and we’ll all be waiting for you when you come back. ”
I blink hard to stop the tears that desperately want to fall. “I love you, Mol. You’re the best thing that ever happened to him. And to us.”
“I love you right back,” Molly says on a watery laugh.
“Sisters forever.” Amelia tosses her arms around us both. “I want to hug you for, like, four hours,” she murmurs. “But I think if Brian doesn’t get his arms around you in the next ten seconds, he’s going to forcibly remove us from you.”
I laugh, glancing over at where Brian is standing next to Gabe, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and his eyes glued to me.
He looks so fucking good in the soft navy-blue hoodie he wears, his face shadowed with the scruff he didn’t bother to shave this morning, so cozy I want to burrow into him and never let go. “Fuck, I’m going to miss him so much.”
“We’re going to take Gabe to the car,” Amelia says, letting me go. “You deserve a big, romantic airport goodbye without your overprotective brother watching.”
“Definitely.” Molly unwraps herself from me and grins. “Make sure you do the thing where you walk away and then turn around and run back for one last kiss. That’s so fucking romantic I could die. Love you, Liv. Have the time of your life.”
With one last hug for all of them, Gabe holding on for so long that Molly has to drag him away, they finally head out.
And then it’s just me, standing in front of Brian, wondering what happens next.
“I don’t know how to say goodbye to you,” he says quietly, his hands sliding around to cup the back of my neck, his thumbs stroking over my jaw.
“I don’t know how to say goodbye to you either,” I manage, the tears that I’ve held back all day suddenly flooding my eyes and spilling down my cheeks.
Brian brushes them away with the pad of his thumb, his eyes steady on mine, and my heart thrums in my chest. “This feels impossible. Why is this so hard?”
“Because it matters,” he says, pressing his lips to mine. “Because what we have is big and real and important. Because we’re meant to be in each other’s lives. But I’m yours whether you’re right here or an ocean away, and you’re mine.”
I take a deep breath, letting his words settle me. Letting some of the sadness ebb and the excitement of what’s ahead for me bubble to the surface. “I’m definitely yours.”
He smiles, kissing my forehead. One cheek.
The other. “Mine,” he murmurs. “Today, tomorrow, next week, and when you get off that plane six months from now, we belong to each other, and there isn’t one single thing that will ever change that.
Here.” He reaches into his back pocket and hands me an envelope.
One that matches the one hundred eighty-eight other envelopes tucked away in my luggage. On the front is written Day 0.
“What’s this?”
He runs his thumb over my cheek, gliding it across my bottom lip. “A letter for the plane. So you know I’ll be thinking of you while you’re in the air. When you land. And every single minute of every day until you’re back home.
Home.
Standing here, about to leave for six months, I have never been more sure of where that is.
Home is with him.
Pressing up on my toes, I wrap my arms around Brian’s neck and bring our mouths together, pouring myself into the kiss.
Brian slides an arm around my waist and hauls me against him, his free hand settling on my cheek as we sink into each other, knowing that this is the last kiss we’ll have for a while.
And fuck, it’s a good one.
It’s the kind of kiss that people write songs about.
Paint pictures of. It’s the kiss that has been described in books thousands of times, only to come up short because this kind of kiss has to be experienced to be understood.
It’s a declaration and a promise. A kind of claiming.
It’s hearts and souls, the deepest sort of love, and two people who are never meant to be apart, learning how to say goodbye.
“It’s time, Bry,” I murmur against his lips, lingering there, memorizing the feel of him for all the days ahead when I won’t be able to feel him at all.
“My girl,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to mine. “See you soon, Liv.”
“See you soon,” I manage, kissing him one last time.
He bends and picks up the bag I dropped at our feet, handing it to me and then wrapping his arms around me, holding me tightly for another minute before kissing the side of my head and letting me go with a soft smile and the words he doesn’t say, but that I hear all the same.
I love you.
And with one last look at the man who holds my entire heart in his hands, our eyes locked together for one final beat, I turn and walk straight into my great adventure.