Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
OLIVIA
Dear Liv,
Now that we’ve had our big dramatic airport goodbye, I needed to tell you again how fucking proud I am of you, and how excited I am for you and everything you’re going to do and see and experience over the next six months.
You deserve every single bit of this adventure, and I can’t wait for you to tell me everything about it.
The last month with you has been the very best of my life. I’ve wanted you for so long—dreamed about you for so long—and I still can’t believe that I get to call you mine.
I am the luckiest guy in the world.
You are my favorite person, Liv, and I already can’t wait until you’re back in my arms.
Love,
Brian
P.S. Check the front pocket of your backpack. I wasn’t sure what the M&M situation is in Italy, so I stocked you up.
DAY 1
Me
15 bags of M&Ms? Seriously, you are my favorite human.
Also, hi, I landed. I’m in Italy, which is so fucking cool, and also, I miss you.
Brian
Miss you more. There are fifteen more bags in your suitcase.
Me
What other delightful presents did you leave me in my suitcase?
Brian
I guess you’ll just have to unpack and see for yourself.
Me
Okay, well, you’re the best, obviously.
Brian
Nah, just have to take care of my girl.
Me
Your girl. You said that at the airport too. I like it.
It’s so hot when you get all claimy and possessive.
Brian
I feel very claimy and possessive over you.
Me
I support that wholeheartedly because, same goes, my guy.
Brian
Claim me anytime. I’m yours, baby.
Me
I like that, too.
DAY 30
Dear Liv,
An unexhaustive list of species that mate for life:
Wolves
Coyotes
Beavers
Black-browed albatross
Atlantic puffins
White-Handed Gibbons
You and me.
I miss you.
Love,
Brian
Me
Black-browed albatross?
Brian
You bet. They’re cool as shit. They can fly for hours without ever flapping their wings. Plus, their weird eyebrow things make them look all disgruntled, and I thought that was funny.
Me
So we’re mated for life?
Brian
Bet your absolutely fantastic ass, baby.
Me
That entirely works for me.
Brian
I’ll show you exactly how mated for life we are when you get that fantastic ass back here.
Me
Why not show me tonight? We can…experiment with another one of those presents you left in my suitcase.
Brian
Sold.
Me
Midnight. My time. Be naked.
Brian
I’m already counting the minutes.
DAY 70
Dear Liv,
Since I’m writing this before you’ve even left, it might seem weird for me to write that I miss you, and maybe it is, but it doesn’t make it any less true.
I’m sitting here in my living room, eighty days before you’ll read this note.
You just kissed me goodbye to head to the stadium to do prep work for the gala, and I can still taste the cherry lip gloss you were wearing.
The smell of your lilac shampoo still hangs in the air.
I’ll be seeing you in a couple of hours when we meet Molly and Gabe for dinner, and still I know that in eighty days, you’ll be reading this note and I’ll be missing you.
I’m crazy about you, Liv.
Love,
Brian
DAY 95
Dear Liv,
On the calendar you showed me for your program, this week is pastry week. You told me that this was the week you were most excited for, and I can’t wait to hear all about it. Selfishly, I also can’t wait until you come home and show off your mad, mad Italian pastry making skills.
I don’t know if I ever told you this, but watching you in the kitchen is one of my most favorite things. The way the joy just radiates off you is so beautiful to see, like this is the thing that you were meant to do, and it makes you so happy to do it. You happy is my favorite view.
I can’t wait to have a million more nights together where we meet in the kitchen because neither of us can sleep, and we stay up late eating cookies and talking about everything. I love talking to you. Your voice is my favorite sound.
Miss you, baby.
Love,
Brian
DAY 115
Me
Did you know that the Vatican is actually its own city-state?
Brian
In fact, I did know that.
Me
Okay, so I absolutely did not, but it’s blowing my mind.
Brian
How did you come upon this newly discovered knowledge of Vatican history?
Me
It started with some quick searches so I don’t sound like a compete idiot when we go there in a couple days, and then all of a sudden, I was online buying all kinds of books about Vatican conspiracy theories. Shit’s about to get weird.
Brian
I just fucking love your brain.
Me
You might not love it when I start explaining secret underground Vatican tunnels to you and regaling you with fun facts like how the Vatican owns a telescope in Arizona and how no one can have permanent citizenship in Vatican City because there are no hospitals, so no one can be born there.
Brian
Okay, well I think now I need to go learn more about Vatican City.
Me
Seriously, it’s like the coolest, most mysterious place on earth. Join me in my rabbit hole.
Brian
If that’s where you are, that’s where I want to be. Wherever you are, Liv. That’s my favorite place.
Me
Fuck, I’m obsessed with you, and I miss your face.
Brian
Same goes, Liv.
DAY 130
Dear Liv,
Did you know that holding the hand of someone you care deeply about is scientifically proven to relieve pain and stress?
For the last five or so years, talking about my dad has been hard for me.
So hard I almost never did it. At least, I didn’t until that night at the skating rink.
I don’t think I told you, but that was the first time I’ve talked about him in a long, long time.
It was still hard, but you held my hand, and then, all of a sudden, it wasn’t hard, because you were right there with me.
I think I could tell you anything.
I want to tell you everything.
You are the only person I want to share my secrets with, as long as you’re holding my hand when I do.
I can’t wait until you’re home so I can hold your hand and never let go.
Love,
Brian
DAY 178
Brian
Ten more days. Not that I’m counting or anything.
Me
Count away, Bry. I’m literally crossing days off a calendar. I miss you so fucking much.
Although, the video call last night was *chef’s kiss*
I think maybe I’ll have to start sleeping at my house once or twice a week so we can recreate those calls. I’m going to miss them.
Brian
Fuck that. You sleep with me.
Me
Is that a weirdly possessive way of asking me to move in with you?
Brian
I mean, I was going to wait until you got home and ease you into the idea slowly, but since you brought it up.
Me
Yes
Brian
Yes what?
Me
Yes, I’ll live with you. Six months apart was more than enough.
Brian
It absolutely was, but hear me out. I don’t think we should live in the loft.
Me
Tell me more.
Brian
The loft was never supposed to be permanent for me. I just ended up staying there because it was easy and because I was too busy to care where I slept and kept my shit.
Me
And now?
Brian
Now I don’t just want a place to sleep and keep stuff. I want a home. With you.
I want everything with you.
Me
Well now, I think maybe there’s another conversation we should be having before we have the “I want everything” conversation. Maybe…some words we should say?
Brian
Oh, I’ll say them. To your face, when you’re standing in front of me and I can kiss you and hold you and look you in the eyes when I tell you.
Me
Bet you I’ll say them first.
Brian
Oh, it’s on.
DAY 188
I love you