Chapter 3
SAM
The steaming hot water felt amazing against my aching muscles.
I pushed myself a little too hard while at the gym today.
My body screamed at me each time I rolled my shoulders, but I loved it that way.
The pain made me feel alive. It was a reminder that I was here, maybe not completely present, but indeed alive.
I’ve had one hell of a time adjusting to simply being home, and sometimes it felt like I wasn’t cut out for civilian life. I wanted to go back, to continue to serve because it was all I'd known.
When I stepped off the bus, my mother embraced me, but it didn’t feel the same anymore. She was hugging Sam, but who was that? Who was I without the uniform? Once the realization really hit me, I wrapped my arms around her, arms locked into a tight squeeze, and I never wanted to let go.
My heart remained empty, though. As I looked at my friends and family, it felt like someone was missing.
A face that got me through the hardest days.
A woman whose picture I clutched onto for dear life when the Humvee flipped, and my life flashed before my eyes.
Lucy Coleman was the real reason my feet would never touch war-torn ground again.
She was the younger sister of my best friend, Marco, and that made her off-limits from day one. Sometimes, however, I wondered what would have happened if I’d followed my heart instead of running away.
I’d grown up with the Colemans. Our mothers were best friends. I guess they went to high school together or something. Around my thirteenth birthday, my mother got sick, and my father had all his attention on helping her, which left me to fend for myself most of the time.
It was hard for me to cope with my mother’s sickness, and I started getting into trouble. I never spoke openly about my pain until the day I saw Lu on the swings in the backyard of her parents’ house.
I’d joined her, and she gave me silence…the safety I’d needed. This continued over the course of a few days until, finally, I opened up. After that, we were practically inseparable. If it wasn’t for Lucy, I probably wouldn’t have learned to cook a real meal or feel anything other than exhausted.
Back then, I was afraid of losing a lifelong friendship if our relationship didn’t work out. So, like the dumb fuck I was, I sabotaged it and left without a word to anyone. If I had stayed, she’d be mine by now, and that was a fact.
The time wasn’t right then, but it was now. The only difference was that I had been fighting an entirely different battle then. In trying to heal, I lost myself. I had joined the Marines because I wanted her to be proud of the man she loved, but all I became was a shell of myself.
I looked at my best friend, grabbed him in a half-handshake, half-hug, and asked him for a place to crash. He’d accepted.
At some point, he’d said I could stay there indefinitely because it would be easier to split the bills, which he had a point. The house was paid off, and aside from necessities, I had no problem splitting everything down the middle.
It’d been around a year since I’d been home, and I’d managed to avoid her for now. I was trying my best to remain under the radar while I went to therapy, adapted, and found a job.
Clearing my throat, I grabbed the towel from the rack as memories of Lu flashed through my mind, including the night I broke her heart.
When I lied to her.
When I made her feel like she meant nothing to me.
I’m so sorry.
Now that I was home, I’d spend the rest of my life groveling if I had to.
I’d do anything to be the reason she had that soft glimmer in her eyes.
Whether she ended up with me wouldn’t matter, and if she didn’t choose me, I would understand.
I would happily live with my mistakes to watch her achieve every goal she'd set for herself. I’d heard about the person she settled with from Marco, and was surprised she chose such a flaky, good-for-nothing like him.
Steam followed me in a trail as I walked down the hall toward my room, stopping abruptly when my phone rang out from downstairs. I immediately went to investigate, wondering who would be calling me at eight at night.
Marco’s name flashed across the screen, and I sat down, rolling my eyes as the towel rode up my legs before I answered. The hello barely left my mouth before his rushed sentences hit my ears.
“Are you naked, right now?” he asked nonchalantly.
What?
“Maybe. You stalking me?”
“Get dressed. My sister was in an accident, and I can’t get to her. I need you to go.”
“I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Why didn’t she call 911?”
“You know Lucy. She could be walking around on fire and tell you she will put out the flames herself. You have training, and I need to know if she needs the hospital or not.”
My heart lurched, and I was already heading upstairs to get dressed with gritted teeth. She wouldn’t want to see me, but that's too fucking bad. Not only had I stayed holed up long enough, but she could be hurt. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her because I was being a coward.
I fixed my watch and threw on my boots, shifting the phone between my ear and shoulder.
“Send me her location, and I’ll take a look.”
“Thanks,” he said a little too quickly. “Bring her back to my house.”
“Alright, I’ll call when I have her.”
The car roared to life as I clicked the remote start and connected the GPS to the car. I thought I would have more time, but I was wrong. As I shoved the key into the ignition, I thought about all the worst-case scenarios, or what state I would potentially find her in.
Please be okay.
The whole way there, my body was overcome by a cold sweat, hands slipping around on the steering wheel as my foot pressed down on the gas. Lucy was only around twenty-five minutes from her brother's house when she crashed.
No Lucy in sight, but her car sat at the bottom of the hill with her front tires off keel and steam billowing from the hood.
My heart raced as I ran down the hill, silently hoping my steel-toes would keep me upright.
The chemical scent of anti-freeze filled my nostrils as I ripped the car door open.
Her head rested against the steering wheel, and my heart raced when she sat there, unmoving.
I inched closer, pressing my fist on her sternum, and rubbed circles, trying to wake her up.
A small whimper sent relief flooding through my veins as she stirred, eyes fluttering and coming back to reality.
“Lucy,” I called out softly. There was a wound on her forehead that wasn’t deep enough to need stitches, and her hands had a few cuts. Other than that, most of her bruises would heal in time. “He didn't tell me you were hurt, Lu.” I swallowed thickly. “Your brother sent me.”
She nodded, eyes watching my movements like a hawk while I reached over to unclasp the seatbelt. She already got it off, which made my life a bit easier, and allowed me to grab her legs and gently pull them so they dangled out of the car.
“It hurts,” she hissed. I didn’t think she had realized it was me yet. The way her soft, pained giggles hit my ears sent a shiver down my spine. “I needed my brother, and he sent you of all people.”
Our eyes locked, and I wanted to fall to my knees. Her eyes harbored a mix of pain and resentment. I cleared my throat. “I’m going to get you patched up and take you home.”
Wow.
Despite a little expected raspiness and tiredness in her tone, her voice was still beautiful, magnetic even. I wanted to hear it again, even if it was insulting every move I made.
“I don't think you need the hospital. What hurts?”
“Just my heart. Well, maybe my neck, and I’m bleeding.”
“Easy fix, I have a medkit in my truck.”
“Do I have a choice?”
I looked around with a scoff. “Considering nobody else is around, I’d say I was your best option.”
I reached for her when she jerked away from my touch. My jaw tightened as my eyes darted between her and my truck, fists clenched at my sides, and still keeping a distance, I wanted nothing more than to close.
“You have some nerve showing up here,” she gritted out.
“Your brother couldn’t make it, and I wasn't going to let you freeze out here. I was told to bring you to our house so—”
“What do you mean by ‘our’ house?” she interrupted with a raised brow.
“Now isn’t the time. Stop playing games. I don’t have the time or energy right now.”
Her lips trembled, new tears creating a trail down her face. It pierced my heart to see her broken. Once the light of my life, she seemed to be just as shattered as I was. On top of that, I’d just made it worse with my tone.
When she finished protesting, I carefully scooped her up, holding her tightly against my chest. Her weak hands pounded lightly on my chest, twisting to get out of my hold. Any other time, it would have been funny.
With a small gasp of pain, she shimmied into the front seat of my truck and put the seatbelt on carefully.
“I’m going to stop and get some pain meds for you. Then we can get you home. Do I need to worry about you running off when I am inside?”
“No, I’m too tired. Ask me tomorrow.”
I chuckled, waiting for the next smart ass remark, but it never came. She used to have them lined up in the arsenal. Now, the silence strangled me.
“Sam, what are you trying to do?”
“Trying to have a conversation. I dunno. Maybe break the ice a little, I guess,” I replied, starting up the engine and reversing out of the area. “Stop your head from gushing blood. Any of the three in no particular order.”
“Stop trying.”
The defeat in her tone was evident, and my shoulders deflated, staring straight ahead, and driving silently until the pharmacy came into view. She could ask me a million times, and I would never stop. It was deserved, and she had every right to be furious.
Tonight was about getting her back in a warm bed, though, safe and out of the cold. If that meant I wouldn’t say another word to her until she was ready, I wouldn’t.
This was going to be harder than I thought.