Chapter 4 – Four Years Ago - Age 34
RAPH
“You look so handsome in that shirt,” Bianca purrs as soon as I walk through her door, the whiff of freshly made tomato sauce and garlic in the air.
Her long pink fingernails glide down my chest as she gazes up at me with hunger waiting there. I smile coolly, gently pulling her hand off. I don’t think it’s fair to encourage her, knowing I’ll be ending things tonight.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” I tell her. “I had business to take care of.”
She pouts in a childish way that has me annoyed.
“I missed you…” Her mouth lifts up in a flirtatious smile.
I have a feeling she’s going to make this breakup more complicated than it has to be.
“Well, I’m here now.”
“Is that Raph?” Her father’s voice carries just as I see him strolling into the foyer.
I’m immediately relieved I don’t have to be alone with her.
“What are you two doing in here?”
He comes closer, slapping me on the shoulder, while Bianca’s entire face tightens.
“A man’s gotta eat, Bianca,” he playfully scolds her. “Come on, let’s go sit down. Bettina made lasagna. Your favorite.”
With him on one side and her on the other, we stride into the dining room where her mother, Bettina, is setting the table, her round cheeks bright red, sweat coating her forehead as she lays down a bowl of Caesar salad.
Her eyes jump up to meet my height. “Raph, sweetheart.” She reaches with her arms and kisses both my cheeks. “So glad you could come.” Gently, she pats my hand. “Have a seat. Food is getting cold.” Dragging out a chair, she settles into it.
We all take our seats while I glance around, wondering why Nicolette isn’t down with the rest of them. She’s nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s your sister?” I turn sharply toward Bianca who drags her chair right up to mine.
“Oh…” Bettina waves dismissively from across the table. “She’s not joining us.”
“Why not?”
Agitation settles in my chest from the way she said that, like she doesn’t give a fuck.
“I called her to come down.” She shrugs. “She didn’t answer. Eh, let her be. She doesn’t wanna eat.”
“So, how’s business?” Elio starts, but I’m rising to my feet, picking up my plate and filling it with lasagna, salad, and bread.
My eyes glare at Bettina from across the table, and she has the decency to look embarrassed. I drop the serving fork I was just using and push my chair back, starting for the stairs.
“Where are you going?!” Bianca shrieks.
I pivot, completely warped in fury. “I’m going to bring your sister some food.”
Her nostrils flare. “Why the hell do you care so much?” Her teeth lock. “She’s not your charity case. You’re supposed to be my boyfriend.”
This is why young women don’t generally interest me. Drama. Fucking drama. Bianca should know better than to behave this way. She’s almost twenty-two. I take a single menacing step forward.
“Lower your goddamn voice, Bianca,” I say.
She pops her mouth open, staring widely while I continue, ignoring the horrified looks on her parents’ faces too. They’ve never heard me speak this way.
“She’s all alone up there while you’re all eating. Did it occur to any one of you…” I pitch them each a steely gaze. “…that maybe she wants her family to act like they care?”
Bettina rubs her throat uncomfortably, while Elio appears ashamed, peering down to his lap. But Bianca? Her face is simmering with resentment.
Don’t they care about Nicolette at all? How lonely she is? How betrayed she feels? She told me her family hates her, and even though I told her that wasn’t true, I suspect somewhere deep down it is.
I never want her to feel what I have felt my whole life. But at least I had my brothers and a mother who loved me. She has no one. No one but me, and I’ll be here for her as long as she needs me.
I march upstairs, ignoring Bianca’s urgency for me to come back. When I reach Nicolette’s door, I knock a few times, and when she doesn’t answer, I slowly open it.
I find her on the bed, her face in a pillow, her body shaking with her muffled cries. My pulse rams in my neck, my feet moving of their own accord.
She doesn’t even look up. I don’t even know if she heard me. Carefully, I lower the plate of food onto her nightstand and sit on the edge of the bed.
“Nicolette? What’s the matter?”
“Raph?” She jerks her head up, her teary eyes full of anguish when she gazes at me. “Wha-what are you doing here?” She frantically swipes under her eyes. “Did my parents send you?”
For a split second, I find hope in her gaze, and instead of extinguishing it, I light it on fire.
“Yeah, of course. They were worried when you didn’t come down for dinner.”
She narrows a glare. “You’re lying.” She sits up, glancing at the plate of food. “I can tell when you lie.”
I chuckle under my breath. “How?”
She’s probably not wrong. We have been around each other long enough for her to pick up on the cues I don’t even know I give off.
Nicolette is smart and quite intuitive and observant.
Things that others may not notice, she does.
I could have had the worst day, and no one would be able to tell but her.
“Because your mouth twitches when you lie.” She arches a brow, and with a rough exhale, her face falls. She drops her eyes to her lap and tugs on her simple pink t-shirt. “It’s okay. You don’t have to lie for my benefit. I know where I stand in this family.”
I ball my hand into a white-knuckled fist. She doesn’t deserve this.
“They’re fools if they don’t see how special you are.”
Her brows tug and her lips tighten, emotions riding her face. “Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do. Someday, you’ll find someone who loves you the way you deserve, who’d do anything for you. I promise.”
“What if I already have?”
I fit her a curious stare. Does she mean that boyfriend of hers?
“Leo?” I ask, picking up the plate and blowing over the steam.
“Never mind.” She sighs defeatedly. “I don’t want to eat.”
“Well, little one, you don’t have a choice.”
“Don’t call me that,” she snaps. “I hate it when you do. I’m not a child.” She tilts up her chin, a harsh look on her face. “I’m seventeen. Almost eighteen.”
I laugh softly. “I apologize. Now, how about you tell me why you were crying? Is it because of them?”
“It’s nothing.” She avoids me while I place the plate down on the bed.
With a finger under her chin, I tilt her face up to meet mine. “Didn’t seem that way a minute ago.”
Her shoulders drop and she gazes at me like a broken little bird I want to take my time putting back together.
“I ended things with Leo today.” She shrugs.
I don’t know why, but I’m damn happy to hear her boyfriend’s no longer in the picture.
“Why?”
I didn’t like the stupid kid with his shaved head and awful joke-telling skills. He wasn’t good enough for her. I could tell he didn’t care for her. He didn’t realize what he had.
“Because…ugh…” She shakes her head. “I can’t tell you. You’re going to go crazy.”
I instantly harden, my teeth clattering from the sheer force of how hard I bite down.
“I’m already there, Nicolette. What did he do?” I snap, my voice climbing.
I’m going to cut him into tiny pieces if he laid a finger on her.
Her bottom lip trembles, tears slipping down her face. “I…I wouldn’t…you know…with him, and he tried to force me.”
Everything inside me snaps, and all I see is red. Fiery rage swells within me and I buzz like I’m short-circuiting.
“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” My painful heartbeats explode in my chest; I’m on my feet before she can say another word.
I rush toward the door, ready to find him and strangle him with my bare hands.
“Please don’t!” she begs from behind me in that soft angelic voice that would make me do anything she wants.
I dare a look, catching her glistening soft brown hair fluttering around her shoulders, those green eyes listless as she stands before me, tiny compared to my soaring height.
My shoulders rise and fall quicker as I imagine what he tried to do. No one touches her without her permission. He’s lucky he isn’t here. The shit I’d do…
Her palm lands on my forearm. “Please, Raph, don’t do anything. Okay? It’s over, and he didn’t get to…”
She starts to cry, and my arms are instantly around her, holding her against me, hating the sound of her pain.
“Okay…” I try to control my breathing. “I won’t murder him. Only because you asked.”
She backs away with a teary laugh, sniffling as she tugs me back to the bed. She takes the same spot she sat in, and I do the same.
“Are you okay?” I ask, unconvinced. “He didn’t hurt you at all? Because I swear to you—”
“No.” She shakes her head and moves in closer.
Her eyes probe mine, her hand falling to my bicep as she scoots over to my side, and her thigh rubs against mine. I immediately try to push away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable, but her lower lip wobbles and I can’t seem to move.
“Thank you for always caring about me, Raph. You’re the only one who does.”
I keep my hands at my sides even while they want to wrap around her and hold her to me.
“No matter what happens, I will always care,” I vow. “You’re family.”
“But you’re not,” she breathes, rising on her knees, gripping both my shoulders. “Not to me. You’re…”
Before she can finish whatever she was about to say, she smashes her lips to mine. And my heart…it beats. Hard and fast. Every inch of me comes alive like I’ve been zapped by electric wires.
I jump to my feet, gently pushing her away.
“Nicolette!” I practically shout, but when I see her eyes fill with anguish, I cage my tone. “You can’t do that.”
“Why not?” she cries. “Don’t you realize how much I…” Her tear-stricken voice slices into my chest. “How much I… How much I love you? So much it hurts.” She sniffles. “I’ve been waiting for you to see me, hoping you’d say it first, but—”
“Fuck…” I grind my jaw. “You can’t say those kinds of things to me Nicolette. We’re…we’re family. That’s what you are to me, and you’re seventeen!”